my shits 1

So I was DMing for the second time ever, and my players are not serious AT ALL.  They were exploring some ruins of a supposed castle trying to find a gem called The Lady, after some really bad rolls, the fighter finds a box that everyone assumes the gem is in, but they can’t open it.  (They later find out it’s magic.)  

They try every key they find, and WON’T STOP ROLLING TO FIND KEYS.  I get fed up, and the next time someone finds a key, I say “The spirit of fantasy Steve Harvey appears, slaps you, then both his form and the key disappears.  I hate you all, please, stop.”

Bonus: After everyone stops trying keys, the paladin asks me if she can roll to fuck the box.  I say no, but she rolls anyway.  Chaos ensues.

Interview time

Okay so im in a group where i am a R Dragonborn Barb, we have a high-elf rogue and an aasamar cleric. Aasimar has heard of brothels but never knew what went on in there just that it was a Seeeeeeexxxxxxx anyways we also all drunk af off of dwarven ale and this unfolds:

Me ooc: i find the nearest big breasted woman and ask for an “Interview” *not wanting to let the cleric know what im up to*

Cleric: I can help with the interview

Me: actually i think ill do this alone

Cleric: but i can help her like you more

Me: i dont think thats a good idea

Cleric: why?

Me: *unable to think of a valid response i just yell* Seeeeeeexxxxxxx

Cleric: oh

Rogue in bg: *laughing his ass off

Never underestimate the creativity (or perversion) of your players

DM gave my character a ring that allowed me to change a letter or drop a letter of a spell I could cast. The spell will reflect its new name. So a spell like Fireball would become Firball (sharp pine needles explode in a radius), Blur became Slur (if cast on a magic user, they can’t use spells with verbal components), Slow becomes Plow (till a field in a minute), etc.

I’m looking down my list of spells after I get the ring to see what mayhem I can cause & I don’t make it past the cantrips before I start laughing so hard I start to cry. I look up at the DM with a huge grin on my face.

“From now on I will only be casting Vicious Cockery at my enemies. It still does 1d4 psychic damage, but instead of insulting them, a disembodied dick smacks them in the face.”

1-A Dorm Headcanons
  • Midoriya has an All Might alarm clock that says something along the lines of “Wake up! Why…because I am here!” and he accidentally set it really loud so it wakes everyone up on the first morning.
  • The next day they have a special early hero lesson and of course All Might bursts in with the same line only to be met with everyone yelling at Midoriya and going back to sleep.
  • Shouji cooking massive breakfasts every weekend in about 15 minutes because he can do 8 different things at once
  • “Yaoyorozu I forgot to pack this can you make one?”
  • There are not enough plug sockets in the lounge area so Kaminari gets plugged in and has to sit in the middle with chargers in his mouth.
  • Sometimes people shove extra chargers and wires in his mouth just to shut him up.
  • Tokoyami and Jirou blasting screamo/heavy metal at 3am
  • At least one or two people fall asleep on the sofas everyday and it’s an unwritten rule that you tuck them in and don’t disturb them.
  • One morning everyone finds Kirishima and Bakugou snuggled up together, fast asleep and everyone takes pictures. The dorm nearly gets destroyed after Kaminari’s snickering wakes Bakugou up.
  • Hagakure gets dared to hide in the suit of armour in Aoyama’s room and move around a lot.
  • Items get stolen from everyone’s rooms and hidden in Bakugou’s although nobody tells him. Take them back if you dare.
  • Todoroki falls asleep literally everywhere but still gets blankets and cushions thrown over him even if he’s somehow standing up
  • They take lots of cute candid photos and hang them on the walls and put them on their individual fridges. However this also results in a lot of terrible photos
  • This turns into a game where embarrassing pictures are hidden in random places all over the school.
  • Compulsory friday night get together and sleepover in the living room and I mean compulsory. But everyone loves it even Bakugou…secretly though of course.

I rewatched the episode with my mother and she was like Ed Sheeran and his crew are probably the Westerosi equivalent of millennials and hence why they are nice people, they’re just young lads tired of all the wars and injustice committed by the previous generation but they got bills to be paid and have to put food on the table during hard times that is Queen Cersei administration.

4

“It would be my pleasure.”