my-roommate

Living with white roommates pt 1

I normally do wash n go on my hair about every 3 days, let it air dry for 30 mins then diffuse it until it’s fully dry, with the exception of my edges right above my ear because that part doesn’t curl properly. So I flat twist that part and let it dry overnight.

I’m sitting on the couch and my roommate turns to me, eyes wide, and asks, ‘how did you make that part of your hair do that?! It looks so perfect!’ I tell her I have to twist that part of my hair because it doesn’t curl nicely like the rest of my head… still looking in amazement she then says, ‘So do you use some kind of machine to do that? What would happen if I used it on my hair??’

And I just kinda stare at her for a bit because I have no words, my words have failed me

My Roommate Joe Trohman

me: did you water the plants
joe: grow trohman
me: do you need a bandaid for that
joe: tOE TROHMAN
me: please shut up
joe: no trohman

Cute Roomie Discovered

Oh wow, so i was cleaning up my room today because i am moving to Texas, and i closed the wooden shutters on my windows and WOAH

there was a handsome girl looking panicked like i caught her in the midst of committing a crime

Sadly my room is rather poorly lit (especially with the shutters closed :P) so the pictures I took weren’t high quality

As happy as I was to have some company, I knew that if I leave her here, and she doesn’t find a way to scuttle into the attic or something, my parents will /definitely/ kill her. So even though I’m kinda terrified of the idea of a spider touching or jumping on me unless we’ve been properly introduced I figured I needed to bring her outside. It’s the uncertain outdoors or death. So i got a cup and when i returned I found that the spider was so scared (or so helpful) that she’d curled up in the perfect spot for me to trap her.

I was terrified that she would somehow creep out through the crack between cup and envelope.

But! I got her outside and despite a scare where she tried to leap out before i d lifted the envelope entirely away, i eventually managed to lower her onto a flower and away she fled!

Hopefully she can make it out there… or at least make it to a part of the house where she won’t be seen.

Farewell, roomie! May you continue to grow until you’re the size of a bus!

Oh god, my roommate just barged into my room looking for her water bottle. I told her I didn’t have it and she said her church was telling her it was in my room. Then she got agitated and said that her colors are missing from her room. Then she went back into her room and slammed the door. I heard her talking to herself and then she opened her door and threw a container of cat litter out.


This is the second time she’s come into my room like that (well, third actually, the second time I wasn’t here), the first time she came in while I was sleeping and said she saw…something in the woods. I really don’t remember what she said she thought she saw, I was still half asleep, but she insisted I get up and look, and surprise, nothing was there.


The second time I came home from work, and she had put one of the cat beds filled up with Yoohoos on my bed. She said “he” brought them over for her son’s party.


I had a talk with her about not coming in my room, and about not touching the thermostat on the A/C. Well she’s been pretty good the last month about leaving the thermostat alone, but today when I got up today it was set on FORTY FIVE.


She also dented the hell out of one of my skillets and a sheet pan and said something bit it. Every day I when I wake up and come home from work there’s some new bullshit for me to deal with. And now she’s becoming visibly agitated because of her delusions and all but accusing me of stealing from her.


And now it’s occurred to me to wonder is she stable enough to keep her job? So, my plan is this: tomorrow, I will talk to her. I will be calm, and not let myself get frustrated. I will tell her that I think she needs psychiatric treatment, and that I am 100 percent willing to drive her to a doctor and to the pharmacy. But if she doesn’t want to get help, she has to leave (I’m required by law to give her 30 days to move out, so that’s plenty of time to find other arrangements). I can’t take it anymore. She’s not my responsibility. I owe her nothing.


I did manage to get phone numbers out of her contacts, so if she does decide to leave (and my gut is saying she probably will) I’ll call her mom and tell her everything. I’m also planning to secretly record our conversation…just in case.

Okay WHAT

My roommate is now fucking with people on tinder

Like I’m just jammin minding my own business and she’s cackling like a mad man and is like “I’m gonna need you’re help”

So I come over and she’s texting her bf and is like “I’m gonna troll people on tinder and I have permission

She’s still just giggling

I was like “what if someone just wants love”

And this bitch

tHIS BITCH

“NO ONE GOES ON TINDER FOR LOVE!”

I thought I knew her.

So Bacchus is pretty upset with me. I guess I understand why, but still, it’s a bit of an overreaction.

Last Friday night, I went by UDF on my way home from work to pick up some eggs. As was every other time I’ve been to that UDF after 10 pm, everything just felt a little off. The same person was running the cash register, although they seemed a little more alive this time (as opposed to the absolutely death-still stare they gave me the last few times) and even greeted me as I came in. That was my first tip off to something being different.

As I was making my way towards the eggs, I felt the air drop in temperature, then surge up again, so that I was ridiculously hot inside my work shirt. It’s a t-shirt, it shouldn’t be that hot. So I looked up and towards the back corner of the store, and noticed a weird flicker of purple and green light that quickly disappeared as soon as I had focused on it.

So I texted Bacchus, because I knew what was going on.

The god was back.

By now, I’ve interacted with gods of all kinds, and I wanted to see if I could push my luck with this one, too. Naturally, this line of thinking gets me in trouble every time, but I did it anyways. Because I’m a dumb human who has weird luck with gods and toes the line constantly. I made my way around the back aisle and stopped at the edge of it, looking first to make sure it really was him.

His coat seemed shorter, more appropriate for the summer weather, but he still had that heavy knitted hat on and those dumb Hot Wheels gloves. Conversation forgotten, I shoved my phone in my pants, watching as the god browsed the dairy aisle once more. Was he looking for more chocolate milk?

“My gloves aren’t dumb.”

His voice was as terrifyingly quiet as it had been last time, echoing inside my head but nowhere else in the store. He scratched his chin idly. The beard was a bit shorter than last time, though still unruly. Wary, I took a few steps forward, trying to get a better look at him. Unfortunately, it seemed like the shadows on his face stayed still no matter where I moved.

“Hot Wheels are cool,” he continued, still looking at the selection. Honestly, UDF only carries about three different kinds of chocolate milk, so I’m not sure what the big decision was all about.

“It’s for kids,” I responded, trying to get a look at his face. He kind of looked like the other greek deities did; his bone structure was very similar. “I didn’t think they made gloves in adult sizes.” 

“They do if you ask politely,” he told me, then finally looked over at me. Our eyes locked, and I felt frozen, but like I was flying away from him at the same time. The same icy feeling Andromeda always gave me was creeping up my legs, up my spine, the burn locking me in place as he spoke. “Which you should continue doing more often.”

Whether he was referring to how I was always wondering things but never asking or if he knew I was trying to figure him out, I don’t know. His form wavered in front of me, intentionally, and neither of us moved. Like last time, I was off put, and unsettled, but so intrigued. He was so different than any other deity I had met. I couldn’t figure out how.

“Just like that,” he smirked, then finally looked away. The feeling was like mud being thrown down your shirt, weighing you down. He reached and grabbed the same kind of chocolate milk he had gotten last time, gloves catching the light. “Someday you’ll find out what’s going on with you. Living at that apartment complex will help you understand that things aren’t always as they seem.”

He looked at me one last time, frowning as he added, “Tell your friend he’s not Venezuelan. Look northward.”

And then he was gone. No movement, no flicker like when other major deities teleport, no buzz of static from the resulting energy. Just…gone.

I pulled my phone out of my pocket and saw six missed calls, four from Bacchus and two from my roommate. I sent out a reply on the way home from UDF, and another asking him to come over. I couldn’t sort through this on my own. Like last time, I was left feeling like I wasn’t quite standing on the ground, as if something had shifted and broken in the ground underneath me. It wasn’t like he had said anything particularly unsettling, honestly. But I just felt wrong.

Bacchus came over, he and my roommate listened to what happened, and he was mad that I had engaged him directly. 

“Gods can’t be trusted to always be kind! They’re unpredictable and dangerous and you could have gotten seriously hurt!” He roared, sending Percy and the bakoneko running for my roommate’s room. “You’ve gotten complacent living here. You have no idea what someone like him is probably capable of!”

I thought of the disappearing, of the flickering galaxies within him. I thought of the mind reading, and how only Gaia had been able to do that so far. I thought of how scared I had been, but how I wasn’t afraid, not really, only curious. I thought about how similar his power had felt to what I had–

“Careful, Bacchus, or you’ll start sounding like you actually care about me,” I told him instead. Bacchus rolled his eyes and my roommate brought me over some of the tea.

It really did taste like heaven, if heaven could make you feel better with just one sip.