i can’t remember the last time
a day went by where I felt
more than just survival
i’m still standing
my mask is ready
another day is waiting
—  t.m.

On Tuesdays
fall in love with soft skin
the heavy scent of gardenias
and the way blond hair looks blue and purple under the glow of neon bar lights.

On Wednesdays
fall in love with band shirts
the dusty feel of leather books
and the way boot clad toes tap off beat to the song playing through headphones

On Thursdays
fall in love with butterfly rings
the slow sound of rain through curtains
and the way laughter comes from old shows between red stained dimples

On Fridays
fall in love with extra large pizza
the speed of a new car on gravel
and the way sweat and grass mingle with the smell of cotton on worn jerseys

On Saturday
fall in love with warm sheets
the dusty sunlight of a late morning
and the way coffee is served room temperature in a cracked rosebud mug

On Sunday
fall in love with blue silk
the weight of an arm across shoulders
and the way birds sigh overhead in the branches of a fairytale grove

On Monday
do not fall in love
instead, be lonely
so you never forget
how much you’ve grown

Accidents Happen

It was an accident, he swears

He only wanted Damien and Celine back

Nevertheless, the gunshot caught him Unawares

Now his friend is a megalomaniac.


When he saw us awake,

His sanity was shattered

He let go of Damien’s Keepsake

His logic jumbled, and his speech became smattered


He left to find his hiding friends

Not knowing his search will lead to dead-ends

( @splatoon-jim @ego-surveillance-squad @ego-protection-squad  @colonel-william-protection-army  @mayor-damien-protection-squad hello friends time for more sads)

A poem for Castiel (by me)

Take me high,

to the sky

Fill me with your grace,

I want to see your face,

I want to fly with your wings,

to fly above of these feels

Please, hold me tight,

while you guide me into the light


When I see your eyes color,

I feel that’s my honor

To hold you in my hands,

What if this moment ends?

I’m afraid that I’ll fall

Into life’s dark hole.

tell me I'm your babydoll

And I saw myself in her eyes
The part of me that was forever lost to the night and whiskey flavored kisses
The part of me that was uninhibited and unsaved
Unruly and wrecked like all of those times I thought I had found my savior with white lines and double suede
We were sad
Broken and used
Long fingernails and short tempers
Drinking with the guys backstage
Trying to find God or love or something to help us lose our minds to as long as it was for a righteous cause.

-a.a.

Some words are so lethal and toxic that they can leave one’s heart paralyzed till their last breath.

Poet from London

The crisp wind embraces closer still 

To paint the leaves like the steadily earlier sundown, a shade truer to the earth’s burdened, hearty soul 

To undress the leaves, embellishments of the self, from the faithfully bare tree’s husk 

I can only pray that the humbling autumnal and winter winds will do the same 

To me 

I feel like a fraud
what I am is never truly enough
i’m a walking disappointment
it’s easier to just stay away
away forever
—  t.m.
Isn’t it funny, how we try so desperately for people that we want to claim as our own. We look our best for them, make the best jokes, invest all of our time into them, so maybe, just maybe, they’ll give us a chance.
We spend weeks, even months, even years, trying to get their attention and love. We worry constantly that someone else is giving them more and better. We hope that we’re the ones they’re thinking about at night.
Then two things could happen. They either break your heart, or fall in love with you. You could sob and scream and curse yourself for not being good enough for them. You could be bitter for so long wondering why you did so much for them. Or, they will notice all you’ve done. You’ll get what you wanted.
But time will pass and you’ll get comfortable. Start to forget why you tried so hard and you’ll start to try less because humans are naturally lazy, and why try when you already have what you want?
Isn’t it so sad, that we try so hard, just to one day take it all for granted.
—  v.m

euphoria

what was once real
turned to a memory
like my undying
love for you

i remember thinking
you were the only one
for me
and that
i was in love

i told everyone
i fell in love with
you
but i guess i was
stupid

because love isn’t real
it’s just a chemical
imbalance
telling you
that you just wanna fuck

funny isn’t it

you’ve said i love you
to people for years
and yet
it wasn’t true

you’ve said
i’ll love you forever
when someday forever
will be non-existant

funny how love
is equivalent
to so many
lies

funny isn’t it

how i’ve lost
sympathy
for those
broken hearted

because how can
your heart break
from love
if it’s not real

love is just
a moral dilemma
and i’m sorry
but you got yourself into this

you left anyway. i wasn’t into you at the beginning. you know that. but eventually you made me look at you with new eyes. and i fell. i was so young and innocent, my heart was big and my soul was pure. you touched me with dirty hands like i was just another victim. how could you do that for someone who would die for you? how could you change my mind about how life is beautiful and leave with no remorse? you made me fall just so you could break another heart. you were never intentioned to stay but you made me believe i was the one you wanted to spend your life with. and i did. i believed in you. i believed in every single word that came out of your mouth. i didn’t know people could lie so easily without feeling guilty. but i know now. and i honestly hope you really fall in love for once. and i hope they break your heart in one million pieces so you can never put it together. i hope you lose your purpose in life and never find it again. you turned me into this heartless monster and i want you to suffer like i did. because you didn’t care. you left anyway.

I’m proud.

… that I could faint because of staying too long in the shower


… that I could starve until I see the lights flicker


… that I could throw up even the tiniest bit of my dinner


… that I could cut the words in my arms “Kill her.”


… that no one sees my struggle, for it means I am only getting stronger, that they are wrong, that I’m not wrong, that I could continue killing myself


slowly…


slowly…


help me. (not)


My scars are getting bigger, the cuts are getting deeper, and my smiles are getting warmer.


Closer…


closer…


I’m no longer ashamed.


The number is going down.


And so is my life draining down the sink like my breakfast in the toilet bowl.


Call me home.


Because here I know, I don’t belong.

all hope left my body
like it’s being drained from me
running out in soil and dirt
disappearing altogether
all i’m left with is failure
—  t.m.
thank you

you left me
to think
and didn’t speak
a single word
after that day

and while
i’m still in pain
i’m learning
about the world
and how to live

you taught me
how to be a person
how to be me
how to forgive
and forget

so as i dry my eyes
in a desperate
burning pain
i just wanted to say
one last thing

thank you for everything
thank you for being there
when i needed you most
just know you still hold a place in my heart
thank you