Is This Real LIfe
Picture this. There is a guy who is good to you. He knows you’re damaged. He still wants you. He finds out being with you might mean a lot more baggage than what he imagined. He still wants you. You tell him you have your heart set on someone else. Someone that you truly love. Someone that you can’t see yourself without. Someone that probably doesn’t even deserve you to love him the way you do. So this other guy gets pushed away. You tell him you don’t want to do to him what was done to you. So you remain friends. He moves away and finds someone new. This girl gives him an ultimatum. She tells him that he either gets in 100% or she’s moving on. So what does he do? He calls you up. He gives you an ultimatum. He asks you for a chance. He wants to be there for you with what’s coming. He knows the resposibility it requires but he says he wants it. You tell him it’s not fair for him to be with someone that doesn’t love him the way he should be loved. You tell him you will never be able to love him. You tell him it’s not fair for you to be with someone that you don’t love. You tell him you will wait for the one you love for as long as it takes. He asks you one more time. But this time he asks you to marry him. You’re left speechless. Yet once again you turn him down. He tells you that if that’s the case then he’ll be with this other girl 100%. So you’ve now settled on just friends. You have now turned down a guy that genuinely wants you, for a guy that you love. Yet you don’t know what this guy even feels for you. You don’t know if there is any chance. Yet you are willing to turn down every guy all in hopes that the guy you feel alive with, will come back to you. You would even turn down Justin Timberlake for this guy. Were the richest guy on the planet come knocking on your door you’d turn him down too. This guy that just hurts you without even knowing it. This guy that can’t seem to settle for you. The guy that makes you feel amazing, happy, full of life, like he cares, Then he turns and makes you feel sad, angry and like he could care less. Like he doesn’t even want to be your friend. Like you’re a burden to him. He talks to you when he wants to. He hangs out with you and all he does is text god knows who. And all you want to know is if there is even the smallest glimmer of hope. You want to know if you will ever go back to being the same as you were. You want to know if he even ever felt anything for you. Or if it was all just a game from the start. Because lately you feel like he never even cared. Like he just used you to get back at someone that hurt him. There are so many things you want answered. There are so many things you want to hear. You want to hear him say he loves you and only you. That there is no one else. You want to tell him how much you love him. You want to marry this guy someday. You want to grow old with him. He’s the one for you. He’s everything you’ve ever wanted. He’s got you hanging on a thread. He makes you feel like he still wants you even a little. All you can do is wait. You wait for whichever would come first. Either he will come around or you will gather the strength to be just his friend. Although you know it will kill you to one day see him with someone else. Can you be broken any more than what you already are?? I freakin LOVE YOU E!