I want it to be you.
I want to be the lucky one, the
one who wakes up with you
on a Saturday afternoon.
The one who kisses you goodnight
even if I’m still mad at you.
I want so badly
to get to write about you, for
the rest of my life;
without getting my heart broken.
I look at you and I see
so much more than a home.
I want it to be you
for as long as possible.
—  r.j

“i have a tendency to fall in love with people i already know will end up breaking my heart,

yet i still hope one of them will prove me wrong.”

- A.R. {love is my drug}

Being in love is great, don’t get me wrong. The kisses, the “I miss you” hugs, the cuddling, the love. Everything about falling in love is what makes a person remember how great it feels to have butterflies in your stomach and to have your heart beat so fast that your chest is going to explode. Being in love with someone is amazing. But being in love with your best friend, god that is fucking the best thing I could ever ask for. Being in love with the person that makes you laugh so hard that you nearly have snot coming out your right nostril and makes your stomach turn inside out. Being in love with the person that you share secrets with and gossip about people with, the person that says “fuck her baby, she don’t know a damn thing” kind of best friend. The person that you can lay next to at night and can’t sleep until 3 am because you were talking about how people can’t learn their damn differences between they’re, their, and there, and then laugh about it. The person that you argue with about what kind of food you want to eat, or who’s going to be the one to get up from the bed and turn off the light. The person that you can lick their face and they won’t look back at you with a confused face, but sticks their finger up your nose. The person that won’t only being the shoulder to cry on, but the shoulder that will bring you back up and make you stronger than before. The person that will tell you whats wrong and whats bothering them instead of being distant and ignore the situation. Loving someone that you can share memories and laughs with, god it is beautiful. Being in love is great, don’t get me wrong. But being in love with your best friend, that is the most wonderful thing I could ever ask for.
—  I’m in love with my best friend

She carries her own little universe within herself, every single content paints her life story and reminds her that she’s a piece of it,

the stars remind her of never giving up, of always seeing the good in bad and even when you’re at your worst you should just keep shining,

the clouds remind her of how important it is to travel, to see the beauty of this world and to breathe a different air and to get lost in a foreign city,

the hurricanes remind her of the past, of the fact that it may hurt, but accepting all that pain makes you stronger and wiser, everything can change in a minute and we have no control on anything,

the sunsets and sunrises remind her of how beautiful it is to continue doing your thing, even when nobody notices you, because it doesn’t mean that you suck, at the end of the day, you should do things for yourself first,

the rain reminds her of the fact that letting emotions out is always good to do, because in order to grow and to bloom you have to cry at first,

the air reminds her of being kind to others, to always help them and show them that life is truly beautiful, you know you have lived when someone tells you “because of you, i never gave up.”



breathe a different air, please!!

Meet me in Montauk.
Sometimes we try so hard to forget people that they unintentionally etch into our minds forever.
When you spend a lot of time scrubbing out a stain, you’re bound to remember it’s shape.
It’s where the sea meets the sand, even though the sand has been there the whole time and it always will be and it never goes away.
Nestled under the lapping waves for an eternity, not unlike that of the smiles shared on that beach in late July when you thought you’d feel this way forever.
But by August first it was over.
And you began scrubbing the stains.
And so it goes.
It’s far enough from the gentle anarchy of piss soaked streets squeezed between the ebb and flow of skyscrapers.
And the ant people they told you you’d never fit in with.
But colonize me and call it home.
‘I don’t want you to fall in love with me.’
Even these words were music to your fifteen year old ears because you hadn’t the faintest clue what love was but you knew you loved them.
The worst part of it all is that we try so hard to forget people who never cleared space on their memory cards because they weren’t ready for us.
Sometimes we are not ready for ourselves.
Meet me in Montauk.
—  a poem inspired in part by eternal sunshine of the spotless mind, ‘montauk’ by sarah kay, and my own never ending desire to understand

I open then close my eyes,
I see you haunting me from behind,
Your every move, the way you blink
I am in love with only you, I think.
My mind wanders at night,
While the stars shine so bright,
All I want is to be your everything,
To your chest, I will forever cling.
No energy to take care of your soul,
But the only way I can feel whole.
Is if you are with me here,
Otherwise I just want to disappear.

i don’t drink enough water and i never get enough sleep,
i’m a serial procrastinator and i’m perpetually stressed,
i worry about everyone and everything,
i don’t eat right or as much as i should and
i get sick so often that my sick periods, they all seem to just blend together.
i’m not good at taking care of myself but i will always tell my friends,
“eat.”, “drink.”, “get your work done.”, “go to sleep.”, “be careful.”,
“don’t be late.”, “don’t worry, everything will be fine.”, “don’t stress, you’ve got this.”
i’ll always put others first and it will eventually wear me down until i am spread so thin that i am unrecognizable but that’s okay,
because i will give my friends everything i have if it means that they are happy,
that they are healthy.
i will gladly light myself on fire if they say they need the heat.
i know it’s unhealthy but i love them more than i could ever love myself.
to me, they are worth more than my everything.
—  i’ll always be the “mom” friend // 6.18.16