So a couple of weeks ago I was going through microfilm of the Charleston Courier from 1804
trying to find news of Hamilton’s death and I ended up going through about 2 months worth of papers. The highlights include:
- Distressing! Hamilton was murdered in a duel by the Worst Man In The World™
- There is land for sale on this island plz buy it
- G. Wash was the best and we miss him very much.
- Ok, we weren’t gonna talk about A. Ham cause we don’t like his political opinions, but he was so beautiful and we r v sad he is dead.
- Notice: Someone invented a cotton processor. Buy it. Now.
- We know you all want updates on
Human TrashAaron Burr but no one knows where he is.
- A. Ham was presh but don’t duel, people.
- Jacob literally put a poem on the front page of a newspaper to try to get Coy Nancy to go out with him. Get on Jacob’s level.
- George Washington wouldn’t have let this happen.
- Here is an essay that breaks down a passage of Shakespeare, you plebs.
- Aaron Burr Update: He was seen in Philadelphia and he has the flu. More at 11.
- George Washington was wonderful.
- Its not our position to say, but Aaron Burr is the literal Worst™
- Here’s a list of everyone who subscribed to our newspaper. Don’t forget to click subscribe and follow and we’ll mention you in our next
- Bob went to AHam’s funeral an tried to remember the speech from it and his friends think this version is p close, so here. Cry with us.
- Hypothetically, if President Jefferson (bless his heart) were to die, the VP would become president. It’s a good thing our VP isn’t someone so morally depraved that they would murder a literal cinnamon roll. Oh wait.