to have a little boy or girl to hold in my arms. I want to brush the hair off their forehead and kiss their temple. I long to whisper sweet “I love you prince/ss” to them and rub their back. Littles are so precious. I crave to be needed.
It’s lunch time and I’m purchasing a sandwich and drink from a local supermarket.
While I’m waiting in line this woman (We’ll call her “Loud B*tch” = LB) is shrieking down her phone to who I can only presume is her now totally deaf boyfriend. She’s visibly pissing off most people in the general vicinity with her swearing and general attitude.
As It’s coming up to my turn to check out, she’s decided she’s fed up with waiting and puts her big bag of M&M’s in front of my lunch on the conveyor and says “I need to go first.”
Without so much as a moment to think and without making eye contact I pick them up and move them behind my items, saying nothing.
RED ALERT: DIVERT ALL POWER TO B*TCH DRIVE LB: “What the f*ck are you doing?” Me: “I was here first, wait your turn.” LB: “F*ck you I am on my lunch break and I have a very important job blah blah blah” (I can’t remember the whole rant) Me: “It’s lunchtime, everyone is on lunch, you have to wait” LB: “F*ck you! I asked nicely!” (lolwut.)
At this point LB throws her M&M’s in front of my lunch still ranting and it’s now my turn to check out, enter awesome check-out girl. (Who we’ll call “ACG”.) So after seeing the bag of M&M’s land on the conveyor I decide, f*ck it and I accept LB’s gracious offering and buy the M&M’s for myself, leaving her M&M-less.
Of course the battle was not yet over, more screaming was coming my way.
bringiton.pptx LB: “What are you doing, those are mine!” Me: “Nope, I’m paying for them now, if you want M&M’s you’ll have to go get some and wait in line.” LB: “You’re a theif! You stole my M&M’s!” Me: “No I just bought the M&M’s you rudely threw onto my pile of stuff.” LB: “I’m not getting anymore, give me my M&M’s back. You’re a thief!” ACG: “Ma'am, I suggest you go and get a new pack and wait in line, there are people waiting. The gentlemen hasn’t stolen anything, he paid money for the M&M’s.” LB: “Call the f*cking manager, get this piece of sh*t kicked out for stealing.” Me: “Mind if I step out anyway? I have a very important job and I’m on lunch?” LB: “Where the f*ck are you goi-” ACG: “Sure, here’s your receipt.” Me: “Thanks.”
To wrap up, the M&M’s were delicious, I shared them with my co-workers. Don’t know if LB went back to get some, but I highly recommend them.