myggg

anonymous asked:

i have this hc that hal gets kinda insecure w/ himself every now and then when he first starts dating barry like getting nervous and a little depressed and thinking "im gonna fuck this up and i dont deserve this and idk why he wants to be with me" and barry just like,totally reassures him and tells him not to worry and why he loves him so much and idk if this is even coherent i just love h. jordo,,,so much?? and barry?? barry is his kind and beautiful and loving bf. thoughts? similar hcs?

OHHHH GOD…. OHhhhhhhhhhg odddddd 

YOU HAVE NO IDEA OKAY

the thing is - every meaningful relationship hal has ever been in (mainly carol) ended poorly, yes. but the important factor is that hal is always the one who gets dumped. its never him who ends the relationship, its always the other person

you think hal doesn’t know that he’s an exhausting person to love? HE’S FULLY AWARE OF THAT FACT, he knows he tires people out, he always needs to get second chances, he often disappoints the other person with how self-centered he is, hal!!! jordan!!!! is a difficult person to love, he will test your patience many many times, but he never does it because he’s a dick, it’s just– a part of his personality (something he tries to fight but sometimes it just gets the better of him).

the reason why hal is into ‘one night relationships’ so much is bc he can get the intimacy he craves with a minimal personal contact, he fucks/gets fucked and moves on before he the other person can realize how fucked up he is (at least thats what he thinks)

so when he enters the relationship with barry (i imagine its after like years of secret pinning), he’s so happy bc the bond is already there, barry knows him, barry seems to accept that. but as time goes by – hal starts getting anxious. because he knows that sooner or later, he’s gonna say something or do something that will fuck this relationship over. he gets quiet and distracted, awaiting the day in which he will ruin them both by doing something stupid. he KNOWS this will happen.

but he won’t tell barry about that, because he’s supposed to be ‘a man without fear’

so what does he do? he goes full ‘self-fulfilling prophecy’ mode, without even being aware of it. he thinks barry will dump him one day, he hates living in this anxious state of mind, so he subconsciously starts doing things that would bring about the break up. he gets snappy, he starts disappearing for long periods of time, holes up in coast city, sleeps through days and ignores barry’s calls, he ignores him during jl meetings. he provokes barry by self-destructive behavior because hes sick of waiting for barry to dump him already (because this always!!! happens!!! people!!! always!!! dump!!! him!!! barry will do that too!!!)

but it never happens. barry feels sad because he doesnt fully understand why hal acts like this, but he knows that its something hal needs to work out in his own pace. he grits his teeth and waits for hal to come home. he quietly clenches fist under the jl conference table when hal ignores him. he has trouble falling asleep, knowing that hal is currently getting piss drunk in star city. but he waits. he always waits. 

and when hal comes home, he doesn’t yell at him, he just quietly reminds him that they can always talk about everything, if only hal wants that. yes, hal’s behavior is hurtful, but i think barry would know that hal is not being mean on purpose, that it’s not rly hal’s fault. it’s what life taught him. eventually, hal cracks, he tells barry about his fears and barry just holds him, reminding him that he loves him and there’s nothing he can do to stop him from doing that. barry doesn’t have to forgive hal, because this is just who hal is. he doesn’t have to accept that, but barry will always wait for him and offer hal help. and hal can barely believe that, he can barely believe that he deserves someone like barry

and as their relationship progresses, hal eventually stops disappearing. he starts believing barry when he says that he will never let hal be alone, he gets better, he stops being afraid