The freelancers play cards against humanity and have the write in cards. Some of the best include:

“worst _____ ever. Of all time” courtesy of wash
“South’s undeniable lesbianism”
“Half woman half shark”
“Turning York’s blind eye”
“Maine’s monster dick” no one knows who put that one in.
“Who HASN’T slept with Wash?”
“Beating Wyoming, Maine, and York all at once”
“The team mom”
“Drunk Wyoming”
“The Director’s southern accent”
“What’s Tex’s only weakness?”
“What makes Florida angry?”
“The incredible amount homosexuals on this ship”
“Wash’s inability to shut the fuck up”
“What keeps the MOI up all night?”
“Dakota twin powers, activate”
“Having the Director as your father in law”
“Having the Director as your father”
“The team dad, North”
“What’s the purpose of the newest AI?”
“Being a locksmith that has seemingly never opened a lock”
“The Director’s dad jokes”
“The Counsler’s cold, lifeless stare”
“FILLS recently aided us in our most recent mission by ______”
“The worst side affect of having an AI is _____”
“Not puking in your helmet”

Some Freelancer headcanons

Maine is half Chinese and half Russian. Yes, he’s heard that Communism joke. That one two. Please shut the fuck up.

Wash’s mother could kick your ass. She could kick Locus’s ass. She could kick the goddamn universe’s ass. Don’t touch her baby.

South is a polyamorous lesbian transwoman.

Florida and Wyoming are low key married.

North, York, and Carolina are high key married.

Wash once ate a whole box of maple nut donuts by himself and regretted it immensely when he remembered he was allergic.

Connie got the epipen. North got the bucket.

Carolina has this weird love for amphibians. You like cats? Sure whatever but did you see this frog? It sounds like a squeaky toy and looks like a pebble!!! York where are you going. York get back here and look at the fucking frog.

Florida can make you feel guilty for everything you’ve ever done wrong with a single look. You know the one. The disappointed dad face.

Maine gives the best hugs. 10/10 would recommend. He’s got personal space issues though so you must earn his trust to get one. Only Wash has a lifetime hug pass.

Wyoming’s mustache is insured for $10,000.

Florida’s ponytail is insured for $100,000.

Everyone agrees these are reasonable values.

All of the vanilla pudding cups are North’s. All of the butterscotch pudding cups are South’s. Do not attempt to take one unless you like having your hand impaled by a fork.

Carolina can tie a cherry stem in her mouth. South assures everyone that this is witchcraft and she must be burned at the stake.

York painted himself green for Halloween and claimed he was Mike Wazowski. Get it? Cause he has one eye? Haha. Why is nobody laughing? What are you doing with that duct tape? MMPH! *thunk*

When the crew found him in the garbage the next day they weren’t even surprised. One guy suggested that they just turn on the trash compactor and go home. They decided that they’d prefer not to get fired for destroying Freelancer equipment and let him out. York found the whole situation to be not the worst Halloween of his life but pretty damn close.

The Director is the only straight/cis person on the entire ship.


The Meta: fuller’s thistle for misanthropy, dahlia for instability, and hemlock meaning “you will be the death of me”

Presenting: Les Fleurs du Mal complete freelancer set

For those of you new to this series, each freelancer has an upside down flower wreath composed of three different flowers with negative meanings associated with each one (did you know: flowers when given upside down have negative meanings whaat)

click the pictures to see what it all means! :)

Now we can cry about the freelancers and all the flaws/things that destroyed them in a single post :’)

You’re welcome 

Les Fleurs du Mal individual sets
Locus and Felix [x]
North and South Dakota [x]
Maine and Washington [x]
Carolina and York [x]
Wyoming and Florida [x]
CT and Tex [x]

What if the Freelancers got super bored one night and were just sharing terrible pickup lines and everyone’s laughing at Wash because his are actually kinda sweet and he keeps fumbling them but then Florida walks through and just tilts Wash’s head up and goes “A cute guy like you deserves some Flowers.” and everyone busts but Wash is entirely red and has to kiss Florida because that’s been the best one of the night (over York’s protests of ‘a night in New York’ being totally better)

do you ever think about how in the recovery one miniseries, south said she heard her brother scream when he died?
he never showed pain or fear in pfl, you never saw him bat an eye. he barely grunted when he took a spray of bullets for south & even when he used his shield in combat without an ai, he was resolute.
but there he was after it all crumbled, vulnerable with nobody but theta at his side, facing death and agony at the (indirect) hand of his own twin. he fuckin *screamed* and that breaks my heart.

The Reds and Blues getting the new armor inhancements that don’t need an A.I.

Grif getting his invisible naps

Caboose with a speed unit dashing around and screaming about one thing or another

Simmons fanboying and lecturing the team about what the time distortion unit actually does

Donut excited to get a healing unit so he can always be ready for another pounding

Sarge refusing to use the camouflage unit to change his armor to any shade of blue

Tucker using the holographic projection to distract people so he can use his swish swish stab tactic

Wash remembering the other freelancers…