myawesomejournal

Final goodbye to my mother

I don’t quite know what to say, but I feel like writing this email will help me cope and maybe (but probably not) help you understand that your actions as of late and really for the past six years have been nothing more than the complete opposite of how a mother should treat her daughter. 

I’ll push the past aside, because all of our previous falling outs combined don’t even come close to the circumstances surrounding Christmas. 

I guess I am having a hard time grasping why. Mostly why I was stupid enough to ever believe you changed after you swore we could be okay at Mitch’s graduation. So let’s just look at the facts:

You and your husband sold Brandon the mustang for $4,000. Check my sources if you’d like to, but the value of that car in pristine condition is barely three grand. Now obviously you and I and Randall and anyone else with a brain knows that car was never in such a condition. What’s more I’ve spent a lot of time and research and consulting with other mechanics (all of whom have just as much “experience” as Randall) and I’ve discovered that the wrongful switching of gears would never cause the kind of damage that this vehicle had. No, majority of those problems had to have already been well underway (also as evident by Mitch who previously owned the car and attests to it already having severe over-heating issues). The ONLY reason Brandon was nice enough to oblige with Randall’s ridiculously high offer was because of the guarantee he made which now we all know was faulty. Again I guess that really was our faults for being stupid enough to think that family is trustworthy enough that we wouldn’t need such a promise in writing. 

Moving forward, I really enjoyed hearing you talk smack about the people in your family who are so money hungry and greedy and then slowly be revealed to the fact that you are just like them. Because let’s think about what happened when you landed more money than I make in an entire year in two days. 

“I just wish I had more money for you guys, not for me!! I see other parent’s that can do all this stuff for their kids and I just wish I could do that for yall.”

-spends 100$ on wine
-spends 200$ on a handbag
-demands Brandon and myself to still pay for the repairs (which again you promised would never happen) when we barely have enough gas in my tank for us to make it to our jobs

These are just a few small examples. Are you really this blind, April? Or are you just so unhappy with how your life played out that you have to make sure everyone around you is just as miserable? Is that why you treat me this way? Why you do these things to me? Is is because you regret having me? Is it because me and Mitch are nothing more to you than a constant reminder that there was in fact a time in your life in which you were happy with the man that you despise so much now? These are the types of fucked up thoughts I have to believe in because what other reality is there? What other reason could it be? 

You know Brandon was going to propose to me on my birthday? I know you do. You knew it months ago and yet you financially screwed us over to the point that it is still going to take us at least another half a year to get back on track. You ruined my biggest dream, do you know that now? All I have ever wanted was to have something magical happen in my life after all the bullshit this divorce has done to me. All I wanted was this one moment in my life to be perfect and YOU are the reason it wasn’t. Again, what kind of mother does this to her daughter? You were supposed to be the first one I called all happy and ready to plan my wedding with you. But now, that will never happen. You won’t be the first, last, or anywhere inbetween person that I call when it does happen, and you won’t be a part of our beautiful ceremony. You will never meet your grandchildren. I can’t do it again. Because I know even now you’re reading this with a smug grin on your face, thinking you were right this whole time and I “deserved” to have my birthday dream ruined.

So before you email back with your rebuttals:

1. “Um excuse me but you and your boyfriend lived under my roof rent-free!”

Yes we did. And yes I’ve lost track of how many times I said thank you for that, helped you out with the kids, and offered to buy groceries and actually did buy groceries or little things here and there. I think we can get over the fact that we didn’t pay rent for the all of two to three months we were both there. (Average rent per month would put us around 1,500$ for the three, which I’d say doesn’t really matter considering you outted us over 5 grand but whatever) (which btw you’re welcome then for us basically paying for that lovely cruise)

2. “Your attitude the week before Christmas was disrespectful and uncalled for.”

How was I supposed to be, April? Super happy with a big ol’ grin on my face when I have to watch my own mother bleed me and my boyfriend dry while they are sitting on almost twenty thousand dollars?? Yeah.

3. “Well then why didn’t you just come talk to me?”

I tried!! My plan was to pull you aside after Christmas and tell you how I was feeling and pray to God it wouldn’t blow up. But no. You had to kick Mitch out over something stupid, and then come after me when I said three times “Mom let’s not do this right now” in a calm and collected manner. You persisted. You did that. You blew up on me first, so don’t put me on blast in such a negative light to my siblings when you know the truth. 

And then the threats from Randall? That was icing on the cake. You got yourself a real fine man of the lord there, for sure. Well I mean the both of you really. Such fine examples of how loving Christians should be.

All I can really say at this point is that I hope you realize that maybe YOU are the problem here considering you have lost half of your children at this point. Cause I know for fact Mitch agrees with me on you not being part of our lives ever again. So I just really hope you can see this before Mike and Anna wise up and realize what has really been happening this whole time. And you know what else? I can’t believe I ever confided in you about my pain over what I went through with Justin. I can’t believe that you could have ever gone through something similar. April, you have never truly suffered in your entire life. You’ve gotten everything handed to you, and the second you got out on your own you had someone to take care of you from day one. I feel sorry for you because of that. Because no matter what you do you will never be truly happy. How can one appreciate the sun without rain? You have been such a huge hurricane in my life that with you gone for good now I can at least smile in knowing I have a future in which I can right what you have wronged. I can be a great mom because you’ve shown me how not to be one to the point that I can’t even fathom treating my children badly in the slightest way. 

If you want to respond to this, go right ahead. But I know the truth. Remember when you recommended I go to rehab? I found that kind of funny because honestly if I would have had to suffer through your dramatic bullshit one more time alone I don’t doubt I’d be falling back into hurting myself. So yes, I will be talking to a therapist. But let’s think about that for a second. Who would deserve rehab more; the girl emotionally manipulated and drained or the disturbed woman who pushed her to be that way? You are the source, you are the reason. 

So enjoy your “perfect” life. The husband you want, the house, the cars, the money, the vacations. Keep doing everything you can for yourself and I’ll be working my ass off to make damn sure I never turn into you. I’ll be finishing school, starting a career, and one day doing the family thing right. And by then there isn’t a doubt in my mind that you will be money-hungry yet again and still unsatisfied with who you are and the choices you have made. And when you do come crying to me that you’ve changed and “we can have a relationship work this time, Alyssa” I won’t have any of it because this was it. I won’t help you. I won’t speak to you. I won’t put myself out on a ledge for you ever again. And I won’t expose my children to such selfishness that is for sure. 

I wish you knew how much I wanted us to be okay. I am so disgusted at hearing how “hurt” you were when you did this. You’re crazy. You have to be to think after how much you have fucked me over that it was my fault. My fault after I gave you my all this time. I didn’t hold back, my expectations were through the roof. I trusted you. 

I can’t make that mistake ever again. Please just see this. Please see what you’ve done. Please don’t do this to Anna. What a waste of me still typing because I know you will.


Her response?
“Are you going to bark all day little doggy or are you gonna come bite me?”

Did this bitch really just tell me to come fight her??

The lady who gave birth to me, ladies and gentlemen.

youtube

When people ask me why I don’t like “Anaconda” and/or popular music in general, I will show them this

I am in a committed relationship.

Therefore something you won’t find on my blog is me ogling over topless bros being topless bros.

Flirting is cheating’s ugly cousin.

To me, sexy comments about other men’s bodies is cutting it a little too close. Idk call me crazy but now that I’ve really fallen in love, I don’t see other guys in that way at all.

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Check out this shit I made today because I fucking love baking and ice cream cone cupcakes are like my signature specialty but this time I did fudge marble cake with a kitkat bar in each one and then I put some of those chocolate and peanut butter chips in the batter and then after they cooled down I topped it off with super whipped milk chocolate frosting and threw on an unnecessarily large amount of those chocolate and peanut butter chips again just because I want to put you into a fucking coma