my spn post

Castiel looked into Dean’s eyes, searching for any hint of the answer he wanted.

“No. You can’t just… No,” Dean said, the pain in his voice made Castiel flinch, but he didn’t stop.

“Dean,” he put his hand over Dean’s. “I have to.”

“No!” Dean shouted, becoming desperate. “It will kill you.”

With a smile, Castiel looked at the man in front of him, “I’ll be okay. Trust me.”

“I can’t lose you! Not to those disturbed creatures.”

Castiel sighed, “Dean…”

“No!” terror made his voice louder than normal. “Please… Don’t do this. Those things will destroy you.”

“I need to know. I need to help in any way I can.”

“Damn it, Cas! You go there and you won’t come back, not the same, at least,” Dean said with all the strength he could muster.

“Dean,” Castiel said, “you can’t stop me.”

“Don’t do it, Cas! Please!” Dean called after the angel as he began to walk away.

“It’s just a website, Dean. How bad could this Tumblr be?”

andallthewildthingsroared  asked:

hey! i wanted to let you know that i think your cas/stages of grief meta was absolutely amazing. cas's story never really made sense to me, it always seemed so inconsistent, like they had no idea where they were going with it, and your meta is the first i've read that made me see some central theme in it after all. so kudos for that :) just out of curiosity, you have any idea where they're going with crowley? bc his story is another one that always felt the opposite of straightforward to me.

Whats your hope for Crowleys arc on this season?

Hi! Thank you so much for all that! I am the most awful person, because not only I’m like, two months late in answering this but I’m also going to bundle it up with an anon ask. Sorry, @andallthewildthingsroared!

(I did write the overly long thing I promised you, though, so there’s that.)

I understand where you’re coming from - Crowley’s arc is sort of zigzaggy, but if you take away what was clearly bad characterization (such as that one-off threat to Sam complete with red eyes which never went anywhere), I sort of feel like we can know who Crowley is, and what he wants.

Background

So, just as a summary - we know he was a bastard, and that he had a stable enough relationship with his mother that he remembers her (not fondly), and that she up and left soon enough that it felt like she was abandoning him (eight is a bit soon to fend for yourself, even in the seventeenth century). We know he had a son, and since Gavin’s mother is never mentioned, I want to say unremarkable entity who died in childbirth? Because if this had been his great love, and if she’d survived long enough to be remembered by Gavin, I hope to God that would have been brought up in the narrative (come on). So, either Crowley didn’t give a damn about her, and got saddled with the kid for some reason, or he cared a lot and she died pretty early on and that’s possibly the reason he started being so awful to everybody (hello, John Winchester’s parallels). We also know he was a tailor, which, in those times, and for an orphan, implies either that Rowena used magic to help him out (unlikely for a number of reasons) or that he was actually a very smart, very talented kid who had to work his ass off during his apprenticeship, as was usual for the times. In this case, we’ve got someone whose life was out of his control from a very young age, and who knows what it’s like to be at a master’s whim. 

Demon deal

Now, what doesn’t fit with this picture is the idea a kid like that would sell his soul for a longer dick, as Crowley boasted to have done (also, as amusing as it is, this would be a moot point by now, since Crowley’s in a different body). What I consider more likely is that Crowley’s current vessel - the literary agent in his late forties possibly all work and all play as that job often entails - tried to make a similar deal (and that would be a reason for Crowley to stick with the body afterwards; after all, we know he’s vain and likes to sleep around, so, vessel for vessel, why not go for a bigger dong?); as for Crowley himself, I really can’t guess what happened. Gavin remembers him as a useless drunkard, and he certainly had no riches to pass on - so much so, Gavin was forced to emigrate to the Colonies. What did Crowley gain, exactly, in exchange for his soul? An intriguing possibility is that, like Dean, he took the deal to save someone else - perhaps Gavin himself from some childhood fever - and became a drunk asshole out of blind panic the closer he got to the deadline. I like this explanation, because there was always this weird pull between Crowley and Dean, and this would go a long way towards explaining it; but, really, this is one of those things it’s useless to speculate about - either the show will tell us, or it won’t.

(Another possibility I like, but which would have come up by now, is that Rowena sold her kid’s soul to pay for her own magic - a plot bunny I explored here.)

Whatever his reasons, Crowley’s time in hell took this primal lack of control over his own life and made it a thousand times worse. We still don’t know, exactly, how demons are created, how long it takes, and who decides which eyes you’ll get, and which job you’ll do. This is, like, one of the 2000 things the show could get into instead of inventing new lore (I’m not complaining, though - S11 was magnificent, and S12 has been very good so far). What we do know is that the entire process is excruciatingly painful; that it distorts, or takes away, your human soul. If we think about other soulless creatures we’ve encountered, what Crowley is makes a lot of sense. It’s not about being evil, exactly; it’s more about a lack of caring and empathy. There are moments where Crowley actually reminds me of soulless!Sam - like when he pushed Dean into Cain’s arms just because it was convenient on the short term. 

Crowley the crossroads demon

Becoming a demon is also the worst kind of punishment, we should assume, because it completely takes away your free will.

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Destiel moments in SPN 12X12

Time for my weekly, gif-filled, Destiel recap. I’m going to try and put away all my squeeing and try to be as professional as I possibly can. 

Extremely Gif heavy post ahead. 

(gif credits to @peculiar-angel, @ahoyspn, @weallneedcastiel,  @codestielckles, @mishacolins, @mishastiel, @novaks, @angvlicmish, @flydestiel and @hazeldomain

Okay I already wrote volumes about Dean’s weird posturing in the diner here, but I also wanted to add this bit here. 

Dean knows Cas is not interested in the waitress. Cas does sniff her (?) just to check up on Dean’s stupid theory of waitresses smell like food, but he’s not interested. So what does Dean do? Mary has just told them all off, but he still postures for Wally’s benefit, pretending to be wingman to Cas, when he KNOWS Cas is disinterested. He can’t help but give himself away though-

Seriously, Dean? My devastatingly handsome friend? That’s not being a wingman, that screams I have a secret crush on my ‘friend’.

And Cas is clueless, even after Mandy is clearly interested -

And Dean? Dean’s just thrilled. So thrilled he looks like he wants to die inside. 

On a more serious note, after the boys reach the barn, look at how fast Dean abandons the conversation and rushes to Cas’s side. And he knows it’s bad, so bad. Dean’s method of dealing with people he loves dying? 

Step 1: Try to gauge the situation by using humor-

 Cas is luckily alert enough to snark right back.

Dean asks to see how bad the wounds are, and two seconds after Cas starts showing him, covers it up. He can’t bear to see it.

Dean Winchester, seasoned hunter who’s seen more than his fair share of gore since he was fucking four years old, makes him cover it up because he just cannot bear to actually see Cas in agony. And he’s so gentle about it.

Step 2: Pure denial.

Cas looks BAD. And he’s never been one to exaggerate.

Did you see those micro-expressions? That little lip wobble? The tiny gasp of shock and disbelief? The swallow? Jensen is the the fucking master of these. This is the brief instant where the enormity hits Dean, but he shuts it down. 

Immediately.

Seriously Dean? Time for WHAT? He is DYING and you know it. And this is when he calls for Sam, calls for Sam to abandon everything and come right away because Cas is dying. And this brings us to the next step for Dean -

Step 3: Anger

Dean’s furious. At Crowley, at himself, at every damn thing in the world that stands in his way to saving Cas. And he’s being beyond unreasonable here, it’s not Crowley’s fault and Crowley has no obligation whatsoever to help them out. But Cas, Cas is dying. And Dean’s *this* close to cracking. 

Now, for Cas’s speech. Cas knows this is it. But he has his family surrounding him, he has Dean with him. And he needs to make sure they live. This is the last chance he has for telling them (and Dean) what he feels for them and boy does he!

Mary looks at Dean when Cas makes this statement, cementing who it is that Cas is addressing. 

And Dean, Dean’s unhappy. He knows that the things they shared together did change Cas, did put him into this mess where he has to die slowly and painfully. 

Look at that. Sam’s upset, but Dean can’t even meet Cas’s eyes anymore. He’s feeling responsible for Cas’s impending death.

And finally, FINALLY, after years of Dean telling him over and over again, Cas says they are his family. More specifically, Dean. Cas is thinking of that day, so long ago, when he said-

“You’re not my family, Dean – I have no family.”

But he’s not just family now.

The camera immediately panned to Dean there. Cas was addressing Dean, and Dean only till now. It’s only when he says “I love all of you” that Sam’s reaction is showed at all.

(as a side not, look at how touched Sam is. How many people have told him this?)

And true to form, the Winchesters refuse to leave. And they fight. Mary STILL doesn’t give the game away, I admit I was a bit :O at that, but that’s for another post entirely… Sam kills the Price of Hell, but there’s still no saving Cas. Sam is one who rushes to Cas first, because he’s still able to function. Sam is the one who reassures Cas, tells him that they’re there, that he won’t die alone… :(

But Dean, Dean’s pain is beyond words.

Tell me that is not the face of someone who is watching the love of his life dying in front of him. Tell me Dean doesn’t care. Just try. He’s praying. I just know he is.

But yay, Crowley saves the day! And Dean’s reaction is the only one showed.

Look at the utter disbelief in his eyes. Look at this entire montage afterwards -

The look they shared in the first one, Dean’s expression in the last gif, the pure amazement and relief in his eyes.. It was almost painful to watch. By the way, Sam’s already let go. It’s Dean who’s still unable to believe his eyes, unable to take his hands off…

And this, this was the most perfect ending anyone could hope for -

*sighs*

Cas said he loved Dean. It’s fucking canon.  

5

Supernatural 12x12

       ↳ In which, Cas is dying, Dean is still as dense as ever, and Sam is just pissed off about his ship. 

This originally was supposed to be a standalone - but I continued it because science. Part 1 (Part 2)

Be My Boyfriend

[ao3]

“Dean, be my boyfriend!” Castiel hissed.

Dean’s attention was pulled away from Charlie (who snorted into her drink) when Castiel grabbed his arm.

“Uh,” Dean said, feeling like he was missing out on some vital information. Castiel’s wide eyes were a little too bright and his cheeks were flushed with pink, indicating that he was probably a little bit drunk, though that still didn’t help clear up the situation.

“Come here!” Castiel dragged Dean by the arm across the crowded room until they stood in front of a short brunette who Dean thought was named Meg. Castiel wrapped his arm around Dean’s waist and squeezed him to his side.

“I told you!” he told Meg triumphantly. “I have a boyfriend!”

Meg looked Dean up and down incredulously. “You’re dating Dean Winchester?”

Starting to catch on, Dean put a possessive arm around Castiel’s shoulders. “Yeah, he is. Got a problem with that?”

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