I don’t get why the writers ever treated Sam’s anger as a bad thing.
He had a response to the trauma of his entire family being murdered, but it’s the WRONG response, so the writers antagonize and label it something that must be overcome (the solution to which is also morally dubious- complete secession to conservative family ideals = love?) even though it harms virtually no one outside of the people -who have expressed no capacity for change- that murdered his family.
Whereas Dean has no restrictions to his anger, let alone a narrative centering a redemption arc around it.
And yet, speaking as a woman, it’s Dean’s anger that sends red flags and Sam’s I can associate with. Sam gets angry because his agency is taken away, because he’s been violated, because the people he loves are hurt or dead, and he doesn’t misdirect his anger, rarely physically lashes out (in fact, I feel relief and pride on the occasions he does because it’s healthier than the punching bag he’s been reduced to after ‘redeeming’ himself), and manages it very well. Dean often gets angry at Sam for rebelling -seeking agency or independence from the oppressive life he was born into, that is- or for desiring something outside of the same-old same-old strictly familial relationships… and as someone who was raised pretty isolated and has witnessed even greater isolation, again, red flags. He is usually the first to throw a punch, more likely to scare people around him in his anger or to respond in a physically violent manner, and he aligns himself with the toxic value of men expressing strictly anger above any other emotion.
But the writers have never even addressed Dean’s anger. They have never made even an offhand reference to Dean’s anger issues or a “darkness” in him, and if so, it is sunken with sympathy. The Mark of Cain plot is as close as the writers got, and even then there were no real ramifications he was forced to face, no redemption needed, and rarely did a character get away with having a negative view of Dean (besides Anne Marie for light but important criticism, those that did either changed or died). There was never any build up to Dean overcoming his anger issues or inference to make of Dean’s anger being a detrimental factor of his and others’ hurts.
TLDR: This show has been a very bumpy ride and it keeps me up at night.