“…in a lot of ways, it reminded me of my old wedding gown. it was dusty, smelled like a lot of dreams had probably died in it, and it was pushed off in a dark corner somewhere in hopes that everyone would forget the damn thing had ever happened”
i can’t even articulate my thoughts about this new information i just want to say @thepenumbrapodcast who? and when? and why? (minor spoilers for “lesson learned, part 2″)
With dead eyes, I scowled silently down to the opposite side of the sofa,
seeing Harry with his phone still in his hand, and his dimple there even though
he was straining his smile. You could always tell when Harry was trying to hide
his laughter, because his dimple would appear as proof, no matter how much he
tried to conceal it.
But I played along, not saying a word as I text him back.
You make brews! It’s your
house, I’m the guest here.
You’ve been here for almost a
week now. You’re no
longer a guest, you practically live here. Now get off your arse and make me a
maybe it’s only because it’s sunday night and i’m feeling slightly mushy, but i’m thinking about the sheer amount of creation that goes on in every fandom i have ever been part of, and just???
we have as fangirls created an entire dialect (anyone who’s spent any time on tumblr can speak it/recognize it, and it’s very distinctive and expressive and the way it compensates for being a text-based medium without inflections/facial expressions and the other things that usually go into a language are endlessly fascinating for me). we come up with off the cuff headcanons. we write vast volumes of insightful and sophisticated media critiques/meta pieces/theories and speculations (and sometimes put more thought and care into it than the actual writers, alas). we get so much meaning out of every look/line/scene. it’s astonishing. we liveblog, we flail, we cry, we enjoy (and bewail) the experience without holding back, and spend so much genuine energy on the Very Real Need for Those Idiots to Just Kiss, and i love it.
we spontaneously and easily create full-length stories that are often better than many published books, or just a snippet to support or flesh out a single piece of narrative/spoilers. we interact and encourage and inspire each other in constantly flexible and fun ways in doing it. we eagerly and happily consume these stories and create more from them in turn.
we spend hours on edits, or gifsets, or drawings or sketches or digital paintings, or other beautiful pieces of art, and the talent is just amazing. simply because we love something and want to make something pretty. after all, all this creation is happening for free, in ordinary people’s off-hours. nobody’s an expert, nobody’s getting paid for it. everyone can participate. yes, there’s the whole question of fandom culture and its problems/issues, but that’s beside the point in terms of what fandom itself is.
see, this is why i am suspicious of any author/creator who proclaims to hate and/or dislike/not encourage fanworks. yes, some of it is creepy and strange and that goes with the territory. but honestly i think that ignoring or discounting the sheer amount of passion with which people love stories, and want to be part of their creation in imaginative mediums, is a mistake.
and because of all this creation, we talk to each other. we become friends. i have people i met here who i text all day every day about my life, regular things, non-fandom stuff (although there is certainly lots of that as well). i count on those people to be there and to support me and to turn to when i need someone to talk to (and try in return to be the same for them).
the world is stupid, the world is dumb, the world is scary. we need more creation. we need more connection. we need more of whatever this energy is that drives us to question and explore and care and make shit and enjoy it together and to tell a new and better story as a result. we need to move it beyond tumblr, sure – but i also think it’s a hell of a start.
so yes. this isn’t anything that hasn’t been said before, obviously, but it struck me tonight for some reason, and i wanted to say something.
i wonder if the 1500 people following this blog who never interact with any of my posts are just watching me document the shitstorm of my life and shaking their heads like “another nightmare about death? maybe that’s because you constantly obsess over it and took a class about it, you stupid stoned idiot”
made a lot of mistakes in my time. I made the most in a row about two years
back, when I got myself a new neighbor.
live in a good neighborhood in Pennsylvania. You’ll meet a lot of farm boys and
good, christian folks. We’re pretty docile out here, long as you stay away from
the things we claim for our own. You know, typical property stuff and privacy.
I’m a good fellow, I like to think. I have a field full of cattle and a mutt of
a cattle dog to get their fat asses going to the dairy.
this ain’t about me, it’s about the new neighbor. He started this, and I hate
his guts for what I know now. When he first moved in next door, I was as
friendly as could be. Hospitality is a big deal, you know. You gotta be polite
to the new people around here, or they’ll think they’ve gone and made a mistake
coming around to live here.
arrived in the evening in the house not ninety yards from mine. Squat, chubby
city fellow who carried his boxes in one at a time. He ignored me the whole
time I walked over to help. Max stuck at my heel like a good boy, ears up to
meet the new guy next door.
He had gray hair and mine’s just
starting to turn, but I was taught as a boy to call everyone sir or ma'am. He
went right on ignoring me. I called to him again.
man jumped and turned, startled behind his glasses. He looked like a spooked
owl. “What do you want?”
gave him a friendly smile, Max laying down on the man’s porch. He got tired of
waiting, and wanted to go back to rounding up cows for the dairy. “Well sir, it
looks like you could use some help unloading all them boxes.”
just squinted at me like I had some ulterior motive in mind. “Why do you want
to do that?”
shrugged. “Right thing to do, I suppose.” I stuck out my hand for a shake.
stared at my hand for a second or so, then took it. He wasn’t much of a man,
but he gave one hell of a handshake. “Wesley.”
moved boxes in near silence. He wasn’t much of a talker at any rate, just
telling me to set the boxes in the kitchen. I set a large box on the kitchen
counter and asked, “So, Wesley Where’d you come from?”
turned on me, nearly dropping his box. “I didn’t name it.”
fellow. “Well… you need anything, I’m in the house that way. Ain’t no one on
your other side, though you might hear a mooing.” I grinned at my try at a
joke, but Wesley blinked at me. He looked tired.
farm cows.” He wasn’t asking.
Dairy cows. Uncle owns the dairy down the road a ways.” I tried again to get
that man to say something, or crack a smile. “What’s your job, if you don’t
mind me asking?”
I’m sorry my account hasn’t been super active lately. Last month I got a new job, so I’ve been crazy busy lately (I work at a preschool so the days are absolutely exhausting). But the weather in my area is really warming up and it’s finally starting to feel like springtime! It’s fantastic ☺️
I’ve been thinking about starting a queue to add videos for me automatically, that way you guys don’t have to deal with my sporadic posts and the videos will be added on a somewhat consistent basis. Let me know what you guys think!
I have some good news for you all though - I will be accepting requests again!! So if you have anything you’d like to see, feel free to message me and ask 😊
Also, I realize most of you are here just for the stims and don’t really care about my regular life, but a few people have asked so I’m gonna remind you all again that I do have a main blog, and that you can find the link to it in my bio if you’re interested!
I hope everyone is doing well! If any of you ever need anything, my inbox is always open and I will do my best to respond ❤️