Rewatching Angel and I’m having a struggle. The closer I get to the degradation and dismantling of Cordelia Chase the more angry I become. This character, played by this fantastic woman, deserved better. The fans deserved better. The story deserved better. For 6 seasons (3 on Buffy and 3 on Angel) we got to watch the evolution of one of TVs most fabulous Queen B’s. She went from spoiled rich girl, to reluctant sidekick, to Vision Girl, to all around hero. Few characters have been as relatable to me as Cordy, because her flaws and her weaknesses are also her greatest strengths. Cordy becomes empowered when she embraces her selfishness and her tendency to be shallow. She turns those bad traits into loveable quirks as she becomes more and more comfortable in her own skin. She doesn’t transform into a different person, she grows into the best version of herself. It’s inspiring to watch and it made her the kind of woman I wanted to grow up to be. I loved seeing how strong she was, even in the early seasons, coming to frenemy Buffy’s aide, not out of love, but out of solidarity. Cordelia might have been the meanest girl on school but she will have your back when push comes to shove.
Which is why it killed me to see her story line so abruptly skewered in seasons (end of 3) 4-5 of Angel. When I watched the show on TV it made me feel frustrated and disappointed. I kept waiting for things to go back to normal. I kept waiting for the punch line or the “Angel saves the day” moment that would return Cordy to us. It never came.
When we finally got to see the real Cordelia again in all of her sassy, world saving, Angel baiting glory, it was just to say goodbye.
I felt cheated. Cheated out of the shows best character. Cheated out of the potentially series making love story, and cheated out of my time and energy.
Today, I’ve heard the stories and the rumors about what happened between Joss and Charisma. I’ve even heard Charisma’s own take on what happened. She doesn’t mince words. She flat out says that getting pregnant wasn’t on Joss’s agenda and that he was pissed off at her when he found out.
It’s hard to put into words how upset this makes me. When I first heard about it I was shocked by how little it shocked me. It confirmed some suspicions I’d always held about Joss and his brand of “feminism”. It also explained how a show that was so good could have fallen so far so quickly and in such a bizarre way.
However, it wasn’t until now that I watched these episodes over with this new knowledge. As I laugh and smile and swoon through the first two and a half seasons of the show, it’s tainted by the fact that eventually, Cordelia will go off the deep end only to wind up in a coma and unceremoniously killed off (unlike other characters whose turns to the dark side helped propel them towards growth and redemption).
It doesn’t help that every skimpy bikini, pair of low rise jeans, and crop top make me suspect that the loss of Cordy’s sex appeal via Charisma’s pregnancy played a role in why she was cast aside.
I had a dream the Monkeys were back and Matt and Alex were giving an interview on tv. But god knows why them and Nick and Cookie would stay at my place for a day or two and I had Alex taking a nap on my mom’s bed, Matt sitting on my couch and I got to hug Cookie and Nick and I asked Nick if I could touch his hair and he smiled and said “Yeah, sure!” and 😭 it was a little damp bcs it’s been raining over here lately (him and Cookie arrived some time after Matt and Alex) but I could feel his curls and he even turned around so I could touch it better and Cookie was smiling kinda amused as well beside us and he had such a firm handshake and I’m still in my room about to get up and face my living room and think my imaginary Monkeys were there minutes ago thanks for listening
We are gonna pretend that the song “When I grow up” and “Imma Be” By the black eyed peas are your characters songs with a few adjustments.
I’m really nervous, today I have 2 video shoots. My bestfriend Cam is gonna be at both, that’s not what I’m nervous about. I’m nervous because in one, I asked him to be the leading male, which required not only sexual things, but I’d have to kiss him which I find very nerve wrecking for me. I’ve secretly had a crush on cam for about a year, and we’ve been best friends for 9. I was starting one of the scenes for one of my songs, when Cam made his way over. We had closed out a street to film, and I was excited. He waved from far, and I returned the gesture. The intro started, and I stood in the car with the girls. We were acting sassy, while I sang.
“Now I’ve got a confession,When I was young I wanted attention
And I promised myself that I’d do anything,Anything at all for them to notice me” I sang, the girls exited the car we were in, and the camera pulled back. We each got on a car, singing and dancing. We did the whole song on the cars, and prepared for the next scene. I ran past Cam, giving him a quick side huge. We got on a side walk, and the camera started rolling.
“They used to tell me I was silly,
Until I popped up on the TV
I always wanted to be a superstar
And knew that singing songs would get me this far” I sang, while walking, we walked past actors dressed as construction workers, they whistled like they should have, and I flipped my hair walking sassy. I got to this building site under construction, we climbed it, and danced singing the song, finishing that scene. We went and quickly switched outfits for the final scene. I had time to talk to Cam, before having to start. “Hey” I smiled standing next to him. “Hey” he smiled back giving me a hug, “what do you think” I gestured to the view of the first 2 scenes. “I love it, your killing it babe” I wrapped his arm around my shoulder “thanks I’m pretty excited for th–” “Y/N let’s go!” The director interrupted. I rolled my eyes turning back “that’s my cue, come watch” I smiled running.
I got in my position, each camera in different angles. My concentration was set, I had to not only lip sing but dance too. The music started, and I worked my magic. I let my hips fall to the beat, and my mind carelessly wonder. Before I knew it we were finished. “AND THATS A WRAP!” the director yelled. I gave everyone a kiss, before rushing to Cam. “We can’t waste anytime, we need to meet the second director let’s go” I said yanking his arm.
We arrived at the location, it was in the middle of nowhere. We were in a desert. I shook the directors hand as he let us In on the details. I went to side of the road, where there was a built up changing area. I slipped on my outfit, as they got my hair done quickly. I looked hot, I was wearing a futuristic black but mainly metallic short outfit. It didn’t go up or below my knees. It showed my ass off nicely. I got ready for the first scene. Cam was supposed to be on a Motor cycle, stuck in a time loop. I was supposed to be lying on the floor, and wake up. I sing a bit and bring cam out his time loop, I make sexual advances before kissing him. I came out to see Cam already set up. “Wow” he said looking at me “I know right” I blew him a kiss. We got into our places and the music started. During the bass, I slowly woke up. I got up hitting my first few lines looking directly at the camera.
“Imma be on the next level
Imma be rockin over that bass treble
Imma be chillin with my mutha mutha crew” I walked to Cam, pulling him out his time loop. I sat on his lap, “Imma be makin all them deals you wanna do (hah)
Imma be up in that maylist flicks
Doin one-handed flips, and Imma be” I trailed my hands down his chest as he kissed my neck. It got heated very quickly,
“Sippin on drinks cause
Imma be shakin my hips” I slowly grinded on him, I heard faint moans from him which let me know I was doing my job right. “You gon be lickin your lips,Imma be takin them pics” he licked his lips as I got up slowly from his lap. “ Imma (imma) be here to say
21 century until infinity” he got up making his way towards me for the kissing scene. We had to act as if we saw this huge animatronic robot, making its way to place us in a time loop. He pulled me to him like he was supposed to, he leaned in and right when he was about to press his lips, I turned away. “Cut!” The director yelled, “what happened y/n?” He questioned “I heard something, and got distracted” i lied. “Shake it off and restart this part, when you are about/ and are going to kiss” I took a breath, before we started again. Again Cam hit his cue, but I couldn’t do it, as he leaned forward my face went from serious, to full out laughter. “CUTTTT” the director yelled, “come on y/n get it together, it’s a kiss there’s nothing difficult about it” he tried reasoning. My face grew red,as I avoided eye contact with Cam. I took a quick breather walking away.
“Yo y/n!” Cam yelled running to catch up. He grabbed me by my wrist, “what’s up” I smiled so he wouldn’t see I was nervous, “what’s up? Why won’t you kiss me” he questioned. “I don’t know what your talking about” I began to walk, he stopped me again “come on” he said doing his infamous puppy dog face. “Fine dammit, I can’t kiss you because it’s fucking awkward cam. It’s awkward that I’m not only kissing my bestfriend but the guy I like.” I didn’t know what I was saying, everything spilled out without my control. His eyes widened, “you like me?” He smirked, my eyes grew wide. “Fuck.. No I don’t, you heard me wrong I absolutely positively don’t li—” before I could finish, cam pulled my hand so my body was on his chest, he tilted my head up, and planted a soft but passionate kiss on my lips, which I returned. I pulled away shocked, “what was that for…?” I awkwardly said while rubbing my arms, “so you know I like you too, and so we can get this kiss over with. I’ve been waiting for forever to kiss you” he chuckled, “shut up!” I playfully hit his arm. “Let’s film this” he smiled intertwining our hands, I followed behind and let’s just say this time around, we totally hit the cue, with too much PDA.
Exo’s Reaction - When Another Member Badly Flirts With You
Xiumin - *He knows you don’t like Kris the way he likes you so he doesn’t worry about it too much but steps in when he goes a bit to far*
Lay - *Gets confused why Tao was flirting with you when he knows your Lay’s but he doesn’t ask or say anything about it just smiles at you and kisses you in front of Tao*
Kai - *Finds it hysterical when Kyungsoo tries his pulling techniques on you but you just walk away and kiss Kai on the cheek on the way into the kitchen* 0/1 to this Chicken Master!
Suho - *Just stands there staring at Baekhyun and watching him fail at his flirting skill* Um…. Baekhyun… stop… please?
Kyungsoo - *Gives Kai the death glare to signal him to back off*
Tao - *Gets really bitchy about Lay being all flirty with you*
Chen - *Chanyeol starts being all flirty with you and Chen immediately gets annoyed*
Kris - *Jumps in between you both and tries changing the subject before Xiumin takes it too far* Anyone up for food, i am!
Chanyeol - *As soon as Chen was caught flirting with you, Chanyeol gets in a pissy mood and tells him to back off a little* Leave my girl alone camel, go eat your camel food *makes imitating camel faces*
Baekhyun - *Baekhyn is on the other side of the room and as soon as Suho started flirting with you, he was gobsmacked* You better not be trying to steal my jagi Suho?! How rude!
Sehun - *He walks into the dorm and finds Luhan flirting with you. He stops right in front of the TV, clears his throat and sassy Sehun appears*
Luhan - *When he hears Sehun being so flirty with you* *gif*
The sound of laughter echoed throughout the flat as I witnessed my grown friends film a YouTube video. My iPhone became more interesting by the minute though. My manager , Stacy, texting me all the tour dates I would attend with my friend Conor Maynard. He and I sing, we’re kinda good. We would be opening for the vamps tour 2017. To say I’m excited is an understatement.
It was late when I decided to leave, my apartment being in the same complex. I had my own filming to do plus I didn’t want to be sat around joe anymore. Everything was set up by 9, quickly I fixed my makeup and hair before starting the music. The keys to drive by Miley Cyrus began.
Feeling very passionate about the song and as it explained how I felt it wasn’t hard to pick. I posted the video straight away although it would take half hour to post. I added a sassy comment in the description before linking my socials before I checked my phone.
‘New cover in 30. I love the song hope you guys do too’.
I received a bunch of retweets and replies back. Some standing out more than others. Not in the mood to reply I ignored them and began playing music off my tv.
'So you can keep me inside the pocket of your ripped jeans’ I sang along with ed, spinning and dancing around my flat.
'Oh you can fit me inside the necklace you got when you were sixteen’ a voice shouted/sang loudly behind me causing me to jump. I span around to stare at my best friend of 12 years Emily. She stood almost crying of laughter at my reaction.
“EMMMM LEE” I shouted rather loudly, I’m sure the boys would’ve heard it from their flat. Jumping onto my great friend both of us laughing as she fell to the floor. We haven’t seen each other as she’s been in our hometown visiting her parents for the past 2 months.
'Em’ this time I spoke quietly before the tears began.
'Oh no baby what’s up’ she quelled, hugging me as we sat on the couch.
My head moved towards my ceiling, hoping the tears would go away. But they stayed consistent. She used her fingers to wipe a few away before just hugging me until I finished crying.
'Umm’ my voice shook. I didn’t want to explain. 'I umm slept with joe’.
Her expressions were confused and I understood why.
'That’s good though right? I thought you liked him’ her head slated as she asked.
'We were drunk’ I scoff after the shirt sentence.'I listened as he walked out at 5 in the morning. He thought I was asleep’.
'Oh no baby’ she hugged me.
'It gets worse’ she looked confused again. 'He had um left his bank card’ she nodded ’ I woke up again at 9 to Caspar knocking my door asking for it back. He claimed I had taken joes by accident’.
'Wow. How stupid do they think you are’ she stated obviously pissed off at the situation.
'Obviously very stupid’ I spoke softly my head held low.
'You should’ve called me (y/n/n), I would’ve some home early’ I shrugged.
'Anyway’ I wiped my wet cheeks ’ how was home?’.
'I’m so damn excited for this party’ em squealed as she checked her outfit in the mirror.
'Yeah me too’ I lied. I was definitely not excited.
It was December 1st. Meaning Zoe’s and Alfie’s annual early Christmas party, more like gathering really. She had done a secret santa this year for everyone, I ended up getting josh. My ginger haired friend was brought a new hair comb, new microphone for filming as he broke his two weeks ago and didn’t have enough money to replace it and some perfume.
Emily had gotten joe, so she had simply brought him a new phone case which contained holders for bank cards. Sarcastic as fuck.
We had left our hotel room around six thirty pm, the zalfie house only down the road. Jack and Mikey waited patiently for half hour for us to get ready in the lobby. Hey we’re also sharing a room but a few floors below us.
'Hello babe’ jack hugged me as Emily greeted mike.
'Hey jacky’ I kissed his cheek before pulling away, I was possibly closest to him now me and joe are no longer friends.
'Coy, (y/n/n) you look amazing’ Mikey spoke loudly, like usual before hugging me tightly.
'So do you lp’.
It really did take two minutes to get to zalfies. Everyone else already there and waiting for us.
'Alright then guys. Now everyone is here’ Zoe jokingly gave me,em,jack and Mikey a glare before continuing ’ were gonna begin with secret santa’ she squealed 'everyone circle’ she shouted this time.
Everyone followed her commands after we recovered from laughing. I sat crisscrossed between jack and Emily, directly across from joe, Casper and josh. Our presents rested in the middle of the circle. Each of us would get our bags, one at a time, and guess who they were from.
Tanya had started first, she giggled at most of her presents, I recognised most as I helped jack buy them. We had brought her a few of lipsticks and eye shadow palette from her own make up range and a pair of beautiful burgundy high heels in her size as I had remembered her complaining she had none. She had guessed Zoe or Emily had brought them before asking me before realising it was Jack.
Jim was next and Casper was his secret santa, getting him those mouth things.
Conor was jacks, he had brought jack a bunch of fake piercings.
Josh was caspers and brought him a pair of primark daps in a horrid colour.
A hour, it took us a hour to simply open some presents. I had received a beautiful blue necklace from Mikey and some makeup items that Zoe and Tanya helped him buy. We were now playing a game of truth or dare, I know. It was Alfie’s idea so please don’t judge.
Zoe had to do jims makeup. Conor and josh had to kiss, wasn’t done though, they complained like baby’s. Mikey and Emily kissed. Caspar had to go next door naked. Joe had to allow Jack to tweet off his phone. Now Alfie was asking me.
’(Y/n/n) truth or dare?’ He asked with a smirk, I already knew I was done for.
'Truth’ he moaned at me before continuing.
'Lame. Whatever fine. Uhh have you ever had a one night stand with anyone here’ my eyes quickly shot to EM before looking towards joe who was staring at me.
'Yeah’ I simply shrugged. Everyone began going insane, asking me who, when and how.
'Oh my fucking god spill the tea’ Zoe spoke quickly, wanting to know all.
'It doesn’t really matter, we were both drunk and he left before I even woke up, so it meant nothing. Really’ everyone kinda looked sympathetic towards me. Joe and Casper sat awkwardly.
'Was it my brother? Cause I know how close you two are’ Conor stated, moving his finger back and fore me and jack.
We chuckled before Jack stated 'nah, even though he’s here the guy is a piece of shit’. I looked towards him with confusion, he didn’t even know who it was.
So I’m back. And I know this is kinda crappy but it’ll get better. Request part 2. NOT PROOF READ.
“Where do you keep her?” I said softly letting the lights of Gotham dance in my eyes. The bat looked closer letting his guard down when he realized I wasn’t Gordon. The situation wasn’t dire. “She’s safe at a disclosed location.” I felt a ping of anger I spun around pointing the pistol J gave me at his head. Tears welling up in my eyes. “Don’t play with me Bruce, does she stay with you?” He stepped back preparing to fight, his eyes darted around most likely scouting out the location of J like he did in every ambush we ever preformed. we “Now, now Y/N, Where’s Joker” My hand slipped the gun into my holster, closing my mind I silenced my anger this was about Poppy and her future,her safer happier future. “It’s just me, J is following some dead lead in attempt to find her.
I snuck out of the hospital alone.” He nodded taking off his cowl, revealing the beautiful face of Bruce Wayne. Maybe in my alternate All-American life I would have married a guy like him, popped out a few kids, have a nice house we bought legally and at night after I put the kids to bed he would drag his cool finger-tips a crossed my unstained natural skin. For a second I became self-conscious of my tattooed body, most of them had to do with J or a pin-up girl, we had gotten matching tattoos when poppy was born of a pass-afire with a skull on the flattened part, I had it done on my wrist, him over his heart.
I couldn’t be ashamed of the life I was given, it was all I had. Bruce walked gracefully towards me putting his hand on my shoulder. “She stays with me” I laughed sadly “She was right under our noses” He joined me in smiling. “I’m sorry it seem-” I cut him off not wanting to hear what he was going to say. “I know why you took her and I understand. I don’t like it and part of me wants to blast your head off for taking her away from me but I don’t want her back. I know this is better for her. When I found out you had her I felt.. relieved because I knew she would be safe. Just take care of her.” His soft brown eyes met mine. He would take great care of her and she would grow up to be a spoiled successful rich kid. “You have my word Y/N” I nodded my ears picking up a car alarm in the distance. The bat was about to leave. “Don’t tell her about J and I. Tell her her mother was a beautiful brown haired girl who died while giving birth. He nodded solemnly before jumping off of the building. Alone in the dangerous streets I made my way home.
J was slumped over on his desk pounding his fists on the desk when I got there. A couple of dead henchman were scattered around the room. “J?” I spoke softly walking to be by his side. He sat up smiling meeting my eyes. “Well doll our baby seems to be MIA, the spoiled little brats gone.” My hand itched to slap his face for talking so badly about Poppy but fought the urge. He talks cruelly about the ones he loves as a act, a weird type of emotional protection. I sat on his lap stroking his face as he stared off in the distance. “Maybe it’s for the best” I whispered in his ears. He rolled his head back groaning. “That’s a pretty wicked thing to say” I nodded moving my hands gently down to his neck. “I know but our little monster will make her way back to us in time. In the meanwhile we will have to preoccupy ourselves to replace her memory.” I stood up to walk out of the room. J softly grunted behind me.
We would see her again once she was much older. Her hair white as snow and her eyes piercing blue at the sassy age of 14. It would be on a television broadcast picturing her standing next to Bruce Wayne at one of his big charity balls. She was beautiful.
Thank all you beauties for reading I appreciate it so so so much :) Stay tuned for my next fic “Whiplash!” it’s a hoot.. Until then to be continued Same Bat-time Same Bat-Channel!
He’s so loyal and down for you it makes you think where tf has this boy been all my life
He’s always playing with your hair braiding it and trying different hair styles out on you
You guys get bored of movies hella fast
Once he loses interest he’ll just turn off the tv and get up
“c’mon we’re going out”
and you’ll just sit there like ???? bitch where
Y’all are hella sassy to each other
When he’s sarcastic to you he wouldn’t expect you to snap back and once you did he’d just stand there smirking at you surprised
“yah i didn’t know you had that in you”
You guys are always pulling pranks on each other you guys have a lowkey war going on and when the other members see you guys messing around and chasing each other during their down time at practice they’ll all be like wtf i wanna join
You both are always too lazy to cook and spend majority of your day playing around or going to the park and running around the playground so you guys usually end up eating like ramen almost every night
He’s always tryna feed you, even ramen when it’s super hot he’s there shoving it front of your face and you’re just like chill
Whenever you guys go shopping lord it takes forever for you guys to leave just one store
You spend half an hour alone just trying on sunglasses
“no u try these on and give me those wyd”
“yah this is so much better those were awful”
“so you’re saying they look awful on me?”
“jagi don’t start”
You’re always teasing each other most of the time in public
“whose baby are you?”
He’s sooooOOOOooo into pda and kisses you infront of the other members and they’re all just like gross can yall not
He loves that shit bc he loves attention and he knows they’re all highkey jealous of your relationship
Whenever you’ve had a long day he’s right there to talk and he’ll just sit there and listen to your rants and he’ll be so understanding and he’ll just pull you into his chest and run his fingers through your hair
When he’s had a long day he just lays his head on your lap and naps bc you’re playing with his hair and it relaxes him so much so he gets super comfy and just falls asleep within like 5 minutes
You take pictures of him sleeping bc you think he looks rlly cute and if he finds out about them he’ll tease you 25/8 about it
“im going to bed now get your camera ready”
“Oh my god you’re so annoying it was only one time!!!!”
“one time really?”
“ok a few times bye”
He loves making you laugh all the time
He serenades around the house following you everywhere purposely trying to annoy you
You’ll get fed up and throw a pillow at his head
“yah that’s the last time you’ll get to hear me sing for you”
“nooooo come back pls”
He’s super protective always looking to make sure everyone treats you with the respect you deserve and if anyone is shitty to you he won’t hold back from speaking his mind
He’s just everything you’ve wanted in a boyfriend and your relationship is so lit
“I can’t believe you just did that!” Morgan yelled as he pulled me aside from the building that the team was still in and I just sighed, rolling my eyes and already knowing the lecture was coming. Reid and I were the closest to where we knew the unsub was and I could hear girls screaming what would he have me do? Just stand there? Reid knew it was a bad idea so I ran inside, risky yes. Stupid? Yes. Did I know what I was doing? Yes. I would have risked my life to save four little girls and I think that is what sent Morgan into a tailspin. “You know how I am. You know I wasn’t just going to stand there, just be thankful that Reid was there to help me. I shot the unsub in the leg, I didn’t kill him, and got all four girls out of the building. If anything you should be praising me, not yelling at me.” I said walking toward the car Reid and I drove here in and walking about from my angry boyfriend. I knew he was going to be mad, but not this mad, I helped and I was felling good about it. Hell, Hotch and Rossi were even proud of Reid and I and yet, my own boyfriend wasn’t. “You can’t do those things. These people have no off switch, they don’t know what kindness is, they can take you for granted and twist things on you any second and you just don’t get that!” He shouted causing the while team to look over us after coming out of the building and I scoffed loudly. “Just because you weren’t the hero, doesn’t mean you need to put me down.” I said with a look that could kill and looking into his dark brown eyes that were now soften, realizing he crossed a line. “Reid you ready?” I yelled not even looking at Morgan and the lengthy boy nodded, walking over to the car and throwing him the keys. “I don’t know how to do my job so I don’t know how to drive either. Plus you don’t want me driving while I’m angry.” I said getting in the passenger side door, and slamming it shut while locking it in the process. Derek knew I was insecure about being new to the BAU, I worked in ViCAP for years but never in the BAU and I had only been here for a few months. I didn’t get of few of the thing were doing but Rossi said I would pick them up over time and I was already learning. I love Derek but he doesn’t lie when people steal his spotlight, especially getting it stolen by his smaller, younger and faster girlfriend. Once Reid and I got back to the office, I told him I was going home and not staying for the small celebration we have after a case went perfectly. I knew Derek felt bad but I wasn’t back down, after all I was just doing my job. I left Derek the car to drive home and took the subway, not being completely heartless and knowing it would piss him off more that I took the subway alone in the dark of night. “I’m sorry.” Derek said walking in the front door and looking at me in my pajamas while watching Catfish on MTV. I knew if I gave in it would just happen again. Derek knows I’m headstrong, he has since the day he met me. “Thank you for leaving me the car, it was thoughtful.” He said sitting next to me on the ouch as I ignored him and continued to eat some popcorn while watching the two men on the scene. “Flattery will get you no where Derek.” I said not taking my eyes off of the TV and hearing him sigh from next to me and grab on of my hands from the popcorn bowl, making me turn my head to look at him. “I’m sorry okay? I didn’t mean to hurt you, I was just frustrated with my sassy, sweet, headstrong, stubborn, gorgeous girlfriend who ran into a building without thinking. The whole team stood up for you when we got back to the bullpen. Even Penelope took your side. I wasn’t thinking and I’m sorry.” He said making me crazy a small smile and nod as if he should feel bad. “I should have waited for back up, but thank you.” I said kissing his lips quickly, leaving them buttery from the popcorn and over the argument because at the end of the day, I knew I was right.
Why I'm Addicted to Miss Fisher's Murder Mysteries
This has been rattling around in my head for a while, so I will attempt to get it out and into coherent words. Here’s hoping. And I don’t know how to put it under a “read more”, so here it all is.
FIRST, and most importantly, I WANT TO BE PHRYNE. I’m not saying that I want to live in the 20s, or be fabulously wealthy, or have servants, or even be a detective. (Okay, fabulously wealthy and having servants would be okay) Those things aren’t the heart of Phryne.
I want to be a woman who gives exactly no fucks what anyone else things of her. I want to see a challenge and be able to face it without fear. I want to not feel the need to apologize for my intellect and opinions because I happen to have ovaries.
Those things are not easy for me. For whatever reason, and to varying degrees throughout my 43 years, I have often let fear stop me from living fully. And sometimes depression, that’s been a thing too. But I know in my heart that I am strong, and wicked smart, and sassy, and funny. I hold myself back from expressing those things, for all sorts of different reasons.
Phryne has no time for that fear shit, and that’s amazing. Phryne is amazing.
Specifically, I find TV Phryne to be especially inspiring, even more than Book!Phryne. (Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE Book!Phryne - I’ve read them all twice now!) But TV!Phryne has been through more of life. She has a very deep heart, and she’s been hurt. Essie Davis has done an AMAZING job bringing this character to life. Her eyes sparkle with the joy of her amazing life, and shine with her concern for those she loves.
I don’t just want to be Phryne - I want to be Phryne like Essie shows her to be.
SECOND, I have a complete fan-girl crush on Jack Robinson. I have a slight crush on Nathan Page, but really, my heart belongs to the character of Jack. Because, unlike in real life, where the people around me often reinforce my fears, or expect me to constantly prove myself, Jack accepts and cherishes Phryne for EXACTLY WHO SHE IS. That’s the hottest thing about him. (The more I learn about NP, though, the more it sounds like he shares a lot of this quality with Jack. /swoon)
It doesn’t hurt that the production team has very deliberately set him up as a classic screen idol - his hair, makeup, costume, lighting, and camera angles are all deliberate choices to show him as a classic hero. So, yes, I can obsess about his hands, and his jawline, and NP’s amazing acting choices, but that’s not why I crush on this character. There’s a lot of handsome actors out there that I don’t give a crap about. But Jack, he gets my motor running. So to speak. Not just physically sexy, but emotionally and intellectually sexy. /fans self
He’s the dream partner for the dream of who I wish I was bold enough to be.
THIRD, it’s my dearest wish that whatever happens next for TV!Phryne (and I WISH for more!) that they let Phryne keep being herself. I LOVE that she asked Jack to follow her, but never promised him monogamy. It’s still WAY more than she’s ever allowed a man into her life, but what she’s really saying is “If you want me, keep up with me, because I’m Phryne Fucking Fisher, and I’m not slowing down for ANYONE. But if anyone can keep up with me, it’s you, Jack, and I DO want you.” What an intoxicating attitude for a lady to have! I still want the show to be about Phryne, with Jack as her strong support who comes along exactly two seconds after she’s rescued herself.
Please take from this what you will. I know that everyone perceives the show and the characters from their own perspectives and with their own needs/dreams. So this is how MY dreams color my perceptions, and I have a lot of respect for the other perceptions out there as well. :-)
AN So I was going to post Demon Luke but I realized I hadn’t updated killer calum so I have to do that first and I promise to get on a set schedule soon. I’m having trouble fitting everything that I’d doing in one day, it’s pretty hard. BEcause I’m doing an after school activity, I have a job, I’m in band, I have friends, etc etc. I mean this isn’t making excuses, I just am letting you guys know why I’m having such a hard time updating. But I’m trying to get these to you as soon as I can, I don’t mean to keep you waiting. I still don’t have a schedule for Calum yet, but I’ll figure it out sooner or later. Also affinityproject wanted me to tag them in this Enjoy friends xx
Y/N was pouting in the seat next to me as we continued the drive. I still had no idea where we were going, but with her here it was a little less lonely. It’s not as if I didn’t get lonely from time to time, I just happened to not like anyone. But she never took any of my shit. I wondered if she ever really thought about staying with me. I wonder what would happen if I let her go.
You were currently sat comfortably on your couch watching reruns of Friends, since there was nothing better to do. It may have only been morning, but boy was it boring. Luke and the boys were busy at the moment and your other friends were either busy as well, or they were just really boring people to hang out with. The boys were defiantly the best to hang out with, because no matter what happens; they always seem to make everything more fun. You hadn’t talked to any of them since last night, they were in town but booked with interviews- lame. You were hoping you could get a chance to hang out with them, but hey you never know what could happen.
After the fourth episode you watched you decided it would be a great idea to get some food. You got up, walked to your kitchen and began raiding the fridge. There wasn’t much in there so you checked the pantry. CHEEZE ITZ! Perfect. You grabbed them and retreated back to your previous spot on the couch. The show was on commercial so you decided to check your phone, maybe someone texted you for once. Most likely not- haha. Once you checked it, to your surprise the boys all texted you. Luke even tried to call you. ‘I thought they were busy?’ you asked yourself. Luke didn’t leave a voicemail so you went to your text messages.
From: Mikey :P -
Y/NNNNNN come do this fun air thing with us!!
From: Calum :D -
We are doing this fun thing were we go in the air & do tricks, come joinus!
From: Ash :* -
Y/N ANSWER YOUR DAMN PHONE! WE WANT YOU TO COME DO THINGS IN THE AIR WITH US
From: Lukey B) –
hiiiiii do you want to come trapezeing with us? Pleaseeeeeee
You laughed to yourself. At least you didn’t have to stay home watching a bunch of Friends episodes all alone. You texted Luke back telling him you would love to join them. You texted Ashton back “Well what if I don’t want to answer my phone Mr. Irwin? :P” You and Ashton were always a little sassy and flirty with each other. You weren’t really attracted to Ash though, not that he was a cutie or anything cause he defiantly was but you had your eyes more focused on Hemmings, and Ash knew that.
Luke texted you back quickly,
From Lukey B) –
Awesssssomeee, be there in 30 or so, with these boys you never know
You shook your head laughing, he did have a point though. Ash, Mikey, and Calum are quite a bit to handle. You shot up from your seat, turned off the tv, and cranked up the music. You ran to your bedroom singing some good ole Nickelback. After you collected your outfit for the day, you went to the bathroom and got out your hair straightener and makeup out. Thankfully you showered before you went to bed last night. After your hair and makeup was done, you returned to your room to get dressed into your black skinnies and green day tee. You double checked your overall appearance in your full body mirror- eh it’ll do.
You grabbed your black jacket since it sounded a bit windy outside, then your vans. You made sure to grab your phone & when you checked it you saw Luke had texted they were there about a minute ago. You just sent him a smiley face and grabbed you keys off the counter so you would be able to lock your house since no else was home at the moment. Making sure to close the door behind you, you walked out the door and saw the boys’ car in the driveway. You smiled and got in.
“Y/N!” they all shouted. You laughed, “Hello boys! How are you guys?” you asked, getting ‘goods’ from all of them. Ashton was driving, whereas Mikey was in the passenger seat. Calum sat on the opposite side while you were sat next to Luke, since he moved into the middle so you would be able to get in. Aww, he’s so cute. You made sure to give him some extra room since he was bigger than you. Although no matter how much more room you gave him, your guys’ legs and arms were still pressed together. You couldn’t help but get a little eruption of butterflies inside your stomach. “So Y/N, you excited!?” Ashton asked, glancing back at you in the rearview mirror. “Yes! Very! But I can’t help but be a little nervous. Heights aren’t my best friend,” you giggled, “what about you guys?” You asked back. “I’m sure Luke wouldn’t mind helping you out if you got scared. But to answer your question, I’ve actually wanted to do this for a while!” Ashton responded. “I’m very excited!” Mikey added. “I can’t wait to get there and it experience it!” Calum put in as well. Luke didn’t say anything.
You nudged him and layed your head on his shoulder, “What about you Lukeyyy?” you asked with a little smirk on your face- somewhat attempting to be cute. But seriously, how could he think you were cute? Out of all the girls he could have, please. Haha. He smiled down at you, “I’ve never really thought about it before, seems pretty fun though. Oh, and fuck you Ashton.” Luke concluded. We all laughed and sang along to whatever Ash put on the rest of the way there. You kept your head on Luke the whole time there too. He didn’t seem to mind, plus oh it felt so good.
“Awh yes! Alas, we have arrived!” Ashton shouted once you guys arrived. You picked your head up off Luke and unbuckled laughing at Ashton’s silliness. You got out and looked around. Luke got out behind you and did the same. “You guys know where you need to go right?” you asked, looking at the weird contraption on the field in front of you. “Obviously Y/N” Ashton laughed and booty bumped you. “Well excuse me, you guys usually have no idea where to go when it comes to these kinds of things. Butthead.” You mumbled. He glanced behind him to give you a death glare, you just stuck you tongue out of him. You guys arrived at the correct spot and started getting all suited up in the safety gear.
They taught you guys a few things, then the real fun began- but so did the nerves. You watched Calum and Mikey swinging around high up in the air. It did look super fun, but it also looked quite scary. You turned around and found a bench to sit on. You just watched them be silly, and wished you weren’t getting so nervous. “Hey, what’s wrong Y/N?” you heard the familiar voice of Luke ask you. He put his arm around you and sat himself down. You looked up the thing and then over to him, “Just a little…nervous…haha.” You admitted. He laughed slightly, “Why? There’s nothing to be scared about. The professional people will be there, and so will i. I may not be right next to you but, uh yeah, you know what I mean.” He laughed and so did you. “That makes me feel a little bit better, thanks Luke.” You said and leaned your head onto him once again. He chuckled and you could just feel his smile. It was quite a beautiful thing. You two watched the boys and awaited your turn.
“Hey love birds their ready for you.” Mikey joked walking up to you guys with Calum behind him. You guys get up walk over to where they just were. You looked up at the thing and then felt a warm embrace around you. You realized Luke was hugging you, so you of course hugged him back and tried ignoring those butterflies. “See ya up there.” He said letting go of you and walking to the opposite side. Smiling widely, you into position and did few things on your own, as did Luke. Then at one point you guys went at the same time and grabbed hands when you met in the middle. (like in the video) You did it about 2 times and the third time, he didn’t let go of your hands. “Luke, what are you doing? We gotta get down now.” You laughed. “Hold on.” He smirked. He glanced over at the boys and gave them some kind of nod. You gave him a confused face. “Y/N.” He spoke. “Yes?” you asked, still confused as hell. He didn’t answer you at first, all he did was give you a nervous smile. Once you looked back over to the boys they had their phones out. “Luke what’s goi-“ you started but were cut off by Luke’s lips on yours.
You obviously kissed him back. You felt yourself smiling into the kiss, he did as well. He pulled away than finally let go off your hands. ‘What the hell was that!?!’ You thought to yourself. ‘This has got to be a dream.’ You got back to the ground and met Luke. He was nervously scratching the back of his neck. As you were walking over to him, he met you half way and kissed you once more. Boy, the feeling of his lips on yours was the best feeling in the world. It felt absolutely perfect. “Y/N?” he asked pulling away and putting his forehead on yours. “I’ve wanted to do that for a while now. I’ve also been waiting to ask you this for forever and with a little help, this was the way I decided to ask you….so uh…would you maybe wanna be my girl friend?” he asked, nervousness clear in his voice. You smiled, “Duh.” And reconnected your lips.
A/N: hey hey hey its been awhile. it is 3:30 am & i have been jamming out to green day, i apologize if it sucks; which it probably does but whateverrrr. blame the early morning hours. :P sorry for any mistakes too- im to lazy to edit. any requests?
I went to the stoopid pool on Sunday and I got myself right eye infection OTL.
I had day off from work to take care of health related stuff and after I got back home I couldnt look at the PC screen for whole day orz. And TV shows sucks between 3 pm- 7 pm so I was dying out of boredom.
Luckily It got better so despite I still kinda cant stare at screen for too long I was able to draw traditionally and It made my day. Not doing ANYTHING whole day really sucks XD;;; So at least I’ve done something at night. Now I go stare into the ceiling and rethink my life about swimming with peeing kids again (I KNOW ITS THEIR FAULT D:< ).
Anyway sassy gold marker this time and noob Aaire :D <3
I swear if my bae dies I will cry so hard for the rest of my life! Although we know that after rebels another animated tv series is being created, so I’m really hopping it will be about Ahsoka from tcw season 6 to when she appeared in rebels!! I’d love to be able to see what she was up to for all that time!