my sick tats

the signs as actual shit my dumbass coworker cory said before his ass got fired
  • Aries: wouldn't it be cool if like the moon was its own planet
  • Taurus: hi i'm cory i'm nineteen
  • Gemini: my back hurts so bad because of all the mma i do i have to go to the chiropractor all the time. i would quit but im too good
  • Cancer: wanna see my sick tiger tat?
  • Leo: *listening to dark industrial beats in the break room on his phone super loud* sup bro
  • Virgo: im 19
  • Libra: bro what do you do in your free time i play league like ten, twelve hours a day
  • Scorpio: *at full volume in front of customers* bro isn't it super hot when girls wear knee high socks like that school girl look damn
  • Sagittarius: *after getting called in to the office for disciplinary talks for the 3rd time in two weeks* dude you are the most chill manager i've ever had
  • Capricorn: im nineteen but i get alcohol all the time
  • Aquarius: my girlfriend is a brazilian model (some of these are paraphrased but this is absolutely verbatim)
  • Pisces: how old are you bro im 19