Our sins have been cleansed

An Introduction to Eric Harris

It’s quite strange to write anything remotely resembling an introduction to something associated with Columbine after all these years of research. It often feels like the case is a “seen it all”-type of deal, to which I’m sure quite a few of you can relate. Yet, there is still an occasional drive to talk about aspects of the case at length. There’s a need to speak about some things that doesn’t go away, not even after all this time, and I guess this “introduction” is one way of dealing with that urge to just keep speaking about it.

If you’d told me four years ago that I’d be writing this about Eric and not Dylan, I would’ve laughed hysterically and called you a liar. If you’d told me back then that I would come to understand Eric in a way that I now can no longer understand Dylan, I would’ve frowned and questioned a lot of things about the future. But it’s the truth of what happened in this time, I suppose, and it’s the one thing that gives me a drive to write Columbine-related things at this point. This piece is something that will take you through my own journey of learning to comprehend Eric. It’s a process that I feel has been both intuitive and intelligent. More than anything, it’s a process that has taken me far away from the commonly accepted view of him as presented by the media.

Writing an introduction to Eric Harris isn’t so much about the basics. We all know that he was eighteen years old when he killed and died at Columbine. We know that he was born in April, but wasn’t native to Littleton at the time. We know that he moved from Kansas to Ohio, from Ohio to Michigan, and from Michigan to New York prior to ever setting foot in Colorado. We know that he came from a military family that seems to have been quite traditional in its set-up. We know he had an older brother. We know he loved to play computer games, liked all things military, and that he had an interest in German and history.

We also know that he was diagnosed with psychopathy after his death by people who should’ve known better. I am not saying that they should’ve known better because I’m one of those so-called “Eric apologists” who believes he vomited sparkly rainbows. It’d perhaps be easier to discard my opinion if I was. Rather, I believe they should have known better because this is one of the fields I studied extensively and have gained quite a lot of insight into. None of my studies point at post-mortem diagnoses being commonly accepted, nor do any of my own insights correspond with the ways in which the diagnosis was acquired and set.

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ok but do you guys think that when exo has like some free time in their dorms they crowd around the tv or whatever and watch yixing’s mystic nine drama and every time xing comes on screen he’s getting nudges and ‘oohs’ & ‘ahhs’ but then by ep 16 they’re all sobbing messes

  • <p><b>Lance:</b> This is my boyfriend Shiro and Shiro's boyfriend Kieth.<p/><b>Allura:</b> And how does that work?<p/><b>Lance:</b> Well, I love Shiro and Shiro loves Kieth and I hate Kieth.<p/></p>

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My heart is broken. I feel like I can’t breathe. I’m shattered to a million pieces. 

Yesterday my 18 year old cousin died in a car accident back home. He was so young and full of life. He was such a beautiful person so full of life. He loved life. He was the life of every room he entered. How is this real. Somebody wake me up.

Good news!!!

I have a sideblog!! Now this is good news for two main reasons:
1) You guys no longer have to put up with my fangirl overflow which often spills out of my tags and trashes up your dashes. So you will see the posts I actually want you to see 😊✌️😎👍
2) I can fangirl my heart out without feeling bad - and my fellow fangirls can see it if they want by following. Yay!! 👍🎉💃

So without further ado, I present to you @blevie-vs-gevie my new fangirling sideblog for all my fandoms and trash posts. By all means please come and scream, cry and die with me. It will be super fun I promise…

Osho - Do What Is Natural To You

Osho was asked:

Beloved Osho,

I seem to be so unconscious so much of the time, so very unaware and just simply involved in life and loving living it. When you speak about the totality and intensity of the search, and how nothing else really matters, and how important it is to let nothing become a distraction, I fear I will never manage it.

In my heart I feel nothing else does matter, yet I am not living in this awareness all the time and in every situation.

Would it be good for me to try to bring this awareness to each and every moment, even if it requires intense effort? If you feel this is good for me, I will try it even though I am afraid I may lose some of the fun and spontaneity and ease of just living, and even though I don’t know if I can manage it.

Osho’s reply:

“Maitri, the question is significant for everybody.
Because I am speaking to so many people - not only those who are present here, but also to those millions who are not present here but will be hearing my words or reading my words.
It becomes a very difficult affair, because people are different in many ways. And certainly no two persons are the same.
And the danger is that you may start doing something which is not meant for you.
A simple criterion should be remembered: whatever feels good for you - blissful, peaceful, spontaneous, happening on its own accord - that is your path.
But I have to speak also to those people for whom nothing is spontaneous, for whom the most difficult thing is to relax, for whom the most impossible thing is just to sit and not do anything. They also need every help.
To them I say, “Live with total intensity, with total effort” - because that is the easiest thing for them. And whatever is easy is close to truth.
Maitri, for you that would not be the easiest thing. You would have to make effort against yourself; it would not be natural, it would not be spontaneous.
You would be forcing yourself, and this will destroy the whole beauty and the peace and the silence that you are already feeling.
If you are feeling silence, peace, a beautiful energy through spontaneity, through relaxation, through let-go, then that is your way.
Everbody has to find out what is close to his heart.
I am speaking for many people of many types.
You have to find out what is right for you. If you start doing everything that I am saying, you will get in a mess.
You simply do that which your heart supports.
And the heart is never wrong, remember. The mind can be right, can be wrong. The heart is always right, there is no question of its being wrong.
So whenever your heart feels at ease with something, then go with it - root and all. Then don’t look back and don’t bother about what others are doing. Let them do their thing; you do your thing.”

‘Abandonment’ compilation series.
The effects of childhood abandonment is one of the primary studies in my explorations of the psyche.
It is a topic close to my heart & I feel that whenever we discuss childhood abuse, we more more concerned with the abuse that is more obvious, physical, sexual, or mental - in the form of verbal abuse.
However, these are not the only types of psychologically malfunctioning forms of childhood abuse..
For there are far more insidious, less obvious, and sometimes non intentional forms of abuse present, that shape the psychology of the child, and follow them well into adult hood.. Usually leaving the adult version with inner child syndrome, low self esteem, chronic thoughts of self doubt, people pleasing tendencies, depression, anxiety, PTSD, anxious preoccupied attachment style, and a host of other self sabotaging traits..

This manifests most drastically in relationships, where the initial wound of abandonment continuously manifests within the romantic adult relationship, meaning that an established foundation of trust, and security is never present - severely tarnishing the relationship quality.

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Settling in and pure joy

I’ve been in this country barely a week and already my heart is absolutely full. It feels exactly as it should, and I can’t believe that after years and years of dreaming, I am in Australia. I was scared that my expectations would ruin the experience, but as of yet, this country and the its people have been everything I hoped for and more.
I miss my friends and family back home, but I truly feel so at peace here, as if this is where I’m supposed to be.