my vanity is showing

9

“Have compassion. We are all the same fundamentally. It doesn’t matter where you’re from, what your religion is, what race you are. We are all fundamentally the same.” 

Happy Birthday, Caitriona Balfe!

Model | Actor | Philanthropist | Writer
2 x Golden Globe Nominee | BAFTA Scotland Winner

I used to be very against “beauty standards,” didn’t wear makeup, didn’t try to look nice really, and tried to accept my obesity.

I’d been a healthy weight a few years ago (after losing 40 lbs from my teenage obesity), but somehow found the HAES movement and decided trying to eat healthy and avoiding sweets was wrong.

I gained all that weight back by binging on candy, “intuitive eating,” and began believing anyone who was into fitness was a sad sack. I struggled to love my body, but I got by, I guess. I wore clothes that disguised my fat and insisted there would be a man out there who would love me for me. 

Then I dated someone I wasn’t attracted to this fall. He was slim, but he ate only junk food. He stayed up all night and hadn’t woken up before noon in years. He wore outdated clothes that I suspect his mom bought for him twenty years ago. He was 37, I was 23. He only seemed to date young women.

I had doubts, but everybody said, “Don’t be shallow, give him a chance.” I didn’t realize at first that I really wasn’t that attracted to him, but once I did, everything became a lot clearer and I understood my gut had been trying to tell me something, and I’d ignored it. As a consequence, our short period of dating was riddled with anxiety.

His habits said something about him. As much as we don’t want them to, they do, and they always will.

So not too long after the dating mishap, I thought about fitness and health in a different light. Being fit means you’re dedicated, motivated, and care about your body, and so many other good things. Losing weight isn’t sad, it’s empowering to make that change and shows you have confidence in yourself. Skipping out on treats is a testament to your willpower. It doesn’t mean you’re punishing yourself or you’re disordered, as FA peeps would like us to think. It means you believe in yourself and that you’re capable of resisting.

Honestly, seeing fit people is so inspiring now because you can see clearly how much work they’ve put into their appearance in order to feel and look good. Now, when I put in effort towards my appearance, I feel more confident knowing I’m more attractive to other people, something I used to consider a horrible thing. And maybe it is. But as much as we want to think appearance isn’t important, it tells you a lot about a person. So is it really wrong to make a good impression? Is it really wrong if I work to demonstrate good habits? Is it wrong if now someone looks at me and says, “Look at her. She’s dressed nice, she eats well, she looks happy, and she takes care of her body”?

The fat acceptance movement, in my eyes, is like this: people who didn’t make the effort for something looking for the same recognition as people who’ve worked hard for it. Kind of like if people demanded to be accepted into university just for applying, not because they actually worked for it or put anything other than minimal effort into. It’s not that fat people don’t put an effort into their appearance–they do–but they’re demanding to be celebrated for habits that aren’t healthy, and to get recognition they haven’t deserved.

A bit of a ramble. Sorry.

He Defends You

“Damn,” I thought to myself as I looked at my vanity mirror that showed off how long my hair has gotten after leaving it curly for a few months until today. I looked away immediately knowing if I keep admiring I’ll go back to my old habit and straighten my curls more than usual. It was hard being in the modeling industry with natural curls. I remember being a little girl waiting for a callback from multiple casting directors and being upset wondering why no one will cast me. It wasn’t until I straightened my hair agencies started to become interested in me. It was always my biggest insecurity, it wasn’t because I thought it was “ugly” it was because how people addressed me about it. People were always taken back by my curls but not in the best way.

“Woah baby, look at you,” a voice interrupted from behind me. I looked back to see Justin staring up and down at my body that was covered in a pink velvet tight dress. He grabbed my fingertips and raised it up high so I can give him a little twirl. “You look so beautiful babe,” his eyes met mine.

“I know,” i blushed. Even though we’ve been together for 8 months I still get the same feeling I had when we went out on our 4th date. The first 3 dates I thought he was just another white boy that wanted to get a taste of this sweet chocolate, but surprisingly he proved me wrong. “You look handsome too.”

“Thank you,” he kissed my cheek. “Now lets go, apparently we’re running a little late according to these bitches that keep blowing my phone.”

“What bitches?” I crossed my arms.

“Just your daily competition,” Justin smirked. I raised my brow. “Lil Za and Khalil.”

“You’re such an ass,” I grinned, pushing him back slightly.

“Aww baby, lets not get too jealous aye,” Justin teased me.

“I’ll be in the car,” I said and walked past him with my head low trying not to show my little smile.

After 30 minutes of LA traffic we finally made it to the club. “Shit it’s packed,” Justin muttered taking my hand and leading me to where the VIP section was.

“Look who finally made it,” Za exclaimed looking between Justin and I. “Wassup y/n? Looking beautiful as always.”

“Thank you” I smiled.

“Aye, watch it Za. Don’t stare for too long,” Justin smirked taking a sip of his drink. I was about to throw a comment until I heard-

“Oh my god. Look Justin’s here!” I looked back to 3 white girls headed our way.

“I haven’t seen you guys in forever. How are you?” Justin greeted the girls with a quick hug.

They’ve began to engage in a conversation for a few minutes without acknowledging me. Which is actually predictable. Justin’s one of the biggest stars so whenever he’s with someone they’re really interested in just him.

“This is my girlfriend y/n,” my head snapped up to my name being called. “Y/n this is Kendall, Hailey, and Sophia.” I can’t believe I haven’t noticed them before. I guess people really do look different than the photos they be posting on the gram.

“Hello, nice to meet you girls. You look lovely,” I glanced at all three of them and smiled.

“Girl hold up,is this your real hair?” Hailey asked and gently grabbed a piece of my hair that was perfectly ironed.

“Yes,” i said and flipped my hair trying to show a little confidence but really, trying to get her hands of my effing hair.

“No way. You’re hair is always curly in justin’s instagram pictures. I didn’t know curly hair can be this long when straighten.Wow this is so cool,” Kendall said reaching out for my hair, as well the other 2 girls.

“You should definitely leave your hair straightened more, it looks way better like this,” Sophia said.

“I know right. Have you tried the keratin treatment? It will leave your hair pin straight,” Hailey informed.

“I-I um,” I put my head down, feeling attacked. I was never good at defending myself when it comes to situation like these because lowkey I agreed with them. Hearing things like this coming out from people all the time slowly makes you feel like they’re right. That I should straighten my hair more. Curly hair is almost never accepted in society, even iconic African or Latin models will put on a weave or a wig because they feel beautiful with straight hair than curly or sometimes because styles will just tell them to.

“Curly hair is just exotic sometimes,” Kendall said and the other girls mumbled an “I know right.”

“Guys, guys wait a second,” Justin interrupts them. He gently grabbed the girls writs and took their hands away from my hair. “I don’t appreciate how you guys were talking about my girl’s hair.”

“We were just complimenting it Justin don’t get so offended,” Sophia rolled her eyes.

“Nothing you guys said was a compliment. Asking y/n if her hair was real is offensive. What you think just because she’s African her hair can’t be long?” Justin furrowed his eyebrows.

“It was just weir-” Hailey began but was cut off by Justin immediately.

“Nothing is weird about her hair. Telling her to get some treatment for her hair? The hell, you want y/n to damage her natural hair just because you can’t handle some curls? She looks beautiful with curly hair, straight hair, short hair, long hair,” I looked up to my man speaking. He’s gonna get some good pussy tonight that’s for sure.

“Shit Justin calm down,” Kendall spoke.

“No I wont. Making statements like that over something she has no control over is pathetic. You guys can go now.”

The girls rolled their eyes at Justin. Probably thinking he was being petty. When they walked away I looked up at Justin, “Thank you so much,” I said and gave him small kisses.

“I always got your back baby. And I hope no one gives you bullshit like that when I’m not around. I hated the way they talked to you.”

“I didn’t think you would understand my struggle,” I sighed, while hugging him.

“Trust me y/n I do. I see the way you look at yourself sometimes and it kills me to know you don’t love your hair. It’s beautiful and unique.”

“I appreciate it,” I kissed him on the lips. “And we’re gonna have a good time tonight,” I mumbled as my lips feel to his neck and my hands fell to his belt.

“Oh really?” Justin smirked.

“Uh huh but first,” I smirked. “I don’t know if you could take it. Know you want to see me nakey,nakey,naked,” I sang along and made my way to the dance floor moving my hips.

Justin looked at y/n wondering how he got such a perfect women.

THE END.

this is my first imagine like ever I think lol. I know it was probably horrible but I wanted to do something where it was somewhat connected with how I get treated for my curly hair as a Latin women. African beauties also unfortunately get hate for it too sigh. But I hope someone out there likes this imagine:) love ur curls !! Oh and I have nothing against the girls

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Tokyo Vanity - “That’s My Best Friend”

Show the culture vultures who did it first. 

Ohmygod, THIS.