Xander and Zubin going on a night out, and getting those manky kebabs that people love, and it makes one of them really sick - either food poisoning, or their stomach just can't handle it
A/N: So this turned out as a bit of a laugh, but I actually super enjoyed writing this! This is Zubin’s first fic - and I hope you enjoy it! 💙
“You’re r’lly drunk…” Zubin poked his finger into Xander’s broad shoulder while they slumped against the brick wall; the lit tip of his cigarette brushed on the shoulder of Xander’s shirt and Xander gave a brief yelp.
“Yeah…” Xander agreed as Zubin looked blearily from his cigarette to Xander’s shoulder.
“ ‘m r’lly drunk…” Zubin giggled, brushing the ash from Xander’s shirt and coming perilously close to burning his face.
“You are,” Xander nodded, then a wicked grin spread across his features and he pulled Zubin in close to kiss him. He tasted like smoke and Jack Daniels, and it was heavenly. Zubin’s eyes were closed as he pulled away, and took a long slow drag then dropped his cigarette. “You’re bad…” Xander purred into Zubin’s ear.
“Who t’fuck wants t’be good?” Zubin asked, placing another sloppy kiss on his boyfriend’s cheek.
“Not me,” Xander grabbed Zubin’s hand, “com’ on, I wanna ‘nother drink.” Zubin stumbled as Xander pulled him away from the wall, and both of them dissolved into fits of giggles which took them several minutes to reign themselves back from. But when they got the door of the club, the bouncer held his hand out to stop them.
“I think you’ve both had enough,” he said firmly, both of them stared at him in surprise – they’d never been barred re-entry to a club ever.
“What?” Zubin asked. “But we paid…” He wrenched his hand out of Xander’s to show the bouncer the stamp on the back of his hand.
“Even so,” he shook his head, not even looking at Zubin’s hand, “you’re not getting back in.”
“But-” Zubin started, his voice rising, but Xander grabbed him and began to pull him away.
“Come on Zu,” Xander tugged at him and he almost overbalanced. “Let’s go home…” Xander clearly thought that Zubin was clearly about to cause a scene. “We’ll get a drink there…” Zubin stared at Xander for a moment, then looked back at the bouncer and made a sucking noise with his teeth.
“Fine,” he said, attempting to flounce away, but he was unbalanced on his feet. As they walked along the street away from the nightclub Zubin’s face set in an annoyed frown.
“Don’t pout,” Xander nudged him gently, “you don’t look half as pretty as you pout.”
“Pretty?” Zubin stopped dead in his tracks and stared at Xander.
“What?” Xander exclaimed and a pink flush rose up on his pale face, matching the streak in his hair. “You are!”
“I’m not pretty!” Zubin put his hands on his hips, but his hand slipped and he had to make a second attempt. Xander tried not to laugh at how childish Zubin suddenly seemed; he sighed theatrically.
“Handsome then!” He suggested.
“That’s better!” A grin broke out on his face, and his dark eyes sparkled cheerily.
“Come on handsome,” Xander said loudly, beginning to move again. “A bottle of Jack awaits us at home!” He laughed, but Zubin didn’t move. His eyes were wide open and he seemed to be transfixed by something.
“Can you smell chips?” He asked excitedly; Xander glanced around and laughed. They’d come to a stop only a few doors down from a takeaway, and the smell was wafting out into the street – greasy and delicious.
“Yeah,” he nodded, but Zubin was now rummaging around in his pocket, checking to see if he had any spare change.
“I want chips,” he stated firmly, “with cheese – and gravy… oooh no, I want a kebab!”
“Ooh, that sounds good…” Xander agreed, his mouth watering at the suggestion. “Let’s share one!”
“Two,” Zubin protested. “I’m not having you eat all my donner meat!”
“Okay,” Xander laughed as they entered the shop.
“Could you have got them to put any more on that?!” Xander laughed, as Zubin fished a piece of donner meat slathered in chilli sauce out of his pita bread and shoved it unceremoniously in his mouth.
“I could’ve!” Zubin insisted, his mouth still full.
“You’re never gonna be able to eat all that!” Xander announced confidently.
“Watch me!” Zubin tore another strip off his pita and shoved it in his mouth.
“Oooh, how attractive,” Xander commented and Zubin nudged him playfully.
“Shut up you,” Zubin mumbled.
Twice on the journey home Zubin nearly dropped his kebab, and Xander couldn’t stop giggling as he made a dramatic catch for a piece of meat that he’d dropped. Instead of sobering them up, the night air seemed to have caused their heads to go even more fuzzy.
“Xand! Xander!” Zubin called, as Xander struggled to slot his card into the reader on his bedroom door.
“Sssh…” Xander tried to quiet his boyfriend down as clearly Zubin couldn’t tell how loud he was being. “Get in!” Xander gave him a gentle shove into the room and he stumbled slightly.
“Look!” Zubin opened his mouth to reveal it was empty and waved the takeaway carton at him. “All gone!” He wobbled and sat down heavily on the edge of the bed.
“Well done you,” Xander replied sarcastically, placing his own barely touched kebab onto the desk, then slumping next to him on the bed.
“Are you not gonna eat yours?” Zubin asked, eyeing up the spare kebab that was beginning to go soggy.
“No,” Xander said, rubbing his hand across his slender midriff. “It tastes funny and it’s making me feel all bubbly.” He tried to snuggle into Zubin, feeling the muscles of his chest.
“Brraaap!” Zubin let out a satisfied sounding belch. “You wan’a ‘nother drink?”
“Can we snuggle instead?” Xander asked, wrapping his arm around Zubin and giving him a gentle squeeze.
“Course!” Just f’r a lil while, then ‘nother drink…” Zubin slurred, closing his eyes and stroking Xander’s arm rather clumsily with his fingers.
Zubin’s mouth was coated in grease, and he could feel a slick of saliva dribbling out of the side of his mouth. He was curled up against Xander’s back, both of them somehow managing to squidge onto a single bed. Zubin’s stomach was churning, like a giant whisk was being spun about inside it; and the greasy coating in his mouth tasted somewhat acidic. Zubin could hear the gentle snores coming from Xander as he tried to pull his arm out from underneath Xander’s ribcage where it was now wedged and had gone numb from the pressure. He now definitely knew what Xander had meant when he said the kebab had made him feel bubbly. Zubin new exactly what it felt like to feel ill from alcohol, and this felt nothing like it. He felt surprisingly sober, and his stomach continued to turn over rapidly inside him as he tried to take a deep breath.
“Xand – hic!” Zubin tried to rouse Xander from his sleep, but a sudden hiccup forced his stomach muscles to cramp harshly. “Xand – Uuuuurrrrrrrggghh!”
Zubin tried to slap his hand to his mouth as with a clench his entire body heaved and a flood of sick poured from his mouth, but all he managed to succeed was catching a handful of vomit while the rest cascaded down his front and splashed across Xander’s side.
“Wha-?” Xander mumbled sleepily, the sudden splash of liquid causing him to wake. Zubin let out a mortified sob that turned into another heave and another mouthful of puke gushed past his lips. “What? Zu?” Zubin felt the bed move as Xander bounded off and smacked his room light on, revealing Zubin sitting bolt upright and covered in a mess of puke. “Holy shit!”
“Sorry!” Zubin exclaimed, another retch breaking free from him.
“Shit, right!” Xander had begun to strip his soiled clothes off, leaving them in a pile on the floor, before grabbing his rubbish bin and practically throwing it at Zubin.
“Buuuuuuuaaaaarrrrrrk!” Zubin hung his head over the bin as another wave of sick forced up his throat, burning the whole way up, and making his eyes water.
“Jesus Zu!” Xander had moved to the other side of the bed and rubbed his hand firmly on Zubin’s back.
“My… hurp!” He heaved wetly again. “My stomach feels all bubbly…”Zubin moaned, lifting his head away from the mess in the bucket, which could still clearly be distinguished as alcohol and partially digested kebab. “Huuueeerk!” He retched again, so loudly that Xander flinched at the sound.
“Ouch Zu,” Xander said sympathetically, patting Zubin’s arm as he hung forward over the bucket, spitting into it.
“This isn’t – urghl…” Zubin gagged again, then Xander heard him taking long slow breaths. “This isn’t the alcohol.” Zubin finally got out in a strained voice.
“I thought that kebab tasted a little funny…” Xander admitted reluctantly.
“Uuurrrhhhk-kkkrrrlll!” Zubin groaned, then heaved at the thought, bringing another mouthful of sick up. “HuuuUUEEeeerrrrRRK!” The bout of sickness came on very suddenly, and Xander was slightly amazed at the volume of puke which burst from Zubin’s lips and flowed into the bin.
“Where are you getting it all from?” Xander asked incredulously.
“Uuuurrrnnn… Dunno…” Zubin lamented, trying to lean his head against his boyfriend, then noticing Xander was practically naked. “You’ve got no clothes on…” Zubin stared blankly.
“Yeah, well someone barfed all over them, that’s why…” Xander joked, and Zubin snorted slightly.
“Soz,” he muttered.
“Yeah,” Xander nodded, “you will be!”