my shootings

Dylann Roof is remembered by some former neighbors as the strange, bug-eyed boy with a bowl haircut who helped with yard work in rural Lexington county. Some can’t fathom how he learned to have such deep resentment toward people of African descent. Weeks before his arrest Roof had told friends he wanted to do “something big,” and he had plans to commit a mass shooting at the College of Charleston. Another friend remembered that Roof was’t mean, but he had “a darkness to his life.”
These are contrary statements about a young man with no record of violence, who has remained largely silent aside from the website. 

We are Charleston - Chapter 2

“Among reporters and across interview formats (e.g., grand jury testimony, interviews with federal agents, social historian interviews, and diagnostic interviews), there was consensus in describing Dylann as polite, sweet and quiet. Despite that, it was also clear that he struggled in many areas of social-communication.”

- Rachel Loftin

my name is Stanley Almodovar III
i carry the name of my father and his father before me
i’m twenty-three years young
i dyed my hair saturday but no one got to see it sunday morning
my name is Amanda Alvear
i am twenty-five years young
people know me as a pharmacy tech, the girl who lost almost two hundred pounds, the girl who takes too many selfies
but the only place i was truly myself was where i was that night
my name is Oscar Aracena
i am twenty-six years young
i’m a student at Valencia College
i was so close to getting my degree… so close
my name is Rodolfo Ayala-Ayala
i am thirty-three years young
i am a supervisor at the OneBlood donation center
i never did know if my job was the one who tried to save my life
my name is Capt. Antonio Davon Brown of the U.S. Army Reserve
i am thirty years young
i almost have my doctorate degree of management in organizational leadership
almost
my name is Darryl Roman Burt II
i am twenty-nine years young
i just received my master’s degree in Human Resources Management
tonight, i was celebrating
mi llamo Jonathan Camuy
soy es veinticuatro anos
trabajo en una cadena de televisión española
realmente estaba deseando volver a trabajar el lunes
my name is Angel Luis Candelario-Padro
i am twenty-eight years young
soon, i will be an ophthalmic technician
i cannot wait to begin my new job in a few days
my name is Omar Capo
i am twenty years young
i love to dance
i always said i wanted to die doing what i loved
my name is Simon Carrillo
i am thirty-one years young
my partner and i just came home from a little getaway to Niagara Falls
i was really looking forward to our next vacation together
my name is Luis Daniel Conde
i am thirty-nine years young
my best friend is  Juan Pablo Rivera Velazquez
he’s been by my side since high school
my name is  Juan Pablo Rivera Velazquez
i am twenty-two years young
my best friend is  Luis Daniel Conde
seems only fitting we left this world together
my name is Cory James Connell
i am twenty-one years young
my brother is getting married this fall and i am to be his best man
don’t tell him but i have no idea what to say in my speech
my name is Tevin Eugene Crosby
i am twenty-five years young
i am the owner of a marketing firm, Total Entrepreneurs Concepts
hard work truly does pay off; i can’t wait to share my latest meme with all of my facebook friends when i get home tonight
my name is Anthony Luis Laureano Disla
i am twenty-five years young
i love to dance, i want to be a dancer
tonight, i want to go dancing with my friends
my name is Deonka Deidra Drayton
i am thirty-two years young
for the first time in a long time, i can finally, confidently, say
that i am happy
my name is Leroy Valentin Fernandez
i am twenty-five years young
i love to sing
no matter what happens in life, no one will ever take my voice away from me
my name is Mercedez Marisol Flores
i am twenty-six years young
i am studying literature at Valencia College’s West Campus but my true passion is party planning
i’ve been thinking about switching majors
my name is Peter O. Gonzalez-Cruz
i am twenty-two years young
all i want to do is make people smile
i’ve always thought that laughter could cure anything
my name is Paul Terrell Henry
i am forty-young years young
i am the proud father of two amazing kids and i have the most magnificent boyfriend
i cannot thank god enough for all of my blessing
my name is Frankie Hernandez
i am twenty-seven years young
i have a little sister, she’s one of my best friends
i cannot wait to see the person she becomes when she grows up
my name is Miguel Angel Honorato
i am thirty years young
i have three sons who i love more than life itself
i hope they will enjoy what i have planned for the next birthday party
my name is Jimmy De Jesús
i am fifty years young
i love my job but i am so thankful i have tomorrow off
i plan on having a good time tonight
my name is Javier Jorge-Reyes
i am forty years young
i am so, so proud of who i am
no one can take that away from me
my name is Jason Josaphat
i am nineteen years young
i love life, i love my life
and it’s only just begun
my name is Eddie Justice
i am thirty years young
i have a huge family, but i am a mama’s boy at heart
i always make sure to text my mom everyday
my name is Christopher Leinonen
i am thirty-two years young
i am madly in love with my boyfriend, Juan Guerrero
i cannot wait to see what the future has in store for the two of us
my name is Juan Guerrero
i am twenty-five years young
i am madly in love with my boyfriend, Christopher Leinonen
after a long week at work, i just want to unwind with my love tonight
my name is Alejandro Martinez
i am twenty-one years young
i have only been living in Florida for two years
but i have always met so many kind people here; that must be why it is called the “sunshine state”
my name is Brenda Lee Marquez-McCool
i am forty-nine years young
i beat cancer twice
and i have never felt more alive
my name is Gilberto Ramon Silva Menendez
i am twenty-five years young
i am studying health care management at the Ana G. Mendez University’s Orlando campus
all i want to do is help people
my name is Kimberly Morris, but you can call me ‘KJ’
i am thirty-seven years young
i moved to Florida to be closer to my mother and grandmother
i love my job as a bouncer at Pulse Nightclub
my name is Akyra Murray
i am eighteen years young
i just graduated from West Catholic Preparatory High School
my name is Geraldo Ortiz-Jimenez, but you can call me Drake
i am twenty-five years young
i love Selena Gomez
i hope to meet her one day
Joel Rayon Paniagua
i am thirty-one years young
i love dancing
i am going to meet my friends for a night of dancing
my name is Jean Carlos Mendez Perez
i am thirty-five years young
not to brag, but i am the best salesperson Perfumania
you can ask Luis Daniel Wilson-Leon
my name is Luis Daniel Wilson-Leon
i am thirty-seven years young
growing up wasn’t easy but i can finally say that i am comfortable in my own skin
and i am lucky enough to have Jean Carlos Mendez Perez by my side through it all
my name is Enrique L. Rios
i am twenty-five years young
i am from New York
but i came to Florida to celebrate my friend’s birthday
my name is Eric Ivan Ortiz Rivera
i am thirty-six years young
i don’t really like clubs
but it’s for a friend, so tonight, i will go
my name is Xavier Emmanuel Serrano
i am thirty-five years young
i have a five year old son who is my entire world
i just hope i will raise him to be a genuine and compassionate person
my name is Christopher Sanfeliz
i am twenty-four years young
i am a personal banker at J.P. Morgan Chase bank
i am very thankful to have Sundays off, especially tonight
my name is Yilmary Rodriguez Solivan
i am twenty-four years young
i am a proud mom and wife
my youngest baby is three months old
my name is Jean Carlos Nieves Rodriguez
i am twenty-seven years young
i just brought my first house
i just want my mom to live somewhere nice
my name is Edward Sotomayor Jr.
i was named after my father
i am thirty-four years young
i love my boyfriend and i love adventure
my name is Shane Tomlinson
i am thirty-three years young
i am the lead singer in a band
i love to bring music to the lives of others
my name is Martin Benitez Torres
i am thirty-three years young
last month, i enrolled in college
i hope to be a pharmacy tech
my name is Juan Rivera Velazquez
i am thirty-nine years young
i love being a hair stylist
 i love making people feel beautiful
my name Luis Vielma
i am twenty-two years young
i love my job, especially working on the Harry Potter ride at Universal
but one day i really want to become an EMT
my name is Jerald Arthur Wright
i am thirty-one years young
i have a huge family, both biological and my coworkers 
tonight i am celebrating my friend’s birthday
—  say their names
(cc, 2017)
thanks for inviting me to the party. if you need me, i’ll be in the corner, drinking & trying not to make eye contact
Columbine Songs
Eminem
Columbine Songs

Eminem and Columbine


I am an Eminem Fan for years now and when I started to get more and more into True Crime I was surprised to find a lot of his Lyrics mentioning Columbine which I never really realised before. Of course he also mentioned other murderers or events, like Ted Bundy and the Aurora theater shooting but I wanted to start with the Columbine lyrics because there’s a lot of material. So let’s start:


The Way I Am, 2000
0:00-0:16
When a dude’s getting bullied and shoots up his school
And they blame it on Marilyn and the heroin
Where were the parents at? And look where it’s at!
Middle America, now it’s a tragedy
Now it’s so sad to see, an upper-class city
Havin’ this happening

Marshall states that he thinks that he thinks that not music is the reason for the shooting but bullying and the parents. But as we all know Marilyn Manson was partly blamed for Columbine by the media.
Em is also making fun of the fact that Columbine was the first shooting that people cared this much about although there have been a lot of shootings but now it happened at a “nice” school.

There is an alternative version of this song featuring Marilyn Manson (x)
He performed it live with Manson (x and x)
Manson also appeared in the official video (x)

Remember me, 2000
0:17-0:30
Came home and somebody musta broke in the back window
And stole two loaded machine guns and both of my trenchcoats
Sick, sick dreams of picnic scenes
Two kids, sixteen, with M-16’s and ten clips each
And them shits reach through six kids each

Em is making fun of the idea that musicians like him are a bad influence because he is not the one who gives these kids their weapons.

And as we all know, Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold both wore a Trenchcoat when the attack started, that’s why „both of my Trenchcoats“ were stolen. And so he thinks that they were stolen to start another Columbine.
And when you have these „two kids“ with guns that, when you shoot them, „reach through six kids each“ you have 12 dead kids. And as we all know, during the Columbine massacre died 12 kids (and one adult).

By the way, Eminem needed two months to write his whole verse on this song while Sticky Fingaz wrote his verse in one day. 


I’m Back, 2000
0:30-0:41
I take seven [kids] from [Columbine]
Stand ‘em all in line, add an AK-47, a revolver, a 9
A MAC-11 and it oughta solve the problem of mine
And that’s a whole school of bullies shot up all at one time

This is probably the most well known Columbine reference made by Eminem.
This album came out one year after the massacre so it was still an sensitive subject. Therefore his label censored these two words (Kids and Columbine), even on the explicit version of the album.
I don’t think I have to explain what exactly this lyric means, it’s pretty clear.
In his book he states this:


“ I was getting shit about the Columbine reference on “I’m Back” and the label was telling me that I wasn’t gonna be able to say it. My whole thing was, what is the big fucking deal? That shit happens all the time. Why is that topic so touchy as opposed to, say a four-year-old kid drowning? Why isn’t that considered a huge tragedy? People die in the city all the time. People get shot, people get stabbed, raped, mugged, killed and all kinds of shit. What the fuck is the big deal with Columbine that makes it separate from any other tragedy in America?”

In 2015 a 15 year-old boy was arrested. He posted these lyrics on Instagram and added “Cause I’m just like shady and just as crazy as the world was over that whole Y2K thing”
The origiginal lyrics are “ ‘Cause (I'mmmm) Shady, they call me as crazy
As the world was over this whole Y2K thing”

When authorities searched the boy’s home they found weaponry and eventually arrested him. He denied any knowledge of the weapons and said he didn’t post this text on Instagram.


White America, 2002
0:42-0:48
White America, I could be one of your kids
White America, little Eric looks just like this

In this song it’s not only about the Lyrics but also about the music video.
With “little Eric” he mentioned Eric Harris but it was also meant as an example for a typical white kid. He is from middle america because his name is in the middle of amERICa.
The interesting part is, as I said, the video. Where you can see news of an school shooting during “I could be one of your kids”
And during “little Eric looks just like this” you can see one of those typical yearbook pictures and the house of the school shooter. The house looks a bit like the one the Harrises had.

When these lines get repeated you can see a boy full of (probably) blood stepping out of the map of america. On his shirt is written “I am Eric”.


Rap God, 2013
0:49-0:54
I’ll take seven kids from Columbine
Put ‘em all in a line, add an AK-47, a revolver and a 9

This was the first time we could hear the Columbine Line uncensored. Eminem didn’t rap all of the “I’m back” lines because he just wanted to
“See if I get away with it now that I ain’t as big as I was”
As you can hear, he got away with it.





Eminem is one of the few people who openly give their sympathy for the two shooters.
He admitted to be interested in serial killers in this statement:
“I did find myself watching a lot of documentaries on serial killers, I mean, I always had a thing for them. I’ve always been intrigued by them and I found that watching movies about killers sparked something in me.The way a serial killer’s mind works, just the psychology of them is pretty fucking crazy. I was definitely inspired by that, but most of the album’s imagery came from my own mind.”

But Marshall Mathers seems to have an very personal realationship with the whole Columbine Issue.
He himself was bullied on a daily basis during his childhood, often for his race and for always being the new kid. When he was nine years old he got beaten up so bad he was in an coma for several days. I think he is one of the people who is trying to understand what Harris and Klebold were going through.
But I think it is important to mention, that he is the living proof that even when your life is is shitty right now because of some people who have nothing in their life but to terrorize you, that you can still have a better life. And you beat them best when you keep on living.

“That Columbine shit is so fucking touchy. As much sympathy as we give the Columbine shootings, nobody ever looked at it from the fuckin’ point of view of the kids who were bullied—I mean, they took their own fucking life! And it was because they were pushed so far to the fucking edge that they were fucking so mad. I’ve been that mad.

-Marshall Mathers