Drawings to accompany @lightshesaid’s beautifully written fic, A Hollow Nest to Dream In for the voltron general big bang! It was a joy getting to work with them, and inspiring to see their effort result in something so wonderful. Go check it out!
It didn’t matter how you built your pyre. It
still doesn’t. You weren’t sure how you were going to fracture yourself and
fall together in a better way - like gravity, like collapsing into a black hole
- but if death is an inevitability, surely the death of an ego is inevitable
It wasn’t supposed to matter, but it did. You
carried sadness around you - you did, you did, and you still do. So what would
come first, the sadness or the memories that caused them? It was a sick
juxtaposition - it was the contrast between ‘okay’ and 'not okay’. You think
that if you had never learned how to be happy in the first place you wouldn’t
be so sad now. You think there’s still plenty of time left to be happy.
What did they - the pictures, the chatlogs,
the people - matter to you now anyway? Physicality is easy to burn, physicality
can disappear - into carbon under bunsen burners, into smoke. It was what came
after you were afraid of - of not having anything to look back at, of not being
able to pretend that this past was your future. It was not having these
security blankets - not being able to read these conversations and trace over these memories until they were
as smooth as your bathroom tiles from wear.
You think about them a lot. If a relationship
has ten effort units total, and you give all ten, then you’re not going to get
anything back. If you look up to someone, if you spend hours social media
stalking, if you keep up obsessively without getting any acknowledgement of
your existence, if you write emails that never get replies, if you spend hours
upon hours drafting messages that never get read - then do you not force them
to look down on you?
And you wanted to become something greater,
to become a phoenix at the threat of rebirth - wanted something of revenge, or
regret, or some other unnameable noun that started with r. You didn’t want to
become something greater if they weren’t going to look back at you.
But not now. The pyre is built and the
funeral is ready. There are no white flowers, no observers, no wills or last
rites. Nothing but you and the flame. Nobody will cry for your death - but then
again, do you need anyone to?
hey, guys! so as you all (hopefully) know, it’s valentine’s day!!! so firstly, happy valentine’s day <3 secondly, i do feel quiet bad that i’ve been pretty MIA this past few days, and i’m so grateful to all of you guys for sticking with me. thirdly, i hit 1.5k yesterday, which i cannot believe! thank you so much, all of you! along with this, i just really, really want to convey how deeply i care for all of you guys. i’m not very well-liked irl, and it’s really tough to have lost so many friends in such a short span of time, hence, i’m so so so SO grateful for all of you, even if we’ve never interacted, because you’re the ones that get me through the days. :) so i figured, why get three (love)birds with one stone, and celebrate with some mutuals appreciation? let’s go!
I want to ask you what your plans for Valentine’s Day are, and if you even have any, but I know that no matter what you say I will be disappointed. Because I want to spend the day with you, and I know that every answer you will come up with will not include me, you, or us.