my-dad-is-cray

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The Gamble of Two Kings ― In the Tale of Pak Belalang The (Fake) Fortuneteller, when an army from Masai along with its Sultan arrived in Beringin Rendang, the kingdom braced for war. Instead, the Sultan of Masai challenged the Sultan of Beringin Rendang for a match of wits between their Royal Fortunetellers with their own kingdom as the prize. Confident with the abilities of his Royal Fortuneteller, Pak Belalang, the Sultan of Beringin Rendang agreed. 

The riddles, given by the Masai Sultan’s Royal Fortuneteller were: How can you differentiate between the root and the branch of a stick nicely carved with equal width? How can you tell the sexes of two newly-hatched ducklings? What is the answer to this riddle: One is many, two is sometimes, three is infrequent, four is rare? Where does the strength of Admiral Hang Tuah lie: In his keris or his spirit?

Pak Belalang was given a night to meditate the answers. He went home and started packing. He asked his son to go to the pier and find a boat to smuggle in. At the pier, his son, spotted the Masai Sultan going on a boat with his Royal Fortuneteller and he managed to hide on it. His son overheard the answers to the riddles after the Masai Sultan begged his Royal Fortuneteller to confide him. His son went back home and relayed what he heard to his father. Overjoyed, Pak Belalang didn’t run away and came back to answer the riddles the next day. His Sultan won the wager and gained a kingdom. (answers

That awkward moment when your Dad is more entertaining than almost any of the people you've met anywhere.
  • Dad: Wouldn't it be awesome if I got a tiny hammer and ran around throwing it at people?
  • Me: ...
  • Dad: I could be like Thor!
  • Me: Halloween is coming up.
  • Dad: Yeah, those trick or treaters won't know what hit 'em!
  • Me: I think the hammer shaped cranial wounds might give it away.
  • Dad: Mjolly don't shoot to kill.
  • Me: ...
  • Dad: She's a lover, not a fighter.
  • Me: ...

I should start compiling a list of random things that my father blurts out because he is such a child omg

Here are a few choice examples:

  • We should all save up and change our names without telling anybody. You can be Sherlock Winchester and I’ll be Odie McCrumpet. We can sign them on official documents and everyone will be so confused
  • Now your career choices are entirely up to you, but I think you would make a great assassin.
  • God, that Romney guy’s a bit of a fish.
  • What if we just hired costumes and went about our daily lives acting completely normal but like, dressed as Wonderwomen
  • My late friend Jeffrey had a drag queen parade at his funeral, do you want to see the video?
  • I bought an accordion for my new band but I don’t know how to play it. Can I keep it in your room?
  • The cat looks too white. We should dye pink spots on her.
  • I WATCHED DEATH’S DOOR AND I CAN’T STOP CRYING
  • Yeah, well I met Martin Freeman and you didn’t.
  • Don’t come crying to me about having Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds stuck in your head for three days, I’ve had it stuck in my head for three decades
  • You should go and study on the roof

Like my dad is the physical manifestation of a nightblogger and he can’t even use the internet

My dad has serious problems...

I’m sitting in the living room with my dad and I’m watching tv and he’s preparing his heroclix team for a tournament tomorrow (yes, my dad is a 42 years old grown up adult with lots of responsibilities and he’s the biggest geek I know) and yeah so we’re sitting here not even talking and he looks at me and goes “YOU TALKIN TO ME?!?” And then starts humming red red wine by Bob Marley… Ok dad…