my-high-school-in-a-nutshell

Community Season 1 Episode 1

Jeff: “The funny thing about being smart is that you can get through most of life without having to do any work. So, uh… Not really sure how to do that.”

The problem with me and my life in a nutshell clear as crystal. Why High School was child’s play for me. Why I couldn’t hack it at a real college and why community college was so boring so I couldn’t hack it there either.

This is why I’m at job corps and not graduating college a year ago and being a success at life.

The difference is Jeff has personality to get a community to help him study and get work.

I am really good at existing I guess. People are not repulsed by my very presence, maybe.

Here’s Elise in a nutshell. I’ve always loved taking photos, from recording times with friends and family to capturing a beautiful sunset or scenery.  I started taking photography classes in High School. Last spring, I took a Black and White Film Photography class with Melissa at Century College. I just got back from a 4 week Art Study Abroad Program in Ireland.  I am lucky to have had opportunities to travel around and use my photography skills along the way.  I am however always looking for new unexplored placed to go, so please share some of your favorite spots, near or far.  I’m going into my second year at Century.  I’m working on general classes, and photography classes.  I am looking forward to learning more about my camera and digital photography!  

some people just don’t have the capacity to change their ways.

in a nutshell the mess is a lump of teen angst,anxiety/depression, dishonesty, trust, bottled up emotions, confidence, happiness, and pieces of love. basically adolescence. LOL

well personally i don’t find you creepy but i hope you don’t feel like a creep knowing that i just graduated high school LOOL. i’m used to older ppl tho cause there wasn’t many people (family-wise) around my age.

i’m from canada, and well i’m waitlisted for winter term for IT but i don’t have hopes on getting in until sept. 2016 (waitlist has over 200 people so mmm only time will tell)

time for story time, this is probably gonna be long as fuck but oh well LOL feel free to ask questions after~

btw it’s 5am and i had too much caffeine for myself to handle so my speech will prolly be deteriorating throughout. 

i was really pressured into going to university/college right after. i went to an academic high school (i’m pretty sure the ranking dropped before i entered but in my city and country it USED to be within the top 5), bringing up higher expectations. 2-72-100+ absences later (grades 10-12 respectively) i definitely couldn’t fulfill them, nor did i really care. skipping school gave me a breath of fresh air but also confined me into a cage. i finally had time to go out and enjoy, but i ended up locking away potential (post-secondary wise). that was really stupid of me because i overindulged on cutting class and i’m probably gonna have to work on maintaining attendance for whenever i start again, but it was fun. i wasn’t an outcast, nor was i ever bullied, but school just felt so suffocating and i never got along with the people (aside from a handful). funny thing was that i would always visit my friends in college and the air felt a lot lighter. i would study with them and actually get shit done.

dyeing hair is a hobby of mine, i’m pretty confident with what i can do because i’m not afraid to experiment with my look, and i used myself as a test subject for hair. i’m awkward and uncomfortable being beside my parents cause we never really got along with serious things. they don’t trust me, and i don’t trust what they say. i do love them and appreciate what they do for me, but they’re afraid of timing running out and me wasting it. i don’t blame them for my eldest bro being such a fuck up but i love him regardless, and i get why he acted the way he did because that’s the way i’m like right now. my parents have seen me dye hair and my friends as well, and often. but i’ve been told it’s ruining my life, it’s stupid, and my head is getting wrecked (literal translation, i’m not good at translating tagalog properly). every time i mentioned hair, they would divert it into becoming an esthetician or plastic surgeon. i never got commended for my efforts, i relied on myself. hair is still art for me, but it sucks to hear a masterpiece be a piece of shit every time.

i don’t blame them, they just want me to live a better life with a good income to support myself and hopefully them. pops is old, he should retire and as much as i want him to i’m the reason why he won’t. his parents died at a young age, he has 5 siblings and being the eldest, was forced to support his fam at the age of 10. but i can’t help but bear some resentment since i never got the “right” kind of attention growing up. i don’t think they predicted i’d be really close to my brothers. because bros told me half the shit they said about them was bullshit. they’re only paying attention to the negative aspects of myself and it added onto the bullshit they kept telling me. having fob parents is a struggle, haha.

i loved dancing but they also shit talked me when i began investing time and energy into it, that was around 7th grade. i kept practicing behind their back until 9th grade. i couldn’t take their shit anymore and i also got into a fight with my best friend i would practice with (we’re still the best of friends) she was the bond for my optimism back then. we didn’t talk for over year. i really regret that i stopped but i don’t have the energy to pick it up again, but imagining choreo in my head and watching videos is enough to keep me interested.

high school hits and i’ve become even more locked up. i opened up to one person and well it was a tender love that ended terribly. i still regret taking out my anger on him continuously and backhandedly teaching him to stop being naive, but i’m too much of a coward to apologize and i don’t want to confuse him by randomly popping back into his life out of nowhere(but then again that’s probably my excuse to backup my cowardice. i’m still unsure of that at this point). out of everyone i met so far, i think he’s the kindest person i know… though i did taint that work of art.

it wasn’t till 11th grade i found some people i was fond of. one friend taught me the glories of skipping and i took the liberty of blocking the school’s phone number from the house. i don’t have good memory, i don’t remember the petty problems i had that made me so afraid of school, but hair was my form of escapism. it was a fun year, but it felt empty and full of regret.

senior year hits and i hated it the most LOL. im getting slightly lazy now. i cut ties two of my closest friends i loved because of arguments. when i’m blunt with others about serious issues, i’m very harsh. right now this friend has a cocaine addiction, was expelled from high school, and still harbours intense resentment toward me but there’s only so much sugar coated bullshit i can tell a person. she was suffering from depression, her actions mirrored me from the year before. i didn’t beat around the bush but i can’t convey my points normally. if need be i’ll play the bad guy for my friends to learn the lesson. that’s usually the basis of my arguments with them. this wasn’t the first time i was dealing with this either. the friend i had an argument with went through a similar experience, i also suffered from it. i’m very objective when it comes to this stuff, so i really did give her a slap in the face reality check. it was too harsh for her to handle, and it was my fault for not being sensitive enough.. but sometimes people only absorb the information they want to hear, so i gave her the opposite. there’s only so much i could do with sweet talking, i skipped school and went to the opposite side of the city for her. unfortunately she didn’t realize my intentions with what i said, and just believes i see her being nothing but a selfish fool but progressively getting passive aggressive hate via twitter was enough for me to completely cut off. i wish i stayed by her side, but i’m probably nothing but a bitter memory. i don’t really mind being hated, but she didn’t look between the lines of what i was saying, i probably expected too much and she didn’t expect anything at all. the funny thing is after that argument i saw on snapchat that she went to school, so i did have an impact at the least. i can’t change the past, so i just reflect a lot. i was fine, i didn’t regret what i said because i was truly being honest. but it’s hard when everything piles up. i had a friend who helped me though.

i’m not fond of him as a friend, but the statement of “filling your void with confidence and compliments” really appealed to me. (he’s also a fucciboi so… doubles my hate but i can’t help but appreciate his actions and so extremely thankful for that). i got burst of confidence and it was awesome. January/Feb was great. my hair was silver too so i felt like a badass. i was planning to be an arts student for university but that was just for my parents sake of getting some kind of degree for legitimacy. there wasn’t much to it. it doesn’t appeal to me at all though, twas a last-ditch effort. i ended up failing math and chem class because i guess the angst hit… i can’t remember well, i may have just shoved that shit in the back of my head or i’ve actually forgotten. luckily my school implemented an easier class of math because too many students were struggling, first time the school offered anything lower than an AP course. 

with chem i had a backup, but i did two modules and then didn’t even bother finishing the course. of course right now i’m ashamed of myself for that, and no one even knows about that failure of mine. religion was a stupid class i was forced to take and i just kept skipping until the principal told me to transfer schools for being picky, the vice-principal gave me a passive aggressive speech for saying that my marks were low and i should quit working, but i was close with the counselors. after going back and forth between them, they let me take the class online. regardless, i wouldn’t stop skipping school and it felt insanely suffocating, i wasn’t doing as well as i wanted to, i straight up gave up. i’m surprised i managed to graduate properly because i literally skipped the last week of classes and never handed in a couple of assignments. final exams (diplomas) were worth 50% of the total grade and i met some of my teachers. their expressions looked extremely disappointed, i couldn’t stand to look at them. 

since i’m a dork and lelouch is also a character i can connect to  “The only ones who should kill, are those who are prepared to be killed.” really stuck to me LOL… i was prepared for the consequences of my actions but i bottled up too much it made me unstable. if i actually finished the modules, i would of gotten into the bachelor of arts, but i ended up cancelling my application. it wasn’t who i was, and even though it’s selfish and naive of me, i’m not afraid to do whatever the fuck i want as long as it satisfies myself. i remembered conversations with my uncle and grandaunt/uncle, from reflecting on what i talked about with them, it brought me to wanting to do IT. i loved my uncles stories, and it made me want to find a place within that industry. maybe things will change in the future, but i unlocked a portion of my interest right now. 

my parents are flip shit pissed and i’m straight up fucked when they figure out about the waitlist but i feel like i put together the frame for a portrait. iunno i just gotta fill up the rest with stuff i like or let it explode with colours.  

that kinda explains why i’m a mess. oh well, i accept myself and get that i got loose screws here and there heheh but they can always be tightened~

tl;dr teenage angst ft. fob parents = shit goin down LOL

i tried lessening the detail but i was unsuccessful as you can tell

there is quite a bit more but i think that should satisfy your interests for the time being. t’was refreshing for me to actually rethink everything all over again so i thank you for granting me the opportunity for this, heh. 

in the end i see myself as a child with lots to learn

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My Week in a Nutshell…

With one week down and forty more to go, this high-school stuff never seemed so difficult! The conflicting of schedules and the reading of syllabuses, you can say my first week of my senior year was not only a mess but boring. My schedule changed more times this year than in my whole entire life. Finally getting it all sorted out, a big weight was lifted off my shoulders. With TCC starting on Monday, this is another step in the right direction to plan for my future. Hopefully this next week will be a little bit more interesting than this one.