The beauty of nature blows my mind all the time! 🌍✨
I just uploaded a new vlog to my YouTube channel :) I climbed Lions Head, that mountain covered in clouds you can see on the picture ✌ Go check it out, I had so much fun hiking it ✨
Happy Monday! I hope you had a good weekend. 😎 My weekend was great! Lots of walking and yummy food as usual. 😜 I posted a weekend vlog on my channel if you’re curious to see what I’ve been up to: https://youtu.be/p2c9A9vZMYk 🌸 This morning for 2nd breakfast I have this pretty pink oatmeal. I mashed up some raspberries and stirred them into the hemp milk and water as it warmed on the stove top. I also added a spoonful of jam. 🍓👅
‘Calfreezy smut where you and callum are secretly dating and nobody knows until they discover when callux walks in while he’s vlogging ?’
I lay across Cal’s bare chest, his hands running gently through my hair as my fingers traced his abs. His breathing was still slowing after our previous activities. This was unusual for us. We did not usually cuddle afterwards - not in his flat, there was too much risk. Usually it was a matter of getting the job done, and then getting out - not ideal, but we made do. Keeping this little affair a secret was tough, but we found ways to make it work, the exchange of secret kisses and short, hidden makeout sessions helping us through. The other guys - Callux, Harry, Ethan and Tobi - they all knew who I was, and we were friends, but Cal and I had decided early in our relationship that privacy was key. On this day, believing we were alone in the flat, we indulged in the privacy, lying barely clothed and wrapped up in each other for hours.
It was bittersweet. I sat up to stretch, pulling the duvet up over my naked chest. Cal pulled me back to him in a heartbeat, bringing me into his chest and placing soft kisses under my ear, leaving goosebumps over my body. I giggled at the sensation before turning to face him with a smile. He leaned in, securing a kiss to my lips that grew heated pretty quick. This is what happiness is, I thought, and I hoped that the blue eyed boy in front of me was thinking the same as he closed all distance between us, sweaty and naked bodies pressed together.
I screamed as Cal pulled the duvet up over us entirely. Suddenly he looked angry, his cheeks heating, jaw clenched. When I turned my head my eyes widened.
In the heat of the moment Cal and I had clearly not heard the door open, too intoxicated by each other to pay attention to the world outside of his bedroom. By the door stood Callux, vlogging camera in hand, slightly lowered towards the floor and away from his cheshire cat grin. I hid my face in my boyfriend’s chest and he reciprocated the action by stroking my back under the covers.
“A fucking knock would be nice next time! I thought you weren’t coming back until tomorrow?”
His accent seemed thicker in his angry state, and I kissed his shoulder to calm him. His muscles loosened underneath me. I knew it had worked.
“I got back early, I was gonna surprise you for my vlog but it looks like you one upped me there.”
“Uh uh. You can’t put this in your vlog. No fucking way.”
“Well obviously,” Cal reiterated. “I’m not gonna put your fucking one night stand in my vlog. What kind of channel do you think I am?”
“Hey! I’m not a one night stand!” I corrected.
“For real? What is it then, a friends with benefit ting?” The questions continued. “How long has this even been going on?”
I sighed, burying my face in Cal’s armpit. He gripped my body tightly.
“She’s my girlfriend you cunt. We wanted to keep it private, but fuck it. I love her, tell the whole fucking world if you want to.”
My eyes widened as we both realised what he had just said. I sat up slightly.
“You love me?”
He hesitated slightly, stroking my arm softly.
“Well, yeah. I wanted to make a big gesture of telling you but…well, sure. This is good enough.”
“Cal,” I breathed, my heart growing in my chest. “I love you too.”
His long arms snaked round my back, bringing me to lay on top of his chest and I snuggled my face into his neck, letting his scent absorb me. Callux cleared his throat from the doorway.
“So Romeo and Juliet, since it’s not a one time thing can I use it in the thumbnail? Nice big red arrow to Y/n?”
Cal moved an arm, and I was sure he was showing the middle finger as I heard the door shut. When it was just him and I in the room again, he looked down at me, big blue eyes shining with love.
I turned one year post op from stage 1, which I had under the care of Mr Christopher of the london team in the UK, on the 24th August. Not much has
changed really since my ten month update; however, I will give a synopsis of
how things are and link pictures of progression of each area over the year. I
will also be uploading a vlog to my youtube channel, in which I talk about the
more psychological side of how its felt over this last year to adapt to surgery
and to having a penis you can find that HERE. Everything I talk about will be included in pictures at
the end of the post
My penis has
obviously had another intervention with stage 2 happening just 3 months ago and
will have another intervention with stage 3 soon; including having the second
testicular implant so it’s still healing and is not finished yet. However, I am
incredibly pleased with how it looks, especially since having the glans created.
I was concerned about my self-harm scars but they are hidden underneath the
phallus so do not bother me , the ones from around my wrist are now around my
glans which means I do not have a smooth glans like a circumcised natal male
would have, but I am happy with how it looks regardless.
Sensation / ability to orgasm
still returning, it’s patchy and still displaced as I discussed in previous
blogs and vlogs. This means that when I touch my penis I feel it in the places where
the nerves we reconnected, those being my T dick (which of course now isn’t
even there which makes it even more strange!) and in my groin. However, I think
the sensation is still increasing. It may be that it’s just slower with me. I
have retained the ability to orgasm which brings me great relief (In both
senses!) so even if worst case scenario this is all the sensation I get at
least I can still orgasm. Since burying my T dick I have sexual sensation in the
area under my penis, this means I can masturbate like any man does which has
greatly helped my dysphoria as I don’t have to find my T dick to get off. This
will likely improve once I get the erectile device.
Arm healing – aesthetics and function
My arm has
made amazing progress, it looks really good, obviously it’s still a big scar
but its progressing really well. I got frustrated with my arm sleeve recently
and so when not in bright sun I removed the sleeve and put on high factor sun
cream instead. This has meant that my arm has gradually tanned and I actually
think it looks better for it. At a year post op it is safer to get it in the
sun but obviously still with extreme caution.
My hand is
stronger, I’ve returned to doing yoga and some light gym work and my wrist is
now much better at weight bearing but it still tires very quickly and aches
after being worked. My hand is still achy and stiff at times too. This is why I
have not as yet returned to using my bike, I just don’t trust my hand to be
strong enough to control both the break and bear my weight on the handlebars. I
do wonder if my being older is an additional factor in this. It doesn’t impact
on my daily life in any way though other than my current concern about riding
incisions are very stretched, I guess this is hard to avoid really. I’m a bit
disappointed but nobody sees them and I’m sure they will continue to change,
it’s a difficult area to take care of. They can occasionally still feel tight, I
notice this when I am in the bath for a while and go to get out and the area
feels a little sore and tight.
I am feeling
really good and really excited to see the light at the end of the tunnel with
stage 3, the final stage, just around the corner. I don’t have a date as yet
but as soon as I do, you will be the first to know! For a more detailed update
of the mental side of surgery recovery and of adapting to life with a penis see
my one year vlog update on my Youtube channel
inclused after the cut – click “keep reading”
Hey guys, I had my first set of classes today and with the beginning of my academic career comes the end of certain things. As much as I would like to maintain this blog and Youtube channel, I know it will be asking a lot from myself and I would like to focus my attention on other aspects of my life.
I do have other videos planned, but lately I see myself growing further and further away from this blog. I’m just letting you all know that this blog will probably be shutting down by the end of this year and my Youtube channel will probably become less active.
Thank you so much and I’m sorry I couldn’t be with you guys longer.
Jonah Marais - It was a fall morning and Jonah and I had just woken up. His arms were tightly wrapped around my waist and I was snuggled into his chest. Taking in his scent with every breath and enjoying his presence.
After laying there admiring the love of my life, I realized that I had to start vlogging for the day. I rolled over and grabbed my camera off the night stand. I had been vlogging for about two months now and I didn’t plan on missing a day. Logan helped me start after I first made my YouTube channel. Vlogging was something I could do to get closer to my fans and I would do anything for them. This was a way I could share my everyday life doing what I love with the people I love.
I turned on the camera on and began to talk. “Hey guys! It’s the morning right now and I’m trying to figure out how to get this kid off me.” I say referring to Jonah who is now waking up. “Isn’t that right babe?” I let out a small laugh as he sits up.
“Hey, you love my cuddles and you can’t deny it.” Jonah said while kissing my cheek gently.
“You’re right! It took everything in me to roll over and get my camera. But vlogging comes first in this house Mr. Marais.” I joked.
“I don’t come first? This is brand new information.” Jonah said sitting up on the bed.
“I’m kidding! You are my number one, my main, my bae, my boo!” I told him sitting up next to him laying my head on his shoulder.
“Yay! I reign number one once again.” He laughed kissing me on the forehead.
“Um Jonah, you never stopped.” I said leaning up kissing him on the lips.
Daniel Seavey - “Daniel and I have been cooking all day guys and I’m very tired. Someone cut off my feet.” I say as I flop down on the couch with my camera in hand. It is my week of vlogs for my YouTube channel and I decided to include Daniel. Daniel and I or I should say Daniel has been making Macaroni and Cheese after I had been complaint about my growling stomach. So I decided to vlog a bit of it.
“Y/N we’ve been making Macaroni and Cheese for the past 20 minutes and all you did was sit in the counter.” He said sitting down next to me while handing me a bowl.
“Alright I may have over exaggerated a tiny bit.” I laughed while setting down my camera and setting it up so it was focused on Daniel and I sitting on the couch.
“Hey babe, look.” Daniel says getting my attention. I turn my head just as Daniel brought up his spoon to tap my cheek with a spoonful of Macaroni.
“DANIEL JAMES SEAVEY! I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU!” I yelled while wiping my face. He bursts into laughter and hands me a napkin. “That’s the least you could do. Jerk.” I muttered under my breath as Daniel leaned over and kissed the side of my head.