my-body-is-my-desire

This Is NOT What Trans Looks Like.

This is me: Devin-Norelle an androgynous identifying, person of trans- masculine experience. My body, my transition, my passing privilege is desirable among many.
But I AM NOT what trans looks like.
I am not other trans/gnc folks who have no desire for hormones, or surgery.

I am not the person who lacks the opportunity to obtain hormones or will never be capable of embodying certain passing privileges.
I am sometimes not the non-passing gender-fluid person who is harassed on the street because of their ambiguity.

I am not a representation of all trans folx, nor will I ever be.

The trans masculine community & some of it’s visible leaders are sometimes so enthralled by cisgender conforming standards. We tend to celebrate one prosaic representation: masculine bodies, men with visible beards,and folx that pass.
But the trajectory of our individual lives, & our actual lived experiences are indefinite; each of us eclipses these materialistic standards.

My shero @lavernecox said, “We need diverse media representations of trans folks to multiply trans narratives in the media and depict our beautiful diversities.” I’d like to add the inclusion of diversity isn’t limited to just the media. Following in the footsteps of Laverne and Janet, trans-masc leaders can do more to acknowledge the abundance of gender identities &  expressions Let’s transition the conversation. Uplift the narratives of those who don’t fit the definition of “normal.” Reject exclusionary dialogue of identities. It is easy to blend in. It takes strength to stand up in solidarity with folx who have no voice or lost their voice in death because they were not deemed acceptable.

Normalize non-conforming beauty standards. Include more representation for the disability community. Bring more attention to femme, trans femme & AMAB folx who are constantly victims of violence. Discuss how trans-masculine folx can elevate trans-fem folx. Hold dialogue about the shortage of hormones, especially of estrogen, & how this is violence.

Lets celebrate our diversity. Let’s celebrate our lives. Let’s celebrate our beauty. Let’s celebrate striving to be our most authentic selves, regardless of the path taken or not taken.

This^ IS what Trans look like. We are trans men. We are trans women. We are gender non-conforming. We are bigender. We are agender. We are of different ethnicities and racial backgrounds. We exists in all shapes in sizes. Our gender presentations may vary, our identities are fluid, our expressions are unique, but we are all beautiful. “Trans people are exactly who they say they are, no matter what the culture or media would lead us to believe.” -@JanetMock

This too is what trans looks likes. Often times, trans is a story of sorrow, loss, pain and suffering. Many Trans women of color (TWOC) have lost their lives at the hands of others simply for living their truth. Their deaths are daily reminders that trans lives are not valued. Trans Women of Color in particular are subjected to such violence because they are black (or POC), are often times living below poverty, do not have access to certain health care that would help them pass, or are victims of transmisogyny (transphobia + sexism). 

Several women have been killed because because of the false stereotype that they are gay men attempting to deceive straight men. The alarming rates of their deaths is also evidence that the most marginalized people of society are discriminated against for their existence. 19 Trans people have died this year, including 14 Trans women of color. The women above were killed during the summer of 2016. The deaths of these beautiful people become more difficult to read about each time, but their narratives are part of our truth  and must be told. 

#SayTheirNames (Above) Rest in Power Rae'Lynn Thomas, Erykah Tijernia, Skyee Mockabee, Dee Whigham, Deeniquia Dodds, Goddess Diamond, Mercedes Successful, Tyreece ‘Reecey’ Walker.

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AMAB: Assigned male at birth. (sources linked)

Trans Feminine refers to anyone with a feminine-of-center identity, especially those not assigned female at birth. This includes male-to-female transwomen, feminine-identified genderqueers, and others whose fabulousness cannot be defined.  (source linked)

Trans Masculine refers to anyone with a masculine-of-center identity, especially those not assigned male at birth. This includes female-to-male transmen, masculine-identified genderqueers, and others whose fabulousness cannot be defined. (source linked)

Transmisogyny:  the negative attitudes, expressed through cultural hate, individual and state violence, and discrimination directed toward trans women and trans and gender non-conforming people on the feminine end of the gender spectrum. (source linked)

My body tells you things,
whether or not you are listening.

It speaks of storms, thunder, strength,
I could move mountains
in the blink of an eye.

It speaks of shameless desire,
controlled lust and choosey allure.
It is not a minefield,
it is not up for debate.

My body may not say
the same things your body does,
but my body is not your business.

—  Michelle K., My Body.
THE SIGNS AS JOHN MAYER SONGS

Aries: Edge of Desire // “Just come over and lie here with me 'cause I’m about to set fire to everything I see, I want you so bad I’ll go back on the things I believe”

Taurus: If I Ever Get Around to Living // “If I ever get around to living, it’s gonna be just like I dreamed. I’m gonna take the love I’m given and set it free”

Gemini: Stop This Train // “So scared of getting older, I’m only good at being young, so I play the numbers game to find a way to say that life has just begun”

Cancer: Heartbreak Warfare // “How come the only way to know how high you get me is to see how far I fall? God only knows how much I’d love you if you let me but I can’t break through it all.”

Leo: Half of my Heart // “I was made to believe I’d never love somebody else. I made a plan, stay the man who can only love himself”

Virgo: Another Kind of Green // “You don’t need to lose to know that you had it good”

Libra: The Heart of Life // “Pain throws your heart to the ground, love turns the whole thing around, fear is a friend who’s misunderstood”

Scorpio: Who Says // “Who says I can’t be free from all of the things that I used to be?”

Sagittarius: Bigger Than My Body // “Someday I’ll fly, someday I’ll soar, someday I’ll be so damn much more ‘cause I’m bigger than my body gives me credit for”

Capricorn: Shadow Days // “You find yourself alone just like you found yourself before, like I found myself in pieces on the hotel floor”

Aquarius: No Such Thing // “They love to tell you ‘Stay inside the lines’, but something’s better on the other side”

Pisces: Who You Love // “You can’t make yourself stop dreaming who you’re dreaming of if it’s who you love.”

REASONS I HAVE SEEN MAGIC MIKE XXL FOUR TIMES
  • it releases the same endorphins in my brain that heroin does, probably
  • I don’t find Channing Tatum attractive particularly but I can’t stop looking at him?? he just seems so charming???
  • I still can’t pronounce Joe Manganiello’s last name and seeing this movie repeatedly will help reinforce his face in my brain (these are related, I swear)
  • never once did I feel like my body was a punchline
  • never once did I feel like my sexual desires were a punchline
  • powerful cougar goddess Andie MacDowell’s deep af vagina is the Cinderella penis slipper for Richie of the worryingly large dick and that in and of itself seems like a feminist victory
  • Michael Strahan leaps bodily over a prone woman while covered in baby oil
  • it has helped me discover a heretofore unknown nuance of my sexuality, which is “Jada Pinkett Smith tacitly approving of Channing Tatum’s stripper moves"
  • never before would I have believed a hover threesome possible
  • that girl who gets left in a sex swing for fifteen minutes brings me such extreme joy. what were you thinking, girl in a swing? could you see the Main Event? did you cramp? were you too overjoyed to do anything but swing gently in the breeze?
  • Adam Rodriguez tho
  • we’re all supposed to believe that Matt Bomer is straight in this movie and we enter into this collective delusion with joy even though a straight man has never worn a sarong that well
  • Channing Tatum puts unnecessary drill holes in his nice table just because we want to see him dance to “pony” again, thank you channing
  • I want to bring everyone I know to see this movie, and so every time someone says “oh I haven’t seen it yet,” I immediately make plans to see it with them
  • I thought Roxane Gay was maybe exaggerating a little when she said that women in the theater threw dollar bills at the screen, but then that happened in one of the theaters I went to, and now I believe in a higher power and will never doubt Roxane Gay again
  • all of the extras are us and we are all of the extras, and by the third viewing you can watch their faces and know that the expressions they have and the expressions you have are the same, We Are One in this
  • Donald Glover is forced to say things that aren’t deeply obnoxious
  • it’s so important
I love ...

without knowing how,
I love with the depths of my soul,
I love with all I am & all I have,
I love without eyes or sound,
for my love is blind & deaf.
I love with the gentleness of my heart.
I love with the only passion known to me.
I love with desire of u & me.
I love so much that we as two become one.
I love without judgement.
I love with mind, body & soul.
I love in sickness & in health for all eternity for all that I am
all that I have & all that I will ever be
I am forever yours.

The male form in motion

The male form in motion

I’ve got to admit, just as much as society thinks that men like to watch women moving the same is equally true in reverse. Of late I’ve been shown two gif sets that just left me staring like a hypnotised puppy.

I…

Mean…

How…

Can…

You…

Not…

So yes, we like looking, admiring, dare I say it…perving…at the male form as it moves. It can be quite enticing, hypnotising *coughs*arousing*coughs*

And…

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I was his, completely his, every piece of my body belonged to him, and especially my mind, he knew how to be desired and how to pass my constant desire that I had for him. He played with my body like no one since then had done, I lost in the ecstasy of pleasure, I just wanted him to never stop.

hahahahah,

What did I tell y'all about dominance and submission? Man, President Panty Dropper was back in the house!!! 

There isn’t ever a single moment in a sexual relationship where I’m not considering how my body and its size affect the desirability of my partner toward me. Dating involves so much consideration of sexual capital, and if you’ve been granted any, navigations of how to yield it and wield it. Sometimes, as a queer fat femme, I think about monogamy—a concept in my community that is sort of frowned upon—as a comforting insurance that you’re desired. The thought of sexual desire as abundant is a real fucking privilege. I have reservations about the concept of dating around, reservations that stem from the internalized socialization I fight every day that tells me my body is undesirable. The unattractiveness of dating around because of internalized shame re: my body as not desirable. What does it even mean to date around? Aren’t I supposed to be lucky if I get one date?
10

Child of Gondolin

also: The Superlatively Superfluous Adventures of Legolas (and Tauriel)

Dateline: Gundabad 14.5

2

“I wasn't meant to look beautiful,
I was meant to look like art.
I was meant to make you feel something
real, that came from the heart.
But all you were looking at were the 
curves of my body.
The curves of my smile meant
nothing to nobody.”

-haven’t been able to write for ages, hence this short, awful extract with terrible hand writing