In Case You Needed to Hear It
This weird thing happened to me about 2 and a half weeks ago…and I’m still kind of dumbfounded by it, so I thought I’d share here:
If you’ve followed my blog for a while, you know I’ve had some seriously fucked up things happen in the last year and a half. I was hit by a drunk driver and broke 3 out of 4 limbs. I was then accused of being the drunk driver because of clerical error, and am still fighting to clear my own damn name from a felon database while about to go to court to reverse the indictment and the report… Thanks, State of ____.
For a really long time, I’ve been dwelling on how awful the situation is. It really pisses me off. It scares me. It upsets me in every way. It interrupts my life every day.
And then, a couple of weeks ago as I was thinking about how pissed I was about all of it, I suddenly had this thought: Despite the bad, I’m lucky as hell.
I’m lucky I survived. I’m lucky I can walk again. I’m lucky to know now what it’s like to be a prisoner inside your own body; and a prisoner inside a broken justice system…Because that gives me insight into parts of the human psyche I would’ve never known before, and that I need to know for my purpose (my job/career/choice in life). It has made me better at my work, and has allowed me to help reach people deep down who I never could have understood before - despite my efforts.
I’m lucky that after I was broken to bits, I was able to rebuild…and rebuild in a way I had never anticipated. I left a place in my life that was - if not destroying me, then definitely not allowing me to grow - and go somewhere that fulfills my spirit. I met my Twin Flame the Yule after the accident…as I was told I would. I wouldn’t have been in the position to do so if I’d not experienced that night on the road; or the aftermath of bullshit that followed.
And I’m lucky that, somehow, even though I’m being pursued by injustice, the Gods have seen it fit to provide me with a purpose and support system I wouldn’t have had if things had gone “as normal.”
There’s nothing normal about what has happened. But I think I spent a lot of time distracted by how bad it could be…and I was missing how amazing it really was that all this destruction made room for a new world for me. A new me, even.
I’m not completely sure why I decided to share this. Usually though when I have some kind of epiphany like this and it still circles around in my head, it’s because I haven’t told someone who also needs to hear it. So, hopefully you’re hearing it now if that’s what you needed.
Things might have been bad. They might still be bad. They might even get worse. But, just because bad things have happened doesn’t mean it wasn’t for something greater or better. I know it hurts. I know it’s terrifying. I know that right now, you may not be able to see that any good could ever come of it; or that you’ll ever be happy again. I know you might feel like you will never come out of it; that this thing has ruined you. It hasn’t. It ruined who you were. Now, my love, you’re someone else. Take your scars and what others have done to you, and make that give you strength. Because we only grow strong when under pressure, much like diamonds.
Hold strong. Keep fighting. The Universe provides support when you’re ready.