my two brothers

My very first campaign, I was in seventh grade and my little brother, two years younger insisted on joining us. At this point or party consisted of a halfling rogue, a human sorcerer, and a gnome illusionist. Needing someone tanky, we said he could join if he played a fighter or a cleric. “But I want to play someone smart” he argued. The DM suggested that there was no reason he couldn’t make a fighter who was also smart. Finally giving in, my 10 year old brother proceeded to write “smart fiter” on his character sheet.

Hey I got a favor to ask you guys

My little 10 year old brother has a YouTube account that has only four subscribers which are me, my older brother, and two of my little brother’s friends.

If you can handle extremely amateur Let’s Plays of Roblox games, check his channel out, Block The Gamer

I’m gonna be honest, I don’t even watch most of his videos I just mute them and let them play in the background while I do something else, but I still wanna encourage him. If you just give him a comment saying “good job!” or like some of his videos, that’ll be good enough.

Thanks for your time

Well, learned our lesson about not being on top of the laundry

…so, the kitten’s actually been using our laundry table for a litter box for a lot longer than just this weekend.

While laundry tends to cycle decently quickly, we all have a tendency of leaving each other’s clothes on the table when they’re left in the dryer. Which starts to pile up…

I’m at work today, but apparently the basement reeks, and we ran out of enzyme fabric cleaner.

So, between the litter genie, the enzyme cleaner, and possibly another litter box (we have 3, but if the kitten won’t use the two outside my brother’s room…), I’m about to drop $100 at petsmart. Again.

Ugh.

My surgeon came out and told my mom and brother on Tuesday that I’d be down and out for about two weeks. 

My brother: TWO WEEKS? Holy shit.

Surgeon: Well, consider this.  She and I just had a knife fight.  And I won.  Because she was asleep during it.  

My brother: Oh.  Yeah, okay, that’s fair.

The signs as Monster Factory monster descriptions
  • Aries: looks like a human goldfish cracker
  • Taurus: looks like darth maul undercover at a high school
  • Gemini: looks like if you saw someone who you suspected of being two kids standing on each others’ shoulders and then you ripped away the trench coat and it was one single human person
  • Cancer: looks like the movie the fly, if instead of a fly in the chamber with jeff goldblum it was like a big bowl of pasta salad
  • Leo: looks like a ghost chef boyardee
  • Virgo: looks like someone cut their face out of a magazine, is a human ransom note
  • Libra: looks like they’re from a dark version of gift of the magi where they sold their face to buy a gift and their wife bought them like, a face scarf
  • Scorpio: looks exactly like benedict cumberbatch
  • Sagittarius: looks like one of those optical illusions; can you see the other face in this face?
  • Capricorn: looks like they’re holding a bundle of dry spaghetti but the spaghetti is them
  • Aquarius: look likes they’re being permanently pinched by two grandmas
  • Pisces: looks like the crypt keeper is trying to sneak into a rave in the old west

the most dangerous duo on this side of the payload

anyways, i’ve noticed that like, half the time when I’m playing in a 4-stack, if we’re grouped with a 2-stack, they coordinate and pick the shimada brothers, especially if we lock in healer and tank before the timer runs down

what’s up with that lmfao

When making your brother an ARMY backfires …

Me: Mom, after the divorce, when you leave Dad, you don’t plan on staying single forever, do you?

Mom: I’ve never thought about it, why?

Me: Well, there’s this guy. A Korean guy.

Mom: A Korean guy?

Me: Yeah, can I set you up with him?

Mom: Uh, how on Earth did you get in contact with a Korean man? We live in South-Asia.

Me: I have my ways.

Mom: I need details.

Me: Well, he’s 45 years old, you’re 40. It could work out.

Mom: Name?

Me: Bang Shi Hyuk.

Mom: Anything else? Has he been married before?

Me: Nope. He has seven sons, though.

Mom: S-SEVEN SONS? HOW DID HE END UP WITH SO MANY? THATS LIKE A WOLF PACK!

Me: No, they’re all older than me. And very well-behaved, too. Like they’ll take care of you. Not the other way around.

My brother *walking into the room*: One of them wrote a song with the lyrics, ‘I’m a master, baby, with your bra.’

Mom: WHAT? THAT’S HORRIBLE!

My brother: And if you think they’re brothers, it’s anything but that. Incest left and right.

Mom: What kind of nonsense-

My brother: Oh and one wants to be Sex Porn Star.

Me *shoving hand over my asshole of a brother’s mouth* It’s not like that. They’re really nice. They do their homework-

My brother: Their youngest failed his English exam.

Me: They’re modest-

My brother: Their computers get invested with viruses because they watch too much porn.

Me: They go to bed on time-

My brother: Two of them play videogames until five in the morning.

Me: They’re down to earth.

My brother: Their eldest thinks he’s worldwide handsome and once said his own mother cried when he was born because she could never be as beautiful as him.

Me: They’ll help you with the house chores-

My brother: One of them said he wants to be a rock in his next life so he could sleep and not do work.

Me: They’re very quiet and not noisy like-

My brother: They scream on the top of their lungs when they’re excited no matter what the setting.

Me: They’re super smart-

My brother: Once, during this interview, they were asked what their favourite American food was and one of them said Sprite. No joke.

Me: They dress well-

My brother: Did I mention this really short one stripped down at an award show to flash his abs?

Me: Mom, don’t listen to him! You’ll inherit a company-

My brother *snorting*: Yeah, a company that doesn’t equally distribute lines.

Mom: Get out of my room.

Mom: Get out of my room, right now.

i mentioned the recent confusion about my intimidating guns and the clever solution that i solved it with to steve, and he helpfully illustrated my success. 

i knit that sweater myself you guys, im very proud.