my wife and child

My student submitted the most disturbing “Living History” project I’ve ever seen 

By reddit user gretelcat

One of my least favorite parts about being a middle school history teacher is the bullshit “Living History” assignments we give at the end of every school year. Kids are supposed to sit with their grandparents and video tape, voice record, or transcribe their oldest memories for posterity (and for an easy way to bring up their GPA).

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star-child-skies  asked:

I am crying at your wife's comments to your cat, because as someone who loves, and has had cats I understand completely lol. Do you also have a picture of said cat?

Hahaha! That’s the funny thing– I can always tell (because I read the tags like a loser) who has cats and who doesn’t. The non-cat-owners are always like “that’s so mean!?” and the cat owners are like “yeah mine’s a little shit too.” and I know it’s in a loving way haha! 

And yes! Allow me to share our babies with you!!!

This is the cat that my wife usually real-talks. Anything that has to do with heaven or hell is usually directed at this fluffy nugget of screaming joy. Her full name is Miss Clover Cleopatra, but she goes by Miss Cleo or Miss Kitty:

Then this little angel is Lord Byron Fitzwhiskers, more commonly referred to as Cat Cat Byron Cat. He’s my special son whom I adore and would kill anyone to protect. Usually baby just says normal things to him, but any of the quotes that use the word “bastard” are usually in reference to this bundle of love.

Thank you for asking about them!!!! I LOVE MY BABIES.

Favorite highlights of live action Beauty and the Beast

• They stuck to the beginning of the original story where Belle asks for a rose and her father gets lost and finds a fire and food in the castle.

• “Mama said not to move because it might be scary. Sorry.”

• Belle called the castle home.

• LEFOU! Everything about him was great. He got character development, he had some fantastic lines, his low key flirting with Gaston, his singing!!! I love my boy.

• Lumiere dabbed. Twice.

• It was beautiful. Oh my god the castle made me absolutely melt and Be Our Guest was breathtaking in live action.

• Lefou booping Gaston on the nose.

• How during the song Adam sings he’s climbing higher and higher so he can still see Belle.

• When Adam found out Belle liked Romeo and Juliet he was like “ew no not that book here have my entire library so you can read something better that that filth”.

• I really like how Gaston in the beginning wasn’t that bad, but as the movie went on he got darker and darker.

• Gaston lifTING LEFOU UP ON ONE ARM

• We finally got an explanation as to why no one remembers the castle and the prince and why the servants were cursed too.

• The guy who can’t remember what he lost in the beginning is Mr. Potts and the minute Mrs. Potts called his name I was shaking my friend next to me because oh my god he “lost” his wife and child.

• ADAM. I’ve loved Adam since forever and he’s still so great in this version AND HIS SONG ABOUT BELLE WAS SO SPECTACULAR I COULD FEEL HIS EMOTIONS.

• Cogsworth & Lumiere are still an old married couple and I love it I love them.

• I know he only had a few lines in Be Our Guest, but Cogsworth’s singing voice was amazing

• Adam’s eye makeup in the beginning that made it look like he was wearing a mask if he stood in the light just so.

• I HAVE BEEN GUSHING ABOUT THE NEW LUMIERE DISIGN SINCE THE FIRST TRAILER CAME OUT AND TO FINALLY, FINALLY SEE IT ON THE BIG SCREEN WAS SO SATISFYING THE LITTLE DETAILS HE HAS LIKE HIS PONYTAIL AND THE FACT THAT HIS COAT MOVES WHEN HE DOES WERE SOOOO GOOD I KNOW I’VE SAID THIS A THOUSAND TIMES BUT I ABSOLUTELY ADORE THIS NEW LUMIERE.

• Lefou has a bite mark from Gaston on his lower stomach and when my friend and I saw it we practically screamed because how exactly do you get a bite mark in that spot if you’re not doing some kinky bedroom stuff.

• The line “there’s a beast on the loose there’s no question, but I fear the wrong monsters released” had me so shook put that on my gravestone I fucking love it.

• It’s sweet and cute and beautiful, but when it gets dark it gets DARK, like, goddamn.

• I loved the detail of whenever a petal falls the castle crumbles further and the servants become more like the objects they are.

• Adam’s beast growl at the end when he’s a human again that, tbh, was really hot.

• The guy who, instead of freaking out when he was put in a dress and makeup, grinned and walked away with his hips swishing and totally owned it.

• That same guy and Lefou dancing together ohhh my god I think I started crying they’re so fucking cute Lefou and his cross dressing boyfriend 5ever.

  • Magnus: My wife (alec) always accuses me of having a favourite child. It's not true, I love Raphael and Not-Raphael equally.
  • Simon: really?
If you meet somebody and your heart pounds, your hands shake, your knees go weak, that’s not the one. When you meet your ‘soul mate’ you’ll feel calm. No anxiety, no agitation.
—   Quote attributed to the Buddha
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Horror Favorites Meme: [4/10] Villains - Tiffany Valentine-Ray, the Child’s Play franchise 

For God’s sake, Chucky, drag yourself into the ‘90s. Stabbings went out with Bundy and Dahmer; you look like Martha Stewart with that thing.

the fact that “pike and scanlan are married and Also Grog is There” is a canonical endgame family unit is going to fucking sustain me until i fucking die probably, just knowing that 

1. grog is going to spend the rest of his life surrounded by gnomes, as the gods intended, and

2. that whenever the three of them go somewhere and meet new people it’ll always be like “hi, i’m pike, and this is my husband, scanlan! and this is grog.” and in a few years it’ll be “Hi, I’m Scanlan, and this is my beautiful perfect wife, Pike, and that” indicating a tiny tiny gnome child, hanging serenely off of Grog’s battle helmet, “is our daughter, Juniper! and this is grog.”

Okay but I love the idea of vampires having trouble with daily life do to the age/period in which they were turned

•"Of course I’m grateful that nice vampire turned me before I starved to death in the potato famine, it’s just hard looking six years old for all eternity. I’m 118 and I can’t even go to the liquor store. All I want is a stiff scotch to go with the trump supporter I’m having for dinner.“
•"It’s annoying my boyfriend and I can’t even hold hands or kiss outside the house. I know that I look fifteen and he looks thirty, but I’m actually a century older. People think I’m his son. It’s degrading.”
•"Do you know how hard it is for a trans vampire to get some damn testosterone when I was born before social security numbers? Black market hormones are expensive.“
•"My best friend and I both grew up speaking Spanish, but I’m two hundred years younger, so sometimes it’s hard to understand each other. It took four hundred years for them to stop calling me a child.”
•"I adore my wife, but sometimes I get so jealous. She has a thick midsection with a glorious ample waistline and I look like a dressmaker’s mannequin because I had to wear corsets ‘til the day I was turned.“
•"I get so annoyed with all the reporters whenever I compete in a sporting event. A guy who looks 80 wins the Boston marathon and all the sudden raw meat is the new fitness diet.”
•"I hate how often fashions change. I go on a shopping spree and in no time at all I’m getting weird looks for wearing leg warmers to a concert!“
-“Rose, the eighties were twenty years ago.”
-“I set my alarm for the new millennium. It’s not my fault it ran out of batteries! You should have woken me up! I missed the party, Jane. You know I love parties!”
-“How many times have I told you- I GOT DISTRACTED IN PRAGUE!”
-“I’m still mad you didn’t bring that princess back with you. She was sooooo cute! What’s the point of polyamory if you leave the good ones across the pond?”
-“I tried Rose. I caused a national security scandal, remember?”

Adrien ‘she’s just a friend!’ Agreste now comes with more oblivious friends, such as

Alya ‘My best friend isn’t totally that masked super heroine that sounds and looks exactly like her’ Césaire

Gorilla ‘my boss ain’t super weird and I’m totally getting paid enough for this job’ the Bodyguard

Chloé ‘ladybug loves me and I’m totally not in extreme denial because I was abandoned by my mum and deserve better 2k18’ Bourgeois

Master ‘I’m really responsible for trusting young teenagers to tell me everything despite the fact that lying is basically their job 24/7’ Fu

Nathalie ‘my husband totally isn’t a super villain and I’m not aiding him on his crime spree’ Sancouer

Kagami ‘wow I’m not completely gay for Marinette hot damn that’s nice booty’ Tsurugi

And finally

Gabriel ‘I’m not totally abusing my son’s already fragile love and trust in me and using it to manipulate him and his friends so I can eventually possibly sacrifice MY ONLY CHILD to get back my wife, who may possibly be as evil as me because honestly I’m really awful : who in their right mind would hit this yeah no one’ Agreste

Get them soon, before the miraculous fandom shakes them awake, or in the case of Gabriel, punches that dude HARD in the face!