my-cousin's-work

Southern Names: Folks From My Town Edition

Here’s a few more names for your inspiration. These are inspired by actual people, living or deceased, in my town.

Boone: a nickname for my cousin Daniel who works in construction in a town more than half an hour away.

Bertram: My grandfather, a cattle farmer’s, name. 

Annette: My grandmother, has extremely thick and long hair. 

Pinky: A nickname for my great-aunt Mary, because there are too many people with that name.

Libby:  A woman in her 90s that goes to church with my grandmother and always sends cards out on the holidays.

Carlton: Libby’s husband, also in his 90s, never in a bad mood. 

Laverne: A woman in her 70s who keeps her hair dyed bright red. 

Aleta: The woman who runs a hair salon out of her house, but not legally.

Brandi: A trashy young mother of three who cheats on her husband when he’s deployed by the military, and everyone knows about it except him.

Deborah: My step-aunt, runs an impromptu child care center for almost every family in town. 

Janna: Resident young-adult meth head, has wrecked two cars in 6 months. 

Tammy: The most horrible woman you will ever meet, plays organ for the church.

Twyla (Twylita): A bit intimidating but secretly very kind, leads the church choir and volunteers for the high school marching band. 

Connie and Kaye: Twins who look nothing alike, but all of their kids look alike. 

Harrison: The redheaded twenty something that almost every girl had a crush on in their childhood. 

Presley: Harrison’s younger brother, literally might be the devil.

Jedd: A young man who used to work for my grandfather when he was a teenager.

Lonnie: My great-grandfathers name. 

Verse: Pronounced “Ver-see”, my great-grandmother, Lonnie’s wife. 

handprintonmyheartx  asked:

So in my friend's Irish class the teacher(who is my cousin) is doing oral work with them and asks what they did over the weekend Student: chonaic me an telefis. Teacher: cad a feacain tu ar an telefis Student: chonaic me... Teacher: Stephen I don't care if you were watching porn just get the verb right

EFFECTIVE TEACHING I GUESS

“Found an old digital camera in my basement today and fired it up for the first time in 5 years. Found this photo. Before Impractical Jokers ever premiered Tru TV paid to have these ads posted all over Manhattan. Some friends and I went out and took pictures and did a shot every time we found one. We got very drunk that day as Tru put a lot into advertising that first season.
I know this was on the corner of Great Jones Street in Manhattan, because my cousin and some friends worked in the firehouse there and they were so happy for me. Also made fun of me a lot, which is how firemen (and men in general) express affection and pride.
What I really about this pictures the fact that I’m wearing boot-cut jeans. Boot-cut jeans are the manliest of jeans.” –Brian “Q” Quinn. Taken from his Facebook.

Ten Years (Part 2)

Summary: AU. When a major account is on the line at work, reader is forced to revisit some old connections at her ten year high school reunion for a chance at success. Will she let the past consume her, or will she see the future in her grasp?

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x reader

Word Count: 2,367

Warnings: language, snark, memories of cheaters

A/N: I usually like to have Nat be the schemer, but I’m liking Wanda as this bleeding heart hopeless romantic here. I hope you do, too!

Part: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8

Originally posted by heartsandwheels

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anonymous asked:

Not me, my cousin used to work as a waitress at a B&B. When it came to tips they used to share them equally between servers, which wasn't so bad except the other girl she was always on with was incredibly rude and never actually worked unless forced. My cousin would get £100 - £200 in tips and get less than half that due to having to share with lazy, as well as management (who hardly served.) She had to start hiding her larger tips as she was earning less than minimum wage and needed the cash.

Star Trek TOS crew as members of my extended family

Kirk: my 30-something cousin who shoved an entire full-sized cupcake in his mouth to prove he could eat it faster than his 4 year old nephew

Spock: my cousin who owns multiple hairless cats and WILL sit you down during family barbecues to talk to you about them at length

Sulu: my cousin who left his promising career in theatre to become a puppeteer and start his own business making puppets

Chekov: my 6 year old cousin who got way too excited about fireworks last canada day and asked for an alarming amount of sparklers

Uhura: my grandma who danced with a member of hells angels at a wedding and described him as being “a very nice young man”

Scotty: my uncle who built a plane in his garage and had to dismantle it because he couldn’t figure out how to get it out

Bones: my cousin who works as a kindergarten teacher and has four children of her own and is literally always tired

this weirdo perv guy that just started working at a restaurant my cousin works at has been hitting on her and trying to make moves, but she’s clearly not interested. so she tells me he’s 34 and even when she lies and tells him she’s 17, in hopes that he will back up, he still makes it a mission to get like inches away from her and get real predatory.

SO she got her older sister and I tagged along to see what would happen and her sister gave it to him and I’m yelling !!!! I didn’t know she had it in her!! Yes!! Protect your own. I’m proud.

The Fitting (Part 9)

(Jungkook’s jealous and acting out.)

Warnings:  99.9% angst, 0.1% fluff, 0% actual smut.  We do have implied smut and sex related angst.


2:15pm  We should talk about this.

2:16pm  I can explain.

2:23pm  It’s not what you think it is.

2:25pm  I’m only meeting him because I promised my cousin.

2:33pm  I’m not dating him. It’s a one-time thing.

2:40pm  If you would give me a chance to explain, you would see it’s not a big deal.

2:44pm  You are over-reacting.

2:46pm  Why aren’t you responding?

2:51pm  I only agreed to the date to keep up appearances. It’s not that serious.

3:01pm  Will you please just call me or text me or something?

You had been texting Jungkook for the past 45 minutes but got no reply.  The irony that you were now the one staring at your phone waiting for a response was not lost on you.  He would be leaving to go to the concert hall for sound check and rehearsal in a few minutes, so you gave up hope that he would contact you to talk about this anytime soon. 

Telling Jungkook right away about the date you had planned would have been the right thing to do, but it never occurred to you.  When you made the date with the other guy, you and Jungkook had only been together for a couple days.  At the time, you had no idea that things would escalate so quickly.  Besides, you thought, this shouldn’t even be that big of a deal. 

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  • Dallas: Ay, Johnny, you're Italian, right?
  • Johnny: Yeah. Why?
  • Dallas: Ya wanna go to an Italian restaurant? On me?
  • Johnny: Sure! Which one?
  • Dallas: Uh... Olive Garden...?
  • Johnny:
  • Dallas:
  • Johnny:
  • Dallas:
  • Johnny: You uncultured swine I thought you loved me.

anonymous asked:

My cousin works as a dancer and was a stripper at one point in Vegas. She was working at a club during the night bigbang was in Los Vegas. I only recently got her into kpop and when i showed her bigbang she gasped and was like "i met them!! I remember meeting them!!" She said they were shy and allusive but once they got comfortable in the crowd and around the strippers they became very open and loose God im so mad at her 😂 she didnt even realize it!!

OH MA GAAAWDDDDD DKKEJDKSKSBSBSISJ
SHY DADS!!!!!!!! i love it. i feel like gd & seungri could warm up really easily bc idk they party alot??? but dae, yb, and tabi would be extra shy.
UGH WHY COULDNT I HAVE BEEN A STRIPPER AT THE TIME??????

My Quick Fantasy #3: My Cousins

My cousins, Wes and Jeremy, were like brothers to me growing up. Jeremy was the oldest, followed by Wes and me as the youngest. We were like true best friends. When we were younger, Jeremy would like to play around after everyone had gone to bed. He would show Wes and I how to jerk off and suck each other’s dicks. Sometimes the three of us would sit on the bed and jerk off to the biggest cocks we could find on the Internet. We spent hours surfing the web for gay porn and blowing our loads. I always admired the size of Jeremy’s dick compared to Wes and I. Even at a young age, he had a dick almost the size of a grown man. One day Jeremy told me that he and Wes were going to be moving. I was devastated for I knew our evenings of boy bonding were coming to an end. 

10 years later…

I was ecstatic to find out Jeremy and Wes were coming to visit. It had been so long since I’ve seen them and till this day I still thought about our nights of sucking dick and jerking off. When my cousins arrived, Wes was the first to walk in the door. He was much taller now, with a muscular-swimmers body, deeper voice and striking dark eyes. I greeted him with excitement. As I gave Wes a hug, Jeremy slowly walked in the door. My mouth dropped. Jeremy was now about 6′2, big muscular arms and chest, big thick muscle legs and a huge fat bubble butt. I got an instant boner just seeing my cousins all grown up. Jeremy smiled at me and gave me a hug, slowly reaching down and grabbing my ass. Wes smiled back and slightly rubbed his crotch. 

That night the three of us were in my room getting ready for bed. Jeremy took off his pants and revealed the outline of his bulge stretching through his boxer briefs. I tried not to look, but I couldn’t resist checking it out. I couldn’t believe how big his package was. Wes came up behind me, reached around and rubbed my growing cock through my shorts. Jeremy smirked and asked “I bet you missed this, huh?” I nodded with excitement. Jeremy pulled down his boxer briefs to reveal his HUGE, fat cock and big plump balls. It must have been more than twice the size when I last saw it 10 years ago. I fell to my knees and buried my face in his massive manhood. His cock barely fit in my mouth now compared to when we were younger. Wes stripped behind me and crawled onto the bed. Sticking his bubble butt in the air, Wes said “Come on bro, let’s show our cousin how much we’ve grown up”. Jeremy smiled and walked over to Wes, his big balls heavily swinging between his muscle legs. Jeremy took his fat cock and pushed it deep inside Wes’ butt. With a loud moan, he began to fuck his brother hard. 

I sat on the floor with my pants off, jerking my cock as I watched my cousins fuck like two giant men. Jeremy’s massive butt bounced with every deep thrust. I kept thinking about our younger days of fooling around and now seeing the real men my cousins have become. After a few minutes of fucking, Jeremy pulled out and invited me onto the bed. He lubed up my raging hard cock and told me to lay down. To my surprise, Jeremy got on top of me and took my cock deep into his ass. He seemed like a giant looking down on me with his big muscular chest and arms. His fat cock rested on my chest as he began to ride my cock slowly. It felt so good as I squeezed his ass. All of a sudden, I felt a tightness in Jeremy’s hole. I looked around and saw Wes also sticking his cock up Jeremy’s butt. Jeremy moaned and told us to fuck him hard. The two of us began to fuck Jeremy’s huge muscle ass like rabbits, feeling our cocks rub together deep inside. 

We fucked for hours that night, taking turns on each other, in every position we could think of. At the end Jeremy and Wes stood above me and blew their loads over my chest. Then Jeremy got down and took my cock in his mouth while Wes licked my balls. My cousins went to work on me as I felt my cum rising, my body twitching with pleasure. Finally I blew a huge load in Jeremy’s mouth, watching him swallow all my cum. 

The three of us laid on the bed naked and out of breathe. it was great to see my cousins again. They truly are my best friends. 

More fantasies to cum…

anonymous asked:

Are we talking about names now?? My cousin's mother-in-law works for a school district and has understandably seen a lot of strange spellings for different names. But one takes the cake, imo. It's spelled La-a. I'll give that a moment to sink in....

It’s pronounced Ladasha. Everyone I know ‘knows a teacher with a La-a in her class.’


A short list of names that I have witnessed being attributed to small children:

Dagger (which I think is awesome)

Tractor

Dirt

Gun


These are very Ohio names. 

Rattled - Part 2

A/N: Merry Christmas and happy holidays :)  I finally got some inspiration for part 2 (there will be a part 3!) for my Feysand train AU and got everything written down!  So here it is.  I hope you enjoy some Feysand banter and fluff @rhysndtrash & @vanilla28

[Part 3]


Feyre offers a perfunctory wave to her early bird neighbor as the greying man stooped with some difficulty to retrieve his morning paper.  Turning her attention back to the task at hand, she shifts her soft leather bag higher on her shoulder and carefully holds her steaming travel mug aloft while her other hand ensures the double locks on her front door slides into place.  I’ll see you again in around fourteen hours my lovely bed.

Tossing her keys into their customary pocket in her purse, Feyre blindly walks the path that would bring her to the just sun kissed streets still empty of the early morning rush.

Thursdays are often early mornings, as one of her duties is to arrive in time to accept all new shipments and oversee loans to other galleries and the occasional art museum, plus the odd sale to dealers and collectors.  Despite her distaste for waking with the sun, there’s something beautiful about being one of the first to see Velaris as the calling birds shoot across the sky, eager squirrels skittering over the cobblestones, and the first blush of fresh baked bread filling the new day.

Pulled from her musings by a bright chirp, Feyre shuffles around the center of her admittedly disorganized purse to find her phone and a waiting message from Mor.

are u sure u dont want it?

im going on record saying this is the most stubborn u have ever been

Rolling her eyes Feyre shoots off a quick answer – yes, busybody.  I’m sure

This had become Mor’s new way to greet Feyre when they texted, or called, or one time sent actual paper letters that she had paid for postage to harass her poor hard working friend into accepting Rhysand’s phone number.

And it’s not that she doesn’t want it.  Because at least some small – or perhaps very large and enamored – part of her really wants it and wants to rip open the buttons on that carefully tailored black dress shirt that hugged his –

It’s not like things hadn’t been heading in that direction; but they got separated at the train snack bar and then she’d been ushered from the train by a conductor determined to keep on schedule, barely giving her a chance to grab her bags from her depressingly empty compartment.

She’d managed to tamp down her disappointment, figuring if it was meant to be they wouldn’t have been so strangely separated.  In fact, the strangeness was a tick in favor of not being meant to be.  But Meddling Morrigan quickly told Feyre where she could shove her ‘meant to be nonsense.’

Still, she didn’t force the phone number on Feyre, which she is grateful for.  Despite her flirtation and momentary infatuation, she’s still gun shy, and Mor is good enough to understand.  But that doesn’t mean she’s going to let the issue go.  Which is why another text sounds from the phone clenched in her free hand.

u r perfect for each other

which I told u

and then I was proven right

by ur unmitigated chemistry

so you can spell unmitigated out but not ‘you’

says the girl who uses quotes in casual texts

Feyre rolld her eyes but smiles nonetheless as she responds,

why are you even awake

gym with Az

is this thumb day

nah.  im on the treadmill.  multitasking my child

Before she has a chance to respond, Feyre finds her face smashed against a tightly muscled form covered in a light sheen of sweat that would’ve been gross if not for the violet eyes that glint down at her, “I was hoping we’d run into each other,” he drawls, meticulously drinking in her form before continuing with a smirk, “though I didn’t consider whether we would do so literally.”

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Explosions in my city arena
My cousin worked there, and just quit earlier today

They’re passing it off as a speaker blowout at, but explosions confirmed.

Confirmed fatalities.

My thoughts are with everyone who attended the Ariana Grande concert tonight, Holiday Inn has taken in 50+ children who have become separated from their parents and guardians. Roads closed off and the police have instructed civilians to avoid the arena.

Among fatalities are young children.

fact: random, little gestures of people letting you know they love you and are thinking of you are the sweetest things in the whole entire world

My first house

threshthewarden Submitted:

I’ve always loved reading peoples ghost stories about extreme encounters they’ve had, just to give myself chills. However I never expected to be the one writing about it. I’ve had countless paranormal things happen throughout my life, most were minor though. Near the end of my senior year in high school I started messing around with Ouija boards and other stuff as well. Most of my paranormal experiences after this were more serious, a lot more terrifying. After my freshman year in college I started working at the local grocery store, and started looking for a place to rent with my cousin. Well it just so happened that an old family friend had lost a loved one a few months ago and inherited the house. They had no plan on using the house for anything, so I decided to ask if we could rent it. We worked out a payment agreement and began cleaning up the house within weeks to move in.

At first everything was great, it was a whole new chapter in my life. So I decided to invite some friends over to chill. We went to town that night and got back around 12AM. I had to work the next morning so we all decided to call it a night. The next day my friends went home before nightfall and I found myself alone in the house as my cousin stayed out late most nights. As I was sitting on my computer that night I felt uneasy, almost like someone was standing over my shoulder. I shook it off as exhaustion as it was getting late and I had worked nine hours that day. The bedroom had a mini hallway and the door to the bathroom was directly across from it, about two steps away if you were at the bedroom door. As I tried to sleep that night I felt a presence just standing at the bathroom door.

A month had passed and I would almost feel the presence every night. I was getting home from another afternoon shift at work, so it was already dark outside. I decided to just brush my teeth and go to bed. I wish I hadn’t. We had two mirrors in the bathroom angled in a way that you could see the side mirror from the main one, if that makes any sense. Anyways I started brushing my teeth looking into the main mirror of course, when something catches my eye. The reflection of myself in the side mirror was just staring at me, not moving. I leaned in all kinds of awkward positions trying to get it to move, to convince myself I was just seeing things, but I wasn’t. 

A few days after the mirror event I was talking to one of my friends who had spent the night at my house. I told him what happened and he stopped for a moment. He then began to tell me that he and my other friend had felt the presence of someone standing at the bathroom door that night. I normally tried to ignore it, but I think it just made it angrier in the end.

Another month had passed and things grew even worse, loud banging at night, doors opening and closing, and to me the scariest of all was the face with no eyes that would appear behind the locked door.(It had a single rectangular window in the middle of the door) As I said previously, I have had many encounters, more than just normal ones, but this has been the scariest moment of my life to this very day. I went to bed with an uneasy feeling, the presence was standing right beside my bed, which it had never done before. I eventually fell asleep only to wake up at 6AM to hear the sound of my cousin leaving for work. I normally don’t wake up that early so I was about to get a few more hours of sleep before I left for work myself. That’s when my chest started to go numb, all of a sudden I was flipped over onto my back. Then it pushed me off of the bed, but not onto the floor. I was floating about an inch or two off of the ground, my body was still on its back, completely straight, and the only body part I could move was my head, everything else was being held down. Then it started to drag me,slowly out of the bedroom, down the hall, and into the living room where it started to place me in the center. I was looking around frantically, I didn’t normally pray but I was trying anything to save myself. Just as it stopped moving me, I heard the front door open. It moved me with haste this time, back into the bedroom and threw me back into the bed. Still in shock I was trying to comprehend why it brought me back when I realized that my cousin had came back in. He must have found what he came back for because he was leaving out the front door almost instantly. After he left my chest started to go numb again, I jumped out of the bed, grabbed my work clothes(which I had set out previously) and scrambled out of that house as fast as I could. 

I moved out shortly after that, although I had not had time to gather all of my belongings yet. Shortly after some friends and I were eating at a local restaurant when I got a phone call, the house was on fire. We jumped into my truck and went to the house immediately. I watched the house burn to ashes, the fire department later informed me that it was an electrical fire, but deep down I don’t believe that was the truth. It happened to burn down near the same time my cousin and I would be asleep before work the next day. To this day I believe whatever was in that house tried to burn us with it.

Fuck Yeah Nightmares Moderator Gracie:10/10 Seeing that face with no eyes,Being dragged and then the house burning down…Wow…Thanks for the chills and scares!

Please imagine Bittyparse where Bitty is a volunteer at an animal shelter that Kent visits all the time. They strike up an unlikely friendship and Bitty tells Kent all about his relationship woes, or his lack of relationship woes, and Kent takes it upon himself to not only give Bitty dating advice but also to set him up with eligible bachelors.

Every date ends pretty terribly, and just when Bitty decides to give up on dating for a while, Kent steps in and says that he’ll take Bitty on a proper date, so that he can look less sad. And Bitty, who’s pretty much pining for Kent at this point, jumps at a chance to spend just one romantic night with him.

It was an amazing date and Kent almost asks for one more when he remembers that this was all just a friendly thing, so he gives Bitty a platonic Bro-bump and drops him off at his place. 

Bitty sighs as he watches Kent drive away. 

Conversation btw Bitty and Shitty:

Bitty: He’s so out of my league!

Shitty: Brah, I set you up with my cousin who works in fucking Wall Street and you turned him down for a second date, and Kent Parson’s the one out of your league? 

Bitty: But he only pities me, I can’t actually seriously ask him out or things will go sour between us. And I don’t know a lot of people here so I really don’t want to fuck wit our friendship.

Shitty: Everyone loves you, Bits! Don’t worry about him, if he’s a chill guy like you said, even if he turns you down it’ll be fine. If he’s not chill, then fuck his friendship anyway. 

Bitty: Shitty UnU