Humans Are Weird: Fun with Food Allergies
My humble submission to the Humans Are Weird conversation. I know we’ve talked about food allergies, but as someone with a LONG list of them, I have a feeling explaining the different ways multiple foods can fuck you up would be fun….
X’kora was learning fast. It was their first mission with humans aboard the ship, but they had felt adequately prepared. Until the peanut incident with Human Monica, that is. The human had been understanding, and had offered to prepare her own food, but X’kora insisted that they didn’t want Human Monica excluded, and that they would be happy to accommodate her needs.
“You turned purple. That is not a standard human skin tone. It must never happen again. Please provide me with your list of death foods.”
Of course, they hadn’t been prepared for the list of twenty-two foods Human Monica was not allowed to eat.
“I tried to color code them for you,” Human Monica explained. “Red are the ones that make my throat close up - like peanuts. The ones in yellow give me hives - a skin rash. And green just give me a headache or stomach ache.”
“All of these foods cause you various forms of distress?” X’kora asked in shock.
“I must avoid peanuts, bananas, and soy at all costs?”
“Please do. My grandma didn’t believe in food allergies, and baked some peanut butter banana cookies with soy milk - to prove to my parents that they were over protective. Didn’t see much of grandma after the death cookie incident.”
X’kora taped the list to the cabinet. “I will endeavor to meet your needs.”
“Don’t stress - I’m used to it.”
“You. Turned. Purple.”