my-wife-for-hire

Two can play at that game.

Prior to a kid birthday party landscapers that my wife hired cut a dead tree bordering my property and county park land. A senior nagging neighbor told the landscaper to keep off the park land. The neighbor from two houses away then followed up by reporting my backyard to the county. A police officer visited, a survey was done, both my kids playground had to be moved up 2 feet & another neighbor’s patio had to be partially uprooted. I went to talk to this old a hole neighbor. He thought I was confronting him about the yard. I had a buyer interested in his home (I’m a Realtor) he showed me all around his house before saying he just refinanced & plans to stay a long time. Fast forward a couple months. He lists his home for sale with an agent I’ve never met. With 5 Bedrooms & 4.5 bathrooms.  The tax record shoes 2.5 bathrooms so the work done was not permitted, no permit was pulled. I filed a non-permitted work complaint. The house went under contract, they agreed to repair a few items in the home inspection agreement; THEN the Sherriff showed up, followed by an inspection. They had to spend a thousands of dollars to have permits pulled after the fact, and prove the work was done to code then repair it to code. Then they moved away.

tl/dr neighbor grouch complained to county, resulting in me having to move our playground 2 feet. THEN I complained to county his bathrooms were done without a needed permit causing

The Nanny (Ashton Irwin - Part 2)*

The baby had been fairly quiet all day and it wasn’t a difficult day whatsoever. You checked on her every once in a while, you gave her the bottle Mrs. Irwin had left for you at lunch time and changed her diaper before letting her play for a little while until nap time again. It was fairly straight forward.

When dinner time rolled around, the last bottle was consumed and then it was upstairs for bath time. You cradled the baby in one arm while grabbing her baby bath and setting it in the sink. You carried her into the nursery for a moment and laid her down carefully on her changing table. You took her onsie off as well as her diaper and brought her back into the bathroom. Once you were sure the water was comfortable and at a good level, you lowered her in and smiled softly when she squirmed slightly in the water.

“There we go…” you said softly, starting to dribble some water over her belly. You looked up for a moment when you heard the front door downstairs open and close. Looking back down at the baby, you smiled softly.  “Mummy or daddy is home, that’s exciting,” you cooed softly to her, making note of how the footsteps were getting closer and closer.

Looking over when the footsteps were as close as they could be, you saw Mr. Irwin standing there, smiling.

“Hello,” he greeted, smiling widely at his little girl and coming in to stand next to you.

“Hi,” you smiled politely, grabbing the baby shampoo.

The baby looked up at him and squeaked out happily, knowing who she was looking at. Mr. Irwin smiled widely and leaned over to kiss her forehead.

“I’ll finish her bath if you want to go downstairs and wait? I can drive you home,” Mr. Irwin said, glancing over at you.

“Oh, uhm, my friend is going to come pick me up,” you explained quietly, reaching over to grab her little towel.

“Oh,” he nodded, sounding slightly disappointed.

“Yeah,” you nodded. “Thank you though.”

“Mhm,” he looked at the towel and took it from you, picking her up carefully and pulling her against his chest to wrap the towel around her.

“Okay well… I’ll be back tomorrow, same time,” you said softly and took a step towards the bathroom door.

“Just wait a second before you leave yeah?”

You looked at him for a moment and chewed on the inside of your bottom lip before waiting just outside while he carried the baby to her nursery for bedroom. You had no idea why he wanted you to wait. Your phone buzzed as you walked down the stairs and you pulled it out of your back pocket. Your friend had texted you that she was here already. That made you check the time and it was already 9:30. Sending off a quick reply, letting her know that you would just be a few more minutes, you slipped your phone back into your pocket when Mr. Irwin came down the stairs.

You crossed your arms and looked at him, giving him a polite smile. He rubbed his jaw and came towards you, his whole demeanor changing. You could sense it in the air the closer he got.

“I had no idea my wife would hire such an… attractive young woman to come and look after our daughter…” he spoke slowly.

You were slightly taken aback by his comment, but flattered at the same time. “Thank you Mr. Irwin, uhm… I should really be going, my friend is out front waiting for me…”

“Call me Ashton, please,” he insisted and you nodded your head.

“Ashton… I need to go,” you insisted and he sighed, visibly disappointed.

“Alright…”

You bit your lip and watched him for a moment, trying to read his body language. It was confusing but you felt something drawing you into him and you were intrigued. Deep in the back of your mind, you knew that if he advanced you in any way, you wouldn’t stop yourself.

Mary maids

Here is a good one.
My wife wants to hire a cleaning service a couple times a month, it’s just the two us us at home so the house isn’t dirty at all.
I told her NO!
She insist on getting it done.
I told her I wasn’t paying for someone to clean our house.
So if she wants it done she can pay the cleaning person with a BJ some ass and or pussy.
Any takers?

Lady Death - Part 1 (Steve x Reader)

Originally posted by what-you-have-in-your-head

Summary: Lady Death is an assassin with a new mission, to kill Steve Rogers

Anonymous: One- shot with Steve/ Bucky/ or Nat where you are lady death and you’re supposed to take their life one day but end up changing your mind bc you fall in love with them? Please :)

A/N: Sorry to the person who requested this that it took me so long to post. I know you requested a one-shot, but I didn’t think I could do this prompt justice with just one part. 



I kicked down the man in front of me before grabbing the front of his shirt and bringing him up to my level. Blood dripping from his mouth he spat on my face before yelling a string of curses at me as I slammed him down on the cold concrete floor of the empty alley.

“That wasn’t very nice,” I sigh placing a foot on his chest holding him down. “Now your wife wanted this to look like an mugging,” I said grabbing his wallet out of his pants and pulling out all the change he had. “The watch isn’t really my taste, but I bet I could get something out it from the pawn shop.”

“My wife hired you,” the man looked up at me tossing his now empty wallet on the ground.

“Yes, but I would have done this for free you abusive bastard,” I growl kicking his side making him whimper in pain. “Not so much fun when you’re on the receiving end, is it?”

“I am going to kill that bitch,” he wheezed clutching his side.

“Unfortunately you will be too dead to do that,” I frown leaning down to punch him again.

My phone buzzed in my back pocket and I reached to answer.

“Hello,” I said pressing my foot down harder as the man tried to get up.

“I am looking for Lady Death,” I raspy voice came in from the other line.

“This is she,” I said watching the man on the ground squirm to get free. He was pathetic.

“I have a job for you,” the nameless voice said. “That is if you are available.”

I look down at my current job and reach behind me with my free hand to pull out my gun. The bang from the shot rang through the alley as the man stopped moving under me.

“My calendar just cleared up,” I say walking out of the alley.

I sat at the furthest booth from the bar watching my payment from my latest job transfer to my account. Being a hired assassin was a well-paid job. My clientele was always from high up in society allowing me to have a comfortable life. Well as comfortable as an assassin’s life can get.

The bench in front of me was fill by a rather large man. He wore a business suit like all my other clients, but unlike my other clients he didn’t seem nervous or scared to be here.

“Here is your target,” the man said pulling out a file from his briefcase. “Once we have confirmation of death the funds will be transferred to your account.”

Direct and to the point, why couldn’t all my clients be like this?

“Who exactly is it I am working for,” I ask taking the file from him.

He doesn’t answer as I open the file and begin reading.

“My fees just increased,” I tell the man still reading the file.

“How much,” he mutters frowning.

“Tripled.”

“Your last job charged only a fraction of your normal fee,” he glared at me.

“My last job wasn’t Captain America,” I growl. “I’m sure Hydra can find the funds to pay if they really want him dead.”

“Fine,” he stands up. “You’ll get your money.”

“I have to say though,” I stop him from leaving. “I am honored that Hydra has heard of my services. My reputation must be decent.”

“Don’t sound so pleased,” the man muttered. “If we know about you then SHIELD isn’t so far behind.”

I stood across the street sipping on my coffee while I watched the tall blonde man sit at a table alone in front of the restaurant patio. I had been tailing him for a few days now, and had an idea of how to go into this job right.

Every morning he would leave his apartment and run at the park just as dawn was breaking. After he would head to get breakfast at a local coffee shop where he would meet with a man who had also been running the park, but at a slower pace. During the day he would do different tasks, run errands, nothing to complicated. In the evenings he would sometimes go to the Avenges tower. Or like today he would have a quiet dinner alone.

This wouldn’t be like any other job. This one had an entire nation behind him if things went wrong. I couldn’t just go in and kill him in the dead of the night like others, or lure him into an alley that he would never walk out of. I had to plan this. Have everything timed to the second. He didn’t seem like the man to take a stranger to bed, so that was crossed off the list of possible plans.

A few coincidental meetings could either make him suspicious or work in my favor.

There was one plan that had the highest possibility of working, and I was about to test it out.

He was leaving the restaurant, and it was time for me to make my move.

I quickly make my way across the street and pull out phone with my free hand. When he was a few feet in front of me I pretended to be distracted my phone as I tripped on nothing sending the remaining contents of my coffee cup fly through the air.

I was fully prepared to hit the floor and waited for the impact of the concrete to hit me, but in never did.

My plan was for the coffee to spill on him and I would apologize to start a conversation with him. What I didn’t plan was for him to dodge the flying drink and catch me before I hit the ground.

“Are you okay,” the blonde man asked his face inches from mine.

“Yes,” I breathe. “Thank you.”

He helps me to my feet placing his large warm hands on my hips to steady me.

“Are you sure,” he asks concerned.

“Well I have to get a new coffee,” I sigh. “But that’s nothing to cry over.”

My look down down to where he was still holding on to me them back up at him with a smirk.

“Sorry,” he says jumping back a step and holding his hands up defensibly.

“No harm done,” I smile. “I’m (Y/N),” I say stretching out my hand to him.

“Steve,” he smiles introducing himself and shaking my hand.

“Well Steve, I am in need of cup of coffee, would you like to join me,” I ask him smiling.

“No, you don’t have to do that–,” he started to protest before I cut him off.

“Please,” I smile. “Buying you a cup of coffee is the least I can do after you saved me from a serious scraped knees and palms.”

“It’s a little late for coffee don’t you think,” he rumps the back of his neck looking up at the darkened sky.

“Come on,” I frown. “Don’t make me beg.”
“Fine,” he sighs with a smile. “But only because a beautiful woman like you should never beg for anything.”

“You think I’m beautiful,” I smirk.

He instantly gets flustered and looks away from me, but not before I see a light tint of pink spreading across his cheeks.

“Come on we better hurry before they close,” I laugh grabbing his arm and pulling him the direction of the coffee shop across the street.

We ordered our drinks and sat in a table toward a more private area of the shop, away from all the people.

“So Steve what do you do for a living,” I ask innocently.

“I – you don’t know who I am,” he asked surprised.

“Should I,” I ask faking confusion.

“No,” he laughs lightly. “I guess not.”

“So where do you work,” I ask again.

“With the Avengers,” he smiles. “I’m Captain America.”

“You’re joking right,” I laugh. “Captain America has far better things to do than sit in a crowded coffee shop with me.”

He clears his throat and gives me wavering smile.

“Okay prove it,” I smirk.

“How.”

“Show me the shield,” I lower my voice leaning closer to him.

Part 2

[Mark] I'm your teacher (Part 8) ft. Park Jimin

“Bye mom!” You said before closing the front door behind you. “Hey.” Jimin called you from the window w his kitchen. Before you could reply, he disappeared and reappeared moments later, opening the door of his house.

“Hey.” You said when he walked to you. “Isn’t your dad supposed to drop you at school?” You asked. “Oh no yesterday was just because I was late.” He replied, starting to walk with you. “Okay.” You nodded and an awkward silence took place between you.

“Listen, about yesterday…” You broke the silent, nervously playing with your fingers. “I know that technically we’ve known each other for almost ten years but… it’s been only three days since you arrived and-” You said, looking up at him who was focused on his feet bringing him to school.

“Don’t worry, I get it.” He snapped his headr at you, offering you a warm smile, full of kindness, a kindness that made you feel guilty. You nodded and focused on your feet, unable to look at him. “But I just…” He trailed off but didn’t seem to want to finish his sentence.

“Hm?” You looked up at him. His hands reached up to cup youw face, and you froze as he landed in. “Jimin…” You protested. “Just one.” He pleaded, his lips already brushing yours, making you kiss him unconsciously.

He gladly kissed you back, his lips moving in sync with yours. You rested your hands on his waist, pulling him closer. Slightly breaking away from the kiss, you smiled, looking at him and then down at his lips and he smiled back.

You kissed him again, just because it felt good. And he gladly kissed you back for like seemed to be forever. “We’re gonna be late.” You giggled, pulling away, and he smiled.

Quickly closing the gap you were forming between you and him, he kissed you again, making you giggle. “Come on!” You laughed. “Okay.” He replied, finally pulling away and letting go of your face.

_________

“See you next week.” Mr.Tuan said as everyone walked out of the classroom. “Y/N, you stay here.” He said when you and Jimin were in front of the door. You pulled an annoyed face, making Jimin giggle.
“I’ll wait for you outside.” Jimin proposed.

“No, don’t bother yourself. He’s kind of… talkative. I’ll be out in an hour or two with him.” You replied. “Okay. Bye.” He kissed your cheek.“Bye.” You couldn’t help but crack a small smile as you watched him go. When the door slid closed, you turned around, your smile disappearing.

“What do you want?” You asked, arms crossed over your chest.”Are you dating him?” Mr.Tuan asked. “That’s none of your business.” You replied, leaning against the door.

“One week after-” “After what? Our breakup? We’ve never been together and we will never be, you made it clear.” You cut him off and he made his way closer to you.“Y/N, try to understand me-” He pleaded.

“Understand you?! But what you’re saying is incomprehensible! When two people love each other, they are ready to do anything to make it work. But you’re telling me that it can’t work BECAUSE you love me! Do you realize how stupid that sounds?!” You raised your voice, tears of rage making your eyes stingy. “Y/N, please-” He didn’t like seeing you crying.

“You fucked me, on every single desk here and then you throw me away and break my heart… because you love me? Do you think I’m going to believe that?” You sobbed, walking closer to him. “It’s a lot more complicated Y/N.” He replied.“Then explain it to me! I have all the time you need!” You exclaimed.
“Y/N try to-“”No! Just tell me!” You screamed.

“Someone is blackmailing me, okay?” He said and you took a moment to think. “What?” You asked, tilting your head.“Someone sent me an email with a picture of us two.” He explained. “What? But who?” You questioned.

“I don’t know. Maybe someone in your class, anyone, I don’t know. But I’m trying to find that person with her IP adress but she’s good with computers and it’s going to take some time. We can barely see your face so it’s fine, but if that person gets a better picture and show it to someone then…” You crossed your arms as you listened to him, your eyebrows furrowed, your head tilted to the side and your eyes lost in the space.

“Then what?” You asked, looking up at him. “Then I’ll be fired. And I won’t see you anymore.” He replied. “We just have to close the blinds.” You proposed. “It’s maybe someone from the high school, so it’s too risky.” He refused. “We can find another place.” You said.

“No that’s not that simple… outside is risky as well.” He said, rubbing his eyes out of frustration. “What? What is it again?” You asked and he sighed, letting his hands fall down.“I’m married.” He said. “Married?” You repeated. “Technically.” He added.“Technically?” You repeated again.

“I’m in the middle of divorcing. My wife cheated on me. She hired a private detective to discover if I had an affair. Because if I have one, she takes everything I have. It’s also because of that that I put an end to our relationship. For now.” He explained. “For now?” You repeated. This was making you so confused.

“As long as I’m married, and as long as I’m your teacher, we can’t be together.” He explained. “That’s why I want you to wait for me. In a month or two I’ll be single and in 5 months, I won’t be your teacher anymore, because you’ll graduate. All I’m asking for is 5 months.” He said.

“You want me to wait 5 months? But what if… we fall in love with someone else?” You stuttered. “You’re talking about Jimin?” He asked. “Jimin and I are not dating, okay?” You replied. “Y/N if you really love me then-”

“I can’t.” You shook your head, looking down. “Why?” He asked. “7 months is too long and I know you’ll probably fall in love with someone else, or maybe I will and-”
“You’re in love with Jimin, is that right?” He cut you off. “No!” You said, annoyed.

“Then what’s the problem?” He asked.“It’s that I might actually like him!” You replied. “One week ago you were telling me you loved me.” He said. “And I do! But when you can’t physically be with someone, feelings might go away soon or later. ”
You replied. “Don’t you think it’s very soon in your case?” He said. “It’s not that simple. I do love you, and I would totally choose you over Jimin right now.” You replied”But maybe not in 7 months.” You added, looking up at him.

Ruby Tuesday s in Bowling Green Kentucky

I love how they can discriminate against me for my disabity i have been trying to get a job here for 3 years now they tell me that my wife works here they dont hire family but in the past 3 years there have been husbands and wifes working here boy friend and girl friend that r now husband and wife one gay man was called a faggot u suck cocks i dont think thats rite if u would reblogg to let everyone know how Ruby Tuesday is

Corey Taylor speaking to Kerrang! about meeting his father.

“I found my dad,” Taylor tells Kerrang! “Actually my wife found my dad and he’s one of the coolest dudes on the planet.”

“The first time I talked to him after my wife tracked him down was really fucking emotional,” he admits. “We must have cried for about 20 minutes. It was really intense.”

31-year-old Taylor has never known his father â?? something that has inspired much of the frontman’s lyrical content, including the track “Eyeless” on the band’s self-titled breakthrough album.

“I never knew who my dad was. I didn’t even know his name. He knew I had been born but my mom had told him to stay out of my life, basically.” Taylor explains. “Anyway, my wife really got in my mom’s face about it. She realized I was older now and had kids of my own, so she sent me a letter and gave me his name and all the information she had about him. My wife took that, hired a private detective and found him.

"I was in South America on tour and I got a call saying, ‘We’ve found your dad.’” he says. “It turns out my dad lives in San Diego with his wife. I’m so happy, I can’t even express how happy I am at the moment.”

Did your father know that you were in SLIPKNOT?

“He did and he was so proud,” Taylor smiles. “After he found out what I did, he and his wife asked the kid next door if he’d ever heard of of the band SLIPKNOT. The kid was like, 'Dude, that band is amazing, the singer’s the shit!’ My dad was so fucking proud.”

“A whole new chapter of my life has opened,” he adds.