Bathrooms for me are terrifying because I can never tell if I pass as male or female so I just hope to god no one is in there. Walking out is the worst because if I don’t pass people think they went in the wrong bathroom but then realize they didn’t agree they see the sign. I get scared im gonna get hurt or followed all the time… I do a checklist. I have no hair on my legs, girl. Flat chest? Boy. Short hair… Either? What colors am I wearing.. Are my feet too small? It’s endless. I just never know..

I’ve got to go to the hospital super early tomorrow, I’m feeling pretty anxious about it. 
I know I’m going to have some different blood tests and I’m being such a baby about that right now and I don’t really know why. Even though I’m used to it all, I’m so scared of pain.
I’m scared of things that will hurt and I don’t cry but I am still scared. I’m not a very brave person, but I really try to be but it is tricky because the things I have to be brave about hurt. Sometimes a lot.
In four days I’ll get my new leg braces and that is something I am very excited about! 
I have no news about my new wheelchair, I probably won’t get it in time for the new school year, that makes me feel sad. 
I don’t feel like I’m living very much of a life right now, though I’m trying to think about the things I have to look forward to. 
Sorry for writing a lot about these sort of things on here. I think I’m just trying to think.

Nice and easy recovery run. I kept my heart rate in zone 2 for most of it. My monitor blinks certain colors for certain zones…so I have instant feedback.

My hamstrings feel better post el scorcho. Finally. I’ve been icing and stretching. That’s helped. Today’s run they didn’t feel tight or sore. I feel like I’m getting over all of the aches and pains from San Diego. My legs, specifically my calves, have been bothering me on and off for 6 months now. It’s nice to not hurt. It’s also kind of strange.

Just in time to ramp up for nyc. I’m taking two easy weeks (one more left) then starting speed work again. Hello hanson plan. We’re about to become buddies again.

Okay I’m gonna go on a little bit of a tangent, so bear with me.

My friend sent me this picture of Mark doing the thing with his foot where he bends it in ungodly ways, and every single time I see a picture of him doing this, one question runs through my mind. How in the holy fucking hell does he do this without hurting himself?! I mean, look at the way his knee is bending right now. By all accounts, he should have either just completely shattered his knee cap or twisted the joint out of socket, but no. He just so happens to be PERFECTLY FUCKING FINE. No bone breaks, muscle tears, joint dislocation, not even a sprain! How in the HELL is this possible? The way his leg is bending should NOT be humanly possible without damaging something, and yet he’s okay. And don’t even try the whole “double jointed” stuff, I’m double jointed and I can’t do this.

And, not only is he bending his knee in ways it shouldn’t, his foot is backwards too! That should have at least torn a muscle or yanked the joint out of socket. Mark, why does your anatomy make no sense…

Dominate DC Week 4 Day 4

9 mile Trail Run

After talking with my Broach yesterday about my leg, having the day off, and spending a lot of time icing, we decided that I should still try and stick to the current training schedule with today’s run being the first real test. The plan was to run all 9 trail milesif my leg felt good and if it hurt at all to cut my run short. 

The run got off to a slow start. I had gotten about a half a mile down the trail when I started to feel those old familiar stomach rumblings so I turned around and went back to the start where there’s a port-a-john. After taking care of bushiness I started once again. As I got going I could feel some soreness in the shin that was hurting on Thursday but it wasn’t painful. I kept my pace slower just in case but I made it through the entire run without ever feeling pain in my shin. I’m very hopeful that this was just a random pain and nothing more serious but I’m still icing and taking it easy just in case. 

Later today I made it out to Running Etc. in Virginia Beach to pick up a new pair of shoes for road running. I was hoping to pick up another pair of Boost Ultras but they didn’t cary them. I’m in love with the Boost material so I tried on two shoes, the Boost Sequence and the Boost Glides…

I came home with the Glides. They’re not the prettiest looking shoes but they were definitely the most comfortable. Broach is onboard with my shoe choice too. He runs in them as well. I’ll start breaking them in tomorrow. 

*Edit: I forgot to mention this earlier but during today’s run I wore CEP Compression socks. I’m not sure if that had anything to do with why there was no pain today or not but I may run in compression socks for a few days. It can’t hurt right? Thanks brooke-being for putting that idea in my head!

anonymous asked:

Mariah- What is the most interesting reason you had to go to Anders because you needed a healer?

Hmm. They all kinda run together after awhile. He used to gripe at me quite a bit for being too reckless and throwing myself into the thick of it… but what am I supposed to do? Calmly wait for the bad guys to kindly walk over and stab themselves with my daggers? Maybe they’d form a queue…

In any case, I don’t really have an interesting reason for the injury, per se, but there was this one time when I got this wicked cut on my leg. Blade caught me in the inner thigh and dragged all the way up to my hip as I was turning to try and get away from the bastard. Damn that thing hurt. I was cursing up a storm. Probably taught Merrill all sorts of fun new words that day.


So the guy takes a bolt to the face (gross, but thank you, Varric) and Anders rushes over to me and we’re both trying to get my armor shifted enough so he can get at the wound and Isabela starts joking about how she’d happily help take my breeches off. Honestly, I don’t know if she was serious or just trying to distract me and get me to laugh, but she would not let up. Anders was trying to focus and kept getting this little flustered frown and.. I don’t know. It was adorable. Pretty sure he was blushing toward the end of it. It was before we were together, so it had a bit of a “hey, okay, not used to your hands going there, hello” sort of thing to it. Plus, I mean… his magic is damn tingly. And that cut was really high up on my thigh…

It was memorable. Not that kind of memorable. I mean, I didn’t… It wasn’t like, pervy, you know. It just… got the blood pumping a bit…

Shut up, don’t judge me.

[ blue sky ]

seventeen writings.

AU: none.

Pairing: reader x mingyu.

Genre: angst, i gues??.

Words: 722.

A/N: thank you to vernony & wonwoojpg for the help.<3

– Inspired by: nothing. just writing.

You ran, and you ran with all of your might. Your legs were hurting, and your head ached with thoughts. Your mind was racing. Where do I go? Would he search for me? Am I gonna take him back? But you needed to get away. Away from the house, away from the pain; away from him.

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anonymous asked:

I'm a afraid of needles, but I'm about to start testosterone. How bad does it hurt?

doesn’t hurt at all for me. After I do my shot my leg is sore for a couple minutes and then goes away! I enjoy doing shots because I know what it has done for me and it’s something to look forward to! But yeah I had a hard time self injecting in the beginning, I just kept doing it every week and made myself relaxed and after a while I stopped having anxiety about it! I wish you luck with your shots, it’s not that bad!

How Far Along: 31 + 5

Size of baby: 16.7 inches long and weighs approx 3.75 lbs according to google

Total Weight Gain: i’ve probably gained about 40 lbs. always forget to check at my appointment lol. i weigh probably more than i did when i delivered avery.

Movement: huge movements. butts and other body parts sticking out. lots of kicking and wiggling. my stomach does crazy things some times. really feel it when i am laying down on my side, the baby gets super giddy.

Sleep: its getting better because i am just more tired than usual. i don’t really wake up unless i have to pee which doesn’t happen very often anymore. and laying down on my side without my legs being supported with a pillow makes my freaking hips hurt

What I miss: A-L-C-O-H-O-L i want all the red wine and margaritas when all of this over.

Cravings: right now i am just really wanting some water. chicken stirfry sounds really freaking good too.

Belly Button: almost completely flat! i’m wondering if we’ll get some actually popping at some point

Symptoms: weight gain, back ache, swollen ankles, braxton hicks contractions

Best Moment(s) this week: hanging out with my parents last weekend and my baby shower that was on saturday! this week has been kinda trying

Worst Moment this week: this whole week was annoying because of the appliance problems. also me and byron have just in general been in blah moods and things have gotten testy a time or two. just looking forward to a relaxing weekend i hope!

So a few of you have asked me to share my story about my life and my issue. So here we go, and if you message me saying anything hateful or hurtful it will be deleted so don’t even waste your time. I have always been very insecure. Through out middle school and high school I was always a little chunky, I wasn’t fat but i have very muscular legs and wide hips that fat seemed to sit on. I never thought of myself as pretty or anywhere near attractive at all. I hated myself. It seemed like all my friends were getting the guys and I as always the ugly third wheel. It was embarrassing. I was embarrassed. Towards the end of high school i noticed a change that really slowly came onto me. I started picking myself apart on the daily. Id stand in front of the mirror and pull and tug at my fat and cry for hours. I noticed a change in my moods as well. I started getting major mood swings, id flip out on people for no reason and cry for no reason. Years slater, everything took a turn for the worst. About almost 2 years ago I started becoming severely depressed. I’ve always suffered with major anxiety, but always knew how to control and baby it so it didn’t interfere with my life. But I was so sad and hurting because of my depression that my anxiety spun out of control. I started getting anxious about EVERYTHING, which included food. I was restrict what I ate, and sometimes didn’t eat at all. I would workout for hours and would run and do a lot of cardio making sure I burned over 1,000 calories in the morning and 500 at night. I was so anal about working out everyday and not eating much. I didn’t realize what I was doing, I thought i was being “healthy” and not realizing I was on the path to hell. I started binge eating and purging. It all started out by just doing it once, ONE TIME, and then it slowly became a habit. I wouldn’t even be hungry and id do it. Id purge 4-5 times on the daily, and when I wasn’t home to do so I just would eat at all if i was out somewhere and pull the classic “oh i already ate I’m okay”. I was killing myself. I went from 165 lbs to 90 lbs in less than a year. My hair thinned out, my skin broke out, I was skin and bones, and I wanted nothing more than to just drop dead. It was the worst feeling in the entire world. I wouldn’t leave my bed for days. I quit school, I quit my job, and I pushed very one I cared about away. I hated myself, and I hated my life. I decided one day that enough was enough, and I went to my dr and got prescribed anti-anxiety medication. I hated the thought of pills altering my mind set, but it was a step in the right direction. Those did help with clueing my head of bad thoughts, but the eating disorder was a totally different story. Recovering from an eating disorder takes a lot of time, energy, effort, and positivity. I’m still recovering. I still have my down days (like everyone else) but i’m getting there. I actually put food into my body and keep it down now. I’m slowly getting there, slowly but surely. And i’m doing it all on my own. I stopped taking my anxiety pills and stopped going to therapy. Both a personal choice because I want to be as strong as possible and prove that it is possible to push yourself to the extreme to get yourself through any situation. I’m not going to rehab, I am my own rehab. And guess what, its working. I have support from a few of my friends and family, and they’re one step behind me at all times just in case I need a back bone and a push again. It sucks big time to go through what I have to go through on a daily basis, and I dont think a lot of people really realize what i have gone through and am going through in my life, but thats okay. I am me, I am all my flaws. And thats how its always going to be. I suffered, I am suffering, but it has molded me into the strong individual I am today and I couldn’t be anymore blessed to say that.

I understand that particular sentiment! Reading fanfiction takes up a lot of my time, unfortunately, most of it focuses on romance/smut and makes me feel EXTREMELY uncomfortable, but a lot of it is also cute/makes me wanna cry so I’m okay with it.
And I’m sorry to hear about your ankles, it must be hard to deal with-having them hurt, but I doubt you want my pity, or any pity at all(pity isn’t something many enjoy). I like running, but not a whole lot. I’m into pacing more, I pace to the point where my legs start falling asleep while I’m walking. Pacing helps me clear my head and think, I have problems thinking if I’m not moving.
And are you any good at photography? I take pictures on my camera(they can’t be uploaded though because I don’t have anything with an SD slot) but they don’t do the scene justice, especially not the powerful feeling it often conveys.
I’m okay with animals, but I often rush to them so they get uncomfortable or scared. :/

while in the concert @ everything before fob was awful.

 i was really anxious because of the amount of people (lik i have major/severe social anxiety) and so like… i was so scared it was making my chest tight and i oculdnt breathe and i had sharp pains in my heart and under my ribs.. 

all the weed smoke didnt really help tbh it was all around us (i didnt smoke/get high it was just fukcing everywhere)

so i ended up using an inhaler for the first time and i got a sip of water poured into my mouth by the concert staff (they do this for the ppl at the front apparently) and that helped some..

by the time wiz was gone / we were waiting on fob my feet and legs were so sore and shaking and my lower back was really hurting and it Sucked… 

when fob came otu tho i forgot i was in pain completely almost like.. the pain in my chest was gone almost completely and the only thing that i could feel hurting was my arms as i held them up to take pics/vids

I hate those moments when i hear that kids kill themselves or hurt themselves because of bullying… 

The thing about bullies- they never think. They never think about the other side. What WE feel. 

Since 4th grade of elementary school i was bullied. Now i only have one year of high school and still am bullied. 

Constantly i’m reminded that i’m nothing, that i cannot tell what i think, that i’m not important, that i’m ugly and fat… 

With time i started to believe that. I still do. It hurts. 

Maybe i’m writing this now, cause you don’t know me and i don’t know you and it’s easier? 

I look at my body and all i see are scars on my arm, leg, back. I also see my fat stomach, my fat legs, my ugly face. 

It’s damn sad and funny in same time, that just one person can make you feel that way.

If you feel bad and want to hurt yourself, don’t. Come to me and talk to me. I’ll try to help you, cause i don’t want you to have fucked up life.

So. A kid was throwing a tantrum and I tried to take him to a neutral place to distract him with other toys, and he dug his fingers into my arm and actually shaved some of my skin off. And I’m thinking, okay, he’s two, maybe three, and doesn’t have good control over his words so it’s frustrating when he can’t tell me what he wants and he resorts to physical abuse. I get that. I see it all the time with hundreds of kids. Normally, it ends after being reprimanded for hurting someone.

When I reprimanded him, he kicked me. Fucking hard, too; I have a bruise on my leg. So I put him in time out.

His sister tried to share a toy with him to help him feel better, and he scratched her face, so I pulled him away from her and he bit my hand hard enough to draw a bit of blood.

anonymous asked:

What did it feel like to die?

For once he’s caught in a pensive mood, which made Hisoka a little more open.

“I was on painkillers the last week, so I wasn’t all there.  But I knew I was dying when all the emotions started to go quiet.”

Words couldn’t describe how scary that feeling was.  It was like waking up and realizing both your legs were sawed off, or that your eyesight was gone.

“My body had fought to stay alive for a long time then, so I was really tired.  I was on every kind of pill you could imagine.  Dying made me aware of how much my body hurt, because all of a sudden it wasn’t there anymore.”

Not that he was completely free now.  He was still exhausted a lot of the time.  He still hurt.  But it wasn’t like that, not the bone deep despair he felt at the hospital.

“For you it will be different.”

At least he hoped so.

My hands hurt from trying to defeat DJ Octavio in Splatoon.  He’s so hard to beat but it’s such a fun battle.  I’ve lost several times, and at one point I got to the last leg before he got me again.  After that I gave up because I knew I would have to start all over again.  I’ll try again tomorrow.

complaining about the mystery syndrome

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Alaska had an accident for the first time in a long fucking time and I’m exhausted and we just got back home after being out of state and I snapped and yelled at her and I feel so awful and now she’s laying under my quilt with me and licking my legs all over like she’s apologizing and I’m on the verge of tears. My body hurts and I feel so lonely and I’m probably just pmsing. I know these feelings will all be ridiculous in a couple days but right now, tonight, I really need to be held and I need soft kisses and someone to fuck me until the sad goes away but the only person I want to do those things with isn’t here and tbh I don’t think things are going well there so.