Note: sorry it’s so long, but I feel like this is one of my best writings :))
“How do you sleep at night?” I roll my eyes and wiggle into my skinny jeans.
“I think it’s the fact that he doesn’t love me that helps” I say pretending like I had to think about it. I turn around and look at the boy I’ve been sleeping with for the past 6 months. It was more than just sex though. It had always been more than sex. Sammy made me feel like no one on this earth did. We loved eachother, even though for the time being, we couldn’t be together.
That tore me apart. Knowing that I would see Sam almost everyday and never get to cuddle with him around our friends. I wouldn’t get to show him off and take couple like pictures with him. I know it killed him too. I saw the way his light brown eyes turned to a murky black, the way his contagious smile slowly crept away from his perfect face, the way he became more insecure and felt smaller in his big bed, the way he watched with intense curiosity as I moved around his bedroom collecting my belongs getting ready to leave again. But we could never be together.
I kiss him goodbye and tell him I might be able to come over later that night. He just nods and savors the kiss as he usually does.
I walk through the apartment and out toward my car, making sure no one saw me. Even if they did though, I had an amazing excuse, just incase. I climbed up in the car I first bought when everyone made the great migration to Los Angeles. I turned up the radio and made my way home.
As I turned on to the highway, my phone started ringing, the contact name flashed across my navigation system: My Love followed by a series of different hearts. I pressed a button on my steering wheel that answered the call.
“Hey baby, I was just on the way home, do you want me to pick you up something to eat?” I ask getting off at my correct exit.
“Oh sure, but could you pick me and Johnson up and take us to voice lessons, our cars are still at Dillons” my boyfriends voice sounded different through the speakers of my car.
“Yeah sure. I’ll be there in 5 minutes.” I say turning into our street.
“Okay. Bye” and with that he was gone. That’s how all of our phone conversations ended, no i love you, no see ya later. Just okay, bye. I pull into my driveway and honk the horn before seeing the two bestfriends goof around and jump into my car.
“Hey y/n” Johnson says from the backseat. I give him a big smile and put the car in reverse.
“Hey baby girl, what did you do today?” Jack says quickly pecking my cheek before buckling his seatbelt.
“I went to a few stores, but I didn’t find anything good. I’m thinking about going to the flea market later for some more decorations, you guys wanna come?” I ask the two crazy boys.
“Sorry y/n/n me and G have to finish this song tonight or this album is never getting out.” Johnson says.
We all began talking about the boys album and how they shouldn’t rush it.
I pull up to the building where they boys get vocal lessons before going to the studio.
“If you need me to pick you guys up or whatever just let me know” I say smiling.
Gilinsky pecks my cheek again before sliding out the door.
“Thanks y/n” Johnson smiles lightly at me before following behind Gilinsky.
I drive home listening to music and thinking about my life.
As I get home I start cleaning up. When I get to my bedroom I get an overwhelming feeling of wrongness.
I know I shouldn’t be sleeping with Sam when me and Gilinsky are together, but I love Sam. Aren’t you supposed to be with the person you love.
I know it may be cruel that I don’t love jack, but he doesn’t love me either, he never did. Me and him grew up as great best friends and people just kinda expected us to be together like some kind of cliche book. Hell our parents even let us shower with each other until the time we moved to Cali. Everyone was shocked when Jack started dating Madison. I was for a moment but then he told me how happy she makes him and that’s all I want for my bestfriend. When they broke up it was pretty bad for the both of them. I tried my best to console them individually but it was getting hard. Madison just wanted to be alone and Jack just needed someone. So of course I was there.
Of course it started out as innocent, regular bestfriend duties. Then we slept together and we continued to have sex for over a month. Then one day, while Johnson was on Instagram live me and jack accidentally walked through the camera. This wouldn’t be so bad, but I was half naked with my lips attached to Jacks.
We didn’t want to let everyone down and have our entire families and friend group disappointed so we just started dating and told everyone. It was fun at first, but the most important part of every relationship, is actually having feelings for the other person.
About a year into our relationship, I started getting feelings for someone else. These feelings were very real and very strong. Sammy caught my eye one day and everything hit me like a truck. He smiled at me and the world spun in the opposite direction for a moment. He hugged me goodbye like usual, but this time I could smell his heavenly cologne and feel how warm he was.
Our quiet flirting eventually turned into something more. We began hanging out by ourselves and realized we loved eachother. Luckily Sam had broken up with Stassie and she had already moved on.
Me and jack grew further apart and suddenly we were strangers. He didn’t care where I went and why I vanished for the night. He was always to caught up with Madison. I get it, I do.
As I sit in my bed, craving more from Sammy I realize this life wasn’t for me. I knew jack was probably in the studio by now so I decided to pay him a visit.
As I got in my car and began driving, I could feel and hear my heart slamming against my rib cage, threatening to bust out if I didn’t calm myself. My hands began sweating from my nerves and I found myself tightly gripping the wheel. I got a sudden lump in my throat and it was hard to breathe.
I pulled into the parking lot and raced up the stairs. I was moving a bit faster than I wanted to but my heart was controlling me, not my brain. I opened the door where the boys wrote and record songs. I see the 2 boys sitting at the computer with their sound manager, trying to make a beat.
“I hate to interrupt, but G, I need to talk to you” I say as confidently as I can. Though it sounded like a whimper.
He nods nervously and follows me out and into an empty room.
We both sit on the couch, knowing exactly what’s happening. We knew this would happen, it has to.
“We can’t keep doing this Jack” I turn my head and look at the stressed out boy.
“I know, I just feel like we have to because everyone wants us to and that’s what we were born to be” he says leaning his head on my shoulder. Jack will always be my bestfriend before he’s anything else.
“I know. But I was born to be happy and I love you so much jack I do, but I’m not happy with you and I know you’re miserable with me” I say almost whining.
“What do we tell everyone?” He says chuckling.
“The truth I suppose” I say scratching the side of his head. I always do this to calm him down.
“Do you love Sam the way I love Madison?” He asks quietly after a few moments of silence.
“Yea. Yea I do” I say before kissing jacks head making my way back to my car. I put out a tweet.
@y/n: you can’t keep doing things that make you unhappy, just because that’s what everyone expects of you
@y/n: me and @jackgilinsky just weren’t made to be together. We are bestfriends and I don’t think we could ever be more.
@y/n: I’m so sorry, but me and jack both have our hearts set in other places.
I tweet them and see all the mentions saying they’re crying and the ship has sunk. Most people said they understood and as fans they just wanted us happy.
As I got in my car I saw jack retweeted my tweets and posted a few of his own.
@jackgilinsky: my heart is set with @madisonbeer and it always has been
@jackgilinsky: don’t worry, I love @y/n, just not in that way. I love you guys too.
I retweeted and and immediately got calls and texts from my friends and family. I laugh and began my drive towards Sammy’s apartment.
The drive seemed so much shorter on the way there. As I walked in front of his front door I took a deep breathe with a huge smile on my face. I could finally be with the love of my life. I knock on the door and it’s ripped open by a topless Sammy who pulls me into a kiss before I get a chance to say hey.
“I love you so much” he says grabbing my face and squishing it. I laugh and pull him down on the bed, cuddling into his warm chest.
I would never have to see Sam get a little less happy every time I walked out his door. His sad smile would be replaced with giant grins. His murky black eyes could stay shiny and light brown. His insecurities washed away and his bed felt just right with both of our bodies mingled in it. We were finally happy and together forever.