“I’m the cunt you married. The only time you liked yourself was when you were trying to be someone this cunt might like. I’m not a quitter, I’m that cunt. I killed for you; who else can say that? You think you’d be happy with a nice Midwestern girl? No way, baby! I’m it.” - Gone Girl (2014)
🗝My pleasure reading is now academic reading. After starting to lose the skill I once had, my reading comprehension has gone way up.
🗝 I get more done and finished more projects because the first step of something can be a spell. Spells are fun to do so I’m less likely to put it off. Once I’ve taken the first step, I have the motivation and momentum to see the rest of it through, something I used to struggle with.
🗝 I feel as if I have much more agency in my life. I can protect myself from toxic people and actively pull myself out of toxic mindsets much more easily than before.
🗝 Articulating what I want in spells has helped me better understand what I want out of life or what I should be truly focusing on.
🗝I’m much, MUCH better at cooking. I can feed myself on more than just ramen and toast, which makes me healthier and happier.
🗝I have more motivation to give back to the community, through charity or service work, or just being more mindful about the environment and supporting local businesses.
🗝I have a much deeper understanding of history and cultures outside of my own.
🗝 I used to be a slob, but now I regularly clean my room and keep my space tidy because I recognize that a messy room affects me negatively and hurts my magic. Also, my room always smells excellent.
🗝 Whenever I work with deities I practice ritual self hygiene. So the little things I used to ignore before bed don’t get ignored as much.
🗝I have a much deeper appreciation for the little things in life, happy coincidences, tiny blessings. I notice them much more and am thankful.
🗝 I have met so many amazing people and have formed wonderful friendships around the craft.
In the end, when people debate if magic is real or not, who cares? It’s undeniably producing real results.
If it’s not too late for the dadsona thing, here’s my dadsona Steve Columbino! He’s a trans guy who tries to be chill (but actually has no chill like whatsoever). He loves dad jokes, strong dad arms, and Brian!
We ran through the crumbling, dirty streets of the underground. Trying to get away from the man chasing us, all because we stole a little food. His threats could be heard, echoing off the walls of old buildings and sketchy allies. None of these threats caused us to stop running though. We speed through intersections and dashed around corners as if we were in a chariot race, begging ourselves not to lose balance as we quickly flung around the sharp turns.
Eventually, we lost the man chasing us after ducking into a doorway of our building which only contained ourselves and two others. The four of us were of no relation, but this didn’t mean we were not a family. I leaned against the wall trying to catch my breath as I watched and heard the man continue on past our home. Once he was gone, I caught a fit of giggles. My short, black haired, grey eyed, stoic faced, “brother”, Levi, glared at me.
“Tch. Of course you would laugh,” He said.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” I replied continuing to giggle.
“It means that this is not a laughing magtter.”
“What? Of course it is. We stole from his cart and got away because he was to old and slow.”
“(Y/n), this is serious. Everyone in the underground is battling to survive. We are at the bottom of this food chain, don’t you ever forget that.” Levi then stalked off to the stairs which he climbed to get to our living quarters.
“Such a party pooper,” I mumbled as I followed him up. How had I fallen for this man? Sure I considered him a brother, but not an actual brother. It wasn’t like we were blood related.
We reached the door and Levi gave the secret knock to let Farlan and Isabel know it was us. It was Isabel who ended up opening the door for us. Her brown hair was pulled up and her forest green eyes were as bright as ever.
“You’re back! What did you get us to eat?” She asked. She was the youngest out of all of us. I was the next youngest, then Farlan. This left Levi as the oldest out of us all.
“Well, Isabel, we have apples, oranges, and a fresh loaf of bread,” I exclaimed as the girl became excited.
“A fresh loaf of bread!? How did you guys get your hands on that?”
“We were sneaky and made sure no one was looking.”
“Nice, I’m sure Farlan will be excited to hear this.”
“Where is Farlan?” Levi asked.
“Here. I was just taking a nap. I hear we have a fresh loaf of bread,” Farlan said as he stretched his tired muscles.
“Yes we sure do!” I replied.
*end of flash back*
I ran through the packed streets as I remembered my happy, small, family from years ago. The memory brought up from the current situation I was in. Running from not a single man this time, but a group of men and women. This group was known as the survey corps. Now, usually, this group only goes outside of the walls to fight Titans, but since I was dumb enough to try to steal in front of them, they were now chasing me. Where had my skills gone? This did not matter though because I was going to escape. I always did.
I speed through ally ways and flung myself around corners as I tried to escape the group. Eventually, I was able to get away when I turned a corner and ran into an open doorway. I leaned against the wall and tried to catch my breath as I heard the group continue on their search. Once I thought I heard them all pass, I put my hood up and left the building, making my way back to the underground. That was until a figure landed in front of me. I looked up and gasped in shock as I looked at the man in front of me. He was the same ornery looking guy he was when I knew him, but something had changed. His eyes looked darker as if he had been through a lot in the past ten years. As quickly as he landed I sped off, he didn’t need me making a mess out of this better life of his.
Levi began chasing after me and after awhile I lost him, or thought I lost him. As soon as I turned a corner to regain my breath, he flew right in front of me. Levi had gotten better at using the 3dm gear.
“Stop. There is no chance of you fucking escaping,” he said in a monotone voice. Funny how some things didn’t change.
“Why should I stop running Levi, that’s all I have ever done. Steal something and run,” I replied as I took off my hood. For a second I could have sworn I saw a glimpse of surprise in those stoic eyes, but as soon as it had appeared it had vanished.
“(Y/n). Should have known it was you. You’re the only one out of group who would have been stupid enough to try to steal in front of a group of survey courps.”
“Ouch. Still as harsh and mean as ever. Makes me happy to know you stayed the same the ten years you’ve been gone.” Once again it seemed his eyes flashed emotion, this time hurt, but I was probably seeing things.
“You haven’t changed much either, have you?”
“Nope. Same old wacky girl who likes to take chances.”
“I see that.”
“So, how has the whole fam been the past ten years. You know after you left me behind and all,” I said, my glare focused of the short man.
“Well, where to start. Farlan and Isabel are dead, have been for awhile now. Otherwise the "fam” is still intact.“ The instant I heard those words leave his mouth, I could feel my heart break. That couldn’t be true, he was probably just trying to hurt me to get back at my other comments.
"That’s a lie Levi.”
“It’s not…no matter how much I wish it was.” This time I knew I wasn’t seeing things, Levi’s eyes watered a bit as his voice softened.
“No,” was all I could say before falling to my knees as tears fell from my face. Sure I was pissed that the three of them left me, but they were still my one and only family. I would have never wanted them to die.
I didn’t even realize Levi had come closer to me. This was a factor as to why I jumped when he put a hand on my shoulder. I looked up at him to see he was looking right back at me, his eyes watering but not a single tear shed. Soon the rest of the squad showed up, Levi now only standing behind me.
“Nice job, Levi. Now we can take her to the military police,” a tall man with blond hair and caterpillars for eyebrows said. My eyes widened as I thought of what was going to happen to me. I mean I knew, I was going to be most likely executed, but my mind didn’t want to just stop there. All of these terrible punishments passed through my mind until I heard Levi speak.
“No. She can be made into a new member of the survey legion. She has the speed, agility, and stealth that any new scout would need when facing Titans. Why waste this opportunity, we are low on recruits right now.” I glanced up in shock as I heard what could be my punishment.
“We do need more recruits and she does have some good qualities. If your willing to train and watch her, then I guess we don’t need to get the military police involved in this,” caterpillar eyebrows answered.
“I can take care of this brat with no problem,” Levi replied.
“Alright,” big eyebrows then looked down at me, “Welcome to the survey corps.” The man then walked off, followed by the other confused members of the group. All of them unsure of what had just happened.
“Get up brat,” Levi commanded me. I stood but swiftly turned to face him.
“What the hell was that!? Sentencing me to my own death?” I yelled.
“I didn’t sentence you to your fucking death brat. If anything I gave you the chance to live.”
“Really? The first instant we go outside of those walls I am going to be a Titans meal and you damn well know it.”
“Maybe you will, but at least I gave you an option to fucking live where as if you had gone to the damn military police you would have been executed because you stole a fucking loaf of bread in front of a big ass group of survey corps members.” Levi then stormed off, following the group he had come with. “Come on.” He said. I followed his command as I thought of what he had said. He wasn’t really wrong, if he hadn’t given me this chance I would have been killed. At least with this option I could possibly survive if I was lucky. It still gave me a chance.
A week had passed and I was already exhausted from all the training Levi was forcing me to do. Everyday single day I had to get up early to run. Then we would go back to eat breakfast. Next was training to fight which we did until lunch. After we ate we would go out to work with the 3dm gear which I found I was good at, considering I had used it a little bit in the underground, and then dinner. Then it was back out for more fighting. By the time we would end it would be dark and I would be too exhausted to even shower. Let’s just say it wasn’t a fun experience, I almost wished that I had been taken to the military police instead of here.
I woke up once more to get ready for the first activity of the day. Running. I dressed, brushed my teeth, put my hair up in a ponytail, put deodorant on and left to go outside to meet Levi in our usual spot, the front door of the survey corps headquarters. I walked out the door to see Levi leaning against the wall waiting for me like usual.
“Morning Levi,” I yawned.
“Morning brat,” was all he said before starting up our run. I groaned as I caught up to him.
“So how much longer do I have to keep doing this? It is literally killing me. I am getting to the point where I am too tired to even walk.”
“We will keep this up until I think you’re ready.”
“How close am I to being ready?”
“Are you kidding me right now? I am able to keep up with you now when we run laps, I can fight almost as well as you now, and I can basically beat you at using the 3dm gear. I think I am pretty close to being ready.”
“Just because you are getting better does not mean you are ready. You need to be able to think ahead when ever you fight. A Titan is not going to give you a heads up when it is coming up to attack you or try to grab you. Same thing with the 3dm gear. You need to feel like you are a part of the machine so that way you can focus less on your movements and more on what you need to do to take a Titan down. You think you can kill a Titan with knowledge of how to fight and use our gear? Well your wrong because there is a lot more to it than just that.” I watched him as he spoke, realizing that he was right. If I had any chance of surviving I would have to do better than just train, I’d have to flow.
“Alright, I understand, but is there anyway I can take a day off or something just so I can refresh and reenergize?”
“Maybe one day, brat. Depends on how you do today I guess.”
“Deal.” It was quiet for the run after that, neither of us speaking. Once we finished I went to my room and changed into the uniforms we had to wear. I then went down to the food hall to get breakfast. The instant I walked through the door and into the hall, I rushed to the food and grabbed as much as I was aloud and walked to the table I had to sit at. That’s right, Levi’s table. It didn’t really bother me, but I wouldn’t have minded if I had some freedom.
I placed my food down and began scooping it in, my hunger bringing me past the point of trying to eat like a normal human. I had gotten used to being fed constantly, but with all the training I was doing it made me even hungrier. I was eating away when I heard the tch noise Levi always makes. I chewed, swallowed, and looked up at Levi.
“What?” I asked.
“Do you really have to eat like you’re a Titan?” He answered with his own question.
“Yes I do. First of all, I had never been given, a definite, three meals a day most of my life, and second, all of this training is making me even more hungry.”
“Doesn’t give you the right to eat like that though.”
“If you don’t like how I eat then move. If not then get used to it.” I then began scooping the food back into my mouth as Levi sat down beside me, giving up in his attempt to make me look normal. I soon finished my meal and left to start fighting. Soon lunch passed and it was time to practice with the 3dm gear, which was becoming my favorite part of the day.
We walked over to the tall trees that we would be using to train on. I smiled up as we finally reached the thick forest.
“Want to have a match levi?” I asked trying to make this more interesting.
“Why?” He replied.
“Make this entertaining. I mean it already is fun, but to make it just a bit more fun than usual.”
“Yes!” I jumped up and down. The feeling of being a kid again passed through my head as I did this. Levi glaring at me for being silly as I danced, laughed, or jumped at anything that excited me. To bad the past was the past. “Alright ready short stuff?”
“What did you call me brat.”
“Oh, you heard me,” I said as I shot the 3dm gear wires into a tree causing me to speed through the air. I continued shooting the wires and flinging though the air as I tried to find the first wooden Titan I would take down. An opening appeared through the trees, a Titan dummy standing in the middle of it. I sped to it. Right before I could cut into its wooden neck, Levi flung in front of me and took it out.
“Damn it,” I cursed as I continued on.
By the end of it Levi won, no shocker there really.
“Damn it Levi. I thought I had you,” I said as I landed beside him in front of the forest which we had entered.
“Told you you weren’t ready yet.” Was all he said before walking back to the headquarters.
“I’m getting there though.”
“Sure.” As we walked I began thinking of how we used to be when our family lived together in the underground. Levi the leader with Farlan as his second in command. Me and Isabel were just there because they were willing to take us in. I remembered how in love I had been with Levi, my feelings hidden for good reasons. The memories passed through my thoughts and I couldn’t help but laugh.
“(Y/n), are you okay?” Levi asked seeming bothered by my outburst.
“I’m remembering the time when we first got the 3dm gear and tried it out. How Isabel was so excited to try it, and how when she did she flew into the cardboard boxes in the alley.” I looked at Levi to see a slight smirk on his usual stoic face. This caused my heart to race as I thought of how I caused that rare smirk to appear. Seems like those feelings had never left.
“I remember that. I also remember how when you tried it out you didn’t have any better fucking luck. You ran into the wall. I remember how scared I was when I saw you just laying on the ground, silent for once in your life. Then when I ran to your side to check on you you began laughing uncontrollably.”
“Wait, go back for a second. You were worried about me? That’s a first,” I chuckled.
“Believe me. I may not seem like I have emotions, but I do, and that moment terrified me. I though we might have lost you.”
“Wow Levi, I didn’t know your were that worried about me that day.”
“I worried a lot about you. You were the one to always do stupid shit that would either get you in trouble or injured and it seems this never changed.”
“Well, I’m glad I could cause the heartless man to worry. And you’re damn straight I didn’t change. Then you would have never found me stealing.”
“I do have a heart you shit. I just don’t express it.”
“This is noted,” I said. The rest of the way to headquarters was quite and so was the rest of the day. When I got in my room I took a quick shower and then went straight to bed. The pillows and blankets soft underneath me, dragging me into a deep slumber.
I woke to the sun shining on my face, which caused me to start getting ready for the day. I began to think over the past month as I began getting ready. Things between Levi and I had changed. We were close again just like we had many years ago. Also with in this past month my feelings for the sour faced man had strengthened no matter how much I tried to avoid it.
“Perfect,” I spoke to myself in the mirror. “Fall in love with your childhood crush who could possibly die right I front of you. Just perfect.” I finished my morning routine and went to open my door to see Levi standing in front of it. This was new.
“Levi, why are you at my door?” I asked.
“I needed to tell you that there will be no training today.”
“So, I finally get a free day. This is a first. What’s the special occasion short fry.” Now, usually, anyone who made fun of Levi would be severely punished, but not me. At least not anymore, he gave up trying after a week when he realized it wasn’t going to stop. So, instead he took a deep breath before replying.
“Tomorrow we go outside the wall to try to take back some of our territory.” This answer instantly shot down my excitement. The only reason for this day off was so we could prepare for tomorrow.
“Oh. I see. So…what do I need to do?”
“All you’ll do today is prepare your horse and outfit for tomorrow. Otherwise you are free.”
“What do you do.”
“Same thing, but I will also help Erwin make plans for tomorrow.”
“Sounds fun,” I said trying to lighten the gloomy atmosphere.
“Relax (y/n). Spend time with the others, enjoy today. You deserve this.” I lost it when I heard him say this.
“I deserve this? I’m only getting this day off because I might not make it back tomorrow. What is this? Is it supposed to be a "make your possible last day of life the best you can.” “
"You’re right,” that’s all he said before turning around and walking away. I wanted to chase after him, what reason, I don’t know. All I knew was that I wanted to spend this possible last day with him, but that was never going to happen.
I shut my door, went to my bed, and plopped down on it. Thoughts of what could happen tomorrow flowing through my head. A Titan picking me up and eating me flashed through my thoughts as I began to shake in fear. I knew this day was coming, I just thought I would have been mentally prepared, but I wasn’t.
When I regained my composure I walked out of my room and to the mess hall for breakfast. I grabbed my food and went to the table I had been sitting at for the past month. As I walked towards it I began focusing in on every face I passed. Engraving each one into my mind so that way if I survived I would know that those who didn’t would never be forgotten. At least not by me.
I arrived at my table and sat. Petra, Eld, Gunther, and Oluo only watched as I quietly sat. Nothing was said for awhile, they weren’t sure what to say and I just stared at my food trying to process what was going to happen. Finally the silence ended when Petra decided to speak.
“So, (y/n), you ready for tomorrow?” I looked up at her slowly, all emotion wiped from my face and voice.
“Don’t worry, that’s what all new recruits say the day before their first mission.” She smiled at me as if that would change how I would felt.
“That’s understandable considering that they just might not make it back.” My comment caused her smile to dim a bit before lighting back up.
“This is true, but let me tell you a secret. If you dwell on this fact, you will not only sadden yourself, but also get yourself killed. You must accept your possible fate and live like you normally would, otherwise this life can become a lot harder for you. Will you do this for me?” I didn’t answer for a while as I thought about it. Maybe she was right. I mean it must work for her, she’s always chipper.
“Sure, I’ll try my best,” I answered, a small smile adjourning my face.
“Good.” This was when Levi joined the table with his morning tea. He sat beside me.
“You feeling less defensive now?” He asked.
“Yes. I was just in shock, that’s all.”
“Kinda figured.” I began to finally eat, my food now cold but still good. I was half way through my meal when Levi began explaining everything to us.
“(L/n), you will be joining my squad.”
“Are you serious!? I’m not that good, I’ll get you guys killed.”
“You will not. You’ll be perfectly fine.”
“We have your back (y/n),” Petra added.
“Thank you,” I replied. Levi then began explaining further what tomorrow would be like. When he finished he left leaving the rest of us at the table. Eventually we all left to prepare for the next day. I got my horse and outfit ready like I was told, and then spent the rest of the day with my squad.
I rushed around the room getting ready for the mission. I grabbed what I needed and rushed to the hall to get breakfast. After we ate I was stopped by Levi.
“Listen to me. Don’t you fucking get killed out there you understand me?”
“I understand Levi.” I replied
“Good, now go catch up with the others brat.” I left like I was told and followed everyone to the stables to get our horses so we could begin our journey to the exit of the wall. The ride there seemed like ages, time slowly passing. The whole time I tried to hide my shaking, but failed. Petra, the only one to notice, would smile at me trying to comfort me. I’d smile back and then go back to shaking. I looked at Levi to see him staring at me. I blushed and looked away. ‘Why did I not tell him how I felt. If this is my last day I would have at least liked to have told him how I actually felt even if he didn’t feel the same.’ I thought. 'At least I could have passed knowing I had finally told him.’
I continued to think until we arrived at the exit we planned of leaving through. Once we got there my mind went blank. This was it, we were about to leave the wall. This was the last time I would see most of my comrades alive, considering many of them would not be returning. I looked around and saw anything from blank faces to faces that were similar to mine, pure and utter fear. This moment felt longer than the entire ride here, fear taking its course. It was silent until Erwin’s voice broke it with a loud onward.
The horses began to race through the gate on command. Soon we were outside of the wall and in Titan territory. It wasn’t till we got close to our target that I saw my first Titan. It was huge! It stood on its legs as it tried to run towards a group at our right. The group instantly went on attack mode as the Titan approached closer. It didn’t take long before it was taken out. The Titans continued coming until we reached the forest. Levi had explained that we would have to go in there to get to our destination. He had also said that we would all have to watch carefully because the Titans could appear Anywhere in the woods. This did little to calm me down, but I remembered what Petra had told me the day before. This calmed me little, but it was better than how I originally was going to enter the forest.
Everything was fine until we heard a scream in the back of the woods where everyone else was. This seemed to be a signal for other Titans to attack in the forest because a few minuets later a Titan jumped in front of our squad. I screamed a little as it had popped out of no where, but this didn’t scare anyone else in the squad.
“Eld and Gunther take it out,” Levi ordered. There was no hesitation from them as they shot off of their horses and into the air. “Brat, keep the horses from running away,” Levi ordered me as he handed me the straps from Eld’s and Gunther’s horses. I took them and made sure not to let go.
It wasn’t long until the Titan was killed and a new one took its place. After each kill another would come. It got to the point where we all had to get off our horses to try and help fight the Titans. I was doing well, killing Titan after Titan, until a Titan no one saw grabbed me. I screamed in pure terror as I looked into the crazy eyes of the Titan that had captured me. Hot tears were streaming down my face as I realized this was it, that I was going to die. My life flashed before my eyes as I was slowly raised to the Titans gigantic mouth. I closed my eyes so I no longer had to watch my own death. I pictured Levi as I awaited my death, regretting the fact that he would never know how I felt. At least he would be with me in my final thoughts.
I took one last breath in as I felt the Titans lungs exhale as air blew across me. Right before the Titan could kill me though, it was taken out. I had no clue who it was because the instant it fell I blacked out.
Everything was black, not any light to be seen. At first I thought I was dead, considering there was nothing but black surrounding me, but then I felt my heart beat against my chest, signaling that I was, indeed, alive. I tried opening my eyes, but they wouldn’t budge from their closed state. I internally groaned. I wanted to wake up and figure out how the heck I had survived. At the moment, I could only remember being grabbed by the Titan and screaming, but that was it. Everything after that was blank.
My eyes stayed impossible to open until a few minuets later when I felt the imaginary heavy weights lift off of them. My eyes flew open as light clouded into them. This caused me to have to blink crazily until my eyes adjusted to the light once more. Once I could see, I looked around. I was in an infirmary room laying on a white bed, my body covered in its white blankets. The rest of the room shared the same bland color of the bed I was in making everything seem brighter than it should be. I then saw a man in a chair beside my bed. It took me a few minuets to figure out that it was no other than Levi sleeping in the chair. He seemed to look normal except for the red puffy eyes he had. Had he been crying? That seemed impossible to me considering the man never seemed to show emotion at all.
I couldn’t help but stare at him as he slept, trying to figure out if I was just seeing things or if his puffy eyes were indeed real. A half hour passed before he finally stirred from his sleep. My assumption was proven true when I saw his eyes open to reveal blood shot eyes. It took a few minuets for the short man to figured out I was awake. When he did he instantly rushed to my side.
“You fucking idiot! You almost got fucking killed you dumb shit! I told you not to get killed and look what you fucking did you almost got fucking killed!” Levi was screaming at me in a fury I had only seen a few times in the month I had been here at the survey corps headquarters. I cowered back a bit, trying to escape the fuming man by sinking into the bed.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t see that Titan coming. If I had I would have killed it,” I whispered.
“You’re sorry!? I almost lost you, damn it. I almost lost you just like the others,” he quieted down as he finished.
“Levi, what do you mean by others?”
“Farlan and Isabel.”
“What, they were in the survey corps too?”
“Is that why you left and never came back?” I quietly looked down as I asked.
“Yes, but we had no choice.”
“You didn’t have a choice Levi? Of course you did,” I said bitterly. I was still touchy around the whole being left behind bit, and the fact that he said there was no choice let it resurface. Levi never explained what truly happened and I deserved to know considering I almost died. “You had a choice to join. You know how long I waited for you three to come home. Months. I waited months. I worried for months. I was scared you had gotten caught. I asked around the underground if anyone had heard anything, seen anything. There was nothing. It was if you fell off the face of the earth. Eventually I gave up, I realized you three left me behind. I thought I had done something wrong, I thought it was my fault you left. You were the only family I had and you left, just like my parents. If I am wrong in my understanding of this then please do explain because I really would like to be out of the dark now.”
“We didn’t have a choice ( y/n). What happened to you, happened to us. We were being chased by the survey corps. I thought we had escaped, but that was when Erwin landed in front of us along with the others, trapping us. They kicked us to the ground. Erwin explained that I had two options, let Farlan, Isabel, and me be put in prison or join the survey corps. I couldn’t let them go to prison so I said we’d join. I hated how I felt, being trapped with each option being terrible. And don’t you think I didn’t feel bad about never being able to fucking tell you what was going to happen. I begged them to let me go back to tell you but the basterds wouldn’t let me. I carried that guilt for years! Then on one of our missions outside of the wall I split from my group to kill a Titan. I told Farlan and Isabel to stay with the group, they still listened to me even though I wasn’t their leader anymore,” he chuckled humorlessly. “So, I was off killing a Titan while the rest of my group was continuing on the path they were to go. See even then I was considered one of the best Titan killers and this caused my ego to sky rocket making me belive I could do anything. Let’s just say I learned my lesson that day.” Levi stopped talking. He lowered his head so he was looking at his legs. I knew where this was going, but I needed to know for sure.
“Levi, what happened?”
“I killed that Titan,” he said. That’s when I saw a single tear fall into his lap. He couldn’t be crying right? “But after I did I heard screams behind me. I figured it was another group and began heading over in that direction to help them. When I got there, I found a massacre. Limbs were lying everywhere. Blood was covering everything.” He paused and took a shaken breath. I had never seen Levi like this, I had never seen him show emotion in general, but this was strange. “I watched as the Titans were still munching on people. I then heard a scream that sounded like Farlan’s but I thought I was hearing things. It wasn’t till I heard my name being screamed that I turned in that direction to see a Titan with Farlan in its disgusting hands. I rushed over, but I was to late. I watched the fucking thing kill Farlan. The fucking bastered ate everything but his head.” Levis voice cracked as he said this. I watched as more tears split from his eyes and onto his lap. The site broke my heart and I began crying as well as I thought of what my two “siblings” had gone through. What horror they had faced. How they knew they were going to die. I hugged Levi as we cried together. A few minuets passed before Levi calmed down and pulled away from me to continue the story.
“That Titan, I killed it, but not instantly. No, I slowly killed it. I cut the damn monster to shreds and it wasn’t until I knew it was suffering that I finally ended its life. After that I fell to my knees and cried until Erwin came to get me. The only I had family was killed by them and it was all my fault. Had I not been so fucking cocky, had I just stayed with them, they would be here alive and well. But no I didn’t. They are dead because of me. Because I let us get caught by the survey corps, because I decided joining them was a better decision, because I left them. I was all of your leaders and I failed you all.” Levi looked up at me as tears continued to fall from his eyes. “And to make it all better, I almost let you die that same fucking way as they did. I almost got you killed too, the last family I had and I almost got you killed. You would think I would learn the first fucking time, but no I had to do it again.”
“Levi it wasn’t your fault. There is nothing you could have done to save Farlan and Isabel. It was their choice to listen as much as it was your choice to tell them to stay, and you never failed us. We all knew you did what you did because you knew what was best for us. You gave us all a family made of four kids who thought they would always be alone. That is more than enough to prove how you didn’t fail us. They might have died, but that was out of your hands and you did your best to stop that. That was all you could do,” I said as I watched Levi look back down at his legs. I picked his head up in my hands and made him look at me. “And there is no way in hell that you failed me. You saved me did you not, I am assuming you killed the Titan that had me, am I right?” Levi shook is head yes. “So you didn’t fail me Levi. I am still hear breathing air because you saved me. Don’t you ever dare to forget that. Do you understand me?”
“Good,” I smiled. “Now may I tell you something?”
“Yes, what is it?” Levi asked as he wiped his tears from his face.
“I have wanted to tell you this before we went on the mission in case I didn’t make it, but I couldn’t get up the courage. I think this close encounter with death has helped me decide to tell you now.” I paused before going on. “Levi, I have felt this feeling for you since we were kids. When you left I forgot about this feeling and it wasn’t until I found you again that I realized what it was. Levi, I love you, and I know you might not fe-” my sentence was interrupted by a pair of rough lips agains mine. My eyes widened in shock at the realization of what was happening, but then closed as I relaxed into it. The kiss started off as soft and unsure, but quickly changed to passionate and loving the instant Levi realized I was kissing him back. We broke apart from each other to catch our breaths.
“So does this mean that short stuff loves me too?” I chuckled.
“Yes you dumb shit,” he answered.
“Good, I was hoping you would.” I then kissed him once more. We broke apart once more, this time Levi began talking.
“Just so you know, training is not going to become easier for you.”
“ I figure as not, but a girl could dream right?”
Summary: Inspired by this post (x) Being born and raised in a HYDRA family means you must be a devoted member to the organisation, carrying out orders with blind obedience. But after being assigned the suicide mission of being the Winter Soldier’s handler, you slowly start to question where your loyalties truly lie.
Warnings: Violence, swearing, mentions of nakedness
Word Count: 3171
A.N: BUCKLE UP KIDS! this is only getting started
can’t believe you’re working in the lab,” said Daniel as he inserted a new
magazine into his gun, tossing his old one somewhere on the floor of the
were sitting behind him, feet propped over the small table while you leaned
behind on a chair you had dragged all the way to the cubicle, smirking.
mean-” -he went on, gesturing with both hands but stopping once realized he was
holding a loaded gun in one of them “sorry- it’s just- you’re probably the best
shooter we’ve had and they’re making you waste your abilities.”
@herebelife idk why it won’t let me tag you! Here’s an update on Lily’s heel! We’ve practiced A LOT just initial position and now I’m having trouble teaching her ‘front’ because her default is to automatically swing to my side 😂 she does NOT do anything normally so I had to incorporate a ‘touch’ to get her to be finally straight. She is immensely enthusiastic about this command, as seen by the literal punch!
Also she works for sausage links in this, can you tell?
In which Riskua travelled with Mihawk instead of going to Dawn Island
(Because I really enjoyed @nordictwin‘s AU where Riskua stayed on Melring, so I wrote my own with one of the other alternatives that could have happened, which was Mihawk taking her, *ahem*, underwing.
When Dracule Mihawk
saunters into the latest Shichibukai meeting, he comes in with a red-haired,
tan-skinned miniature trotting diligently along after him. A female miniature.
goggles for a moment, losing all interest in his game with the marines.
I just wanted to say thank you to all my amazing followers! I’m blessed, that so many of you follow me and that you enjoy the content of my blog! Thanks to all those amazing artists, who share their art and make my heart burst everytime they post something (and especially to those, who follow me - I feel like such a fangirl!!) I’m grateful for everyone of you and I hope you enjoy my blog further on! Stay awesome