my sunshine my everything come back to me

based on this suggestions blog.  warning:  these are pretty dark/angry  &  could be triggering to some people.  please be cautious before proceeding!!

‘  all i want in my life is for my friends to be able to touch me suddenly  &  me to not flinch away without meaning to.  when will this stop affecting me?  ’
‘  all i want is to be soft  &  gentle,  but i’m made out of steel  &  anger.  maybe in another life,  i guess.  ’
‘  beauty is in the eye of the beholder,  so choose to see beauty in everything.  ’
‘  burning it all to the ground  &  force them to start again.  they made you lose everything.  now return the favor.  ’
‘  do i ever even cross your mind or do i do all the thinking of us on my own?  ’
‘  do you trust me enough?  do you trust me at all?  ’
‘  don’t you dare abandon me.  ’
‘  even after all you have done,  i will always want you fighting on my side.  ’
‘  every time i see you smile i fall in love with your brightness all over again.  ’
‘  everyone i have ever loved is long gone.  i sing to the sky alone.  ’
‘  everyone i touch gets hurt,  but i can’t stop.  i touch  &  i touch  &  i touch  &  people get hurt.  why can’t i ever stop?  ’
‘  everyone says i used to be a hero,  but i can still taste the blood in my mouth  &  still feel bruises blooming because of my fists  &  my eyes are still stretched wide  &  terrified.  ’
‘  everything i love has been taken from me.  what do i have left to fight for?  ’
‘  fall in love with someone that makes you feel strong.  ’
‘  friends are more important than any material object will ever be.  ’
‘  i am aching to hold you  &  keep you safe,  to be pressed against you so that nothing can harm you.  ’
‘  i am divine  &  you will bow before me.  ’
‘  i am fucking divine.  ’
‘  i am in control  &  i listen to no one.  ’
‘  i am not a good person.  don’t pretend i am.  ’
‘  i am not accustomed to love.  this is a learning experience.  ’
‘  i am not worth saving  &  i am not worth redemption.  let me stay in the dark.  ’
‘  i am so tired all the time,  all i want to do is rest.  ’
‘  i am too tired to deal with any of this.  ’
‘  i bow to no man.  ’
‘  i broke into sharp pieces when i broke  &  i expect someone else to hurt their hands on my edges just to put me back together.  i’m sorry.  ’
‘  i can give you your wings back  &  i can show you to fly once more,  if you only believe in me.  ’
‘  i cannot be saved.  ’
‘  i can’t ask for help because if i ask for help it hurts people.  i can bear this weight on my own.  i have to.  ’
‘  i could taste the lies in your mouth every time i kissed you,  but i loved you too much to notice.  ’
‘  i crave affection in the simplest way.  ’
‘  i deserve to hurt.  i deserve to bleed.  ’
‘  i didn’t ask for any of this so don’t you dare blame this on me.  ’
‘  i don’t care if you say my name like it’s poison or like it’s a prayer,  as long as it leaves your lips.  ’
‘  i don’t fight for you anymore.  ’
‘  i don’t want to let go of you.  not now,  not ever.  ’
‘  i don’t want to talk about it.  i don’t want to remember.  i don’t want to heal.  all i want is for it to go away.  ’
‘  i don’t want you to touch me.  please don’t touch me,  just go away.  ’
‘  i feel anger deeper than my bones.  i feel anger in my very soul.  ’
‘  i feel nothing at all,  except for when i feel everything all at once.  ’
‘  i have fallen  &  though i may miss the sky,  i belong here now.  ’
‘  i have fallen from a height your mind cannot even imagine.  ’
‘  i have no home anymore.  ’
‘  i remember collapsing in the flames with a sword in my hand  &  then i remember nothing.  ’
‘  i see beauty in everything,  but especially in you.  ’
‘  i should never have fallen in love with you.  ’
‘  i thought for a long time that i was so terrible no one would look at me.  now i know it’s because i shine so bright they are forced to look away.  ’
‘  i was so caught up in the feeling that i forgot how to breathe.  ’
‘  i will never amount to anything.  i am a failure in the worst type of way.  ’
‘  i will tell myself that the burn of my loneliness in my chest completes me  &  maybe someday it will be true.  ’
‘  if that’s what a hero is i’m glad i’m not one anymore.  ’
‘  if you ask me to,  i will set the whole world on fire,  my dear.  it’s all for you.  ’
‘  is it my fault?  it’s my fault.  it’s always my fault.  ’
‘  it’s not murder if they deserved it,  right?  ’
‘  i’m drowning in emotions that don’t belong to me,  choking on anger  &  suffocating on sadness.  ’
‘  i’m in love with everything that hurts me.  ’
‘  i’m okay.  i’m alright.  this is all in my mind.  ’
‘  i’m ready to give up everything i’ve ever had if it means someone will love me.  ’
‘  i’m so cold  &  i can’t stop shaking.  i am not who you think i am.  ’
‘  i’m so tired all the time  &  i just want to be awake again.  ’
‘  i’m tired of fighting against the pain of being forgotten.  i just want someone to remember me.  ’
‘  i’m tired of fighting everything in my life.  just make it stop.  ’
‘  i’m too tired to care.  blow up,  get angry at me.  i’m sure someday i’ll realize i deserved it.  ’
‘  jealousy burns within me.  ’
‘  just let me go in peace for once in my damn life.  ’
‘  loneliness is a disease  &  it leaves me empty  &  hollow,  like sound goes through my body  &  bounces back.  ’
‘  made of starlight  &  sunshine,  i shine brighter than they all know.  ’
‘  my anger is righteous  &  my actions are pure.  ’
‘  my chest aches  &  my lungs burn.  this sickness comes from the inside.  ’
‘  my chest hurts  &  all i need is some comfort  &  understanding.  ’
‘  my chest hurts  &  i ache to go back to the sky.  ’
‘  my shoulders are aching where wings used to be  &  all i want is for them to stop hurting.  ’
‘  pull me apart  &  piece me together in your own way.  make me perfect.  ’
‘  righteous fury throws through my veins  &  if you touch the people i love i will destroy you.  ’
‘  rise up.  you can’t keep being small when you were made for so much more.  ’
‘  say my name like it’s the only one that’s ever been on your tongue.  ’
‘  so much blood has been spilled in my name.  time to make you believe it was in yours.  ’
‘  so you’ll worry about me when i fall silent,  but not when i scream  &  plead for help?  fuck off.  ’
‘  sometimes people have to get hurt for me to get what i want.  ’
‘  stay away from my fucking friends.  stay the fuck away or so help me i will destroy you.  ’
‘  stop treating me like i’m an idiot.  you aren’t better than me in any way  &  you better remember that.  ’
‘  the bitter taste of regret is ever present on my tongue.  ’
‘  the world is spinning far too fast for me to stay on it.  ’
‘  to love them is my divine right.  ’
‘  voices whisper from the shadows  &  they fill my mind with thoughts of you.  ’
‘  what did i to wrong to be so unloved?  ’
‘  what is the point of power if i’m not supposed to use it?  ’
‘  who the fuck do you think you are?  ’
‘  why can’t i ever fucking stop crying?  ’
‘  with a new year comes new tests  &  triumphs.  let’s try to make the most out of it.  ’
‘  would it really kill you to be honest for once?  ’
‘  yes,  i remember my wings breaking  &  being destroyed.  i was powerless to stop it.  ’
‘  you are not required to love your parents,  or to even like them.  ’
‘  you can’t hate me more than i hate myself,  but you are more than welcome to try.  ’
‘  you may say you love me,  but you love only a part of me.  i am too complex for you to ever love my entire being.  ’
‘  you never fucking cared about me.  don’t fucking lie about it.  not to me.  ’
‘  you remind me of mint.  fresh,  sharp,  kind of cold,  but in a nice way.  i always knew there was a reason mint was my favorite.  ’
‘  you shine light in even the darkest parts of me.  you are my sun.  ’
‘  you should fear me,  but you don’t.  i will be eternally puzzled,  yet grateful.  ’
‘  you touch me  &  my skin burns  &  it burns for you,  always you.  ’

Good things

A/N ; I’d like to thank @gentlemanmendes for giving me these ideas after little dot point they up

The morning light twinkled in through the blinds and that thoroughly pissed me off that I had been woken but by a ray of sunshine and not my actual sunshine. I wasn’t fully awake yet, I was half in half out, the world blurring and even though I wasn’t in my bed and quick panic seized my heart quickly but soon dispersed as my lover turned onto his back in his sleep and odd sort of calm set in then. His soft snores filled the bedroom letting me know just how exhausted he really was. last night fun had taken its toll, especially with his back to back concerts. In my half-awake state, I wriggled over to his warm body and snuggled into his side destined to fall back asleep, I was careful not to wake him, I didn’t want to disrupt this sole piece of quiet where had to himself where his face let out all emotions and he didn’t have to hide himself, because he was asleep and had nothing to hide from. I wrapped my arm around his muscular arm, he knew that I adored arms and that even walking down the side walk with him I would wrap my arms around his one muscular one.

He must have sensed have my movement, my sudden grip on his arm opposed to before, he turned around still in his sleep and wrapped one of his arms protectively around me. it was instinct for him to do this, that when I moved or made an unusual sound in my sleep he would wrap an arm around me, which somehow soothed me. My face became buried in his chest, I breathed in his sleepy scent, and if I wasn’t already calm I was in absolute peace right now and contempt with everything. I could feel him beginning to stir awake and I didn’t want this moment to be gone. The moment where I could feel his warmth, the slight ray of sunshine still bothering me, the slight sounds of birds outside waking up as well. I nuzzled my face into his chest and groaned a little, as his head that was already nuzzled into my hair groaned back, he was coming out of his sleep and was in a daze, his lips brushed up against my forehead and I smiled into his chest.

“good morning beautiful” his voice was husky and it made a desirable effect on me. I cuddled further into his bare chest.

“Shawn, it’s too early” I grumbled into his chest. His arms wrap around me more, pulling me further into chest. The slight hairs on his chest tickled my face sightly, they began tickling my nose and I rolled around on my other side.

“come back” he says pulling me back against his chest.

“no, your hair is tickling me.” I say giggling with little energy.

“like this?” he says and with incredible amount of speed he’s jumped on top of me and is tickling me, my squeals and protests fill the room. eventually he stops and stares at me with a dazed look on his face. He kisses my forehead for the second time today. He pulls back and stares at me with an odd fascination, an animalistic hunger flashes through his eyes and I’m almost sure it reflects in mine. I roll us over so I’m on top of him, straddling his waist. his t-shit that I’m wearing rides up my thighs and his fingers lightly brush across my waist, causing shivers to fill my body. my fingers brush against the purple marks that are littered across his chest and his collarbone. I bite my lip to stop from laughing at myself. Shawn’s fingers that were gliding circles over my hips.

“what?” he asks with mild concern.

“I might have gotten a little carried away” I giggle, he laughs with me. He smiles and his eyes flicker down to my lips, he leans forward, his nose brushes mine – it a teased to try and kiss me. But I back up moving out of his lips reach.

“I have morning breath” I say to him.

“I don’t care” he sits up fast, cradled in his lap now, his hand goes to the back of my head and he looks more intently at my lips. My hand goes to his chest to stop him from coming closer.

“I do” but I don’t stop him when he closes the gap between us I don’t stop him. His lips brush mine softly.

“are we repeating last night?” I whisper against his lips.

“last night was amazing” he says pulling away only so slightly. He presses his lips back to mine, this time with a more harsher feel but still so gentle. He rolls us over then, bracing one of his arms next to my head to stop his weight from crushing me, his other hand gripped my waist, his thumb traced circles across my hip bone. He slid his tongue across my bottom lip, he knew I loved the way it felt going across my lip, the strange feeling. He gently pushed his tongue into my mouth, I didn’t care anymore about my morning breath or his I was too lost in the moment. Everything about this moment was caring and soft. It was such a magical moment, something I would lose myself in. But just like Cinderella my magical moment ended, as Shawn’s phone started ringing. He groaned, I groaned we both ignored the phone for about 10 seconds. Whereas Shawn was designed on forgetting the sound. I placed my hand on his chest and pushed myself up, gesturing to the phone and given a look of refusal form him. Because I knew and he knew even better that when he answered the phone the pleasant morning would slip away. He huffs out annoyed knowing I won’t budge, because I know the call is important.

“hello” the annoyance is clear in his voice, he doesn’t try to cover it.

he gets off the phone within a minute, after telling Andrew he will be ready in 20 minutes.

“what was that for?” I ask.

“I’m late for a meeting” he grumbles. He hops up off of me, he grabs a hold of my hand and drags me into the shower with him. The water is hot, burning, just the way I like it, enough to turn my bum red and my breast, enough for the bathroom to be covered in steam and enough for us to stand there just cuddling wishing we could just go back to bed. His lips find his way to my forehead on more than one occasion and double the amount of times to my lips. But soon the shower ends just like our moment in bed the morning. He soon out the door, already late for his meeting, but I know I will see him in a few hours, because just like good things they always return.

Originally posted by fearless-man

People say there are other fish in the sea..I’m like “Screw you! HE was my fucking Sea!”
—  Till the day i die
Ok but this would be a cute SU episode

And by cute, I mean SEVERE EMOTIONAL TRAUMA and shipping.

Steven and the gang bring the Homeworld Rubies back to Earth, and as revenge for the months they spent alone in space, they shatter our Ruby’s gem.

A devastated Sapphire bubbles her and carries the bubble everywhere she goes. She can’t “send the bubble home” like she’s supposed to, since Ruby was her home. She can’t get two words out without crying anymore. She misses Ruby too much.

Steven, a master of getting shattered plates to fix themselves, decides to try his luck at fixing Ruby. Surprisingly, it works- except Ruby has no memories of the war, of the other gems… or of Sapphire.

Cue a montage of Sapphire trying to flirt with a confused Ruby, and Ruby’s all like “dis is 2 homo 4 me”

Finally, Sapphire just gives up. They should have known better than to play God- er, Diamond? Who created the gems? She goes back to her room, full of old photographs and paintings of her and Ruby. Her metaphorical heart feels so heavy. She needs to be close to Ruby again… but there’s just no way. She finds an old weapon she used during the war, and she thinks it might shatter her. She wants to do it.

“Don’t do this,” Ruby says from the doorway, and Sapphire drops it. Ruby runs to her, wrapping her arms around the blue gem tightly. She still doesn’t remember, but she can’t stand to see another living thing hurt itself.

She rocks Sapphire and sings a song Steven taught her that same day. It’s her only memory, and it just happens to be a love song.

“You are my sunshine, my only sunshine, you make me happy when skies are grey…” cue duet and all that jazz.

Sapphire pulls Ruby down in to a kiss. Ruby, not much for kissing strangers, just sits there wide eyed for a second before pulling away. It seems there are gears turning in her head after the kiss, because she looks lost in thought.

“Sapphire?” She asks, and suddenly it all comes back to her. It feels like a rush of futurevision- she sees everything all at once for a moment, and then she’s back. She doesn’t even say anything before she pulls her wife in to the most romantic and gayest kiss ever, their lips locked for all the homophobes and their secretly gay tweenage kids to see.

And then we, the fandom, will rejoice, because this is the first real kiss that Cartoon Network has ever let us have.

The end???? why did I waste time on this,

Good Girl Ch 35: I Love You Nightmare

“I’m sorry, I’ll be good,” I cry helplessly. My arms struggle uselessly against the ropes holding me to the metal chair.

“We’ve heard that shit before. You are just like the rest of them aren’t you?” He sneers at me. “Just another slut who used her body to keep herself alive. You never cared did you?”

I try to respond threw my cries but I can’t get the words out.

“Did you?” He yells in my face.

“I love you!” I scream out only earning myself a hard slap across the face. I’m in shock for a minute, he’s never hit me before.

“I’m tired of your fucking lying,” Another one growls.

Kai glares down at me, “I can’t even stand looking at her. Fucking disgusting.”

Sehun appears next to him, “Not so brave now are you? What happened to not being afraid of us? I thought you loved us.”

“I did,” I mumble softly, “I do.”

Suddenly Kris is there, his loud laugh fills the cement room and it’s not as comforting as it usually is, “You do? Why? Sure we babied you for a while but you have to know it didn’t mean anything right? You were just our little fuck toy.”

Chanyeol is laughing along with him as I cry harder, “I don’t think she knew. What a dumb girl. Did you really think that we cared? We could have any girl we wanted, why the hell would we pick someone like you? A mutt?”

“You guys are being too mean,” Lay is there with a teasing pout. “You are making the little baby cry,” He mocks me.

“Daddy why?”

“We’re bored,” Suho answers with a shrug. “You knew this would happen the moment you got in our van. This could only end one way Jooyoung… your little body torn to pieces like that boy we killed for you. It only seems fair that you die the same way our dear friend did.”

“I can’t believe we killed Joon for this bitch,” Baekhyun tsks.

“Should have just let him fuck her, that could have snapped us out of her little fucking spell quicker. So much time and money wasted on her.”

Tao looks scarier then I’ve ever seen him, “At least we can get back at her a little now.”

“Who would like to go first?” Luhan claps his hands together happily.

“Me first,” My loving Xiumin appears in front of me with cold eyes and some kind of metal scooper in his hand. I remember what someone said at the meeting, ‘I heard his teeth were ripped out, along with his eyes’.

I scream bloody murder as I struggle to get away from what I know will be coming, “Daddy please! What are you doing? Don’t come any closer!”

“Maybe we should take her tongue out first, I’m getting annoyed with her fucking whining,” Kyungsoo’s harsh words make me stop and seal my mouth closed.

“I like when she whines,” Baekhyun chuckles as he grabs a fist full of my hair and pulls so hard it knocks me back on to the floor.

“Please stop,” I cry as I stare up into their cold lifeless eyes.

“Why? What could you do for us?” Chen is leaning over me.

“I’ll do whatever you want, I’ll be whatever you want. I’ll be such a good girl! I promise not to talk back or talk to any boys, I’ll do anything, just please don’t do this!” I beg.

“I don’t know boys, do we believe her?” Chen looks to the others who are beginning to crowd over me. The group shakes their heads.

“She doesn’t sound too convincing. I don’t think her heart is in it,” Kai hums.

“I’m with Kai on this one, I think she needs a little motivation,” Kris smirks before glancing at Chanyeol who is already holding some tool in his hand.

The normally happy giant crouches down, “I’m happy to give her some. Maybe a taste of pain will give you just enough to beg better. You need to sound weaker, make us care. Cause all I feel right now is irritated by your fucking fake promises. You couldn’t be a good girl if you tried. All you had to do was need us, to listen to us, to be a good girl. You couldn’t even do that. You’re just a piece of trash.” He grabs my jaw and squeezes until I open my mouth.

“Make sure it hurts Yeol,” Chen eggs him on, “I want to hear her scream.”

“Come on beg like the bitch you are.”

“Daddy please,” My heart feels like it’s been shredded to pieces. I’ve heard people say horrible things to me before but I never really cared. It’s different now though, their words cut me deeper than I thought possible. “I’ll be a good girl!” I yell as he brings the tool closer to my teeth. “I’ll be a good girl! I promise I’ll be a good girl!” I scream and thrash as if my life depends on it. Laughs echo around me.  “I’ll be a good girl, I’ll be a good girl!”

“You better be.”


“My love wake up!” Jiyong is shaking me awake. Tears are streaming down my face as I continue to scream. I pause for a minute when I realize I’m not in the cold dark room anymore. Jiyong wraps his arms around me a pulls me close.  “It’s okay Beautiful, I’ve got you, I got you.” He rocks me back and forth on the bed. Next to me Jihyo is passed out cold, not even my screams were loud enough to wake her.

I can’t stop shaking in his arms, the tears continue to roll down my cheeks and my breathing is ragged. I bury my face in his chest and breath in his familiar scent, I need something to ground me back in reality right now. My hands grip his shirt as I get as close as humanly possible to him, thankfully he doesn’t seem t mind.

“Nightmare?” He asks when my breathing finally calms down and I stop crying.

I can’t get myself to respond just yet so I nod.

“Do you want to come sleep with me?” He offers sweetly.

But I shake my head.

“You don’t have to be brave, they told me it’s okay if you’re scared. Do you just want me to leave you here?”

Again, I shake my head.

“What do you want to do than?”

“I want Daddy Xiumin.”

Now it’s his turn not to respond.

“Thank you so much for an amazing weekend but I want to go home. I want my daddies. I don’t care if they throw me away later, I need them right now.” I’m crying into his chest again and I feel horrible for saying it to him but he isn’t what I need right now.

“I’ll call them,” He mumbles as he picks me up. “Until they get here you can come with me.” He quietly carries me back to his room and sits down on his bed where he still doesn’t let me go, instead he holds me on his lap with my face pressed into the crook on his neck. He grabs his phone off the night stand and calls them. The phone is loud enough that I can hear it but not very clearly. Whoever he calls answers on the third ring even though it’s four o’clock in the morning. The person gives quick, and almost bitter, greeting. “She wants you.” Is all he says before he hangs up.

“That’s all?” I whisper into his neck.

“That’s all it takes to make them come running for you.” We sit there in silence for a minute before he gets the nerve to ask, “What was your nightmare about?”

“They were trying to kill me.”

He chuckles humorlessly, “And that makes you want to go back to them?”

“I’m afraid they hate me, I need their reassurance that they don’t. That they still want me.”

“Would it be bad if they didn’t want you?”

I push away from him so that I’m fully straddling his lap but I’m too busy glaring at him to think about it, “What do you mean by that?”

He isn’t one bit bothered by my hostility. He places both on his hands on my face and strokes my cheeks softly. My glare softens at his actions, “I mean that would being with me be that bad?”

“Oppa,” I try to take his hands away but they won’t more.

“No, you need to hear this. You need to know how much you mean to me. You are my everything. Beautiful, you are the sunshine in my life, Tuesday is now my favorite day of the week and this will be one of the most memorable weekends of my life. It’s the first time I was able to hold you close while you slept. The first time I was able to wake up next to you and the first time I’m not worried about the time. I had you all to myself. You can try and tell me that you have your daddies and you don’t need anyone else but we both know it’s a lie.”

“Oppa please,” I beg him, I’m feeling too much right now to have him throw his heart at me. I’m not even able to hold my own without fucking it up, I can’t be in charge of someone else’s.

“I love you.”

“Oppa stop!”

“I love you Jooyoung.”

I try to fight away from his grip, his eyes are burning straight into my soul and I can’t handle it right now. I don’t know how I feel about anything other than wanting to go home and curl into a ball so I don’t have to deal with any problems for at least a few days. But he won’t let me go, he flips us over so he’s on top with that intense stare of his. My hands are pinned on either side of my head and I know it’s pointless for me to struggle at this point so I start to cry.

“I love you Jooyoung.”

“What do you want me to say to that?” I yell at him.

“I want you to admit you love me too. Say it out loud, just once.”

“I don’t,” It’s a lie.

“Say it!” His tone is harder, his hands tighten around mine when I seal my lips tight. “Why can’t you just admit it to me? Just to me! I won’t tell those fucking bastards I just need to hear it from your sweet mouth. I need to hear you say it, please my love, my sunshine, my moon, my stars, my everything. I just need to hear that you love me too.”

We just stare at each other for a minute. I can’t get myself to stop crying or to look away from him but he can’t either. His eyes blood shot from holding back tears, my heart breaks at the realization because I didn’t realize I was crushing his. I stop struggling in his grip.

He tries again, “I love you Jooyoung.”

“I love you Jiyong,” The words come out of my mouth barely above a whisper but he heard it. He closes his eyes for a moment but a handsome smile spreads across his face before he buries his face in the crook of my neck.

“I love you, I love you, I love you.” I’ve never heard him so happy. A small smile plays on my lips that try to hide but I can’t help it. I’m happy he’s so happy but I feel bad at the same time. I’m betraying my daddies, even though I’m forced into this situation, I could have gotten out of it. Jiyong would never hurt me, yet I decided to admit, to confess that I do love him. Not as much as my daddies of course, but I do love him. Our moment in broken by the sound of his phone ringing, “They must have been in town, fuck.”

He climbs off me as he grumbles something under his breath that I can’t quiet catch. Irritation is obvious in his voice as he answers the phone, “We’ll be down in a minute.” Without another word he hangs up and throws his phone on the bed.

“What about Jihyo?”

“I’ll take care of her, don’t worry. You just go home and go back to sleep. I’ll see you on Tuesday,” He sighs. He heads to the door but stops when he doesn’t hear me following. “Don’t want to go anymore?”

“I didn’t really have time to think of what I’m going to say to them.”

“What do you mean?”

I sigh, “I don’t know how to tell them that I had a nightmare where they tried to kill me.”

“Be a big girl and tell them just like that.”

I shake my head, “They don’t want me to be a big girl, I don’t want to be a big girl anymore.”

“Beautiful-“

I cut him off, “In my dream I told them I would be a good girl.”

He scoffs at me, “That was a dream.”

“No! You don’t understand,” I snap at him. “I can tell in real life that they are getting tired of my attitude. All they need me to do is need them, to listen to them, to be a good girl. If that’s all it takes to get them to keep loving me, I’ll do it.”

He doesn’t say anything for a minute. His phone goes off again but instead of reaching for it, he reaches for me. My legs are around his waist as he picks me up like a child.

“Oppa,” I question.

“If you want to be little, I’ll treat you like you are. You had a nightmare, act like it, they’ll worry over you like they want to.” He carries me to the elevator and holds me the whole way down. My face is buried in the crook of his neck when we reach the first floor. As soon as we step out of the elevator I feel them crowd around us but I can’t get myself to look right away.

“Is she okay?” Baekhyun worries. Kyungsoo and Lay’s voice echoes the same worry as they ask a dozen questions about what could be wrong with me. The empty lobby is soon filled with their familiar warm voices.

“Where is Xiumin?” Jiyong asks.

“He had to stay behind, why?” Kris’s voice is suddenly cold. I can feel him right behind me.

“She asked for him.”

“I’ll take her,” Kris eagerly places his hands on me.

“Is that okay?” Jiyong asks me.

I nod meekly, both nervous and excited to be back with them. Without much of a fight Jiyong hands me over to Kris. I latch on to him, not even giving him a chance to look at my face before I hide it in the crook of his neck. He smells like firewood and his clone that I love. God how I missed him, I missed all of them.

“She’ll be really tired. We didn’t get back till about two hours ago and her and Jihyo were messing around for about an hour of that before they passed out,” Jiyong tells them.

“Did she tell you what her nightmare was about?” Luhan wonders.

“You.”

A lesson or a blessing

For every lie that escaped your lips; violence in the shape of question
marks,
I thank you.

For every laugh that left your mouth, a mockery of everything I am; everything
I stand for,
I thank you.

For every twisted paradise you made with your paintbrush that could only
ever paint pain,
I thank you.

You are the reason I live with my
pockets full of sunshine,

You are my hardest lesson and my strongest goodbye,

You built me up to watch me fall
and now I’m flying-

I owe you nothing but silence and ash,
for you killed parts of me that will
never come back.

But I thank you.

Season 4 Finale Predictions

Wow!   Are we really here already?  As I did last season I’ll do my finale predictions as well as items we might see carry on into Season 5.  I don’t think I’m going to do as good as I did last season but here we go!

I’ll go under the thing because it got long.  I’m going dark at 4 pm MST so any asks I don’t get too before then will have to wait until tomorrow. 

I’ll see you all on the other side!

Keep reading

He was my winter. He reminded me of the cold December breeze and the numbing sensation it gives when it hits your skin. The lights that trigger nostalgia along with a constriction somewhere in my chest. It reminds me of how he gave me a broken heart as a Christmas present and how the fireworks can never bring back the light in my eyes.

You are my summer. The way your eyes shined that day, against the light, burned something in me. Your drive and your curiosity, reminded me of a life-altering summer adventure. You made me want to jump into the water and swim, even if I can’t. Your calmness reminded me of the waters. You gave me sun rays and smiles, hope and happiness. My eternal sunshine; everything that brought back the light in my eyes.

-
But just like seasons, they come and go. They come and go.

To Find A Home - Part Five

Originally posted by jensenacklex

Summary: Hours after Charlotte died, Y/N fights to stop Bellamy from destroying her only chance to save her family. And she makes a new friend along the way.

Warning: swearing, violence, mentions of sex

Word count: 3983

Main masterlist / To Find A Home masterlist

Previous part - Next part


A/N: This is…far from my best work. I’m not exactly happy with it but I have been struggling to write this thing for two days, and this is the best I could do. I hope you enjoy it anyway!


I didn’t sleep that night. I had gotten used to my small tent, to the sound of Charlotte’s steady breathing as she dreamed. I even missed the nightmares that would have her screaming herself awake, I missed holding her, I missed her rare smiles and the way she said my name. I missed my sister. How insane was it to care so deeply for someone you’d just met?

Keep reading

Rules: Always post the rules, answer the questions given to you, then write 10 questions of your own, and tag 10 other people.

Tagged by: @misanthropicphilantropist thanks for the tag.

Questions for me:

1. Coffee or tee? (Why?)
Coffee, because I wouldn’t be able to function with just 3 to 4 hours of real sleep.
2. Who is the most important person in your life?
My Self.
3. Does Jared Padalecki need a haircut?
Whats wrong with you? Let the moose keep his glorious hair waving in the wind.
4. Do you believe in the supernatural?
Yes. I’ma  a living proof of that stuff.
5. Women with short hair or long hair?
Let them decide what’s best for their personal tastes.
6. If NASA offered a one-way trip to Mars (no chance of ever returning to Earth) would you go?
Yes.
7. Samsung or Apple?
Samsung.
8. What was the last book you read and how did you like it?
I currently reading American Gods trying to  finish it first and then watch the series.
9. Favorite social media?]
Tumblr.
10. How many languages do you speak?
Two, English and Spanish. If coursing like a sailor is a dialect, I’m fluid in that too, in both languages ;)

Questions for you:

1. Which are the most influential books over your lifetime?
2. What your patronus will look like?
3. Where do you think you will go when you die?
4. How many times did you watch Supernatural entire series from the beginning to the last season?
5. Where is your Happy place?
6. If it were possible, would you like for your consciousness be transfered in to an android after you die?
7. Do you believe in our Hot Over Lord Misha Collins?
8. Do you prefer a Human!Cas or you wish Cas to keep his Grace and everything that makes him an angel when he comes back?
9. Which song do you think could perfectly fit for the first kiss on screen of Dean and Cas?
10. Tell me about a recurrent dream that makes you happy.

Tagging: @misanthropicphilantropist rebound @whyjm @sunshine-hunters @trisscar368 @starsinursa @weathergirl83 @calliopecookiejar @naruhearts @amwritingmeta @helianthus21 @tinkdw @jemariel @justrandomspnstuff @gneisscastiel @cas-essence @castiel-saved-me-from-myself @castiellover

You’re A What

Sunshine
Take A Sunshine
I had no idea what time it was but I was glad it was Saturday. My limbs were somehow entangled with those of Stiles.  I have never slept with a boy before, not in a sexual way and definitely not in a spooning sense.  This was whole experience was strange, because when we finally fell asleep I remembered laying on my side with my back facing his front.  Now my head is on his chest, with his right arm draped on my side holding me tightly against him.
Flashes of last night crawled back into my mind, calling him, him showing up on my doorstep. Him demanding me to open up to him, not taking no as a valid answer, making my walls crumble faster than I could rebuild them. I’ve only really known him for what, a week? Now he’s sleeping in my bed? I couldn’t believe how weak I’ve become recently, how I broke my vow of never letting someone get close to me in a matter of minutes due to a certain boy. It’s completely ridiculous! How did he snake his way through the defenses I thought were strong?
I heard a groan coming from the boy next to me , making my breath hitch, “Stop it. I can practically hear your brain over analyzing everything. Relax and go back to sleep.” he said casually, sleep still thick in his voice, making it sound husky and deep.
It in all honesty sent a shiver down my spine, I released the breath that had caught in my throat and I peered up at him wide eyed, how did he know I was over analyzing everything? He cracked open his eyes gazing back at me lazily.
“I’m just that good, Sunshine,” was all he said before closing his eyes once again.
 I didn't dare move and after a few minutes his eyes flew open asking what time it was while sitting up and grabbing his phone. He had missed calls from Scott and Lydia and a bunch of texts as well, he hurriedly dialed Scott.  I sat up rubbing my eyes and checking my phone to see a few calls from my mom and dad. They were probably worried that I hadn’t picked up even though it was noon.  After a few rings Scott picked up and practically yelled at Stiles saying he was worried about him and asking him where he’d gone.
“Scott calm down, I’m fine alright… I couldn’t sleep… yes I know what’s out there… I’m not a freaking idiot Scott. No… yeah okay I’ll meet you there in say like half an hour…yes I’m with her. Okay, bye.“ During the call he glanced at me a few times and he groaned a lot to whatever it was that Scott was saying. He pulled the blankets off of him standing up and stretching. He sat down slowly putting on his shoes, when finished he looked at me and smiled apologetically.
"I uh, have to go, Scott and Lydia need my help with some things. I really don’t want to leave especially when we still have a lot to talk about but this other thing is kind of important,” he paused realizing what he said then panicked, “Not that what is going on with you isn’t important-” I put my hand on his instinctually then I realized what I had done and ripped my hand away.
“It’s okay, if you have to go,  I understand.” I smiled, I already knew that he’d have to leave once he called Scott. I stood up  making my way out of my room and downstairs to my front door with Stiles trailing behind me quietly. I unlocked the door opening it slowly stepping to the side so I wasn’t in the way.
Stiles turned to me looking hesitant, “I’ll call you when I get a chance? You’ll be okay right?” I rolled my eyes and nodded, he seemed to feel like that was all the  reassurance he needed to walk out to his car. He got into his car, waving to me as he backed out of my driveway. I stood in the doorway for a few minutes after he left, in a daze, that is until I remembered I had to call my parents back. I closed the door, running up to my room and grabbed my phone. I quickly dialed my mom’s number and pressed the call button, it rang three times and she answered the phone angrily.
“Why haven’t you answered your phone young lady,” her accent was thick because she was so pissed, I winced.
“I didn’t wake up till now so I didn’t hear my phone. I’m sorry, I was so tired that as soon as I got home I passed out, then I woke up around one and I fell asleep again till now.” It wasn’t totally a lot of it was true, I just edited out the fact that Stiles came over.
“Okay, did you sleep well at least?” She asked not as mad as she was a second ago.
“Yeah, I actually slept really well, I feel a lot better today.” I acknowledged truthfully, images of being entangled with the idiot named Stiles.
“Well I’m glad you’re feeling better, make sure you eat something that isn’t only Ramen. You need real food that’ll make you feel better. Be sure to rest and do your homework,” I rolled my eyes with a smile, she continued, “I told your dad to put money  in your account for gas and food so don’t go to crazy but have fun for once. You’re too young to be a recluse all the time.” She finished and I laughed at her comments of being a recluse.
“I’ll have you know I kind of made a friend.” I retorted with sass.
“Is this person real or is it someone that’s a fictional character?” She asked seriously. I face palmed laughing.
“Mom, he’s real, I mean I think he is. His name is Stiles Stilinski, the Sheriffs kid.  He kind of just plopped down at my table in the library one day and kept bothering me and wanting to know more about me. I just kept blowing him off then yesterday, I saw Lynn, she was her usual rude self trying to bring me down, I of course stood up to her but she just kept going and then all of a sudden Stiles comes to the rescue, throwing some insults while grabbing my hand and led me away. Yesterday was kind of insane mom, and for the first time I don’t mind having someone around. It scares me,” I finished with a sigh.
My  mom was silent for a while then she spoke, “Wow, so he stood up for you in front of that girl? I’m glad your made a friend mija, God knows you need one,” she chuckled lightly, “I think he’ll be a good friend for you, and his dad is the sheriff so now I know you’ll be safe while we’re away. Don’t be scared, it’s normal to be nervous or apprehensive when you make a new friend,” she finished.
“Mom that’s not what I’m scared of, I’m scared that he’s slipping his way passed all the walls that I’ve created and that’s scary. I feel myself wanting to trust him, but the part of me that is scared feels like I’m just going to be let down again.” I expressed. “You know you can’t live your life like that anymore right? How am I supposed to have grandchildren when you won’t even get to know someone, I can’t die without having grandchildren Y/N!” My mouth was hanging open.
“Well that escalated quickly.” That was all I could say, not sure how to follow the rant she went on.
“Yeah and it’s going to escalate even more quickly  if you don’t stop trying to close yourself off from people because of fear. People sometimes hurt us but that’s life and that’s how we grow.” My mom responded.
“You’re right, ” I sighed, knowing I was not going to win because she was right.
“I know I’m right sweetie, mommy has to go now but remember to check in every so often and I’ll let your dad know that I talked to you,” She paused, then continued, “Please be careful out there, especially at night Y/N, it’s not the safest time to be out and about. Don’t forget to cleanse the house this week,” I mumbled a quiet okay and hung up.
The day went on in a lazy haze, I made myself breakfast which consisted of scrambled eggs and some bacon. I watched some TV for a while, then I gathered motivation to work on my homework. I still hadn’t heard from Stiles, not that I was paying attention or checking my phone every so often or anything.  When my homework was done I was tried of being at home so I decided to put on clothes and go for a drive, I looked at the time and it was around six o'clock in the evening.
I put on a pair of leggings, some cute black ankle boots, a plain grey shirt with a black and grey flannel wrapped around my waist. I pulled my hair into a pony tail and put in some dangling earrings. I have to admit I looked pretty nice, it was an improvement from the big shirt and shorts I’d worn all day.
I grabbed my bag, keys and phone as I walked out the door and getting to my car. My car roared to life, I plugged my phone and pressed play to the playlist I still hadn’t fully listened to. I didn’t even know what was playing but it had a nice beat so I turned up the volume, I rolled down the window and backed up out of my driving, I had no idea where I was going to go. All I knew was that I wanted to feel the cool air and drive around for a while to clear my head.
Before I knew where I was going I ended up at the look out point, where you can see all of Beacon Hills county. The lights and the clear night sky looked beautiful, so I put my car in park but left it on so I could listen to music, and got out stretching my legs. I took a deep breath and sat on the hood of my jeep. The stars looked perfect as they shined, the only light apart from the full moon that made the sky seem not as dark.
Maybe that’s all it takes, one glimpse of light to calm the overwhelming darkness and make it seem less dreary. I had never been terrified of the dark, in some ways it comforted me, but when I heard a howl break through the vibrations of beats coming out of my car I hopped off my car turning the music off, so I could listen. Then another howl erupted breaking the second of silence that had passed. It was almost as if the howls were communication, it was strange because wolves haven’t been in Beacon Hills for a long time.
I didn’t feel like I was in danger oddly enough though, it was more like I knew deep down that I’d be safe. After a while of not hearing anything, I went back to sitting on the hood of my car. I had zoned into a trance of sort, not thinking about anything, just staring out into the distance. My trance was broken however by the sound of a loud growl coming from my right side, I looked to the right gazing into the grim looking woods. I heard the growl  again and I could have sworn I saw a pair of dark eyes with a pale face staring back at me, I then saw a flash of red and then all four eyes were gone.
I was frozen, what did I just see? I jumped when I heard my phone ring a few minutes later, I jumped off the hood and got in my jeep answering my phone.
“Hello?” I didn’t look at the caller I. D.
“Uh, hey, it’s Stiles. I was wondering if you were home.” I was surprised to hear his voice but I couldn’t look away from the woods.
“Huh, what was that? I didn’t hear what you said.” I mumbled distractedly. I had an inkling to go and search for whatever I had seen just then but I also didn’t want to be the dumb person that goes after the strange thing in the woods and who turns up dead the next day. I couldn’t do that to my mom, she would die if I didn’t give her the grandchildren she so wanted. I could smell something that smelt familiar but I couldn’t put my finger on what it was.
“Are you home right now? Are you okay?” He asked, concern laced with his husky voice.
“Um, no I’m not actually. I'm at the look out point, I decided to get out of the house but I swear I had just seen-” I gazed intently trying to see if I’d see those blood red eyes again.
“What did you see? Its not safe to be out this time of night Sunshine,” He asked nervously almost as if he had knew what the answer was.
“Hmm? Um nothing never mind. I think I’m imagining things. You’re right, I should probably head home anyways. Was there anything uh, you needed?” I spoke still in daze but I was trying to snap out of it.
“Well I was at about to head home from being out and I wanted to watch Star Wars,” Stiles said slowly, I mumbled and uh-huh with butterflies roaming around in my stomach, then he continued, “Well I was wondering if you wanted to come watch it with me? You don’t have to, its not an obligation or anything, I just wanted to pass an invitation.” He stuttered, unlike the cocky façade he’s shown me in the past, which made me smile. I contemplated it for a little bit.
“Hmm, well seeing as I have nothing better to do, sure I’ll come. Do you want me to bring anything, I could pick up some pizza on the way? Or Chinese?” I asked matter of factly but on the inside I was freaking out.
“Um, I could go for some Chinese, if that’s okay.” He stuttered again, I got the feeling he didn’t expect me to actually say yes.
“Sure, its no problem, what do you want? Or do you just want me to get like fried rice and chicken? Is it gonna just you and I?” I asked the nerves finally settling in.
With a chuckle he replied, “It’s just you and me and get whatever, I’m not picky,” and suddenly his smug attitude was back. I mumbled a quick okay and hung up, I turned my car around and headed to the Chinese restaurant dialing the number as I drove back into the city.
The line had begun ringing when I passed the animal clinic and I saw Stiles jeep  and Scott’s motor bike while Scott was carrying a guy in his arms. I slowed down and it was as if Scott knew I was driving by because he turned and looked in my direction, eyes glowing red, my eyes widened in shock. Those were the same red eyes I had seen in the woods next to the look out point.  I pulled the car over to the side of the road. 
I didn’t even notice that someone had answered my call saying hello, waiting for me to respond. I quickly hung up and stared at the steering wheel, my mind going blank. What should I do? Should I just act like I didn’t see anything and go to Stiles’s house? Or go to the Animal  Clinic and go there and face whatever that was?  It didn’t look as if Stiles would be home any time soon, so why did he ask me to go to his house? Why did he lie?  I felt confused and I had this feeling that if I ignored the situation, it would come back around and kick me in the face, so naturally, I turned around and drove to the Animal Clinic.
I pulled into the back and parked my jeep next to Stiles's jeep, the nerves were slowly eating at me as I nervously sat in my car while I decided if I was going to go through with this. I grabbed my keys, taking some courage from who knows where and I got out of the car. I made my way to the double doors I saw Scott and Stiles enter before, I took a deep breath, my hand on the door, I pulled it open quietly. I followed a dark hallway to another set of double doors that had a small window to peer in, I could see Scott and Stiles’ back in front of me, a guy laying on the table and a bald guy  examining the person on the table.
Fear started to explode within me, I shouldn’t be here, I suddenly wanted to run back to my jeep and not look back. I could here their voices as they asked questions to this strange man standing in front of them.
“What’s wrong with him?” Asked Scott. “ I don’t know. What happened to him?" Asked the bald man.
"He just called me sounding urgent, I knew something was off. He told me to meet him in the woods, then tried to kill me. Suddenly collapsed in front of me, The weird thing is his eyes were black instead of yellow like it was before.” replied Scott.
“He’s still a werewolf right? What does black eyes mean?” Asked Stiles. A werewolf ? Those aren’t real are they? I felt so confused.
“I honestly don’t know what that means but if I have to guess, black eyes aren’t a good thing," answered the bald guy.
"He hasn’t been back to Beacon Hills for almost a year right? I mean it’s been almost a year since-” Stiles cut himself off short, looking down sadly. I think they were referencing the girl who’s name was Alison, I heard that they got mugged and that’s how she died, I remember over hearing people gossip about it.
I could see Scott take a deep breath and freeze. I found myself freezing as well, my breath got stuck in my throat. Did he know I was there? I was so scared.
“Guys, I don’t think we’re alone,” stated Scott, he turned his head to the side like he was trying to hear for movement.
“What do you mean? We’re the only ones here, Lydia is out with Malia,” questioned Stiles. Please don’t look behind you, I thought to myself or at least I thought  I said it in my head. Apparently I whispered it out loud and Scott turned around and saw me, stupid, stupid me .  I was frozen in place what was I supposed to do, I’d been caught.
“I mean the girl standing behind that door right there. Come inside Y/N.” He pointed at me  and Stiles’s eyes widened when his gaze met mine. I slowly pushed the door open putting one foot in front of the other stumbling into the operation room.
“I think I made a mistake, is this not the Chinese restaurant?” I tried to be as convincing as I could’ve been but I knew I’d failed when Scott gave me the you’re full of crap look. I sighed not looking at Stiles at all while shifting from foot to foot.
“How much did you hear?” Asked Scott.
“Um, pretty much the whole thing.” I deadpanned.
“What do you mean the whole thing?” Asked Stiles, I could feel his eyes burning holes in my direction.
“Uh, just that you don’t know what’s wrong with the guy on the table, who’s eyes were black.” I looked at Scott nervously.
“She knows,” sighed Scott.
“She knows what exactly?” I asked confused my eyebrows furrowed.
“You saw me in the woods didn’t you? That was you wasn’t it? You know I’m a werewolf,” Scott pieced together.
“You’re a what?” I asked my eyes widened, but Scott gave me a weird look like he didn’t believe me, “Look, I honestly don’t know what you are talking about, I didn’t see anything, honestly. If you want to believe you’re a werewolf you go ahead. I think I’ll just head home,” I started walking backwards but I was in too deep, I knew that from the moment I stepped out of my jeep.
“You were supposed to meet me at my house? Why did you come here?” Questioned Stiles, breaking the silence which stopped me in my tracks.
“I was on my way to get the food, when I noticed you guys carrying that guy,” I pointed at the unconscious dude and continued, “I don’t know, I got this feeling like I needed to turn around and come here. I’m not exactly proud to be here. Especially when your best friend thinks he’s a werewolf,” I spoke quietly. Scott looked back and forth between the bald guy and Stiles,  I think they were trying to decide what to do.
“I can prove I’m a werewolf.” Scott sighed. In an instant his eyes glowed blood red for the third time tonight, his face changed into something that resembled an animal. Suddenly a smell surrounded me making me take a deep breath.
“Does anyone smell that?” I looked around the room, re-entering the room more completely. The same smell from the woods flooding my senses.
“What is it that you smell exactly?” Asked the bald man.
“It smells a lot like the herbs that my mom and I burn every few months around the house,” I tried to remember what it was they burnt, when I did I continued, “It’s Sage, Myrrh and Sandalwood. There’s something else there and I’ve only smelt it once, I think its Brimstone powder. It’s subtle though, so I could be wrong,” I felt weird, almost like I was in a trance of some sort.
“Why do you and your mom burn those herbs?” Inquired the bald man.
“Uh, I don’t really know all too much, it’s just something that we’ve done for as long as I’ve been alive. I asked once though and all my nana said was that Sage purifies and protects, Sandalwood cleanses and Myrrh heals. That’s all she told me but once I was old enough to be apart of the process. Since my parents are almost always out of town and nana died a few years, I have to do it.” The bald man nodded slowly, clearly pensive.
“The Brimstone powder is the weird thing though, my Nana said that if you smell Sulphur it means a hex or a possession has been placed. She said hex’s are the worst,  because most are irreversible. Possessions are a bit easier to take a way. If you smell the Brimstone powder it means someone tried to remove either the hex, possession or both.” I explained.
“How do you know so much about this? Do you happen to be a descendant of witches?” Asked the bald man.  I could feel everyone’s eyes on me.
“I’m not quite sure, what I do know is that my Nana was born in Louisiana. My great great grandfather was a medicine man and my great grandfather was a healer, so it was just something that was passed down through both my dad’s mother’s side and his dad’s side. When my dad married my mom, my Nana loved my mom so much that she taught her all the home remedies she knew to help protect the family,  the same went for me when I became of age. It isn’t something we talk about though or show others unless we trust them,” I replied quietly.
“Do you trust us?” Stiles asked, I glanced at him while looking around the room. I mean to some extent I trusted Stiles, that much I knew but Scott and this bald guy I didn’t really know enough to trust.
I then remembered when Scott was leading us out of class and I could sense this aura of authority and purity emanating from him. At the time I didn’t think much of it but now it arose a new question. If Scott is a werewolf who has authority does that make him an alpha?
“Scott by chance are you an Alpha?” I asked shifting from foot to foot.
“Yeah, I’m a true alpha. Why?” replied Scott. “I can’t say if I trust you guys ‘cause honestly I don’t really know you, but I have this feeling as if I’m supposed to help you.” I peeked up at everyone stopping when I was greeted with Stiles’s brown eyes.
There was something unreadable about his expression and it sent a shiver down my spine. I looked up and remembered that I had all the same herbs at home, “If we want to make sure I was right, I have the herbs at home?” I suggested.
Scott nodded, “Okay, well someone should stay with Isaac , while we go see if these herbs are the right ones.”
“I’ll stay while you guys go, my name is Deaton by the way, I realized that we hadn’t formally met yet.” Deaton had his hand raised for me to shake. I walked closer to him and took his hand smiling as best as I could, “Pleasure to meet you, I’m Y/N.” I stated.
Scott, Stiles and I walked out the doors, I  got into my car with Stiles sitting in the front with me, Scott said he wanted to take his bike and that he’d follow me. I tried not to focus on the glances Stiles would give me every five seconds. I pulled out of the parking lot, making my way home with an alpha werewolf trailing behind me and next to me is  this pale faced boy that was making me feel things I couldn’t comprehend. So I did the one thing I’m very skilled at, avoid eye contact  and conversation until I could sort out what I was feeling and where I stood around this boy and his friends.
The ride to my house was awkwardly silent the whole way there. Finally, arriving I pulled into the drive way, parked my car and got out. Scott wasn’t too far behind but he was far enough that it was just Stiles and I walking to my front door. I unlocked the door nervously, when I opened the door Stiles grabbed my arm preventing me from going in. “I can see that you’re trying to crawl back into that hole inside your head where you don’t want to talk to me and you want to avoid me. Stop it, you can trust me, Scott and the pack. I know it’s comfortable there, familiar even, I know you’re scared about getting involved in whatever is going on, but we will protect you, I will protect you.” Stiles took a step closer to me making my breath get stuck in my throat. He knew what was happening inside my head without even having to say anything. I glimpsed up at this strange boy that never ceased to amaze me, his eyes were studying me and he opened as if he wanted to say something but then Scott had drove  up the driveway and was walking up to my door. Stiles released his hold on me while clearing his throat, I entered my house with Stiles and Scott trailing behind me. I led them down to my basement, turning on the light as I walked down the stairs.
We had a special room that was used to store the herbs that were necessary for different remedies of sorts. I opened the door and turned on the light to see large shelves lining the walls with every herb someone could need. In the middle of the room there was a table, the table had a grinder and rope to bind the herbs. I walked to the sections where the herbs I had mentioned were. I grabbed them and handed them to Scott for him to smell, then walked over to where the Brimstone powder was and sniffed it. I was right, that was the powder I could smell even if it was faint.
“You were right, this is the smell coming from Isaac. I can smell it clearly now,” confirmed Scott. “Yeah, I’m sure the faint smell was the Brimstone powder.” I confirmed.
“Okay this is great and all but what do these herbs represent, why would Isaac smell like these herbs? How do we help him?” Stiles asked with furrowed brows.
“Well the main focus of these herbs are to restore what once was and to protect the user from harm. These herbs aren’t the hardest to come across but they aren’t easy either, meaning someone went through some effort to help your friends. Brimstone is pretty hard to come by as well,  so whoever this was knew what they were doing. The real question is what happened to him before to warrant someone to gather these herbs? Why hasn’t it worked?” I responded.
“Is there anyone you could ask about those herbs? To know more about their properties?” inquired Scott.
“I could do some research but its gonna take some time. My mom will know a little bit about them but I don’t know what will come of asking her. I’ll call her in the morning, till then I’ll look online for some info.” I replied, taking a deep breath.
“Okay, Stiles stay here and help her with the research, I’m gonna go back to the clinic and try to see if I can wake Isaac up. Maybe he can tell us what happened,” Scott started to walk out of the room but I stopped him, “Scott, wait take this with you and have Deaton burn some around the clinic, and put the brimstone powder around Isaac, if something negative is around, this will subdue it. He won’t able to leave the circle,” I handed him the Sage, Sandalwood and Myrrh that were already bound together and a little bag with the Brimstone. Scott nodded slowly and left,  leaving Stiles and I in the basement alone.
I grabbed some more of the herbs quickly binding it  and making two sticks to burn, I handed one to Stiles then I went back to the shelves to look for Blueberries, Juniper berries and Rowan and Rowan berries. When I brought them back I placed the items in the grinder, I added a touch of water then started grinding the ingredients.
“What are you doing?” Asked Stiles, he stepped closer to me peering over my shoulder.
“These are berries that offer protection from hexes and everything pretty much. It’ll become a paste and when it’s ready we have to burn the herbs while walking throughout every room making sure we hit every corner of the rooms. Then with this paste I will rub it one each corner of the outer walls of the house. The herbs cleanse the inside and the berries protect the outside.” I defined, “Since we don’t know what is wrong with Isaac I don’t want to risk anything negative to follow us here. When we’re done we can start on research.” I mumbled shyly.
“You are really are the most interesting girl I’ve ever met, this coming from a guy who dated the girl that was living in the woods.” He chuckled.
“I’m just going to take that as a compliment.” I muttered sarcastically.
“You should,” he smirked.
When I was done I lit the two bundles  taking one for myself  and handing the second to Stiles. I showed him what to do starting in the herb room, then around the main room in the basement. We walked upstairs to the main floor, repeating the process in the front room, kitchen, living room and den. Then we made it upstairs to the bedrooms and the attic. After we had finished, we made our way outside.  I had Stiles hold the container holding the paste  in one hand so I could take two fingers and rub some of the paste on each outer wall. It took about an hour to cleanse the whole house, by the time we were done I was hungry and the bundles were reduced to ashes. Stiles and I walked into the kitchen in which I told him to set down the container that once held the berry paste and wash his hands. When he was done I followed suit, my stomach grumbled loudly.
“A little hungry are we Sunshine?” Smirked Stiles, I rolled my eye a smile appearing on my face, “There it is, she smiled, ladies and gentlemen, she smiled.” Stiles joked, looking around as if there were a lot of people in the room.
“You do realize that we’re the only ones here right dork?” I scoffed.
“Wow Sunshine, what’s with the name calling?” Sniffled Stiles, he tried not to smile but failed miserably.
“This is going to be a long night isn’t it?” I mumbled to myself, shaking my head.
A/n: Hey Loves, I hope you enjoy this chapter! I’m sorry it has taken me so long to get this chapter out. I started school again but I’m trying to be consistent and update for you lovely people.  I love ya’ll :)

Fall Out Boy- Folié à deux sentence starters
  • "I'm coming apart at the seams"
  • "There's a hole where something was"
  • "Don't worry. You'll never remember your head is far too blurry"
  • "Hey doctor I'm certifiable"
  • "What a match, I'm half doomed and you're semi-sweet"
  • "Boycott love."
  • "Detox just to retox"
  • "I don't care."
  • "As long as it's about me"
  • "Say my name and his in the same breath, dare you to say they taste the same"
  • "Pull a breath like another cigarette."
  • "Pawn shop heart tradin' up."
  • "The best of us can find happiness in misery"
  • "Hell or glory, I don't want anything in between"
  • "They always bring up how you've changed"
  • "We didn't come to compete"
  • "Never the same person when I go to sleep as when I wake up."
  • "You could have knocked me out with a feather"
  • "I know you've heard this all before."
  • "But we're just hells neighbors "
  • "I must confess I'm in love with my own sins"
  • "You can pretend you don't know you're a legend"
  • "Head like a steel trap"
  • "I don't just want to be a footnote in someone else's happiness"
  • "Does your husband know the way the sunshine gleams from your wedding band?"
  • "Does he know the way, of the crickets that would convince me to call it a night"
  • "I will never end up like him"
  • "Behind my back I already am"
  • "Tempest in a teacup"
  • "Peroxide princess, shine like shark teeth"
  • "Sometimes I wanna quit this all"
  • "Besides, the dollar is down"
  • "I wanna scream I love you from the top of my lungs, but I'm afraid someone else will hear me"
  • "My mouth got going "
  • "And I asked him it back would bring our luck back"
  • "You can only blame your problems on my world for so long before it all becomes the same old song"
  • "I can't explain a thing"
  • "I want everything"
  • "Oh baby, when they made me, they broke the mold."
  • "I will never believe in anything again"
  • "Kick drum beating in my chest again"
  • "I love the mayhem more than the low"
  • "Change will come"
  • "I got troubled thoughts and the self esteem to match."
  • "You'll never catch us"
  • "Let me be"
  • "This flag says I still want you back"
  • "They say the captain goes down with the ship"
  • "If home is where the heart is, we're all just fucked"
  • "I want it so bad Id shoot the sunshine into my veins"
  • "I can't remember the good old days"
  • "It's kinda funny the way we're wearing anchors on our shirts"
  • "My mind is a safe"
  • "My body is an orphanage"
  • "Milligrams in my head burning tobacco in my wind."
  • "Chasing the directions you went"
  • "You're a bottled star"
  • "You shine in the sky"
  • "Are all the good times getting gone?"
  • "I've got a lot of friends who are stars but some are just black holes."
  • "Being anchored just feels like a curse"
  • "I'm not a crybaby"
  • "I'm the crybaby"
  • "Romancandle heart keeps us far apart"
  • "Hate me baby maybe"
  • "I'm a piece of art"
  • "My friends all lie and say they only want the best wishes for me"
  • "Oh baby you're a classic"
  • "But you'll be fading soon"
  • "I can make your heart slow"
  • "Wish hard enough I can turn it to what I like"
  • "I'm a young one stuck in the thoughts of an old ones head"
  • "While all the others were just stirring awake I'm trying to trick myself to fall asleep again"
  • "My heads in heaven"
  • "My soles are in hell"
  • "Let's meet in the purgatory of my hips and get well"
  • "Hurry, hurry !"
  • "What makes you so special?"
  • "I'm gonna leave you"
  • "I'm gonna teach you how we're all alone"
  • "I'm alone, all alone"
  • "If we don't medication, won't sleep for days."
  • "I'm a sunshine machine"
  • "Have you ever wanted to dissapear?"
  • "Please take me back."
  • "I'm astray dog sick"
  • "Please let me in"
  • "Don't let the doctor in I wanna blow off steam"
  • "It feels like fourteen karats but no clarity when I look at the man who would be king"
  • "We won"
  • "Wishes bounce me weightless"
  • "Infrared scope on pointlessness"
  • "Oh hell yes"
  • "I'm a nervous wreck"
  • "I'm the last of my kind"
  • "Knock once for the father"
  • "The drugs just make me reset"
Steroline Drabble- Warm Me Up

Prompt from akward-ray-of-sunshine : how about Caroline coming back from a hard day at Whitmore at the Salvatore house and Caroline talks about annoying people at the school while stefan makes a hot chocolate for her. :) (my first prompt)
A/N: Don’t know if this was what you were looking for but I tried my best! Enjoy and send feedback :)

RATED M — SMUT AHEAD


Long classes, boring teachers, annoying classmates who seemed to know just about everything in every class.  Another terrible day at Whitmore.  Caroline and Bonnie were constantly at school and studying hard, and usually they went to visit Stefan and Damon on the weekends at the Salvatore house, but Caroline couldn’t take it anymore.  So she went on that insanely cold Tuesday afternoon to see Stefan.  

Keep reading

Fight Song ~ Part 9 ~ I Don’t Care

Originally posted by d-i-s-a-p-p-e-a-r-s

Warnings: Depression, attempted suicide, hallucinations

Pairings: Steve X Reader X Bucky

Word Count: 2704

Heavy Trigger warning!!!

Hallucinations, attempted Suicide, Depression, and Vomiting…

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When we pull up outside my house I throw open my door and practically run into the house and instantly start to search for a bottle of anything. I needed something to forget the pain. Something to drown my sorrows. Something to make me feel numb. I throw open the liquor cabinet doors and grabbing the closest bottle twist the cap off and bring it to my lips. I take three big gulps before I come up for air the Whiskey burning as it settles in my stomach. I kick my heels off and setting the bottle down momentarily I pull my coat off and toss it onto the floor. Grabbing the bottle I stomp up the stairs and reaching my room slamming the door behind me as I walk through it.

I take another gulp before I set the bottle down and reaching back unzip my dress and toss it in the corner of the room. I grab the bottle and walking into the bathroom, turn the shower on and climb inside. The power was still off so no doubt it would be cold; but that was what I wanted. I wanted to be numb. At first the cold water stings my skin but soon I can’t feel it anymore. I bring the bottle to my lips and take another gulp. I hear the sound of doors opening and closing and my heart clenches.

Frowning I bring the bottle to my lips and just start chugging. After a few gulps I pull the bottle from my lips and glare at it. “Stupid girl,” I say to myself as I lean my head back making the icy water pull the curls from my hair. I run a hand through my hair before I turn around and place my face in the ice cold water streaming from the shower head. I look down at the shower drain and clench my jaw as I see the makeup wash away. I set the bottle down on the shower rack before I bring my hands to my face and start scrubbing roughly making the makeup instantly disappear.

After a few seconds I turn the water off and grabbing the bottle climb out of the shower and walk to the mirror. I stare at my reflection for a moment and silently fight the urge to punch the mirror. My lips are bright blue and my skin is a pale white. I stare at my eyes for a moment before the familiar sight of Devlin catches my eye. I slowly turn toward him and holding my arms up say, “Is this what you want? Me, a train wreck, borderline suicidal, inches from just walking out into the night like this and not looking back?”

“You know me all too well.” He says as a smirk crosses his lips.

“I should have just let you do what you wanted to me.”

“Oh?” he says raising an eyebrow.

“Yeah,” I say as tears fill my eyes. “I should have just lain there and taken it.”

I’m glad you finally see it my way kid,” He says as he stands and walks over to me. I stand there unmoving as he reaches forward and runs his fingertips from my lips to my chest. He stops as a shiver runs through my body. “What’s the matter, Cold?”

“Nope,” I say as I bring the bottle to my lips and down a couple more gulps.

“Then do it,” He says pulling his hand away from me and sitting down on the window seat.

“What?” I say surprised as I raise an eyebrow.

“End it,” He says folding his arms over his chest. “It’s what you want right? To be free from all the pain, the heartache, and the memories,”

“I want numbness,” I say as I grip tightly to the bottle making my knuckles turn white.

“Then end it,” He says leaning backwards in his seat. I walk over to my door and locking it turn back to the window. I feel sadness wash over me as I walk over to the window and leaning forward unlatch it and right as I start to open it someone grabs my hands. I stare at the hands blankly before I follow them to their owner.

“Come on sunshine, you don’t want this.” Duggan says making tears fill my eyes.

“I want to be with you,” I cry out as I tighten my grip on the window pane.

I know you do, but I want you to live.”

“What about what I want?” I cry out as I feel my knees buckle underneath me.

“I know it hurts but that’s how you know you’re alive.” He says as he kneels down next to me. “Listen to me Sunshine,” he says as he reaches up and placing his fingers under my chin lifts it enough to stare into his eyes,“I love you, you are my Sunshine, and I want you to be happy but if you do this then you won’t be happy.”

“I’m so lonely grandpa; I don’t know what to do anymore. It hurts so much.” He instantly pulls me into his arms and I clutch tightly to him like my life depends on it.

“It’ll be okay Sunshine, you’ll be okay.” He says as he rubs my shoulders.

‘I miss you,“ I say as I clutch tightly to him.

"I miss you too, but please be strong for me. I want you to be happy.”

“Oh come on old man you know what’ll make her happy,” Devlin says and clench my jaw. “Come on kid, open the window.”

“Sunshine, do not open that window,”

“I can’t take this anymore!” I cry out loudly and grip tightly to the sides of my head as my grandfather and Devlin yell back and forth at each other. Tears stream down my face as I sit in the floor my legs pressed up against my chest as my lips tremble from the cold. “It hurts, everything hurts; I want it to end! Please just make it end!” I yell out as I start to pull at my hair their arguing only getting louder.

Opening my eyes I look over to see the bottle and instantly reach for it. Grabbing it I quickly bring it to my lips and start to chug drowning the voices out making everything quiet. Suddenly the bottle slips from my hand and crashes onto the floor making it shatter. I feel numbness overtake me and my eyelids grow heavier until they close completely. I hear people cry out my name but I can’t move.

It’s quiet, so quiet.

Everything’s calm and peaceful. 

No more Devlin, no more pain, no more tears, just quiet.

It’s warm, so warm.

“(Name)!” Steve cries out from somewhere in the darkness making my heart rise in my chest.

What’s going on?

“Come on (Name) you need to throw up!” Steve’s voice says again and I look around.

Why is it so dark? Where is everyone? What did I do?

“Follow my voice Stark, come back!”

Bucky? Steve? What’s going on?

I suddenly feel something go down my throat and my eyes instantly shot open as all the alcohol I had drank comes back up from my stomach.

“Good girl, come on just keep at it.” Bucky says as he rubs my back while Steve holds my hair.

“W-w-w-what h-h-h-happened?” I ask as the black specks quickly leave my eyes making me realize I was now in the bathroom head in the toilet as more vomit spews from my mouth.

“We heard you crying out and came running.” Steve says making you slowly turn to look at him his eyes filled with worry and panic. “When we found the door locked we panicked,”

“Sorry about the door,” Bucky says and I chuckle slightly as I say, “W-w-what is it with y-y-y-y-you and doors Barnes, w-w-w-w-what did my doors ever do to you?”

“They wouldn’t open that’s what!” He says and before I can reply more alcohol comes up my throat making me throw up in the toilet.

“What happened?” Steve asks and tears fill my eyes and I wipe my mouth as I say, “I just wanted it to be quiet. I couldn’t take the voices and the pain anymore.”

“So you were gonna kill yourself?” Steve asks and I stare at the toilet.

“At first yeah,” I say as I wince at the pain in my stomach, “Then when grandpa Dum showed up I knew I couldn’t but I just wanted it to be quiet. He started arguing with Devlin and I just couldn’t take it.” I say as tears fall down my cheeks. “I wish this would all just end. I’m tired of the voices; I’m tired of seeing things that aren’t there.” My stomach churns and I upchuck into the toilet.

“Bucky go get her some water and bread, she’s gonna be here for a while.”

“You gonna get her some clothes?” Bucky asks and Steve nods. Bucky pats my back one more time before he stands and heads down the stairs.

Clothes? I glance down to see that I am still in just my underwear and I instantly cover myself. Well this is awkward.

“I’ll be right back,” Steve says as he stands and walks into my bedroom to find me some clothes. I pull myself from the toilet and pushing myself to my feet find that I can walk. Sort of. I stumble into the bedroom and staring at him say, “Why didn’t you guys just let me go?”

His back tenses as he says, “What would Stark say if you had died?”

“Good riddance,”

“No (Name) he wouldn’t!” Steve says sternly making me jump slightly at his words. “Dammit (Name) is that all you think of him? He’s your father,”

“Then where was he when I was dying?” I cry out. “Not just a few minutes ago but when I was child, the night my innocence was taken from me. The night I put a bullet through Devlin’s head and his blood splattered all over me. huh? Where was he then?”

“You can’t hold that against him (name) he didn’t know you were alive.”

“You’re right,” I say as I hold my hands up in surrender. “Oh wait you’re always right, You’re Captain fucking America!”

“(Name) this isn’t you.”

“Isn’t it though?” I say as a chuckle escapes my lips.

“You’re still drunk, you need to calm down.”

“And you need to go to hell,” I say as I look around for anything I could throw at him.

“What the hell did I walk in on?” Bucky says as he stands in the doorway glancing back and forth between me and Steve.

“Glad you could join us Soldier,” I say making him raise an eyebrow at me. “Please for the love of god explain to me what I have done to make you both hate me?”

“What? We don’t hate you.” Bucky says as he furrows his brow at me.

“Well then why did you avoid me and pull away from me?”

“You were on a date (Name),” Steve says making me slowly glare at him. “Don’t you think it’s bad to flirt with someone else in front of your date?”

“Seriously?” I ask as a chuckle escapes my lips. “You’re talking about Blake right?” They nod and I instantly fold my arms over my chest as I say as calmly and angrily as I can, “He’s gay you assholes!” They both stare at me wide eyed and I roll my eyes. “He’s in a relationship with Mikey; he just can’t let people know because around here everyone is extremely prejudiced, like deathly prejudice.”

“(Name), we-” Bucky starts but I quickly hold up my hands silencing him.

“Just don’t okay,” I walk over to him and taking the water and bread from him and place it on a nearby dresser say, “Thank you for your help, now please both of you get out of my room.”

“Wait, why are you the only one allowed to be angry?” Bucky asks and I glare at him.

“Seriously?”

“Yeah,” he says as he folds his arms over his chest and stands tall in the doorway.

“Because that’s how it goes,”

“Then why did you lie to us?”

“What the hell are you talking about Barnes?”

“You lied about not liking us, but at the bar we heard you talk to Blake about us.”

“You heard that?” I ask my arms falling to my sides as I stare up at him in shock.

“We heard everything,” Steve says and I feel a knot well up in my throat.

“And?” I say as I gulp down a breath of air.

“We understand you don’t want to ruin our friendship but you really couldn’t. Buck’s my brother, I trust him completely, and I know that even if you decide to pick him it wouldn’t change that.”

“If you were there then you know I can’t choose. I just can’t, I like you both.”

“We know,” Bucky says as he reaches out and places his hands on my shoulders. I look up at him as he offers me a reassuring smile.

“I-” Before I am able to finish speaking I run back to the bathroom and throw up again.

“Thank you for not puking on me!” Bucky yells out from inside my room and I roll my eyes. A few seconds later I see someone place a shirt and Pajama pants down next to me and I slowly glance over at them. Steve offers me a soft smile and my eyes soften.

“I’m sorry about what I said,” I say as Bucky walks in with the water and the bread.

“Don’t worry about it Stark,” Bucky says as he plops down in the floor next to me and hands me the glass of water that I instantly attack, gulping it down in seconds. As I finish the glass I sit it down beside me as I lick my bottom lip.

“Who would have thought water would taste so good?” I say as I wipe my mouth. Bucky chuckles and I look over to see him smirking at Steve who mimicked his expression. “Um can I get some privacy?” I ask I grab my clothes. They quickly nod before jumping to their feet and walking out of the bathroom and into my bedroom closing the door in the process. Although unknown to me the door didn’t exactly close all the way.

Clothes in hand I push myself to my feet and let out a sigh. Placing the clothes on the sink I reach around and start unclasping my bra. Pulling it from my body I drop it down onto the floor, I’d pick it up later. I glance at the mirror to see a bruise now appearing on my stomach and I shake my head. Bucky didn’t need to see it; it would only make him feel like shit. I gently run my fingers along ther bruise as a memory appears in my mind.

“Who’s that grandpa?” I ask as I point to the picture in my grandfather’s old scrapbook. It was an older picture of all of the howling commandos standing next to each other.

“That’s Sergeant Barnes, better known as Bucky,”

“Bucky?” I say as a chuckle escapes my lips.

“Yes ma'am.” He says as he pulls the photo from the book and holds it closer for me to see. “He was a good man, and a good friend.”

“What happened to him?”

“He uh,” he pauses not sure how to continue; “He fell off a train, and ended up asleep.”

“Asleep?”

“Yeah,” I look up into my grandfather’s blue eyes to see a melancholy look in his eyes and I offer him a reassuring smile.

“Don’t worry he’ll wake up, I promise.”

Oh how right had I been?

I smirk as I reach out and pulling my shirt over my head, run a hand through my hair. Reaching back to the sink I grab my Pj pants and quickly slipping into them let out a sigh. My stomach churns and I quickly move back over to the toilet right as another fit of vomiting occurs. “(Name)?” Steve says as he knocks on the door.

“Yeah?” I groan out as I pull some toilet paper form the roll and wipe my mouth.

“Can we come in?”

“Yeah,” He opens the door and I slowly turn to see that both he and Bucky’s faces were flushed and I tilt my head. “What’s up with you two?”

“Um the uh,” Steve starts but his face just turns redder.

“What Steve is trying to say is that the door didn’t close,”

“And?” I ask clearly not understanding.

“We, uh saw, uh everything,”

“Everything?” I ask tilting my head. He motions to my body and my face instantly turns bright red.

“OHMYGOD why didn’t you say anything?!” I cry out which instantly resulted in my vomiting again. “You know what never mind, I need to lay down.”

“Here I’ll help you up,” Steve says as he instantly moves to my side lifting me up with ease.

“Thank you,” I say as my head suddenly starts to spin. Shaking it I reach out for the wall and find two sets of hands instantly grabbing me and helping me toward my bed. When we reach it Bucky pulls the blankets back allowing me to crawl atop of the bed. I snuggle down under the sheets and reach out for Captain Ameri-bear and Bucky-bear. I feel them place the covers over my shoulders and I let out a content sigh.

“I don’t think we should leave her alone,” I hear Steve say and I listen quietly as I stare at the wall.

“I agree but what are we gonna do? After all that’s happened tonight I doubt she wants to share a bead with us again.” Bucky says and I roll my eyes.

“If you two are that worried about me then just get in the dam bed, I’ll worry about the results later.” I say as I close my eyes.

“Are you sure?” I hear Steve ask and I let out an annoyed sigh.

“Yes, now shut up and get in the bed; my head’s starting to hurt.” I reply making Bucky chuckle.

“You heard the lady Rogers,” Bucky says as he walks over and plops down on the side of the bed he used the night before making me glare at him as my head starts to pound.

“I will kill you Barnes,” I say making him smirk.

“Yeah, yeah, night Stark.” He says as he leans back and placing his hands behind his head closes his eyes. The bed sinks down behind me and I suddenly become overly aware that Steve is lying behind me.

Not now hormones I’m tired.

“Night Barnes, Goodnight Steve.” I say as I clutch tightly to my stuffed bears.

“Goodnight (Name).” He replies his voice sounding almost like a lullaby.

I’m gonna hate it when I wake up.

Will Continue in ~ Happy Birthday

It has honestly warmed my heart reading your guys’s stories about Andrea so I just thought I’d post about how much sunshine she has brought to my life too. Back in June 2014 I was going through kind of a rough time, I’d been really sick for a while and my friends weren’t being very nice to me and the Taylor concert was all I had to look forward to whilst waiting for the school year to end. 

So come the second night of the red tour I was so fortunate to meet with and have time with Taylor, she was absolutely incredible of course - so sweet, beautiful, and kind. Everything people say she is. I was watching the show afterwards and ran with my friend over to the B-Stage. Andrea spotted us immediately as we were all lit up and rushed over to us with her arms outstretched. 

I had taken a selfie with her before State of Grace and she said that she wanted to stop and talk but it was too busy to do so at the time and that she was so glad she had found me and my friend again. She embraced us as soon as she saw us and gave us both kisses on the cheek, she thanked us profusely for loving her daughter and watched with us in awe as Taylor performed. She asked us if it was okay if she would sit with us and watch the B-Stage part of the show and of course we said yes. 

She sang every single word. Taylor sang You Belong With Me, Long Live and Sparks Fly and she kept looking at us and making eye contact and adorable hand gestures during all of the songs and was laughing at how hard we sang the lyrics to Long Live. She said that we were going to love the new stuff, and we thanked her for giving birth to such a beautiful human - to which she laughed and said it’s all down to Taylor herself. She said she was so sorry she couldn’t give us Club Red (there was no CR that night) and I told her it was fine because I had a meet and greet. She apologised to me for not being able to give me a gift I was not expecting to receive, how amazing is she? 

Andrea lit up my life for the period of time I spent with her, I was so fantastically happy having just met Taylor and watching her perform Long Live - meeting Andrea, someone whom I have looked up to as well for a long time was just perfect. 

It was so clear where the kind, generous, warm and loving sides of Taylor came from after meeting Andrea - she treated us like her own children and mothered us so perfectly even in just a 15 minute interaction. She was so thrilled to be with us and share an experience that she knew for us was so defining. Singing with her is a memory I’ll never forget and I’m so saddened to hear that she’s going through something that no one as beautiful as her should experience. I wish her every health and happiness, and I’m sure that her family are coming together to support her in the best way they know how. 

Friday
  • I swear the clocks today are ticking two seconds forward, and then three seconds back, because whooooooa. Slowest. Day. Ever. 
  • I have this coming Monday off because I worked both days last weekend, and I am so, so, so excited. I have zero plans, but whether I end up doing everything, or nothing, it shall be glorious. 
  • I’m volunteering tomorrow morning for Project Sunshine with Swarovski Crystal to help make Christmas ornaments with children with cancer. I’m really excited for it.  
  • My blog is getting a makeover (wa-hoo! About time) and I can’t wait to see the final thing go live. 
  • I haven’t painted my nails this whole week! That’s a record for me, but I saw my nails were getting slightly yellow (ewwwww) so I’m giving them a little breather. 
  • Tonight my friend Angela is coming over to my apartment for wine and dinner and girl time, which is particularly excellent because last night I super cleaned my apartment and did three loads of laundry. 
  • Therapy is amazing. So fantastic, in fact, that I look forward to it each week. However, although it’s not really a ‘however,’ but I googled my therapist earlier this week. Bad freaking idea. As she’s friends with a girl from my old university who I really really really never liked. Hmm. HMM. It was so weird seeing her with this girl, and knowing she knows all my secrets.
  • Work is quiet today, which is awesome, and I sort of feel lost being between projects right now.  As y'all probably already know, I absolutely love my job - being a Product Manager, and am thinking about doing a vlog post about how to get into it, and my story of getting here. 
  • It’s that annoying time of year where I want to put up a Christmas tree, and decorate my apartment, but it’s too early. Booo. 
  • It snowed yesterday. !!!. 
  • And holy hell, how has this blog post only taken up 6 minutes of the day. 
  • 2 hours n’ counting…