my poem***

“It gets better. One day you’ll be looking through old photographs and you’ll find one of the person you thought you’d have around forever. And you’ll realise, you’re the only person who will be around yourself forever, and that’s okay,”

- 21:10 - You’re your best hope

Even when you’re slipping away, you still feel more real than anything I’ve ever touched.
the only time he smiled was when he was sad

He was harshest winter I had ever known
But when I touched him my fingers burned and my heart pulsed
Becoming one with someone who shared himself so easily but kept his heart locked up so bitterly was never easy for me
It was never ideal, but then again he was the closest thing to perfection a man could ever be
His family knew it
His friends knew it
Strangers knew it
I knew it
It didn’t stop me from loving him with everything and it didn’t stop him from trying to persuade me not to
And even though I knew I wasn’t the only girl he saw, I knew I was the only one he loved

-a.a.

“She was a dream.” He breathed.

She blinked, surprise clinging to her eyelashes. “Why do you say that?”

“I dreamed up what I wanted her to be. Not what she was.” His eyes closed, his chin falling. “All dreams come to an end eventually.”

from a book I’ll never write

Pretty flowers.

Never forget how strong you are

With your delicate petals of all colours

Reaching out to the sun with long arms

With your beating hearts matching the rhythm of the winds

Swaying you back and forth, two and fro, two and fro with tears of joy and sadness and anguish.

Dance with the wind and embrace it’s hold.

Never forget how strong you are, my delicate little flower. With your head held high and your heart filled with hope.

Everytime they pluck your petals you grow back stronger, brighter, more enchanting than before.

- @mukimumu

Impressionism is too gentle for my scenery.


I want to draw the red fire in his eyes and his dark, angry eyebrows.


He is not a calm sea or a field, Monet. He is a battlefield.

Poet from London

glimpsing

in my mind there is a room made of stars;

the walls gauzy veils

unveiling jupiter, saturn, venus, mars,

the moon

but no sun.

she glows of her own volition

and lights up my room

sparkling tones of that cosmic musician

as i dance, bringing to fruition a great ‘something’ 


- but then the signal drops.


– z.j.m

I feel like a fraud
what I am is never truly enough
i’m a walking disappointment
it’s easier to just stay away
away forever
—  t.m.
Isn’t it funny, how we try so desperately for people that we want to claim as our own. We look our best for them, make the best jokes, invest all of our time into them, so maybe, just maybe, they’ll give us a chance.
We spend weeks, even months, even years, trying to get their attention and love. We worry constantly that someone else is giving them more and better. We hope that we’re the ones they’re thinking about at night.
Then two things could happen. They either break your heart, or fall in love with you. You could sob and scream and curse yourself for not being good enough for them. You could be bitter for so long wondering why you did so much for them. Or, they will notice all you’ve done. You’ll get what you wanted.
But time will pass and you’ll get comfortable. Start to forget why you tried so hard and you’ll start to try less because humans are naturally lazy, and why try when you already have what you want?
Isn’t it so sad, that we try so hard, just to one day take it all for granted.
—  v.m

euphoria

what was once real
turned to a memory
like my undying
love for you

i remember thinking
you were the only one
for me
and that
i was in love

i told everyone
i fell in love with
you
but i guess i was
stupid

because love isn’t real
it’s just a chemical
imbalance
telling you
that you just wanna fuck

funny isn’t it

you’ve said i love you
to people for years
and yet
it wasn’t true

you’ve said
i’ll love you forever
when someday forever
will be non-existant

funny how love
is equivalent
to so many
lies

funny isn’t it

how i’ve lost
sympathy
for those
broken hearted

because how can
your heart break
from love
if it’s not real

love is just
a moral dilemma
and i’m sorry
but you got yourself into this

you left anyway. i wasn’t into you at the beginning. you know that. but eventually you made me look at you with new eyes. and i fell. i was so young and innocent, my heart was big and my soul was pure. you touched me with dirty hands like i was just another victim. how could you do that for someone who would die for you? how could you change my mind about how life is beautiful and leave with no remorse? you made me fall just so you could break another heart. you were never intentioned to stay but you made me believe i was the one you wanted to spend your life with. and i did. i believed in you. i believed in every single word that came out of your mouth. i didn’t know people could lie so easily without feeling guilty. but i know now. and i honestly hope you really fall in love for once. and i hope they break your heart in one million pieces so you can never put it together. i hope you lose your purpose in life and never find it again. you turned me into this heartless monster and i want you to suffer like i did. because you didn’t care. you left anyway.

I’m proud.

… that I could faint because of staying too long in the shower


… that I could starve until I see the lights flicker


… that I could throw up even the tiniest bit of my dinner


… that I could cut the words in my arms “Kill her.”


… that no one sees my struggle, for it means I am only getting stronger, that they are wrong, that I’m not wrong, that I could continue killing myself


slowly…


slowly…


help me. (not)


My scars are getting bigger, the cuts are getting deeper, and my smiles are getting warmer.


Closer…


closer…


I’m no longer ashamed.


The number is going down.


And so is my life draining down the sink like my breakfast in the toilet bowl.


Call me home.


Because here I know, I don’t belong.

all hope left my body
like it’s being drained from me
running out in soil and dirt
disappearing altogether
all i’m left with is failure
—  t.m.
thank you

you left me
to think
and didn’t speak
a single word
after that day

and while
i’m still in pain
i’m learning
about the world
and how to live

you taught me
how to be a person
how to be me
how to forgive
and forget

so as i dry my eyes
in a desperate
burning pain
i just wanted to say
one last thing

thank you for everything
thank you for being there
when i needed you most
just know you still hold a place in my heart
thank you