my sweater has elbow patches on it

Neil’s ugly jumper (or, if you are american, sweater I guess) 

  • Neil has this one jumper that everyone hates. Everyone. 
  • It’s over-sized, knitted, and the worst shade of brown. You know the shade I mean. Probably has elbow patches as well. 
  • He had it when he arrived and he will not get rid of it. 
  • Andrew threatened to burn it and Neil said he’d never kiss him again. 
  • “98% Josten.”
  • “Stay the fuck away from my jumper, Minyard.” 
  • The foxes start to think it has sentimental value. 
  • They nominate Renee to ask him about it. 
  • He looks at her like she is insane. 
  • “It’s a jumper.” 
  • “But is it a special jumper, Neil? Does it have a story?” 
  • Neil shrugs. “It’s just a jumper? I got in a thrift store for like three bucks. It’s warm.” 
  • Allison butts in. “It’s disgusting. Why are you wearing it?” 
  • “Will everyone leave me the fuck alone about my jumper!” 
  • He starts wearing it all the time just to piss people off. 
  • Even Wymack complains. 
  • “Josten, get rid of that jumper or you’ll be running a marathon. I’m not paid enough to look at that as well as your ugly face.” 
  • Andrew is ready to fight Wymack. Neil is ready to fight everyone. 
  • The foxes start to believe the jumper is cursed and that it is controlling Neil. It starts out as a joke but soon becomes the only logical explanation. 
  • And then
  • One day 
  • Neil wears the jumper with really short shorts
  • and
  • It kind of works
  • He is leaning against a wall, smoking a cigarette, wearing his jumper and his tiny shorts
  • and it’s probably raining or something
  • and he looks great
  • because you know Neil has great legs 
  • All the foxes are dead
  • They worship the jumper. 
  • Andrew is so.freaking.angry. 
  • “100% Josten. For you and the jumper.”

OK I don’t know what this is I’m sorry I just had to get this off my chest.