An ill-advised jailbreak
Context: My halfling bard had been seen using magic by a group that is staunchly anti-magic. He had been put in a cell, and some very significant events occurred.
Dm: You are thrown into the cell. It is padded and the only thing in the room is a toilet. No sink, no bed.
Bard (ooc): Wait I still have all my stuff, right?
Dm: Yes, you do.
Bard (ooc): I’m gonna use my miner’s pick on the toilet.
Dm (chuckling): You get in a few good hits before the scent of vanilla washes over you. Con save. (Fails) You pass out. You awaken some time later, stripped of your possessions and clothes, you are now wearing a straitjacket with markings all over it.
Bard (ooc): can I try to weasel out of it?
Dm: Strength check.
Bard (ooc): Oh I thought I was gonna like, wiggle…whatever. (Rolls strength: 20 with bonuses)
Dm: Jesus…okay, you hulk out, ripping the bindings of the straitjacket.
Bard (ooc): fantastic. How big is the room?
Dm: 10 feet by 10 feet.
Bard (ooc): …fuck it, I’m casting thunderwave as a second level spell. I’m gonna blast open this door.
Dm: OKAY. You cast Thunderwave, the force of which buckles the door significantly, though it does not give way. The force of the thunderwave bounces back off of the walls, roll 9d8 damage. (After bard got the con save, it was halved)
Bard (ooc) (sweating): 40. I take 20 damage. I’M ALIVE! Bloody and naked, but ALIVE!
Dm: yeah well now a parade of guards flood in, holding rods with electric ends.
Bard (ooc): Okay, I’m gonna intimidate the shit out of them before they attack.
Dm: One chance.
Bard: YOU DENSE MOTHERFUCKERS, I’M A FACELESS MAN (men in this group allowed to use magic), I COULD KILL YOU ALL! (Rolls intimidation, nat 20)
DM: you are nude, bloody, you just exploded the room, you yelled stuff at them they didn’t understand, and threatened to kill them. They’re pants-shittingly terrified, so they’re going for the kill, now. You rolled too well.
Bard: SON OF A BITCH.
The bard didn’t die. But bard had a bad time, after that he was strung up, suspended in the room, blindfolded, gagged, and still nude. If only he were kinky.