mycosplay:jokes

A cop on horse asks a little girl on a bike, “did Santa get you that?”

“Yes,” replies the little girl.

“Well, tell him to put a reflector light on it next year!” the cop says, and fines her $5.

The little girl looks up at the cop and says, “Nice horse you’ve got there, did Santa bring you that?”

The cop chuckles and replies, “He sure did!”

“Well,” says the little girl, “Next year tell Santa that the dick goes under the horse, not on top of it!”

Yoga is nothing but a way to look at the world with alert eyes… and the world becomes God. There is no need to search for God anywhere else. In fact forget about God—just become more alert. In your alertness God is born; in your sleep he is lost. God is not lost; only you are lost. In your sleep you forget who you are.

Samadhi is awareness come to its crescendo. Samadhi is silence come to flowering. Everyone can attain it because it is everyone’s birthright. If you have not claimed it, it is for you. It remains unclaimed, waiting.
Don’t waste more time anymore. Use every little bit of life and time that you have for one purpose constantly: that you become more and more aware.

I will tell you one story:
Two Jewish women, Sarah and Amy, met after twenty years. They had been together in college and they had been great friends, but for twenty years they had not seen each other.
They hugged each other, they kissed each other. And Sarah said. ‘Amy, how have you been?’
‘Just fine. And it is good to see you. How has the world been treating you, Sarah?’
‘Would you believe that when Harry and I got married he took me to a honeymoon three months in the Mediterranean and a month in Israel? What do you think of it?’
‘Fantastic,’ Amy said.
‘We came back home and he showed me the new house that he bought for me—sixteen rooms, two swimming pools, a new Mercedes. What do you think of that, Amy?’
‘Fantastic.’
‘And now for our twentieth anniversary he gave me a diamond ring, ten karats.’
‘Fantastic.’
‘And now we are going to go on a cruise around the world.’
‘Oh, that’s fantastic.’
‘Oh, Amy, I have been talking so fast about what Harry did and has been doing for me. I forgot to ask what your Abe has done for you.’
‘Oh, we have had a good life together.’
‘But what has he done special?’
‘He sent me to charm school.’
‘Sent you to charm school? What did you go to charm school for?’
‘To teach me how to say ‘fantastic’ instead of ‘bullshit.’’

That’s what yoga is all about—to make you aware of the fantastic. It is right by the corner waiting for you, and you are drowned in bullshit. Unhook yourself, loosen yourself out of it. Enough is enough.
And this decision cannot be taken by anybody else. You have to decide. It is your decision, the way you are. It is going to be your decision if you want to change and be transformed.
Life is fantastic; only that much can I say to you. And it is just around and you are missing it. There is no need to miss anymore.
And yoga is not a belief system. It is a methodology, a scientific methodology of how to attain to the fantastic.

—  Osho