my-heart

anonymous asked:

keith's almost-sacrifice is shocking but i think the problem is that people keep looking at it as a suicide attempt and not as the desperate bid of someone who is going to die even if he doesn't do this thing. More importantly I don't think his plan would've worked anyway, it'd be like if a pidgeon tried to take down a boeing 747, in the end if lotor hadn't gotten there they'd all be dead. If his name were Steve it'd be a different story, that always works out for the Steves of cinema.

You’re right. I just saw a fic today of Matt chewing out Keith because he tried to tell him it wouldn’t work but Keith didn’t listen (and then of course there’s comfort!). But I don’t blame Keith really, he was desperate, he did the only thing he thought he could. If I had time I would love to write a fic where Shiro or someone on the team didn’t freaking yell at Keith for what he did, just holds him and cries because they know it was the right decision. They know it was the last resort and that the mission is more important than the individual. They know it’s war. But it still hurts. They can’t do anything but hold him and cry, weak with relief that it didn’t actually happen and Keith is alive.

My Heart: Chapter Five

A03

Next chapter! It took me an age and I don’t even have a good excuse, but I hope you guys like it!! Please leave a comment and let us know what you liked!


Anastasie seemed to bloom overnight, one day she was a tiny baby, barely able to lift her head, and the next she was everywhere, her curls bouncing as she flew. Adrienne and Gil were delighted, spending their days trotting after her, showing her the gardens and the fountains and the library. She was beautiful, eyes almost black, always wearing little dresses because that was what she liked and neither of them could bear to refuse her, no matter how many nice dresses she stained.

Her first word would forever be a subject of debate for Gil and Adri. Ana’s first Christmas gift to Adri was beaming as her mother got up to lift her from the crib, greeting her with a cry of “Mama!” Adri had flown back to bring a very sleepy Gil into the nursery, only to find Ana smiling cheekily at her, and promptly refusing to say a single word, only to later that day greet Gil with “Dada!” when he came in from the gardens. Gil insisted Adri must have heard her wrong before, of course she’d say his name first. Adri huffed and pouted, but Ana seemed to cuddle extra close in apology that evening while she was nursing, and that made up for it.

Adri adored her daughter, her little girl. She was her treasure, and treated as such. Adri’s friends laughed to find her coming to rehearsals with Ana bouncing on her hip, and once, when Gil had caught a cold, Adri had gone to a meeting for him, all the older men stunned to find a nineteen year old girl with a baby in a sling on her chest. There were morning cuddles and afternoons spent reading to her and letting her have tiny sips of coffee when Gil wasn’t looking.

Which just made it worse the morning when Adri went into her two year old’s room for her usual morning snuggle, expecting to find Ana awake already, ready for her maman to take her to breakfast, only for her daughter to wrinkle her nose and burrow deeper into her blankets, mumbling “no now, Maman.” Adri took a step back, trying not to let her hurt show on her face.

“I’m sorry, little one,”’ she whispered, backing toward the door. “Maman’s sorry, I’ll come back later.”

Ana didn’t answer, already dozing off again, so Adri left, almost stumbling right into Gil, who was waiting in the hall for her, a sympathetic grimace on his face. He tugged her into his arms without a word, rubbing her back soothingly.

“Don’t know why I’m so upset,” she mumbled, feeling tears spring to her eyes. “She’s just tired.”

“She is,” Gil agreed. “She’ll be ready for her hugs in a bit, I promise.” He kissed her forehead. “Come back to bed, my heart.”

Adri went with him, heart lifting a little at having his long arms wrapped around her, pulling her into bed, making her feel loved. She curled into him gladly, making herself small in his arms, feeling his long fingers stroking through her braids.

“Gil?” she asked after a long moment, peeking up at him, wanting to ask him a question, worried he’d think she was just asking because she was upset. But when she met his eyes, he was smiling, like he already knew what she was going to say.

“Yes, Adrienne?” he murmured, cradling her jaw, chuckling when she turned her head to kiss his palm.

“I think…I think I want to have another baby,” she breathed, her voice barely above a whisper. Just as she’d predicted, he didn’t look surprised, his eyes soft.

“Are you sure?” he murmured, propping himself up on his elbow.

She nodded hard. “I want to, Gil. I really really want to. If we’re going to have more, I want them close together enough they can still play with each other.”

He smiled, kissing her forehead. “Well, it has been a couple years since your mother reminded me I’m a fuck up, let’s do it.”

“Gil,” she sighed softly, hugging him closer. “You know she doesn’t mean that.”

He snorted. “Oh, I think she does, my love. But it’s fine. So, tell me. When do you want to get started on having this next baby?”

Adri hummed playfully, tugging him close, kissing him lightly. “Well…I was thinking we could get started now?”

“Oh?” he smirked, a teasing growl in his voice as he pounced, rolling her onto her back, only to go scrambling back when the door creaked warningly.

“Maman,” Ana’s tiny voice piped up, a wobble to it that had Adri sitting up quickly, heart breaking as she took in the quiver to Ana’s lip.

“Oh, what’s the matter, sweetheart?” she gasped, opening her arms. Ana hurtled into them, burrowing into her chest like it was a safe place.

“Sorry,” she mumbled sadly. “Want a hug now.”

Adri smiled softly, wrapping her little girl up and rocking her gently. “You have nothing to be sorry for, my little love, I should’ve realized you were still sleepy.”

“Hug now,” Ana said, hugging her back tightly, making Adri smile at Gil over her head. He mouthed ‘I told you so’ at her and she rolled her eyes.

“Little treasure?” she hummed, getting to her feet. “Want to come to the library with me and Papa? I bet we can find you a book to read.”

Anastasie perked up immediately. “Yeah! Book!”

They took her downstairs to the library, only to have her fly straight for the window seat to where Ahab was enjoying the sunlight as always. He treated their baby with the same exasperated tolerance he treated them with, like they were all just silly clueless creatures he had to look after, but they made up for it with food and pets.

“Easy,” Gil reminded Ana gently, guiding her hand over Ahab’s fur. “Be nice to the kitty, remember?”

“Kitty!” Ana beamed, going back to squishing his face the minute her father pulled his hands away. He rolled his eyes, shrugging at Adri like ‘Well, I tried.’ But Ahab didn’t seem particularly bothered. In fact, he was purring contentedly. So they moved away to wander the stacks, leaving Ana to her fun.

Gil wrapped an arm around Adri’s waist, peering back out that their little girl fondly. “You sure about this having a baby thing?” he whispered, a smile in his voice.

“Oh yeah,” she grinned. “Are you?”

He kissed the top of her head, watching Ana attempt to get Ahab to look at her picture book with a smile on his face.

“Absolutely.”

***

“New baby?”

Gil and Adri sat on their bed with Ana, both of them smiling hopefully up at her. Ana squinted up at them, curious to know where exactly this idea had come from.

“That’s right, treasure,” Adri smiled, moving Ana into her lap. “A new little sibling for you to play with. That’ll be fun, won’t it?”

Ana wasn’t so sure about that, her little face crinkling up. She liked the family they had now, her and Maman and Papa, and Ahab and now Perdi and their litter of kittens. Did they really need a new baby?

“Why?” she asked skeptically, and Adri bit her lip.

“Well,” she said slowly. “A bigger family means more love, doesn’t it? And more people to share it with. And it’ll be nice, to have more people to play with.”

Ana still hesitated. “Um…where from?”

Gil chuckles, stroking her curls. “That’s a little something for when you’re older, mon chaton. But now? They live in Maman’s belly.” Ana looked at him like he’d gone crazy, making both of them laugh. “I know it sounds a little strange now,” Gil smiled. “But it’ll make sense in a few months, I promise.”

Ana squirmed a little bit. “Have to?”

Adri’s brow furrowed. “Well, my love…see, the baby’s already in my tummy. But, you’re going to love them. And they’ll love you. You’ll be best friends, you’ll see.”

Ana sighed heavily, as only a two year old can. “‘Kay, Maman.”

Adri smiled fondly, kissing her pudgy cheek, knowing that was probably all they were going to get. “Thank you, angel. Now come on, let’s go play.”

***

So they did it over again. Adri still went to her rehearsals, still bringing Ana along, though she couldn’t pick her daughter up anymore, not with the swell in her stomach. That had been a subject of argument in the Lafayette house, but Anastasie had to settle for clinging to her mother’s hand, even though that wasn’t nearly as good.

It was easier this time, being pregnant, Adri decided on an evening as she stretched out on one of the sofas in the library, putting her swollen feet up. She wasn’t as scared this time around, not now that she knew she could do this. She had stopped reading the pregnancy book she’d refused to pick up when she was pregnant with Ana, conveniently closing it before the last chapter, as Gil had so innocently pointed out to her.

“I already know labor,” she’d insisted. “I don’t need to read about it.”

He couldn’t argue with that, so he cuddled up with her instead, reading aloud to her from any book but that one.

“Adrienne,” he said at the end of a chapter, closing the book. “Can I ask you something?”

Adri blinked, wriggling around to see his face a little better. “Of course you can, my heart. You can ask me anything.”

He bit his lip. “Do…Do you remember before…well, before we were married, and we’d talked a bit about universities? How I said I wouldn’t mind attending a school in America?”

“I…I’m not sure,” Adri lied. “Vaguely, maybe. Why?”

He sighed, lifting his head from her bump to look into her eyes. “I didn’t realize…with all these meetings and everything, about the village, I was only kind of fumbling my way through it, I didn’t know…”

“You didn’t know what?” Adri pressed gently.

“I didn’t know how much I didn’t know,” he murmured, eyes dropping. “And I’ve been thinking…I want to go to school. I want to learn more, so maybe I have a chance in hell of getting something done around here.”

“You’re doing so well,” Adri argued, putting a hand on his shoulder. “You’re just still learning, that’s all.”

Gil smiled sadly, picking up her hand and pressing kisses to her knuckles. “I want to know more,” he said softly.

Adri gingerly pushed herself up so she was sitting, squeezing his hand as she thought. “This…This is something you really want to do?” she asked.

Gil rested his head against her shoulder, winding an arm around her waist. “It is,” he said softly. He sat up, looking at her closely. “I mean, I’m not taking off right this moment, I still have to apply and I’d never leave you when you’re pregnant.”

Adri looked at him, in the way she did sometimes, the way Gil always said made him feel like she was looking into his soul. She could see his earnestness there, the desperation not to make her upset, to have him understand that he wasn’t abandoning her. She could see the sadness, and she knew if she asked him to stay with her, he’d do it in a heartbeat. But she saw the excitement in his eyes that he was trying so hard to hide, even though her Gil was fairly glowing at the idea of this new adventure.

“Send in your applications, my love,” she murmured, kissing his chin. “Send them anywhere you like.”

Gil’s eyes widened. “Really? Adrienne…”

“I mean it,” she insisted. “Everything I’ve done, everything I’ve ever wanted to do, you’ve encouraged me and helped me with it. I want to do the same thing for you. So, if this is something you want, something you need to do…I’m here.”

Gil’s lower lip quivered, and he tugged her close again, burying his face against her neck. “I love you, Adrienne,” he whispered, rocking her lightly. “I love you so damn much.”

“I love you too, Gil,” she answered, hugging him tight. He kissed her, again and again until she felt dizzy, and then, after that, if they’d made desperate, grasping love on their couch in the library, if they’d done that, well, who but the two of them would know?

***

For the second time in the past eight and a half months, Anastasie found herself sitting at the foot of her parents’ bed, telling her something she wouldn’t like. Papa was talking about going to school, which Ana thought was silly. She wasn’t even in school yet, but surely her papa had finished long ago?

“Not that kind of school, my love,” Adri had explained, pulling Ana into her lap, though there wasn’t much room for her there anymore. “It’s a school grown ups can go to.”

Ana’s bottom lip remained stubbornly jutted out. “Why?”

Gil chuckled, cupping her cheek. “Well, the idea was that if people could go to school to learn things, they could get a good job where they got to use the things they learned.”

That kind of made sense, though Ana still scowled when they explained Gil would be going off to a school, one called Columbia (which Ana declared a dumb name), and Adri and Ana would stay home, to look after the estate.

“I know it’s not much fun,” Gil said sadly, picking her up and settling her on his knee. “But I won’t be going right away, we’ve still got a few months. I’ll still be here to meet the new baby and play with you, and then I’ll be home again before long.”

Ana leaned into him, grasping his shirt in her tiny hands. “Don’t go,” she mumbled. “Want you to stay.”

Gil sighed, resting her against his shoulder, rocking her like he’d done since she was very small. “I’ll talk to you everyday,” he promised, kissing her curls. “We can Skype, I’ll be able to see you and everything. It won’t be forever, Ana.”

She sniffled into his shirt, and he couldn’t do anything but hold her tight and promise that it was going to be okay, it wouldn’t be as long as she thought, he’d be home every summer. Adrienne grimaced sympathetically, moving closer to stroke Ana’s hair soothingly.

“We’ll be okay, treasure,” she whispered. “I’ll still be here, you won’t be alone.”

“But no Papa,” Ana mumbled sadly, burrowing into him.

“Oh, I know,” Adri sighed, tears springing to her own eyes. “I know it’s no fun, my love. But he’s still your Papa, even if he’s on the other side of the planet, or on the other side of the universe. He’s still ours.”

Gil made a little broken noise, reaching out to grasp her hand tightly, that’s all he could do with an armful of three year old.

“It’s okay,” she murmured, still in the same soothing tone she used for Ana, though now she was looking at him. “It’s going to be okay.”

***

Their second daughter came into the world with the dawn, after the longest, most grueling night Adrienne could remember. She could see the sun rising through the window, just a sliver of orange over the trees that accompanied the pitiful mewling of the baby in her arms, Gil’s quiet weeping against her shoulder, her own exhausted breaths.

“Adri, look,” Gil laughed weakly. “Look how perfect she is, she’s got your eyes.”

Adri smiled tiredly, stroking her daughter’s nose gently. “This is yours, though. God, Gil, she’s beautiful.”’

He smiled, kissing her cheek. “You were so amazing, Adri. I’m married to the most wonderful woman in the entire universe.”

She giggled, gazing down at their daughter, who was snuggled into her contentedly, all trace of tears gone. “She is beautiful,” she murmured, kissing her forehead

“Henriette,” Gil whispered, holding her little scrunched up fist. “For your mother, yes?”

Adri bit her lip, leaning into him. “You don’t mind?”

“Don’t mind at all,” he chuckled. “Maybe now your mother will like me. And even if she still hates me, I’ve got another Henriette to win over.” That made Adri laugh, and their little Henriette blinked, looking alarmed at the noise.

“Oh no, it’s okay,” Adri soothed. “It’s all right, little one, you’re safe and sound.” The door creaked and she and Gil both looked up to see Ana standing there, Marianne holding her hand.

“There’s our treasure,” Gil smiled, beckoning to her. “Come up here, meet your little sister.”

Ana fidgeted nervously, but padded up onto the bed, settling on her father’s knee, peering warily at the bundle in her mother’s arms.

Adri smiled. “What do you think of her, sweetheart?”

Ana poked Henriette’s hand cautiously. “What’s her name, Maman?”

“Henriette,” Adri murmured. “Like Grand-mère, remember?”

Ana hesitated. “She’s…she’s okay…”

“You want to hold her, treasure?” Gil asked gently, quickly continuing when Adri gave him a terrified look. “I’ll help you hold your arms up, she’s a little heavy.” Ana looked reluctant, but she nodded, so Adri helped to settle Henriette into her arms, her father’s strong arms underneath.

“Hello,” Ana said, like she was trying to make a good first impression. “I’m Anastasie Louise Pauline du Motier de Lafayette.” Gil and Adri laughed and she looked outraged. They hurriedly consoled her, insisting they weren’t laughing at her, so she kept talking, after a glare at them. “I’m your big sister,” she sighed, gazing down at Henriette. “So I guess…I guess we’re gonna be best friends.”

Those words alone nearly made Adrienne start to cry, especially when Gil looked up at her, beaming. They sat and listened and cried silently, and listening to their little girl, who clearly wasn’t as little as they’d thought, talk to her new sister.

***

Adri had been dreading this for weeks. Dreading going to the airport with him, dreading watching him leave. She was half tempted to do what Ana had done and sneak things out of his suitcase, so he’d have to go hunting for his toothbrush, or his favorite sweater, or his boots. But she hadn’t. She’d helped him find all the missing items, helped him finish packing, helped him get ready to go. But now that they were here, standing in the airport, Ana grasping tightly to her leg, Henri still sleepily content in her sling, Adrienne wished she hadn’t.

Gil must’ve seen the look on her face, the one she was trying so hard to hide, because his eyes softened and he moved to hug her, chuckling when Henri squawked indignantly at being squished between her parents.

“It’ll be all right, my heart,” he whispered, holding Adri’s face, pressing his lips to her forehead. “I’ll call you as soon as I can.”

“I know.” She tried to smile, determined not to cry. They’d said their own goodbyes that morning, and she’d shed enough tears for both of them then. Gil kissed her softly, resting his forehead against hers for a long moment before pulling away, kneeling in front of Ana, who was determinedly not looking at him, frowning at the floor.

“Come on, treasure,” he coaxed, holding out his arms. “Don’t be angry, I’ll be back soon.”

“Don’t go,” Ana said, her voice angry but quivering.

“I wish I could take you with me,” Gil murmured. “I wish I could just pack you into my suitcase.”

Ana looked up, eyes skeptical. “Want a seat instead.”

Gil chuckled softly, taking her hands. “I’ll take you with me someday. We’ll go see anything you like, go anywhere. We’ll have an adventure.” Ana’s lip started to quiver, and Gil hugged her tight, stroking her curls. “Be good for Maman. Look after Henri, yes?”

“I will,” Ana nodded solemnly, kissing his cheek. “I love you, Papa.”

Gil squeezed his eyes shut, and Adri knew he was trying not to cry as he whispered that he loved her too, hugging her one more time before letting her go, straightening up just enough to kiss Henri’s head, making her face scrunch up.

“I love you too, little flower,” he said softly. “You behave yourself.”

Henriette only blinked at him with her big dark eyes, reaching out a little hand for him. Gil pressed a kiss to her palm, closing her hand back into a little fist.

“There you go,” he smiled. “Now you can take it with you.”

Adri gave him a tearful smile, though it fell as she heard the boarding call. “That’s you,” she sighed sadly. “You’d better go.”

Gil took a deep breath and nodded, kissing her again, maybe just a little too long for being in front of their children and a crowded airport. When he pulled back, he looked as though he was going to say something, then shook his head and kissed her one last time, quickly, before hurrying away.

Adri stayed there and watched him, watched his back until he was out of sight, bending down to comfort Ana, who had started to cry.

“It’s okay, my loves,” she murmured, because Henri had started to look frightened too. “We’ll see him soon.” She took Ana’s hand, holding it tightly. “Let’s go home.”

So yeah. Cherokee Rose is on and I am dying all over again because my babies are so damaged and pure in spite of it all and I love them so freaking much I'm sitting through rewatch number infinity to just hear Daryl's Carol voice and watch the magnificence of Melissa. She's so pretty when she cries. How even?

Also.


Baby Gleggie and Lori and Rick and that cute, disobedient little shit Carl.


My heart. 💔💔💔


This show used to hurt it in a good way.

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Oh hey you wanna feel like dying? Watch this video.