Alright to add to my previous post about rowaelin vs tamlin’s abusive ass:
Do you know what Rowan does when he realizes the extent to which Aelin has suffered in her life? He flies off, to go demand answers from his queen, fucking Maeve, because he’s furious she hid those important details from him. He’s going to question Maeve, his master. Then he realizes that Maeve likely left those details out for a reason, so he flies back, worried that Aelin will think he left her alone intentionally. He moves her into his own room so he can tend to her and care for her himself. He pampers her. This is the exactly what Aelin needs and the perfect response given her character. She loves being pampered and she had expressed previously in HoF the desire for even one person to care for her. Rowan starts to care for her as soon as he realizes that she needs it- was he a dick before hand? yes. absolutely. but as soon as he realizes her pain and how much she needs someone, he quickly becomes utterly devoted to her.
Now Tamlin?? How many times does Tamlin ignore Feyre’s requests to have more independence? How often does she try to ask him for freedom? How much does it take out of her to ask and be denied each time? How long does it take Tamlin to realize that he’s hurting his partner and the woman he claims to love? What does Tamlin do to help Feyre when she is depressed and suffering from PTSD and an eating disorder? Does he care for her? Does he comfort her? Does he do everything in his power to help her? Does he listen to her needs and her wishes? Nope. Nah. He decides to lock her up in the house, doing the one thing, the one obvious fucking thing that someone who spent time locked in a cell under a mountain wouldn’t be able to handle. He does the opposite of caring for Feyre. He does not listen to her cries for help. He systematically perpetrates abuse and emotionally manipulates her.
Rowan listens as soon as he knows Aelin needs him to care for him. He is there for her, unwaveringly, from that moment onwards. And what’s more, Aelin doesn’t ask him to care for her or stay- he picks up on her need for him instinctually and does what is best for her. Feyre was fucking screaming at Tamlin for him to help her and he did the opposite.
Finally, Rhysand is completely different from Tamlin as well. Once he has the opportunity to help Feyre- and UtM he was incapable of truly helping her in a way other than indirectly and under the guise of being loyal to Amarantha- he does everything, everything in his power to help her. He answers her plea for help at her wedding. He takes her to Velaris, which essentially functions as a safe house for her as a victim of domestic abuse. He gives her power, and independence and freedom and most importantly: he listens to what she wants. When Feyre gets angry with him, he adjusts his behavior. When she needs space, he gives it to her.
So don’t try to argue that Rhysand and Rowan are abusive in the way that Tamlin is. Because while both Rhys and Rowan make mistakes and hurt their mates, as soon as they realize the hurt they have caused, and as soon as they are able to help, they do everything in their significant power to heal, care for, and love Feyre and Aelin.
And that, my friends, is the difference between an abusive relationship (Feylin) and a normal relationship that has its flaws and ups and downs. Listening and respecting your partner is the key.