(using male pronouns b/c bruce hasnt said anything otherwise)
i still cant really believe this is happening. i figured out i was trans in 2011, the start of the decade, but i knew something was off for awhile before. glee was starting its second season, everything i googled about being trans was very primitive, people were only starting to discuss things on a widespread level… even though i knew i was trans i didnt do much about it. i still went by my birth name online for a whole year. it was like entertaining a little kid, throwing him bones every now and then hoping hed get lost.
but being trans didnt go away. and other stuff in my life was getting worse too. i started cutting myself, then friends at school found out and my parents ended up knowing. i never tried to think about my depression that much. i always blamed school and having no friends. i didnt even want to acknowledge that it was probably my gender. for years i didnt even feel like a person. i didnt want to admit to myself who i was. even when i was outed the summer before my sophomore year i still pretended like i could keep pushing it away.
therapy helped. but it wasnt until my mom took me to the emergency room because she thought i was going to commit suicide that things changed. they got worse before they got better. a few months afterward, in april, i threw a bottle of prozac in my mouth then spit it out and started sobbing. i guess that was the turning point. knowing that id never be able to kill myself made me realize i had to start doing something.
last year was really tough. so many bad things happened. i still cant figure out how i came out of it happier than i ever had before. i guess after going through so much the little things didnt bother me anymore.
i think thats how bruce jenner feels. when he was telling his story i wanted to cry because i understood how it comes to a point where you have to tell yourself you cant live trying to pretend youre something you arent any longer.
when i came out as trans i had no idea what was going to happen. i just knew i was scared. and in the following years that fear consumed me and i wanted to die. i didnt want to face life because i thought i couldnt make it. i thought i wasnt strong enough. but i am. and hearing bruce jenners story only enforces this.
i hope he understands that hes helping so many people, so many young trans kids who didnt think they would be alive to see him achieve something like this. i honestly thought i would be dead by now. but im alive, seeing so many beautiful things happen, and im so thankful. i know bruce jenner is going through the same revelation.
i want to work in psychology. i hope we can both help people. if i can help someone as much as bruce has helped me tonight just once i will be satisfied.