my-search-is-over

My reading of Mirror
  • My reading of Mirror
  • a poem by Sylvia Plath
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I am silver and exact. I have no preconceptions.
Whatever I see I swallow immediately
Just as it is, unmisted by love or dislike.
I am not cruel, only truthful ‚
The eye of a little god, four-cornered.
Most of the time I meditate on the opposite wall.
It is pink, with speckles. I have looked at it so long
I think it is part of my heart. But it flickers.
Faces and darkness separate us over and over.

Now I am a lake. A woman bends over me,
Searching my reaches for what she really is.
Then she turns to those liars, the candles or the moon.
I see her back, and reflect it faithfully.
She rewards me with tears and an agitation of hands.
I am important to her. She comes and goes.
Each morning it is her face that replaces the darkness.
In me she has drowned a young girl, and in me an old woman
Rises toward her day after day, like a terrible fish.

—Mirror, Sylvia Plath

Being able to find someone you click with so naturally is the best feeling ever. You feel like you’ve been best friends your whole life, it feels like you’re coming home. You’re so comfortable with them. Maybe that’s what a soulmate is. Not someone who shares every single thing in common with you, but someone who feels like home.
Mirror

by Sylvia Plath

I am silver and exact. I have no preconceptions.
What ever you see I swallow immediately
Just as it is, unmisted by love or dislike.
I am not cruel, only truthful—
The eye of a little god, four-cornered.
Most of the time I meditate on the opposite wall.
It is pink, with speckles. I have looked at it so long
I think it is a part of my heart. But it flickers.
Faces and darkness separate us over and over.
Now I am a lake. A woman bends over me,
Searching my reaches for what she really is.
Then she turns to those liars, the candles or the moon.
I see her back, and reflect it faithfully.
She rewards me with tears and an agitation of hands.
I am important to her. She comes and goes.
Each morning it is her face that replaces the darkness.
In me she has drowned a young girl, and in me an old woman
Rises toward her day after day, like a terrible fish.

Like all hermits I made poetry my seashell
Like all humans I search for purpose
Like all thinkers I over analyze my life
Like all titans I fall more often than I stand
Like all lovers I still love you, I still love you
And if poetry could create a home
And if humans could find faith
And if thinkers could sleep a little more
And if titans could know their strength
And if lovers could find another
It will always be fine some day

#TurbulenceinHOU

This was my very first kpop event so ya girl had to look good for Got7! 😜 Okay Security was SO strict 😒 This lady was looking through my bag for a good minute like really?? Me and my friends had got put in the SLOW line so we were already irritated 😤 I was the last out of my friends to get into the venue but they still had to search me 🙃 once that was over me & my friends dash into the auditorium and there were ppl already lined up at by the barricades. (Oh BTW me and my friends had P1) So there were like 2-3 girls in front of me, I’m super short but thank God I had on these lifted boots 👌🏾 I was still able to see the chairs the boys would be seating in.

So as me and my friends are chit chatting with ppl I noticed that ppl had their raffle tickets to get picked to go on stage w/ the boys…. 😳 (I never got one) “Where did y'all get the raffle tickets?!” My friends told me they were giving them at the front once ppl got in. I RAN all the way to the front of the venue and told them that I didn’t get a raffle ticket. “sorry mam once u go into the auditorium we can’t give u a raffle ticket”. “Are u kidding me?! NO one gave me one? That’s not fair” 😤 I tried to tell them everything that happened but they wouldn’t budge so I went back to my spot in the auditorium without a raffle ticket, that was my one chance to get picked! 😭 Imma fast forward to when the boys came out which was an hour later (due to ppl showing up late and security being super cautious)😒.

Me & my friends were on the left side so when the boys came out it was Jackson, Jinyoung & Mark closest to us. (Jackson is my bias wrecker 😍) They sung Let Me and I had caught JACKSON’S attention within the first minute of them singing 👀🌚 He gave me this salute sign & looked at my direction. I thought to myself did anybody see that or ?? 👀Then throughout the show I saw him look at me again and he pointed me again and gave me the ‘SUP GIRL’ look I was SHOOK! I asked this guy next to me if he saw what Jackson did or am I just going crazy?! He said “naw girl he was definitely looking at you!” At this point I wanted more of Jackson! lol so I kept yelling his name and tryna make eye contact but he kept avoiding me 🙃 but I heard that MR. SLICK aka JACKSON likes to do that & pretends like he doesn’t notice them ☕️.

I was like “BOI if you don’t stop playing with my emotions and look my way again”! 💀I tried to get the other members attention throughout the show but I don’t think they could see me 🙄 Towards the end of the show the boys started throwing their sweat towels and my friend caught Jackson towel! 👏🏾She had to fight some crazy girls off her tho 💀On to the Photo Opt! Security tried to separate me and my friends and we weren’t having it! Thankfully we got someone to fill in the other groups spot 👏🏾So next was our group and I wanted to be by JB (my other bias) From my left to right it was Jinyoung, Youngjae, JB, Mark, Jackson, BamBam & Yugyeom. Btw They are SO good looking in person! 😍 So I wave to Jinyoung (who’s an actual Prince) & he smiled & waved back. I can’t remember if Youngjae saw me if not but he’s precious! Next was…JB 😍 I smiled and waved and I sat down in front of him. I had my bag on me and took it off and was tryna decide to put it in front of me or behind. I ended up having it behind me and then it fell on the ground in front of JB. I was like “oh crap!” I was tryna get it but the camera man was about to take the pic & I hadn’t even figured out what kind pose I wanted to do with him so I just quickly said “JB can u put ur hand on my shoulder?” He put his hand on my shoulder and his hands were so warm 😍 “alright one more pic!” 3, 2, 1 *snap* Once that was over I automatically felt the abscene of his hand 🙃 I didn’t want him to take his hands off 😭 I got up & as I’m about to ask him to get my bag I noticed that he was ready bending down to get my bag (he’s a gentlemen) and he gave it to me with both hands & kinda bent down to meet my level and I said “thank you JB” and we stared at each other for a split second & he gave me a shy/ genuine smile and I was just speechless! His DNA is all over my bag now! 🌚 (I’m never gonna wash it) 💀 He had me so shook I somehow passed up Mark! (Who’s suppose to be my main bias) 🙃 I got to JACKSON next and I said “heeey Jackson!” And he pointed at me like he did earlier and gave me this grin smile lol next was BAMBAM who looks like an actual Barbie doll! 😍 “Hi BamBam!” 🖐🏾 and His eyes LIT Up a bit when he saw me and he pointed at me as well & said “HI!” I never got to say anything to Yugyeom due to staff rushing us and me being still distracted from what happened earlier with JB 🙄😩 I think JB is my main bias now 😍 I wish I woulda said more to JB but they said they’ll be back again this year 👀 I’ll be coming for u again GOT7!

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FLIP FLAP FLIP FLAP - Flip Flappers ending theme translated

I secretly looked you

And you were looking at me too

I’m falling in the deep of your eyes

Where am I?



I lightly took your hand

Your hand was so soft

And I know for some reason

that you were thinking the same



The dripping tears reflect

what you are looking

It’s tripping, tracing clock backward



Flip flap flip flap The distant voice

Flip flap flip flap Was sealed

But opening the locked box

See, it’s expanding

Flip flap flip flap The shining of the stars

Flip flap flip flap Are skipping too

Let’s go! To this strangely twinkling world leading us

With you and me Flip Flap



I connected here and there

But now I don’t know where ‘there’ is

It’s kinda uncertain but gentle

Where am I?



I was counting the dreams

And I lost one of them

Again in the space between the night and day

Someone is calling for me



I was searching in my pocket

The Jerry Beans scattered over the floor

The goat is bleating with his empty eyes



Flip flap flip flap The distance voice

Flip flap flip flap Is inviting me

And the locked door was opened

It will start again

Flip flap flip flap The shining of the stars

Flip flap flip flap Are singing too

Let’s dance! This world is playing a strange melody

With you and me Flip flap

Make a list of meals for the week and create your grocery list based on the menu

Didn’t realize how uncommon I am but a lot of people I know have tons of food waste by not eating their purchases. I have a bookmark list of good recipes on my phone, I’ve just searched and added recipes over the years. Each week I scroll through the list and choose 7 suppers (most of my recipes leave enough for leftover lunches the next day). Then I make a list of ingredients for those meals, plus any extra items. I can be done a weeks worth of shopping with a toddler and newborn in tow, in 30 mins

The Search Is Over (Dean Ambrose x Reader)

I have down graded to mobile. The shame (and the lack of formatting). This one was requested by my very lovely Dean Anon (love ya 😙) for the song The Search Is Over by Survivor. Aside from being the ultimate couple skate song, it’s very sweet and I think it captures Dean very well. I hope you enjoy!

—–

Dean had almost always considered himself and idiot. He had considered this from a young age. And if he didn’t think that, others made sure he was taught that considerably quickly. But there was a difference between being an idiot and being brain-dead; now Dean considered himself the latter as he stared into Y/N’s eyes, the laughing quieting down and being replaced by a study of the other. Either he was brain-dead in general, or when it came to love.

People always thought it weird that Dean Ambrose was someone involved with love, that he actually cared for it, considering someone “the one”. Although to be fair, he gave them plenty of material to believe otherwise. He had had plenty of women before, in the indies and even before that.

A few of them he had actually considered to really love him as he did them, but others he knew from the beginning were no good for him. People thought he was only interested in cheap (or not cheap, depending on who was around at the time) one-nighters, and Dean never thought he could do any better.

But with Y/N, he always felt different, even if he never actively thought of it. She had been in his life since almost the beginning. When she was bullied in elementary school, Dean had punched the older kid in the face without a second thought. When Dean needed somewhere to stay when things got too rough, her door was always open for him, and she always pretended not to notice his little sniffles into his frayed jacket.

On and on it went, through school and first crushes and arguments and wrestling. Even when he left she had stood next to him. When Dean looked back at it and all it had taken to get to where he was, that was where he considered himself an idiot, and wanted to punch himself in the face.

“Did I wait too long?” He asked quietly, Chinese food forgotten in his hands, focused on her.

“Not too long. Just a really, really inhumanely long amount of time.” She smiled, looking downwards at her lap. He wanted her to look at him again with those beautiful expressive eyes; they always held so much emotion in them and he needed that emotion right now.

“I’m sorry for waiting, I really am, for both of our sakes.” Dean tried to form the words he couldn’t. Usually he would prepare for moments like these; not trusting himself off the cuff, he would rehearse and practice everything he was going to say; doing otherwise would probably hinder rather than help him.

“I just wanted you to get the hint. I’ve been waiting for this for forever.”

“‘Cause, you know, I don’t blame you if you wanna leave or if you have any doubts. I’d want ya to tell me.”

“You’re more than a little ridiculous, Dean. Of course I want you. You don’t believe me?”

Now Dean couldn’t look at her, barely shaking his head. Past girls had always said they wanted him, that he was great. As much as he wanted to believe her, he couldn’t, and he hated himself for that.

“I know you’ve been hurt.” He heard her get up and place her stuff down, coming over to put his own food to the side and kneeling so she was eye-height with him. “But I’m not going to be that, Dean. I promise. I swear it. Believe that.”

Dean finally looked up at her, hair falling in front of his eyes. She pushed them out of his eyes and he waited until she had stopped before going forward and connecting their lips together, in a slow, relaxed, sweet pace. She was frozen a bit before returning the favor, kissing back with as much passion and emotion as he tried to convey.

Dean could finally consider himself settled down; enough with the other girls, looking for their love when there wasn’t any to give him. He had always had her love, and now that he knew that he would never forget it as long as he lived.

—–

Thank you for reading! Hope you all enjoyed it as much as I liked writing it! Love you guys ❤

Kisses and Roses || Jack Maynard Imagine

The smell of pancakes wakes me from my sleep. I reach over across the bed, hands searching for Jack. I open my eyes slowly and see a note on the pillow next to mine, I bring it towards me.

“Good morning gorgeous, Happy one year. Get ready for the day and then come downstairs. I love you <3”

I smile and open my phone, a text pops up on my phone.

Get up and have a shower

I laugh and reply.

Wow, are you trying to say I stink?

I don’t wait for his reply, instead, I sit up. Before I place my feet on the ground I notice something small and shiny on the floor. I bend down to pick it up. A Hershey’s kiss. I trail my eyes away from the chocolate in my hand and notice a trail of theses chocolates making their way into our ensuite.

What are you doing? I quickly send Jack a text before following the trail of chocolates into the shower. At first, don’t notice then the smell hits me, I look in the shower and notice the bundle of roses hanging from the shower head. I laugh aloud I pull them down and take a shower.

After my shower, i quickly get dressed in my favorite outfit, the one that Jack loves on me. I make my way downstairs and I into the Kitchen smiling at Jack as he cooks.

“You’re so cute,” I say making my way behind him. Jack jumps slightly, spinning around with his hand to his chest.

“You scared me,” He sighs pulling me into his chest making me laugh lightly.

“Hey handsome,” I say kissing his cheek softly.

“Good morning my love,”  He kisses my cheek softly then down my jaw until finally capturing my lips in his. My hands trail there way up his chest and along his jaw, finally resting in his hair. He pulls away from the kiss, leaning his forehead against mine.

“Happy anniversary, Y/N, I love you,”

“Happy anniversary love, Love you always, but what were the chocolates and roses about?” I ask chuckling softly.

“Oh yeah i have a little thing to ask you,” He trails of taking a step away from me taking a deep breath, “Now that I kisses the where you’ve walked, And I’ve showered you with roses, Will you marry me?” he asks, leaning down on one knee, a smile on his face, making me grin widely at him.

“Are you sure?” I say taking his face in mine, “Like are you sure that you want to spend every single day of the rest of your life with me?”

“I wouldn’t want anyone else,” He says simply.

“I want to spend all of my life with you, I would love to marry you, Jack Maynard,”  I say kissing him softly.  He pulls the ring out of the box and places it onto my fourth finger kissing each one of my fingers softly.

“I love you so much,” He whispers into the kiss. My fingers make their way into his hair again, all of our love pouring into the kiss.

“I love you so much Jack,” I mumble pulling away from him, hands still tangled in his hair, “I couldn’t imagine my life without you in it, you’re my one true love.”

His smile widens, he pulls my closer, hiding his face in my neck kissing it softly.

“We’re going to get married,” he whispers I grin and nod my head, “Yeah, yeah we are.”

I say I’m over you, yet I still search for quotes that remind me of us.
—  6:19 a.m.