my yeast is rising

i know GIR was the face Lol Random type humor for the longest time but tbh you could always sorta guess what types of things he would say. Ed’s dialogue from EEnE was far more amusingly authentic in how nonsensical it was like the line “Shhh. My yeast is rising” straight up mystifies me to this day.

lexxicona  asked:

What got you into cooking and what is your advice when it comes to making bread by hand?

I was pretty much always into cooking; I cooked with Mum a lot when I was little, then I did a lot of the cooking as a teen because she was working, and once I was out on my own, being broke ensured I did a lot of cooking because I couldn’t afford prepared meals or much in the way of delivery. 

Making bread by hand is something I find really satisfying, and unlike most other baking as long as you respect the yeast it’s actually a pretty flexible food – you can change up a lot and it’ll still rise and bake. You just have to remember to use warm ingredients (cold will slow the yeast’s growth) and give it time to rise. There’s a lot of other stuff about making bread that you sort of need to learn by touch – when a kneaded dough is smooth and elastic, when the dough is too wet or too dry, et cetera. But even a super wet dough will rise and bake decently if you keep it warm and give it time, and if you haven’t kneaded the dough to perfection it will still hobble along and give you a decent loaf. And then when you get proficient you can rise a dough more slowly for more flavor by letting it rise in a cooler place, and play with ingredients and such. 

One recipe I recommend is No Knead Bread, which literally everyone I’ve ever spoken to about bread making has referenced, and which is a relatively easy bread to make. The other is my own Greek Yogurt Egg Bread, which is rather more complex but yields the nicest bread I’ve ever been able to make on my own. It’s a very flexible recipe – you can substitute any sugar for the maple syrup, any decent fat for the coconut oil, and technically you can use regular all-purpose flour for the flour, though bread flour does work better (it’s higher in protein, which makes for a more cohesive crumb – the eggs and yogurt also help with that). I don’t even measure most of the ingredients for that dough anymore, that’s how loose you can be with it, and I’ve successfully made a risen loaf with up to half of the flour replaced with almond flour. 

I guess boiled down, my advice would be 1) respect the yeast; 2) respect the rising process; 3) expect to fail at first and be okay with that as you learn to get a feel for the dough. Even a fallen loaf is edible, most of the time, or at the very least can be sliced and left out to dry and turned into bread crumbs. 

Carry on my bagel sons

There’ll be bread when you are done

Lay your weary dough to rest

Don’t you fry no more

Once I rose above the bread and doughnuts

Just to get a glimpse beyond this bakery

I was rising ever higher

But then my yeast did die

Through my whole you see I still am a bagel

Even though I think, I still am a bagel

I hear the toaster when I’m dreamin’

And I hear it bake

Carry on my bagel sons

There’ll be bread when you are done

Lay your weary dough to rest

Don’t you fry no more

belleoftheballpoint  asked:

OQ - sex in the kitchen ;)

Set in The Perils of Parent Hood verse. I do hope you enjoy it!

Finger Lickin’ Good: 

Come home, love. Ihave a surprise for you.

She isn’t sure what to expect, his text catching her offguard after a very long and tedious meeting, and she rubs her temples, hoping he hasn’t planned anything too elaborate.

It’s Friday. She’s tired. And her feet are killing her.

Robin had tried to talk her out of her latest pair of Jimmy Choo’s, reminding her that her back had been bothering her recently and suggesting that perhaps she should scale back a bit on the height of her heels. He had been right, and she should have listened to him rather than giving into her all too stubborn nature.

But there is no way in hell she’s giving him the satisfaction of letting him know that.        

She waltzes in the front door, dropping her bag and her keys by the table, kicking off her shoes with a sigh of relief, pausing as she notices just how quiet everything is.

“Hello,” she calls out, receiving no response. “Robin?”

She hears a clatter coming from the kitchen and raises a brow as she follows the noise. The smell of something beginning to cook infiltrates her senses, acutely reminding her of the fact that she skipped lunch today in favor of researching new zoning ordinances. Her stomach protests audibly, making certain her remorse level is appropriately high for neglecting its needs this afternoon. But it’s the sight that greets her in the kitchen rather than the aroma that nearly knocks her over.

Robin. Standing by the stove. Wearing an apron that reads Kiss the Cook.

And nothing else.

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