In honor of pride month and Throwback Thursday, I decided to post this gem from when we first started dating😌 I love you from our morning cuddles to our drunken fights, and even to when we have to fight a stomach virus together baby girl😂😘❤️ @fromtheotherside33 it’s us against the world mi amor😌 Thanks for being my right hand & best friend😍🤗 I love you so much❤️🌈

Traces of You

Member: Kim Jongin

Genre: Angst

“Last one, I swear.” He breathed heavily.

It was a Friday night and Jongin could have been anywhere he wanted to be right now. He could have been eating dinner at a five star restaurant, out clubbing with his friends, or even out for a long drive to feel the cool evening air against his skin.

There were so many options, but tonight, Jongin was curled up against his leather couch with half a bottle of Crown Royal sitting on his glass coffee table. His grip on his glass tightened as he thought about what led him to his current state. With a hiss, he drank the caramel colored liquor, ignoring the burning sensation in his throat and the growing heat in his chest.

It’s been months, but it hasn’t gotten any easier. It was his fault, he was fully aware of that, but he wanted nothing more than to just be free of everything.

He still loved you.

Jongin was in no position to call you and tell you over and over how much he missed you and loved you, but after what he did, he had doubts on you answering his pathetic drunk phone calls.

Pulling his phone out from under one of the couch pillows, he stared at his lock screen for ages. The moment he seen your smile through his phone screen caused his heart to ache. He had been using the same wallpaper for three years and he did not have the heart to change it anytime soon.

Jongin dropped his phone beside him and reached for the glass bottle. “Okay… Okay, I swear—last one.” Jongin watched as the poison filled his cup almost up to the brim. The bottle was now a little more than halfway, but he could not remember how many glasses he had drank. Although, if there was one thing he remembers at the moment, it was your phone number. Despite already having it saved in his phone under MyForever, he had always enjoyed dialing your number.

“You have it saved, you don’t need to dial it manually.”

“I know, it’s just so I’ll never forget.”

Kai scoffed as he remembered his own words.

So I’ll never forget.

“I want to forget.” Jongin growled, tanking the liquor once more. Constantly taking shots of hard liquor wasn’t going to make things any better. He was going to wake up in the morning with a headache, a sore spot in his chest, and to an empty spot next to him.

Alcohol wasn’t going to heal anything. He knew he needed to stop drinking, but the burn of the alcohol suppressed the pain for the moment; it was better than nothing. After another large gulp of the liquor, he pressed his palms to his eyes. Not only was there a burning sensation in the back of his throat, but there was a small stinging that arose from his eyes. He shouldn’t need the alcohol to make himself feel better, the only cure he needed was you. It was always you.

The soothing back rubs or the small shoulder massages you would give him after a long day. The way you gently tugged at his shirt to pull him down into a breath taking kiss. The whispers and pants of breathless I love yous in between wrinkled sheets and naked limbs. Your presence alone was enough to turn a rough day into a better one.

God, he needed you.

He needed to hear you, feel the light touches of your fingertips, hear the angelic tone of your voice. Picking up his phone once more to open the dialing pad, he hesitated. He couldn’t do this. He couldn’t call you with his thoughts swimming in a pool of alcohol, but he needed to call someone because the pain was already beginning to boil over.


“Oh God…”


“I—I need—” His words came out in slow pants, trying to collect his thoughts.

Jongin? Are you okay?


There was a long pause.

Have you been drinking?

“Kyungsoo, please tell me you’re there.” Jongin sobbed, clutching the fabric of his shirt.

Another pause.

I’m here. I’m here, Jongin.

Jongin raked his free hand through his hair and cried out in frustration. “God, Kyungoo, I miss her! I miss her, but she doesn’t need me anymore.” Jongin brought his knees up to his chest and cried onto the hills of his knees with his phone still attached to his ear.

“I need her here, Kyungsoo. She’s supposed to be here kissing my tears away and tell me how much she loves me like how she used to.”


“But I fucked up, Kyungsoo. I fucked up!” He wasn’t sure if he was yelling or not. The world had fell silent but the sound of his thoughts were blaring around him.

You’re drunk, Jongin. Try to get some sleep.

Jongin blew a shaky breath and eased back into the cushions of his sofa. “The room is spinning.”

Close your eyes and try to sleep.

“I’m so fucking stupid!” Jongin lashed out in frustration. “She gave me everything while I fucked her over. We get into an argument one night, she storms out, and comes home the next morning to find another girl sleeping beside me.” There was silence coming from the other line, but Jongin did not stop his ranting there.

“I was intoxicated, I didn’t know what I was thinking.” His attention glided over to the bottle of liquor in front of him. He squinted his eyes and he could feel his blood start to boil. “I fucking hate alcohol! I lost my whole world because of this damn poison.

Please go to sleep, Jongin. Please.

Tears began to spill and Jongin could feel his heart twist and turn in his chest. He cried out your name over and over again, pulling at his hair and gripping his phone so tight it could burst.

“I still love her Kyungsoo. I love her so much. I need her here, I miss her. We were—we had plans for the future—god it’s so hot in here. It’s torture without her, Kyungsoo. I feel like I’m dying. I didn’t mean to hurt her like that, I swear—it’s my biggest regret. She probably doesn’t even want me or even think about me anymore either…”

Shhhh. Jongin, please. Lie down and close your eyes.


Are you doing it?

There a short silence and then shuffling noises that came from Jongin’s side of the call. “Yes.”

Okay, now just relax and try to sleep. I promise I’ll call you in the morning and we can properly talk about it, okay?

Jongin took in deep breaths with his eyes snapped shut. He muttered an okay before relaxing his free hand on his chest.

Good night, Jongin.

Jongin’s mind finally quieted down with only traces of memories of your face and the sound of your voice left behind.

“Good night, Kyungsoo.”


The throbbing feeling from a growing headache was enough to wake him up. He tried to turn on his side, but winced as the room followed in slow motion.

“This isn’t my room.” Jongin muttered with a raspy tone. He tried to look at whatever was surrounding him to make sure he was in his house, but every time he turned his head, the throbbing would increase ten-fold.

The bottle of Crown Royal sat on the table, mocking him of the event that took place the night before. “Living room—fuck.”

What exactly happened last night? He closed his eyes and tried to remember as much as possible, but all he could muster up was drinking one too many shots and talking with someone. He desperately tried to remember who was he talking to, but he can only remember bits and pieces of the conversation itself.

I’ll call you in the morning and we can properly talk about it, okay?

He fished around beside him to look for his phone, but found it resting above his head. He prepared himself for the painful brightness his phone illuminated by squinting his eyes as he unlocked his phone. Opening his messages, he found nothing new. Instead, he opened his recent call log and immediately sat up, ignoring the excruciating headache. Before his mind could process anything, his phone began to vibrate.

The vibration rang through his veins and into his heart where he could feel it tighten and shake. The feeling of regret washed over him as he stared back at the Crown Royal. “I hate you.” He growled through gritted teeth.

Looking back at the screen, his heart pumped rapidly at the words displayed on the screen.

MyForever calling…

6 out of 15. Celebrating our 3rd Monthsary! Uno Cards, Fetty Wap’s Challenge Cover, Foodtrip, Reminiscing, Trippings, Small Talks and many more. Just Sawarikoy <3

@bejsheet @notyourplanb @jssxgrt @xyourbeautifuldisaster @babaeng-palaging-nakahugot @xkathangisip @clrxcnls @lalaking-iniwan @naghilomnasugat @notyourkenji @hugoterongmakata @anak-ni-freud @classicdaydream @araykomasakit

I wanted to find my soulmate before all of my dreams came true… Someone who I could trust that loved me for me… Someone who believed in me, and I in her… As we walk this journey together, watching all of our wildest dreams come true… With all the abundance in the world we could ever imaging happening before our very eyes… I want you to know, YOU will always be my FIRST dream come true, and nothing or no one will EVER compare to the love and joy I’ve found in you.

As it is with Ghosts..

Before anything else, I wanna say Hi to my New Followers! Helloo There!:))

So okay, August 28, 2011, our 41st month together. HOOOREYY! Despite of all these and that, we made it this far. ( teary eyes now. ) BTW, let me formally introduce you to this handsome man beside me, he’s Mark Genesis Esquivias, My Forever.♥♥♥

See our genuine smile here? That’s the result of us, missing each other so much.:) 

Never mind kuya in green behind;P

Took a courage to pose outside, with a lot of people watching and with commuters around, HAHAS! This is to satisfy my photoholic state that time;D And i even convinced Marky to pose for me too, Spoiled Girlfriend:P Annnndddd! you’ll be more surprised how he spoiled me with my next post <3 <3 <3

i want to share you his new haircut as well, looking wow boifie! ♥.♥

We had our soooper-doooper late lunch, i think around 3pm? at Sbarro, and ordered our favorite: CDD Meat Pizza & Baked Ziti. Nomnomnom! Then we bum and play around the rest of the day! Pig out it is!

Let me re-quote his from my previous blog here.

It is with True Love as it is with ghosts; everyone talks about it, but few have seen it. I’m Happy i found mine.


Stay in Love Guys!