my-heart

there have been countless blog posts written on Christian singleness and waiting and whatnot.

no, really — there are probably enough of them that you could read one every day for three years and still have some leftover. so i don’t want this to be one of those posts. because i’m honestly sick and tired of them. everything i’ve read up to this point seems 1) very distant and pretentious or 2) overly optimistic about waiting.

as someone who is twenty and never dated a guy, i have questioned every aspect of myself. is there something wrong with my face? with my weight? with my style? my personality? WHAT THE HECK IS WRONG WITH ME?????????!!!!!!!!!!11

i thought maybe i wasn’t following God closely enough, or that maybe he was punishing me for something i’d done. so i strived to get in tune and stay in tune with the Lord. but nothing changed.

my mom constantly pointed out my numerous guy friends and that a few of them had admitted feelings for me. i couldn’t disagree. “but mom,” i’d say, “i don’t want to lead them on. that’s just not right.”

and that, my friends, is why i haven’t dated. because i care more about the conditions of guys’ hearts than the gratification of having a boyfriend. i want my brothers in Christ to respect me for loving them enough to say no because i didn’t feel it in my heart.

recently, i read a post that suggested a girl who was dating a Godly man should stay with him even though she didn’t have feelings for him, and i was greatly disheartened.

it’s true, love isn’t a feeling, but without initial/gradually growing sparks and butterflies, it’s like loving your friend, your brother, your cousin… someone you care about tremendously but do not love romantically and eternally.

so i encourage you to wait.

even on the days when you’ve bawled for an hour because you just want to be held.
even on the days when you look around and see nothing but couples.
even on the days your heart is weary and your soul is lonely.

God knows and sees you, friend. He will not leave you, nor will He forget about your persistence and patience. He has promised good to you, to me. good could mean a man, or good could mean something beyond your wildest dreams.

so don’t stop waiting. even if you don’t know what you’re waiting for.

THANK YOU 10K!!

So I’ve been wanting to write this for a while but I wasn’t sure what to do or say. I want to thank so many people for supporting me during all this time but if I start tagging I think I won’t finish :D

SO I’m keeping this short and please don’t feel bad if I don’t mention you, like I said I want to thank you all but there’s so many people that have been here and I don’t know when I would finish.

@ms-strugglebug​ Thank you twin. Because it was her who encouraged me to do this blog and we wouldn’t be here right now if she hadn’t convinced me. I have so much to thank her for because she’s been there until the end! I love you so much my Cassy.

@fandomobsessedteen​ and @seoksinning​ I think everyone who knows me well knows I love these two girls. I don’t want to make you think this is favoritism but they have been there always I have to thank these two cinnamon rolls for more than I could ever imagine. I can’t ever thank them enough. They’ve listening to me whenever I feel sad or happy, telling me how great I am, they’ve seen my horrible self and in my loneliest times. And if it wasn’t because of them I wouldn’t be so confident today and stand here (metaphorically) writing for all of you.

I also want to thank the two former admins I had. Because they helped a lot and are a very important part of my life and the blog. I can’t just give you all my thanks without mentioning Mira and Michelle (Myun) because that wouldn’t be fair. Also Myun was very important to the blog and helped me to organize more this thing and I would probably had dropped this if it wasn’t for her. I love you, don’t forget that okay, baka? There are no friends like you. 

Balie can’t be omitted because even though she just recently joined as an admin, she’s been part of this family for quite some time and she is one of the greatest friends I have. She is a sweetheart I swear and always cheers me up and makes me smile whenever we talk (which is everyday tbh xD). I could make a list of all the things I want to thank her for and never finish, but I just want you all to know that she is an angel and I’m so thankful you all met her and she is here with us on the blog. 

I’ve met so many friends thanks to this blog that mentioning them here would take me like six hours, but you all know who you are and I’m never tired of telling you how much I love you and how much I appreciate your friendship and how important you are all to me. I swear my heart has a special place for each one of you (yes it’s a big one) and I can’t imagine my life without you. You don’t know how much my life has changed thanks to you and just thinking of losing any of you would drive me insane. Tumblr is a lifesaver I swear.

And last but not least, I want to thank each one of you, even if we never talk or you come to me as anons. This would be nothing without you, without your requests, suggestions, complaints, asks, talks, chats, notes, points of view, etc. I swear I read everything, I don’t ignore a thing and your advises have helped me so much. I wish I could be close to all of you! (Imagine that!!!!) but I know some like to be in the dark, some are shy, etc. But I want you to know that I’m here (and Balie) for all of you and even if we can’t do much we are here to do what we can. Even if it’s by writing a scenario/reaction or listening to your problems and sharing experiences. You might think I’m crazy when I say I’m here for each one of the 10k but I do mean it. Like I’ve been for days on my laptop trying to talk and help so many people when they need me and I have no complaints against that. I just hope my little grain of sand makes a difference somewhere in this world.

Thank you all again for everything! And I hope we all stay as one for a long long long time!

Arabella!

Don’t think about the fact that Clarke asking Lexa how she can forgive her ambassadors is essentially Clarke telling Lexa that she wants to forgive her, and trust her, and love her but can’t figure out how to move on from the pain that she is going through. Clarke kom Skaikru understands why the Commander made the deal, but Clarke is terrified of trusting Lexa with her heart again. You can SEE her fighting it throughout the whole episode, to the point where “I did it for my people” is essentially a throwaway line. No one buys that bullshit anymore, Clarke. Not even you. And don’t even get me started on how the lines between being Lexa and Clarke in private vs. Heda and Wanheda in public are starting to blur and how dangerous of a game that is.