my-life-continue

Adulthood is literally just a cycle of spending every waking minute wishing you could go to bed until it’s actually time for bed and then it becomes the absolute LAST thing you want to do because going to bed is the thing that makes tomorrow happen and then you have to do it all over again

Do you ever start doing something, and then continue it not because it provides any enjoyment or serves any purpose but purely because it’s easier that figuring out what else to do?

2

wk 2, 2017. trying to declutter my life, one spread at a time. amusing how even as i strive for minimalism, this week’s quote speaks of abundance: claude monet: “i must have flowers, always and always.” 🌸  instagram: sadgirstudying🌸

Master Tano, I presume?

“Stupid! Stupid! I am so stupid! I should known better than that!”

Ahsoka Tano, former Padawan learner of Anakin Skywalker and rebel alliance operative known as Fulcrum, found herself waking up face down on the floor of some room that looked absolutely nothing like the dark and decaying ancient temple sanctuary she had been exploring not five minutes ago.

Had it been five minutes ago?

Where was she? How long had she been unconscious?

What in the Force had compelled her to pick up that strangely carved loop of jointed metal that twisted and turned in on itself, over and over, like some kind of infinity symbol? She had felt possessed as if some unseen presence had taken command of her limbs. Ahsoka remembered stumbling forward as if she were struggling through a surging wave made out of the Force. She struggled to stay upright as it kept threatening to knock her over.

Maybe one of those waves had done just that. Ahsoka really couldn’t remember.

She remembered reaching for the silvery band, picking it up and turning it over and over in her hand. She ran her fingertips along the carved glyphs, not recognizing the language but understanding the feeling behind them.

This item was important.

It was dangerous.


I should put it back. Ahsoka thought, shaking her head. I don’t know what this is or what it could do.

Almost regretfully, she lowered her hand to return the sinuous band of metal and ominous energy to the cracked and crumbling stand she found it on.

Apparently it didn’t like that.

Fierfek!” Ahsoka cursed as the band seemed to leap to life, coiling and wrapping around left her hand, a writhing, twisting, and living thing. She tried to fling it off her hand and when that didn’t work she tried to dig her fingers under the cuff and peel it off.

That didn’t work either.

Ahsoka frowned at the undulating object, horrified at the way it seemed content to spiral endlessly around her wrist as if were living jewelry. She gave her hand another hard shake and when that didn’t work, she plucked the shoto saber from her belt. She carefully changed the length and intensity before laying her left hand down on a nearby flat surface. With the short saber in her right she slowly lowered the blade towards sliding infinite loop of metal and carvings.

“AAAH!” Ahsoka let out a trail of curses in every language she knew as the item constructed around her wrist. The pain was so sudden and intense she almost feared it had cut off her hand and she dropped her saber.

The minute the white blade went out the blistering pain stopped and the cuff went back to what it considered normal,lazily spiralling around her wrist like a silver serpent.

Ahsoka bent down to pick up her saber, returning it to her belt and collapsing into a pile against the far wall. She hung her head, gazing at the floor and wishing that she had someone to help her, someone who knew more about the Force and its mysteries than her half trained experience.

She supposed she could try to meditate and contact Master Yoda through the Force but she doubted he would be of much help. He was difficult enough to understand when you were asking him simple questions. She would spend more time trying to untangle his distinctive grammar than pondering the mystery of the object.

And Anakin, her master, would have been no good. He didn’t have time for the great mysteries of the Force and after that strange episode of lost time and the vague memories of pain and death, he had been even less inclined to ponder the metaphysical.

Not that it mattered.

Anakin Skywalker was gone, beyond her reach and if she thought about it too much she was afraid it might break her. Again.

So many Jedi were lost, destroyed during Order 66 or the nightmare of the purges that came afterward. Master Plo. Master Shaak Ti.

Master Obi-Wan.

Ahsoka felt tears burn in the corner of her eyes at the memory of her master’s master, of his kind smile and his patient way with her and Anakin. If she were being completely honest she had been impossibly lucky to be assigned to Anakin Skywalker and by extension Obi-Wan Kenobi. She had learned so much from them both, how to lead, how to listen and when to not to listen. She learned when sweet words were more effective than a saber and when it was easier to apologize than ask for permission.

For a few brief years she had a family.

Obi-Wan would have known what to do. He would have remembered some story he had heard from a charming, disreputable friend or recited some old poem Master Jinn had taught him and it would have sparked a germ of an idea. They might have needed a side trip to the Archives but his hunch would have been borne out and between the three of them, they would have found some way to get this confounded piece of chagas off of her wrist.

But Obi-Wan was gone too.

Ahsoka bowed her head, resting it on her arm braced across her knees. Sorrow washed through her, threatening to drown her. Hot tears slipped past her control and it all seemed so horribly unfair, so terribly, nightmarishly wrong.

How could there be a galaxy without her masters? They were always supposed to be there. Even if she wasn’t a Jedi, even if she would never be a Jedi again, Anakin Skywalker and Obi-Wan Kenobi were supposed to be out there, side by side, saving the galaxy one witty quip and affectionate squabble at a time.

She missed them so much.

I miss you. I miss you both so much. I’m so tired and so alone and I just… I just want to give up. I know I can’t. I know you would tell me to keep going but… with Master Obi-Wan dead and Anakin…

No. Ahsoka wouldn’t think about Anakin.

If only Master Obi-Wan was alive, somewhere. If only he was still out there, with a warm cup of tea and smile.

I just wish I could see you again.

And that’s when the pain hit her and she passed out in an overwhelming wave of agony and blinding light.

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The Ignition fic that no one asked for but that I needed to write because damn. That video has ended me. Enjoy!
@strongenoughfoundation sorry, I had to tag you again, that video has done things to both of us XD

It was too hot, too loud, and the traffic was too AWFUL.

You’d been sitting in this car for God knew how long now, on a packed highway in the summer heat. Every window was rolled down in an attempt to fight off a heatstroke and honestly, you’d started counting the minutes until your sure death if you didn’t get off this road soon. Groaning in despair, you snatched the hair tie from your wrist and tied your hair back in sharp motions.

At the sound of your voice, your best friend glanced at you from the driver’s seat, eyebrows raised. “You all right over there?”

“I’m dying, Lin,” you deadpanned. “I am actually dying.”

“That’s a little dramatic,” he remarked, a teasing smile tugging at his lips.

“This damn highway is doing dangerous things to my head.”

“Wow.”

“I imagine death so much, it feels more like a memory.”

At that, he burst out laughing. With a hand resting on the steering wheel, he leaned back against his seat and sent you a warm glance. “I feel like I can’t argue with you because you just did that.”

Flopping back against your seat with a loud sigh, you pointed at him. “That line is the one I relate to the most, honestly,” you told him wryly.

“Why am I not surprised?” he asked.

You lifted your head and arched a brow at him. “Are you saying I’m a negative person?”

“You said it, not me.”


“I feel the need to remind you that you’re stuck in this car with me for at least an hour.”

“I feel the need to remind YOU that this is my car and I can kick you out at anytime.”

Grumbling, you shifted around in your seat to get to a more comfortable position and brought your feet up onto the edge of it. “Asshole,” you muttered simply and he snickered. You wondered if walking was a better choice than this traffic-induced hell after all.

Sighing in resignation, you settled for dozing in the searing sun and sneaking a couple glances over at Lin as you did. Hey, you couldn’t help it if your best friend also happened to be kinda (really) attractive, could you? It wasn’t bad just to look, right? You idly studied him through half-closed eyes, admiring the way his hair got all tousled as he ran a hand through it. He was wearing a dark blue tee because of the heat and you tried to steal a few guilty glances at his arms. You bet it’d be nice to be wrapped up in his arms, heat or no heat.

“…you done staring at me yet?”

“Shit!” you hissed, blushing furiously at having been caught. Lin cast you a sideways glance that was wayyyy too knowing and was that jerk SMIRKING? Growling something unintelligible, you reached forward to the dashboard. “I’m putting the radio on!” you announced.

“Hey, I don’t mind, you can look all you want—”

“I’M PUTTING THE RADIO ON.” You jabbed at the power button and cranked up the volume.

The first few notes of a song blared out and you recognized it at the same time Lin did.

You groaned out a frustrated “NOOO,” while Lin practically cheered like a two-year-old.

“I’m turning it off!” you said at once, and you reached for the button again.

“No you aren’t!” he shot back, batting your hand away. He ignored your squeak of protest and flashed you a wide grin. “You turned it on, so you’re stuck with the consequences!”

Sinking down in your seat, you brought your fingers up to your temples. The lyrics to the “Ignition” remix pumped out of the speakers and brought back a ton of memories. “Lin-Manuel Miranda,” you stated, “if you start rapping, I swear to God—”

“No, I’m not tryin’ to be rude, but hey pretty girl, I’m feelin’ you, the way you do the things you do, remind of my Lexus coup—”

“AAAGHHH!” You threw your hands up as he started freaking dancing in his damn seat, one hand still on the wheel and other in the air, and dear lord, it was like PTSD. Hands over your ears now, you glowered at him from your hunched over position. Lin just smiled back like the stupid, hot person he was and pointed at you as he went on with the song:

“So baby, give me that!”

“No.”

“Let me give you that!”

“HELL NO. Lin, I swear, I will never speak to you again.”

Cheerfully ignoring you, he kept going, letting that edge of a growl into his voice and you internally swooned. Why did these things happen to you? “It’s the remix to ignition, hot and fresh out the kitchen, Mama rollin’ that body, got every man in here wishin'—”

He cut off, making you glance over in confusion; just in time for him to lean across and steal a kiss, lips pressed to yours fleetingly. Your eyes shot open wide, body going rigid as he grinned into your mouth and then pulled away a second later.

“Lin!” you spluttered out, as he just laughed and went back to rapping out the lyrics. “What—You—What the hell!?”

The lyrics became a little shaky as he tried not to laugh, a stupid smile on his face. When he glanced at you, his eyes softened and…was he blushing?

Against your will, your mouth quirked up too and you looked down at your feet.

As the two of you sat, with the speakers blasting around you, you brought your fingers up to touch your lips in wonder.

I swear this fanfiction gives me so much life. 

Fic- I’ll Protect You link: http://archiveofourown.org/works/9193691/chapters/20860172

flashback to chapter 1! I love this story @lattemika, I hope you update soon!

3

It was dark when Ritsu and Shou first kissed. They kissed after Shou broke his own window and busted the screen out so they could get out of his house. It was after they ran to the middle of an open field in the dead of night and Shou had collapsed to his knees with grass knitted in fistfuls between his fingers. It was after Shou’s dad had yelled at him for the umpteenth time. It was after they pulled away from a long silent hug and their noses brushed against each other. It was after they stared at each other’s cloudy eyes and shared the same unknowing fear of what would happen if they turned back. They didn’t know if they would ever see each other again. So with a concoction of dread and concern boiling in their stomachs, they kissed. Both of their hands were on each other’s cheeks and they held each other there until they couldn’t breathe. It was wet between both of their tears and it broke when Shou couldn’t keep his mouthed closed from a sob. They stayed there and cried until the sun rose.

last may in cannes I ran into carrie in the street, I was extremely nervous, I was in shock, I was on the verge of a panic attack but she smiled at me, she stroked my arm when she noticed I was shaking, she told me it was going to be okay, I was going to be okay and I felt it, I felt her radiance, her kindness, her warmth, and ultimately I felt calm. I know her light will always guide me. I know it’s going to be okay.