In other news, my diploma is in the mail.

I was visiting my parents this weekend and talking about my degree makes my dad tear up with pride. Like, this is a big deal to him. It is to me as well, of course, but to my parents… They have seen me go through my life givong up passion after passion when things to tough. But not this time. This time I stuck to my plan, worked through the rough patches. I have the highest certified academic degree in the family, even higher than my dad, who is a neurologist - but that is not the point. The point is that I completed a 5+ year long project.

And they gave me a huge amount of money as a graduation gift. “To be used for pleasure, not life expenses.” In other words, I will finally keep a promise I made to Mattias many years ago because the honeymoon destination will be Japan. 😍


Here’s my “Meet the Artist” post in the meantime ;)

The break definitely went well. My semester has officially started and let me tell you, it’s going to be rough. Literally. At least half my classes are going to involve fieldwork so that’s going to be an adjustment from the typical lab settings I’ve been used to the last couple years. 

While I was on a Tumblr and Twitter fast, I was also pretty much on an ML fast as well, mostly because I know how easily distracted I can be and I figured I needed to focus this week both on my spiritual and academic parts of my life. 

But I am definitely glad to be back! Hope to make more art despite the upcoming heavy schedule • u •)b ~*

Note: this is slightly inaccurate because I’m turning 23 in exactly one month xD

well poop. i’ve been going through a crappy situation for the past few days, and honestly, it’s draining me. i hate it. it’s blocking me from doing the things i want to do. i don’t think i can conquer it completely rn, but what i can do is prevent it from living my life!!! so here is my guide 2 how i am gna do dis:

simple things

  • i’m kind of at that point where i don’t wna do anything bc i am just so down but this is sO dumb literally 0/10 would recommend
  • take a shower!! it is so calming and metaphorical like u rinse dirt off ur body n u rinse dirt off ur mind yk
  • get out of ur bed
  • make sure ur body is in tip top physical shape aka
    • eat
    • drink
    • make sure ur temp is right (esp bc summer!!! my lord it is hot)
  • stop playing dat sad music i recommend music that u looOooOoOove (4 me it is kpop idk sm of it is trash ik but like it just gets me feeling pumped~~)
  • pls get out of ur bed. ik it is warm. ik it is comfy. ik u feel invincible there. ik u say to urself that u can get out of bed later. bc u could. but just get out and then stay out of it just to prove to me that u can, ok. bc if u stay there 2 long u do nothing and nothing happens

cheering up

  • do something u RLLY like n that makes u smile a lot. 4 me this is reading chick lit like holy crap sophie kinsella gives me warm n fuzzy feels (i rec all her books bc they r just warm fuzzies ok)
  • (if ur crappy situation is a RL situation that u need 2 fix): ignore it for a bit. just a bit. idk how long is good for u. but u need to cool down, get ur spirits back up b4 u can deal w/it properly, ok? ok.
  • go 4 a walk. i find that even if ur in a crappy mood at the beginning of a walk being in nature can help. i mean smtimes i get super annoyed bc mosquitos bugs heat whtvr but yk just get sm fresh air
  • hey do smthing productive!! ik it is summer n no schoolwork but maybe u have sm schoolwork n just take a tiny step towards doing it or update ur resume or do smthing productive it can distract u + make u feel accomplished = win win 

actually fixing ur crappy situation

  • b sure that u r calm now and u can think things through logically and reasonably
  • ok. brainstorm possible solutions. write down what u r willing 2 compromise on, and what u r not, aka rule out sm solutions
  • find a solution, now do it!
  • important: rlly forgive. rlly move on. don’t slap band aid. if u r in crappy mood, U r the loser!!! u want to win. u want to go on w/ur life bc u r a star.
  • do not be mean. u hv right 2 feel crappy!!! but find strength in urself 2 forgive, 2 be generous, 2 be kind. 
  • later on reflect on what u hv learned in a lil journal or talking to a friend or smthing :) :) :)

lil reminder things (seem contradictory; r not)

  • taking the time to mope n b sad n dwell on it is beneficial bc u need that time to accept n move on BUT my friend u cannot linger 4 too long bc then it starts eating u
  • smtimes u need sm time to sort of mull a crappy situation over in ur mind and get on w/ur life b4 u do anything abt it just to hv that distance so u can b more calm n logical
  • u can bounce back frm ANYTHING literally u r such a star i know things r hard 4 u rn but u can do it my lil star
  • i am a rlly low-energy lazy person n my trick 4 forcing myself to do things smtimes is i imagine i am pikachu like in the anime abt to do a thundershock and i imagine myself getting all this energy and abt to go pikaaCHUUUUU and then i make myself do it it’s like my pep talk ya
  • ily ur a star
  • my inbox is always open for ranting help and pep talks
  • <3 kai

anonymous asked:

I feel like your whole life is doing homework or other school related activities and being stressed. That's not a way to live life. What type of experiences are you having ? life is about a balance between experiences, going places meeting people doing things... you appear to be missing that from your blog tbh. You should give yourself more time to have these experiences and live life not spending every second of everyday working. There's more to life than academic accolades and the ivy league

hey there,

I very much appreciate the sentiment behind your words, and truly appreciate your concern; thank you very much for wanting a well-balanced life for my ol’ self :-) 

I, however, would have to respectfully disagree. Whereas I wholeheartedly agree with you that being stressed all the time, 24/7, is in no way healthy–I would be amiss if I didn’t assert that my life is not entirely doing homework and other school-related activities. I don’t reveal every aspect of my collegiate life on this blog (and I am woefully behind on college diaries this semester), but–believe it or not–I do make sure to take time to relax and unwind when I feel truly burnt out, and I do spend time laughing and being carefree with my friends. That being said, I do recognize that I spend an inordinate amount of time on school and extracurricular activities–but that is my choice and, as stressed as I am sometimes (a lot of the time), I chose this for myself, and this is the way that I am ultimately happy. I have a goal that I want to reach, and have wanted to reach for the longest time, and I am happiest when I am pursuing this goal. Do I wish that I could go out more? Yes. (Kind of… not really… tbh I feel too old for frat parties; it’s the same thing over and over again, and I’ve gotten it out of my system in the last 2 years) Do I wish that I could have free time/time to spend just watching TV shows and lounging around? Yes. 

But do I regret any of the effort, the stress, the hours of sleep forgone? No. Absolument not. 

Because it is that effort, those stresses, those hours lost that have got me to this point in my life, with the GPA that I have; the job lined up for this summer; the leadership positions I hold on campus. And, as stressed as I am, sometimes, the stresses are burdens that I take upon myself because I thrive the most when I am working towards a goal. I get tired along the way, to be sure–but when I do, I take time to take care of myself and rejuvenate. But then I am up and back at it, because this is the home stretch–because all these hours studying and stresses taken on now will hopefully carry me on to my next dream, my ultimate dream of studying what I truly, wholeheartedly love and using that knowledge and degree to bring a voice to those who lack the means to share their issues and stories. 

I don’t know when I said that academic accolades and the Ivy League (what? what even lmao I avoid telling people where I go to school irl b/c I hate the undeserved ~wow~ factor behind it and it makes me feel v awkward so???? what) were life, but I am assuming that you’ve come to such conclusions having drawn from my self-pep-talk text posts. Which is a reasonable conclusion to come to, I s’pose, but I’m going to clarify here that my effort and my work is not for a “pretty” GPA. I want to do well in school for a myriad of reasons (being the daughter that my parents deserve, after having immigrated to this country and having supported me through everything and letting me explore any and all of my passions; because I have a deep respect and love for academia and want to do as well as possible and be deserving of the education that I’ve been so bless to have received throughout my whole life) but, most notably, I strive for a high GPA because it is ultimately one of the biggest factors to achieving the dream that I’ve had since forever (read: law school) and I absolument, absolument believe that some of the sacrifices I do make are so, so worth it for that moment hopefully to come, when I open (hopefully) acceptance letters (please) to the schools I’ve been hoping for for so long. Also a huge believer in that university is, first and foremost, a place of academics so it’s only naturally imo to prioritize school and give it my all??? from a personal standpoint??? but I won’t get too much into that

AH anyway: thank you so much for your concern, and I appreciate your sentiments very much! I do wish that you’d worded this message with a little less judgment, but ! thank you all the same for your concern, and wishing you a lovely weekend xx

anonymous asked:

Just update the damn story. I asked you to update the story. Not to tell your sad ass life.

I understand your frustration. We live in a time when things are immediate and instant, and waiting for something is a skill more and more people are starting to forget. But you didn’t just ask me to update the story. You called me a ‘bitch’ and a ‘lazy ass’ and then gave me a thumbs down and flipped me off. 

My life is not sad. I’m very happy with my life. I’m proud of the accomplishments I’ve worked hard for, and yes, writing on here is one of those accomplishments but it’s not as important as securing my future and doing well academically. I pay for my own education and because of that I have to work hard to get good grades and scholarships and also to work hard at my jobs in order to make the money to continue to go to school. 

This is a hobby. This is something fun that I enjoy and I do it because there are nice and loving people on here that I have come to appreciate and adore. On the average day on this account I receive anywhere from 10-15 messages from people. Many of them are anonymous, and many of them are also personal messages I’ll answer personally back. But out of those 10-15, I will usually receive around 5-6 hate messages. I have had people tell me to kill myself, tell me they hope my fiancé breaks up with me, told me that they hate me so much. I even had someone tell me upon the death of my mother that that shouldn’t be holding me back from writing and that I’m using that as an excuse for not updating. 

But I have a life. I have so many other things going on that I am proud and fortunate enough to be a part of, and though being a part of this and writing for all of you and having some sort of fun outlet to meet some really great people is also a part of my life, it is also a part of my life that I reserve the goddamn motherfucking right to put on hold because I will write to the best of my abilities on. my. own. time. 

I am wonderful at usually avoiding these messages. I am usually very good at letting them roll right off my chest, or I can find confidence in some witty response. But there are certain messages, certain people I know send me hateful messages every day that just have so little meaning other than to hurt me and my confidence that I am just so tired, so defeated, and so fucking exhausted that every day this has become a normal part of my day. 

This is not normal. This is not something someone should have to deal with every day when they open this app, or go to school, or get texts on their phone. Sweetheart, this is cyber bullying. And I’m sure I don’t have to be the one to tell you that cyber bullying can have some really nasty outcomes and that what you’re doing, what all these people are doing by sending me hateful messages, is wrong. When did it become acceptable to like someone’s writing and respect it, but not respect the person providing it for you? My writing and I are one unit. There would be none of my one shots without me here, and so why provoke someone who you are literally sending hate because I am not updating on time, when you know damn well that I could very easily just stop updating.

I don’t have to deal with this. I’m tired of dealing with this. And I’m going to update, because I want to and because there are good people out there who are so passionate and kind and loving towards my writing that deserve more because they have been supporting my non-stop. And it hurts me to know that regardless of how many times I tell you what you’re doing is wrong, or how many times I have to delete yet another hate message, you’re still going to get what you want in the long-run because I’m still going to update. It’s a never ending cycle. And that’s just unfair. 

I’m sorry you feel so inclined to speak to me as someone of lesser value merely because I am busy and have a life and cannot update the moment you snap your fingers. I’m sorry; I truly am sorry. And I know I will receive more messages from haters, probably from you as well even, saying that I’m being overdramatic and all these other things that people have said about me in the past, but I’m not going to allow this to infect me in any way. Yes, I am so fucking pissed. I’m hurt and I feel violated every time someone uses something personally to attack me and knock me down. I’m human, obviously, and this is definitely a wonderful start to my day, thanks for that, but yeah I don’t know I guess I’m just not so sure where to go from here. I guess I’ll just go back to my sad ass life for a little while where I know people appreciate and respect me like decent human beings. Thanks. I hope you have a good day. 

anonymous asked:

Hey Tara :) I get the impression you're stressed atm, hope you go easy on yourself.

Well, despite my arm being broken, my parents going through a divorce, me ending up in a ditch yesterday, my love life being confusing af, not being able to do yoga/Acro but still teaching, trying to maintain friendships, and trying to keep up with my classes and get off academic probation id say I’m doin ok lol

anonymous asked:

Thank you THANK YOU for being a person with sense who also writes amazingly well. I'm an English major and after years of reading all kinds of articles about literary theories (mostly from feminism or queer pov) I just have to say is all very interesting but sooo far-fetched. You can agree with something if it is has good arguments but you know... we'll never know for sure. And also I love me some sex in my fanfics because is part of life but it is not what really draws me to read one (PLOT!)

and what you are saying about the bottom/receiver equals female sounds so much like male gothic! But yeah I always read this ‘academic’ stuff really detaching myself otherwise I would get fairly railed up with some stuff you read. Going back to the fic, I really think is great you are making them switch because your plot is very well-formed and you are saving yourself making a deal about it, which is mostly what goes on in RL. I’m so glad you are not using the ‘oh no I’m gay’ thing as main theme

mate, you are more than welcome. you’re a fantastic intellectual foil and i feel like we are totally on the same wavelength. i agree completely with what you said about feminist/queer theory. the issue is ofc that a lot of the standard texts on queer theory came out of the 70s (first wave, theory; second wave, academic) where the strict distinctions between gender/sexuality/identity hadn’t yet been drawn. and of course the issue is when you apply those aged theories to modern concepts i.e. fan fiction, you don’t get a balanced view on the subject. it’s like when you try and apply old theories to things like the internet, which in so many ways defies traditional social constructs (side note: i read something interesting the other day that suggested that the wireless in the ‘40s prioritized home-based entertainment and deliberately fostered small social circles and the construction of standardized time - and this is in contrast to the british tradition of going to the pub, the country, i.e. outside entertainment - which meant the introduction of the television was in fact the natural progression from ‘blind’ entertainment to ‘deaf’ entertainment. very interesting). i know what you mean about things being far-fetched. i think unless you have academic training it’s very easy to dismiss these theories as nonsense. a lot of them are; an equal number aren’t. it just depends on your perspective and what you prioritize.

with regards to what you said about academic stuff, i half agree with you. i think, again, it’s easy to dismiss these theories as over-analysis or over-thinking, when it’s just revealing further or deeper nuance into a concept that might otherwise have remained superficial (i am thinking about a conversation i had the other day in which i mentioned wanting to write a section where paul put on his new uniform for the first time, because the act of being in uniform shapes your identity and consequently your inter/intrapersonal relationships because of its symbolism, meaning, and so forth. anyway) BUT to support what you said, i’m not sure if you know, but within the artistic field you’d be surprised at the recent swing towards “plain speaking” art texts or theories over the verbose, classical, western-based academic texts that hitherto have been dominant (alain botton is a good example - “art as therapy” - good read). 

AND YES, HAHA, back to the fic! omg, thank you. really i mean i’ve decided that they switch mainly because that’s what i personally think happened irl, and tbh on a more symbolic level it makes more sense for their power dynamic. it may seem anachronistic to take a very casual view on the sexual politics, considering it is a historical au, but i chose to do that because i’m simply more interested in writing characters who have - if not fully formed - then at least a partial understanding of their identity/sexuality and can therefore re/act within that characterization as opposed to flogging the dead horse that is a sexuality crisis. in addition, the tendency or assumption that everyone “back then” had massive internalized homophobia or what have you is a flagrant misreading of history. i could honestly discuss this forever, but tl;dr when you write matured characters you can have a mature storyline. basically.

can i just say you’re a fantastic conversationalist? please do feel free to come talk to me off anon because i reckon we’d get on like a house on fire. thank you so much for these messages. they’re so thought provoking.

The Three Most Important Things I Can Tell You About Admissions and School:

Hey Everyone,

For the past several years my CollegeApp Chick blog has been a wonderful hobby that I have enjoyed so much. What started as a side project to hone my blogging skills became a huge passion project of simple ways to improve your college applications and school life.

I’ve gone through a lot of changes since starting the blog, the biggest being entering graduate school this fall. Suddenly the academic success and well being of high school students has gone from my way to unwind after school to, well, school itself. I now live breathe sleep and eat school counseling all day. Which is wonderful.

The dark side is that because it is no longer my diversion, it’s starting to feel like a lot of work. And the feeling of work is sucking my creativity.

In class I am constantly hearing things that make me go, “Oh I need to write a post about this” but when I get home for the night the creative juices won’t flow.

So I’m taking a break. I’m not sure for how long (I think this is going to go the way of John Green’s social media hiatus, which is to say I’m going to cheat a lot). But I think I need to say outright “I am on a break!”

I am allowing myself to turn this back into a hobby. I just don’t want to feel guilty every day I let pass by without posting. If it’s a break (and cheating on my break) I can post when I have something to say, but only when I have something to say.

I love you guys. I love this community. I love college admissions.

I’m not gone. I’m still here and I will still be as terrible as ever about answering my emails and ask box (which is to say, I will check it sporadically).

But I am a big believer in goodie bags and here are my biggest take homes to keep in mind while I’m gone:

1. Pick a college that fits you, academically and socially. Financially too.

You can find your people anywhere, but the closer the match the easier it will be. Don’t get hung up on a big fancy name brand school, there are so many amazing schools out there and they have so much more to offer than a name that people recognize instantly. Finally, you cannot place enough value on limiting your debt. It is the best decision you will ever make.

2. College admissions essays are about showing YOU off. In your best light.

The most important thing to remember is that you have limited space and you want the reader to walk away knowing something about you that they couldn’t tell from your transcripts, resume, and recommendations. If you’re stuck write a list of your best qualities and come up with examples of demonstrating those qualities in your life.

3. Your health is the most important.

Put your health above your grades. I didn’t put in 100% to my academics in high school and I ended up just fine because I wasn’t so stressed out I couldn’t function. I put in more effort in college, but still never ahead of taking care of myself (including sleep, eating, socializing, exercising, and going to counseling). I’m in one of those fancy name-brand graduate schools and while I’m smart I’m not “coast on by without effort” smart. Finding a balance will bring you more success.

This is what it’s about. Balance. And right now, when it comes to brain power, school comes before my hobby.


Life Lately:

Life has been great! I’m currently enjoying how things are going right now despite the stress and instability I experience when fulfilling academic requirements. I guess keeping myself busy distracts me from feeling alone and that is very much okay for me. I don’t have much to say since I really am contented with what’s going on. Life has been really well. It really is and I’m enjoying it while it’s still here. 

I’m also getting a lot of time to actually know some of my block mates and it has been okay. I actually find it nice since I have some people who I can converse deeply and lightly with at the same time and that is very comforting in my part. Incidentally, It’s already February! I love Februaries since it’s very cold during this month. I’ve always find comfort in cold weathers. 

but hey enough of me, How are you? Let’s talk! 


Hannah Pixie Snowdon interview by Luxe Culture Lifestyle magazine, all photos by Matthew Comer

Hannah “Pixie” Snowdon is a famous tattoo artist from England, owner of her own shop “Black Stabbath”, girlfriend of Oliver Sykes from Bring Me The Horizon, entrepreneur in the design of her clothing line which carries the same name as her shop, recently released under the Drop Dead Clothing label.

LUXE recently interviewed Hannah to know a bit more about her projects, her life and we present also her photoset for our magazine. 

How did you become a tattoo artist and a model?

Well I certainly wouldn’t call myself a model haha! I prance around in front of a camera occasionally and pretend to know what I’m doing for my partners clothing company but I’m not a professional and I’m not on an agency or anything. That being said I’ll give anything a go and when bigger opportunities arise I never turn them down.

As for tattooing, I was super academic at school and instead of going onto university and studying clinical psychology (which was the gameplan for a long time) when I was about 16 I started working in a street shop in the town I went to college in. My passion had always been in art, and I was so well behaved at school but I did get told off a few times for practicing henna on my friends in class!

From that little street shop, I then went on to open up a studio with my two best friends whom I’m met working there. It was called Holy Mountain and that’s where I learnt to tattoo. I decided to go it alone after a few years serving apprenticeships as I felt my progression had hit a bit of a brick wall. Opening Black Stabbath, my little private studio in Sheffield, has been one of the best things that have happened to me. I’m quite a reserved person and business can so easily break friendships. The tattooing industry can be so competitive and I like to dip out of it a little and do my own thing, this way I’m in no-ones way . It’s not a ‘studio’ as such with all the bells and whistles, it’s more just my own little private space to create in! I’m hugely grateful that I had the opportunity to open it with such amazing friends and family supporting me through it too.

“you also need people around you who are gonna squeeze the best work out of you for the job!”

Being an artistic person and involved with fashion, have you designed for clothes?

Yeah! This October actually my boyfriend’s company Drop Dead Clothing and I collaborated, it was so much fun. I’d turned down a lot of collaborations with various clothing companies before we decided to do that together. I never knew why I kept putting it off but it just never felt like the right brand or the right time to do it. This was obviously just a case of perfect timing because when the company suggested it, it just felt right! The clothes turned out great and I’m so glad I held out for it because it also means so much more that I was working alongside people who I love and trust and have been friends with for years. You need people who are gonna be honest with you about what’s gonna work when you’re practicing with a medium that’s unfamiliar to you, and you also need people around you who are gonna squeeze the best work out of you for the job! We had a big launch night at the Sheffield store and it was incredible and so humbling to meet so many people who are into your work and are willing to sit out in the rain and wait for it too!

What type of projects are you currently working on?

That would be telling ! Haha. I have a few things in the pipeline. I recently made a zine with my friend Ana that ended up being a huge project- so much more than we ever anticipated. It was about mindfulness and we collaborated with a bunch of really inspiring creatives on it in order to raise money for the mental health foundation. We donated over £6,000 in the end, thanks to all the awesome people who bought one! We are so grateful and overwhelmed by how it all went and we are now planning round 2 for next year. 

So I received some more comments from one of my posts where I said I don’t feel comfortable regarding myself as an academic person because I’m not all that clever, and the sheer number of people who rushed to my inbox to tell me that’s not true was astounding.

And I know, I know we’ve been over this before and everyone is always so adamantly determined to make me feel better, but let’s see if I can explain it for the new people.

I don’t feel clever, and that’s the truth of it. I spent my entire academic life, from primary school all the way through to my honors year at university, being told I was mediocre with the exception of a few teachers who thought I was some kind of idiot savant for words.

I struggle with numbers and failed high school math. Twice. I never did go back for it. I failed nearly all my science classes. The only things I really did well in were social studies or home economics where I got to bake cakes and read my books. Hell, I very nearly failed English. And university was so much worse because the sheer amount of pressure I was under to do well, obliterated my mental health.

I am not a person who will ever do well in an academic setting. Not unless they drastically change their teaching and evaluation methods.

So. Does this make me FEEL like I’m not clever? Yes, absolutely. I endured two decades worth of being told I was stupid because I couldn’t pass a test.

Does this mean I’m actually not clever? No, absolutely not. But that doesn’t mean I feel comfortable discussing certain things in an academic light. You can ask me a question and I’ll rattle off an answer but it’s never going to look or read like a formal thing. I just don’t have the right skill set for that.

Now, you want your words to look good or an 18th century French custard or an obscure history fact detailed at novel length–I’m your person. Just, don’t ask me the square root of anything and we’ll be fine.