my shitty dating life

Another shitty date. I’m just so sick of putting myself out there. Anyone else feeling this way? Call me picky, but I just find it so tough to find a guy that meets all of my standards. Why is it so difficult to find a good one? At least I wore my favorite coral dress on the date. 😩

….serious question, how do people even start dating? like frankly i go straight to fuck buddy with everyone who’s attractive which is mostly nice and beautiful but. how do u date without it being awkward. where is the line. where is the damn line?? 

anonymous asked:

Awhile back you talked to a older woman asking about hooking up with a younger woman. I am in a lesbian relationship (poly) with my partner. I am 30 and she is twenty one. I know it is a big age difference, but i think hard and fast age rules can be an excuse for not getting to know someone. we just try really hard to keep communication open, and make sure she is only partaking in things that are healthy for her.

Just to get into this a little more. She has a lot more experience than me, espically dating women. I spent most of my life dating shitty men until I found her. I used to feel weird about the age thing, but I realized that I hold no power over her. She dates other people, she makes the same amount of money as I do (more) and can drink and vote and drive and join the army. I just feel like we are equals
_______________

Everyone is different and life experience can totally happen fast and rapidly for some and slow for others. I don’t want to come across as rude, like my milestones aren’t drinking and smoking and voting bc those ages are all ludicrously young to me (I’m 32) and like, smoking is 18? I’m more interested in common life experiences and also finished brain development (around 23-25)

like for me, my formative experiences that I need people to share or at least really really understand, like, what it’s like to grow up working class, what it’s like to be considered disposable for most of your life, what it’s like to not have a real safety net as an adult, to spend years working in spaces that are not built with you in mind but are built to profit off you, and trying to navigate everything AS you learn it because no one ever taught it to you. some of that someone under 25 might get, some of it is really specific to sex workers over 25, which corresponds to my lack of interest or trust in forming relationships with nonsex workers and middle class people of any age.

everyone is different! she’s old enough to drink!

Nerd [Part Two]

By popular demand, here is part two to Nerd! I really went back in forth when writing this because I didn’t really know how to end it, I guess. I also didn’t want it to end in a cliche, so I tried to make everyone happy the best I could. Hope you guys enjoy and I’m sorry for the long wait, xx.

-

You stayed at home for the next three days, taking refuge from the people at school who had mostly likely all heard about you being stood up. It wasn’t a win-win situation however, your parents’ bickering never seemed to seize, and often times, you found yourself wanting to go to school to escape the arguing. You laid on the couch, watching a movie with your legs tucked into your chest. Your mom was in the couch, chugging down another bottle of vodka. It felt strange that you could predict your mother’s action just by the soft sound of the alcohol cabinet opening. It wouldn’t be too long now where your father would come, screaming about how your mother needed professional help to get over her addiction.

You heard the door open and the sound of your father walking in. That was a signal for you to get up and leave. Your head was still pounding with a headache after being awoken by your mom yelling, tears streaming down her face as your father left the house with a slam. You watched your father disappear into the kitchen. 

Slam. Yell. I’m done trying to help you. 

You stood up from the couch, turning off the TV. Maybe a nice walk in the woods behind your house would relieve you of your headache. You walked out, but you didn’t make it far beyond your door when you saw Justin pacing in front of your door as he scratched his head.

“Um,” you spoke up and he looked over, eyes wide. “Hi.”

Justin cleared his throat, “I wanted to come see how you were doing, but I heard yelling so I didn’t quite know what to do. I was debating.”

“Okay, why are you here?” You asked.

The screams were clearly audible from outside. You could your dad yelling about how she was a terrible influence on her daughter, while your mom told him go to screw a whore.

“I…” Justin let out a breath, “I came to say I was sorry. It was really wrong of me to go along with what my friend’s said. I never wanted to hurt anyone.”

You let out a breathy left, shaking your head back and forth. “Cut the bullcrap. You didn’t want to hurt anyone? You should’ve thought of that before you asked me out to prom. You know, with how shitty my life is, going on a date with you to prom as the only enjoyable thing I had to look forward to.”

“I never should’ve played you like that and I know, but I can’t go back in time and change it. I only hope you can forgive me.” Justin dropped his gaze to the floor.

This moment would’ve been sweeter if your mom hadn’t thrown her vodka bottle across the room, slamming against the wall with so much force that it broke into several little pieces. You heard your dad call her crazy and you felt all the emotions you had been harboring spill out.

You burst into tears and Justin looked a bit taken aback. He’s never had to deal with a crying girl before so as you crumpled to the floor, wrapping your arms around your body, he only stood there. You dug your face into your knees and cried. Justin shuffled closer to you, slowly sitting down next to you. He licked his lips and then took hold of your hand.

“Come with me,” he whispered.

“What?” You were barely able to squeak out before he was dragging you down the steps of your porch.

-

You never imagined talking to Justin after he stood you up. You also never imagined sitting in the back of his car, a blanket pulled over you after you complained about how cold it was, and with a blunt in your mouth. When Justin had first pulled out a blunt, you looked at him like if he was crazy. But you caught on quickly, switching between you and Justin both taking a hit.

“You know,” Justin took the blunt from you as you passed it over. “I get what you’re going through. My parents got divorced. I mean, to be fair, I was eleven months so I don’t remember any of it, but still. I get what you’re going through.”

You giggled, in a hazy high, and pulled the blanket closer to your face. “I wish they would just hurry up and get divorced. I wish they would stop making themselves suffer for a loveless relationship.”

Justin looked blankly ahead, letting out a puff of smoke. “I can relate. Sometimes I hang out with people and I’m just like, we’re nothing alike so why am I still friends with you? I don’t like making fun of other people so why do I do it when I hang out with you guys? Why am I suffering in a friendship were people only care about me if I abide with their rules?” He ranted and you looked over at him, smiling a small smile.

“Did I say too much?” He asked, scrunching his eyebrows together.

You shook your head.

“Am I forgiven?” He question, looking at you with the biggest puppy dog eyes.

You nodded your head, reaching for the blunt and bringing it to your lips. You took another hit then handed it back to Justin who squashed the end of it to put out the flame.

“Can I kiss you?” Justin licked his lips, moving closer to you.

You nodded.

He leaned in, bringing his lips towards you. He placed his hand on your cheek, and you sat there, paralyzed. He was about to kiss you when a police officer knocked on the back window and Justin froze.

“Uh, oh.” 

I deleted Tinder today and simultaneously decided that now is as good a time as any to actually start getting my life together. And that means no more shitty ass dates with boys who just wanna fuck. I’m in the game to make new friends and maybe eventually find a man who has his shit together and is 100% cool with my ridiculousness. No more boys who are outta my league or are possibly cheating on their girlfriends or don’t believe the holocaust actually happened. (Yes, those are tinder dates I actually went on.) I’m going to just go with the flow. Stop trying to actively seek out love and just let it happen. 

2016 IS THE YEAR OF MADISON