my-pole

The wedding vlog with Phichit

Phichit: Wedding vlog!! Come see my best friend marry his childhood crush in the extravaganza of the century! And with me today is my main man Chris!

Chris, sipping martinis at 11am: I’m so proud of Victor for finding a man ready to accept his receding hairline.

Phichit: Let not male pattern baldness stand in the way of true love! Let’s go!

*dabs*

*cut*

Priest: Look, you’re going to have to shorten your vows. I’ve got another wedding at 3.

Victor, holding a five inch thick wad of notes, outraged: This is the abridged version.

*cut*

Yakov: Ladies and Gentleman, I give you the grooms!

*Victor and Yuuri walk out of the church arm in arm, beaming.*

*crowd cheers*

Yurio: *aims his flower petals directly at JJ’s face*

*cut*

Phichit: Hey handsome, I caught the bouquet! Want to be in my video?

Seung-gil, off camera: Did you specifically ask to sit next to me?

Phichit, whispers: It was fate.

Chris, to Seung-gil: I saw him texting Yuuri.

Phichit, sliding in close to Seung-gil: Fate…

*cut*

Yuuri: Oh my god who installed a pole at my reception??!

Chris, toasting Victor: You’re welcome.

*Victor, tearing up* * Chris winks at the camera like he’s on The Office*

*cut*

Yuuri: I thought that was a bachelor’s night special!

Phichit, handing him champagne: It’s too early to say.

*cut*

Phichit and Chris: As joint best men for our speech, before we got on to embarrassing university stories, we thought we’d talk about the qualities that make Victor and Yuuri such a great couple.

*brings up a powerpoint*

Phichit: Ass.

Chris: Booty.

Phichit: The male form. 

*slides change*

Chris: Now as we can see from this shot, Yuuri is blessed with ample…

Yuuri: I don’t know what else I expected tbh. Victor, more champagne please.

Victor, lovestruck, bewitched, missing Yuuri’s glass and pouring it on his lap: Yes darling!

*cut*

Yuuri: Have you seen Victor? After we cut the cake he was crying and said he had to go thank Jesus or something??

Yurio, coming into the room: … you guys are not going to believe this.

*cut to outside shot of Victor clinging to the church spire, pants off, waving his cake at the sky*

Victor, screaming: I’M GAY! THANK YOU JESUS!!!

Yurio, yelling: YOU’RE DRUNK.

Victor: Good point. I’m gay AND drunk, THANK YOU JESUS!!!!!!

Yuuri, tears in his eyes: I love him so much.

*cut*

Phichit: Ok I may have had a little too much and flirted with that fireman.

Chris: You asked him to douse you with his special hose. It was incredible.

Phichit: At least they rescued Victor.

*cut*

Phichit, crying softly: Don’t forget me on your honeymoon!

Yuuri: Don’t worry, I’ll think of you every time I ask Victor to douse me with his special-

Phichit: NO!!!

Victor: I’m not sure how to feel about that.

Chris: Well he did just promise you a blow jo-

Victor, blushing, visibly excited, grabbing Yuuri and slamming the car door: WE’RE GOING NOW BYE.

*cut*

Phichit: So, how was the wedding for you?

Milla: The open bar was great except… Yurio got in.

*Yurio runs past on all fours, growling and spitting*

*cut*

Seung-gil: … how did this ring get on my finger?

Phichit: Don’t you worry your gorgeous head about it, you lily soft love muffin. 

*cut*

Michele: I think Victor went on his honeymoon pants-less…

*cut* 

Chris: We should’ve asked the firemen to help clean…

*pan out onto an empty room, tables messy with plates and glasses, streamers everywhere, Yurio is asleep on the ground, there is a small fire in one corner and Victor’s pants flutter from the chandelier*

Phichit: Worth it.

If Ravus Was a Party Member... (Banter)

Ignis: “We must restock on our supply of curatives.”
Ravus: “Curatives would not be a necessity of someone would cease falling in combat.”
Prompto: “Hey! It’s not my fault the monsters keep chasing me!”
Ravus: “Because they must be after that irresistible charm of yours.”
Prompto: “And what if they are?!”

——

Noctis: “Man, it’s hot… I don’t know how you aren’t cooking alive in your coat, Ravus.”
Ravus: “My burning hatred for people allows me to become resistant to the heat.”
Noctis: “Uh…”
Ravus: “…That was supposed to be a joke.”

——

Gladiolus: “Pretty useful with that blade there, Ravus.”
Ravus: “More useful than you, I fear.”

——

Prompto: “Wow, the lighting here would make for a perfect photo! Let’s get a shot of all of us here!”
Noctis: “Sure. I’m game.”
Ravus: *disgusted noise* “I would much rather not.”
Prompto: “Come on, Ray. Lighten up and smile a bit more, buddy!”
Noctis: “That’d be a scary sight.”
Ravus: “Then I shall make it my point to smile more. Just for you.”

——

Ravus: “Raining once more? Such awful weather…”
Gladiolus: “What? Afraid of a little water?”
Ravus: “Water plus dirt results in mud, Amicitia. Removing stains from my attire is far from something I wish to do.”
Ignis: “Just as I refuse to do as well.”
Prompto: “Shoulda made black your color, buddy.”

—— 

Ravus: “Amicitia! You are the King’s Shield! Act like it!”
Gladiolus: “Kinda hard when there’s a bean-pole in my way!”

——

Ravus: “A decent fight, Caelum. Well done.”
Noctis: “Was that a compliment…?”
Ignis: “I do believe that was.”
Prompto: “Look at that! Making progress!”
Ravus: “…On second thought, I take back what I said.”
Noctis: “No take-backs. I’ll take what I can get from you.”

Joker Imagine - Toy Box *smut*

Originally posted by gochaseyourself

Originally posted by jennnym88

!!WARNING!! Extremely smutty, sub/dom

Your P.O.V.

It was late at night and J and I were finally home. We had been at his club discussing a heist and the night ended with a small heist. We robbed a jewelry shop and I had teased J a lot. I ‘accidentally’ brushed against his cock and I said dirty things innocently. I had no idea why but I got a thrill from it.

Now we were in our bedroom and he was getting undressed. I was going to go and wash my make-up off but he didn’t let me off the hook so easily. ‘’What was your behaviour today?’’ He asked me and gave me a dark glare. A shiver ran down my spine as I faced him, seeing his green hair that was a bit messy now.

‘‘What do you mean?’‘ I batted my lashes at him and pouted my lips. That made him growl and he threw his gloves away. I flinched because I didn’t expect him to get this angry with me.

“Oh do you think it’s fucking fair to do that” J asked me with a raspy voice. His pupils dilated and made his pretty blue eyes appear dark and cold. “Do what?” I asked him rather innocently. I played with a strand of my hair as I watched my nearly naked boyfriend stand up.

He didn’t answer me which was either because he was angry or because he thought the answer was obvious. My nerves tangled up as J walked into our walk-in closet. His muscles were tense and he seemed a bit mad at me.

I didn’t need to be alone too long. He came back with a purple box in his strong arms. I watched as he put it on his nightstand before he joined me back in bed. “J what’s in there?” I asked him quietly. He chuckled at me and then he opened the box. I still didn’t see inside it so obviously I grew curious. It also made me a bit nervous.

“Kitten I know you like playing games since you’re always playing with me..” J started and grabbed something from the box. I gulped as he continued. “Now it’s my turn to play with you. I’ll punish you for being so damn naughty,turning me on in the middle of business and all” he let me know and that’s when I knew what that box was. In his hands I saw a pink, fluffy collar.

‘‘Put it on’‘ He told me and handed it to me. Since I had been naughty all day, I decided to push my luck. ‘‘No’‘ I snarled and covered it with a smirk. J seemed surprised by my answer. He crawled close to me and then pushed my head against the soft pillows. Before I knew what was going on, he wrapped his strong arm around my throat. I just smiled at my angry J.

‘‘You dare say no to me?’‘ He growled angrily. ‘‘Sorry Daddy’‘ I giggled a bit. He choked me a little bit and gave me a warning gaze. ‘‘You’re not sorry yet’‘ He said deeply and then laughed. As he let go of my throat, he wrapped the collar around me. I couldn’t help but to think of everything else he had in that box.

J grabbed a chain leach and attached it to me and the bed. I couldn’t leave our bed. I watched as he got up and he started searching for something else. ‘’What’s that box for?’’ I asked him innocently. ‘’Toys’’ I got a short reply. I couldn’t help but to get turned on. I wanted to touch him but I couldn’t get close to him.

‘‘Play with me daddy’‘ I encouraged him. He had a boner that I couldn’t wait to get to. ‘‘Maybe later but I need to punish you first’‘ J let me know. That’s when he grabbed a whip with a leather handle. I gulped as I looked at it in his strong arm. I’ve been very bad to deserve this.

‘‘You’re not smiling anymore. What’s the matter?’‘ J teased me while getting back to me. I just stared at the whip and tried to think how bad I’ve been. ‘‘I just..um’‘ I mumbled and then shut up. J laughed and grabbed my by my collar, dragging me above his legs with my ass in the air. It was the perfect position to punish me. For now, he was rubbing my bum with his hand.

‘‘I’ll make sure you’re sorry kitten’‘ He said seriously. Then he hooked his finger into my panties and started dragging them off.I helped him a bit by moving my legs. ‘‘You’re wet. Do you enjoy being under control hm? ‘‘ He asked me a question. His voice got raspier as he got hornier.

I opened my mouth to reply but I couldn’t. He whipped my bum and I screamed out in surprise. Then I squeezed the sheets hard because it stung. J laughed at me and then whipped me again. I cried out in pain but damn I loved it. ‘’You’ve been so bad..’’ J told me angrily. ‘’I’m so- Ah!’’ I whimpered as he whipped my sore bum once again. ‘’You’re not sorry you little slut’’ He growled and whipped me harder. I gritted my teeth and felt a tear rolling down my face. I couldn’t help but to get wetter tho.

‘‘Your pussy is glistening. Are you enjoying your punishment, huh?’‘ Joker asked me dangerously. I nodded a small nod for him. It made him whip me again. I flinched and cried out in both pain and pleasure.

‘‘Punishments aren’t supposed to be enjoyed’‘ He let me know darkly.Then he used his hand, spanking my ass hard and I heard it echo in our room. I groaned and hid my face in the covers. J wanted to see my face so he grabbed my collar and dragged me up so I was supporting myself with my arms.’‘Keep your eyes at me’‘ He demanded and I wouldn’t dare not to listen.

I looked directly into his dark blue eyes as he smacked me with his hand again. A couple tears rolled down my face but I smiled. ‘’I’m so sorry..daddy’’ I whimpered after his spanking. My ass was sore and it stung but damn it was worth it. He hummed and then rubbed my bum with his hand, calming the skin down.

‘‘Naughty naughty naughty..what will I do to you?’‘ He thought out loud. I didn’t answer because he was obviously going to punish me and whatever I said was too mild. Suddenly he got up and grabbed the box. ‘‘Say a number’‘ He told me while looking into the box. It made me curious again. ‘‘six’‘ I said a random number and tried to get closer, but the collar would choke me if I did.

J laughed and picked something out of the box. It was a black vibrator. ‘’I know just what to do with you’’ He let me know and then met my eyes. I was both excited and nervous now. J wasn’t mild with punishments. ‘’Get on your back’’ He told me while grabbing some other things as well. I did as he told me and rested against my pillows. I needed to feel him so all this waiting made me impatient.

I heard chains as I waited here. Then I felt the cold metal against my ankles. ‘’What are you doing?’’ I asked him  and looked down. ‘’Watch me’’ He replied darkly and chained my ankles to the bed post. He even put a pole between my legs so I couldn’t close them. I almost moaned because this turned me on so much. I was naked and tied down to the bed. Joker could do anything to me. Just the thought made me wet for him.

‘‘You’re so beautiful’‘ He purred as he started to tie my arms to the bed. I bit my bottom lip and smiled. ‘‘Too bad I need to punish you. If you were a good girl..’‘ He started and tugged the chains to make sure I couldn’t escape.  Then he got really close to my face, holding my jaw with his arm. ‘‘..I wouldn’t need to punish you like this’‘ He finished his sentence and sent tingles in a low place.

‘‘What could be so bad?’‘ I asked him. J smirked and grabbed the vibrator. Then he turned it on and the buzzing sound made me even more excited. I tried to arch my back, but he tied me down so well that I couldn’t move. J placed the vibrator on my clit and I gasped because it felt so good.

‘‘Ah J’‘ I moaned and tried to get more friction. He looked at me darkly and then let go of the vibrator. It still touched my clit and I couldn’t move so it would fall. I was holding back moans but it was hard. The friction on my needy clit felt fucking amazing. 

‘‘I hope you’ll enjoy yourself’‘ J said mysteriously. I gained my strength to ask him something. ‘‘What?’‘ I breathed out heavily. It sucked that I couldn’t move but the pleasure was so great. I felt helpless in a good way. ‘‘I know how girls need their space. I thought I could go and grab a drink and maybe see what’s on tv’‘ J let me know evilly. My eyes widened as I stared at my boyfriend.

‘‘Wait- J’‘ I tried to speak without moaning. He turned around and started walking out of our room. ‘‘J!’‘ I screamed and then moaned loudly. ‘‘I’ll be back in less than an hour’‘ He yelled and then left me all alone. I was already close to an orgasm and I couldn’t take the vibrator off. I held onto the chains and then I tried to hold back my orgasm.

Damn J!

///Joker’s P.O.V.///

Y/N had been alone, tortured by pleasure for already 40 minutes.She was screaming my name and then crying out in pure pleasure. I was listening to her while watching TV. Honestly, her sexual sounds were more interesting. Yes I was horny and I couldn’t wait to fuck her, but I was having too much fun.

Finally, I thought she had enough of it. I walked back into our bedroom and saw her. Y/N’s cheeks were red, tears had ruined her makeup and her lips were plump. It even looked like she had squirted. ‘’J.. p-p-please’’ She whimpered tiredly. I noticed that she was trembling a bit. ‘’Are you sorry?’’ I asked her just to be a tease. She cried out and nodded.

‘‘I need to hear it’‘ I growled and ran my hand up and down my stomach, tingling her a little bit. ‘‘Yes! I’m so s-sorry daddy! Please take it..off’‘ She legit screamed to me. That’s when I grabbed the vibrator and turned it off. Although I took it away, she was still trembling a little bit. Her breath was shaky and she kept moaning lightly.

‘‘Oh kitten’‘ I cooed and then started freeing her from the bed, starting with her ankles. I couldn’t help but to notice how fucking wet she was. As her legs were free, I got between her legs. I knew her pussy was sensitive but I knew she liked it. ‘‘J what are you doing?’‘ Y/N breathed out a bit weakly. I grabbed her legs tightly and got closer to her throbbing cunt. ‘‘Tasting what I got’‘ I replied and then licked her juices and attached my mouth to her clit. It made her moan really loudly and I liked it.

‘‘J..oh shit’‘ Y/N gasped while I started eating her. She was squirming beneath my touch and it boosted my ego. ‘‘You’re such a dirty slut you know that, right? First you come multiple times and now you’re letting me eat your pussy’‘ I started talking dirtily. While I used my mouth to speak, I pushed two fingers inside her warm walls.

‘‘Mmh daddy I’m such a bad girl’‘ She breathed out. I fingerfucked her tight little hole harder and loved her facial expressions while I pleasured her. ‘‘You’re a slut, my little whore’‘ I growled darkly. It made her moan. ‘‘Say it baby’‘ I told her and took out my fingers. I had to feel her the real way. I couldn’t wait no more.

‘‘I’m a dirty whore daddy. But I’m all yours’‘ She whimpered to me. ‘‘Good. Only I can touch you like this’‘ I reminded her while getting in position. I placed the tip of my cock on her entrance and then pushed my length inside of her. Y/N gasped and she looked like she saw stars. Damn all this teasing and punishing her got her really wet. Her warm walls hugged my cock tightly, making it feel magical.

‘‘Fuck me J’‘ She encouraged me. We were both hungry for friction. I didn’t need to be told that twice. I started pounding myself into her. It felt fucking amazing. ‘‘You’re still so tight’‘ I grunted deeply. I could hear our skin slapping together as I fucked her. 

‘‘You feel so fucking good daddy’‘ Y/N gasped as I hit her G-spot. Her eyes rolled to the back of her head and she kept tugging the chains that held her arms. She desperately wanted to touch me but it was a part of her punishment. I leaned down and started kissing her neck while I rammed myself into her hard.

She was a moaning mess underneath me. I bit her skin so there would be marks on her later. ‘’You take me so fucking good’’ I purred to her. As I kept pounding in and out of her tightness, I noticed that she was getting close. So was I. 

I took advantage of the signs and I used all my strength to push her closer to an edge. Y/N gritted her teeth together but it didn’t stop her from moaning. I started breathing heavily as pleasure grew more intense. ‘’I’m gonna..J I’m gonna cum’’ Y/N screamed. ‘’Cum for me kitten’’ I told her and squeezed her tits. All the pleasure mixed together and pushed Y/N over the edge. Her walls tightened around me as she came. Y/N gasped and started cursing as her orgasm took over her.

That’s when I pulled out.I grabbed my cock and jerked off to finish myself. Finally, I felt pleasure taking over my senses. I growled as my cum shot landed on Y/N. Now I felt like I saw stars. It was overwhelming.

I just watched as my cum covered Y/N’s chest and man, it was a sexy sight. She was panting yet she kept a smile on her pretty face. I freed her arms and took off her collar. Then I finally lied down and caught my breath after such a good night. ‘’I’m dirty J’’ Y/N whispered into my ear. Her hand was on my stomach and she traced the outlines of my muscles. I looked into her eyes. There was a sparkle in hers.

‘‘What will you do about that?’‘ I breathed out. Suddenly she wiped some of the cum off of her with her finger. I watched closely as she brought it to her lips and then licked it off like a good girl. ‘‘Dirty girl’‘ I chuckled. ‘‘You taste so good daddy’‘ Y/N purred happily and finished cleaning herself.

‘‘If you keep calling me that, I might have to take you up for round two’‘ I warned her. I doubt neither of us would actually mind that..

Poles

“Did you know that Stiles is great at pole dancing?” Scott asked one day as the pack, including the human he was talking about, was sitting around Derek’s living room eating pizza.

Isaac choked.

“What?” Erica gasped, clearly overjoyed. “When? Where?”

“High school, Jungle,” Stiles grunted, watching Isaac choke on his pizza in amusement. “I needed the money, and I just turned 18. So why not?”

“It’s pole dancing,” Isaac said weekly.

“Yes, and I’m a very flexible person. I need to explore my abilities.”

“No you don’t.”

“Can you show us?” Erica asked, eyes wide and hopeful.

“No,” Stiles said in a deadpan.

“Why?” Scott and Erica whined together.

“Because first of all, ew. Second of all, there’s no pole.” Stiles gave Scott a look. “And why do you want to see it?”

“Because it’s amazing, dude! No laws of physics.”

Stiles raised his eyebrows. “Give me 50 bucks and a pole and you got yourself a deal.”

Erica jumped up to her feet. “There’s a pole at my house.”

“I got the 50 bucks,” Boyd replied.

Stiles groaned and sank into the couch with a firm pout.

Scott grinned and clapped Stiles on the shoulder. “Come on, Stiles. No time to loose.”

“I literally hate all of you.”


Anyone else want to finish this for me? XD

Lil’ something for @pale-silver-comb even though it’s not much

7

Much of the world watched as the events in Standing Rock, ND unfolded. Many posted in protest of the pipeline drilled through sacred treaty protected land belonging to the Natives, some even gave their physical presence to the cause, subjecting themselves to the frigid cold, mistreatment from police officers; tear gas, rubber bullets, and imprisonment. One beautiful thing about Standing Rock was the community there, if dapl had a bright side, it’s that it brought more like-minded people together to connect over a common cause. I met a guy on my flight to ND who had actually been adopted into a Lakota family, Standing Rock gave him more than just friends, he felt at home on the reservation like he never had before. When I first arrived, it was the beginning of the end of this community. There seemed to be this confusion combined with sadness, many seemed to have found a home at Standing Rock like my friend Jahnny, but what now? Regardless of it being the end of the line for many here, I was still invited in without hesitation, given food and drink, asked my purpose for coming to Standing Rock. Everyone that showed up here, had a reason for being here, and everyone took care of everyone. At one point during the evacuation, I was running from police over Lake Oahe, I fell through ice and got completely drenched head to toe in ice cold water. In a state of shock, not fully realizing the urgency of my situation, someone grabbed me and said, “we need to get you to the med tent, NOW!” A few people stripped off my clothes, gave me a space blanket and threw me on a quad that sped me to a warm tent where I was given tea and warm clothes. I felt safe and a part of this family just for showing up and standing up for what I believed was right. 

There was one time on the tube in London- the underground- and there was a girl sitting opposite me and I could tell if I stare- if I looked at her, she was gonna know who I was.. so I just kinda.. I stayed.. I kept my head down like that and then I was getting off.. thank God I was getting off coz my anxiety levels were just about to go through the roof as I was sitting there.. yeah I was on my own.. yeah and I was on the edge of the seat and I was just getting out the door just here and kinda got up and swung my body around the pole like that to get out the door and all I heard was OH MY GOD NIALL and just as I was getting off, I was like WHOA-OH GOD and then I get out, the doors closed really quick before she could get off..
The ten foot pole

Some context: We’re all fairly inexperienced players and really cautious. We have a barbarian dragonborn, an alchemist elf and a bard half-elf (me.) Our dm is also a bit ‘chill’ (I guess?) So he let us get away with a lot of things, such as me owning a kazoo and a ten foot long collapsible pole.

So we have a mission to retrieve a statue from a shrine and we arrive at the entrance. As soon as we get there, I announce,

“I pull out my ten foot pole, set it up, and begin tapping the cave to see if there are traps.”

The dm: *sigh* your pole does not trigger any traps.

Me: I begin tapping the entire entrance.

After a couple of minutes of this, our barbarian just runs in and starts throwing things (losing some hp).

We finally get to a puzzle, where I pull out my pole again and begin tapping.(It was one of those floor tile puzzles.)

Me: I tap the umbrella tile.

Dm: Nothing happens.

Me: I tap the snake tile.

Dm: Nothing happens.

Me: I tap the jellyfish tile.

Dm: Something happened!

Entire party: What!?

Dm: A whole lot of NOTHING.

Our barbarian ended up grabbing us, rushing forward, and nearly getting us all killed.

The third time I used my pole, we were in a room with statues emitting cones of red light.

Me: I wave my pole in the red light.

Dm: The end of the pole disintegrates.

Me: Nooo!

That was the end of me using my ten foot pole for everything.

8

Illustrator and graphic designer Ninni Aalto makes custom Moomin mugs with adult themes. So far she has done Moominpappa’s hangover, tipsy Moominmamma, occultist Little My, Fillyjonk’s pole dance, Hemulen’s SM-plays. WIP mugs consist mugs such as Moomintroll and Snuffkins in a gay club, The Groke’s burlesque dance and Moomintroll meets Cthulhu

Photos by Benjamin Suomela.