my phone is having a moment

Do you ever like… have those days where you have to put up with waaaaay more bullshit in your job than you should ever have to? Because hoo boy do I have a story to tell yall about something that happened to me tonight.

I deliver pizzas for my job at the moment and tonight was particularly busy cause of the Oscars and whatnot. I pull into this apartment complex, trying to find the apartment building of the person I’m trying to deliver this order to and this lady in the parking lot approximately close to the building I’m looking for waves me down with her phone.

And I’m like… “Oh. That must be them?” And I slow down to see what she wants. And boy howdy was that a mistake because she was definitely not only the person I was NOT looking for but also incredibly drunk.

So I get out of my car and ask her, “are you the person in building 10, with this apartment number?” And instead of answering me with anything remotely coherent, she just slurs, “building 12″. And I’m just kind of standing there dumbfounded because I have no idea what this lady is trying to say, so I just ask, “Excuse me; what do you mean? What about building 12??”

I look behind where I’m standing and lo and behold, building 12 is right there. So I just say, “Oh! You’re looking for building 12. It’s right there!” And I point to it. And she just responds with “Take me to building 12”. 

At this point, I have no idea how to get rid of this lady cause I’m still on the clock trying to deliver this goddamn pizza and this lady is so drunk she thinks I’m a taxi service or something (despite there being literally nothing on my car that would distinguish it as such) so I just tell her to hop in - I figure she’s harmless enough being as drunk as she is.

So I just… drive around the block. In a big circle. It takes me like 2 minutes.

And I come back to the exact same place where she had stopped me, and I point towards building 12 and go, “There’s building 12 maam!

And instead of getting out of the car, she’s just kind of distantly looking in my general direction going “uhuh. yeah. uhuh.” Like in that way that you do when you have no idea what someone is talking about but you don’t want to look like a complete idiot in the conversation you’re having with them.

So I repeat it, and I guess she sorta gets the message cause she gets out of my passenger seat…

…and then starts walking towards building 11. Which is nowhere near the general vicinity of where I was pointing. 

At this point this guy’s pizza I’m trying to deliver is already like 15 minutes past when he was supposed to get it so I just… let her walk towards building 11, and get on with what I’m actually getting paid to do.

ninjafirefox  asked:

My mom, grandma and her friends refer to their same gender friends as girlfriends and it makes me so mad. When I was 17 or so I almost outed myself to my grandma while talking on the phone because she asked if I was "taking my girlfriend to the beach with us for thanksgiving again" and I almost said "no we haven't been dating in months" and it was so scary when I realized what I almost did. I hate it so much, I could have put myself in danger because for a moment i thought i was safe

oh my god that sounds legitmately frightening i’m so sorry. honestly this whole “straight people using language that indicates sga to refer to their friends” trend Needs To Die

anonymous asked:

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ bich gud luck. I'm ready to learn some ayyries Facts™

God do you know how hard it is to list facts when you’re a boring person??? Omg

  1. My favorite clothing brands at the moment: American Apparel and Brandy Melville.
  2. All of my really good friends have a stellium. I have a friend with an 11th House stellium, and another with a 4th House stellium. I also have a friend with a 9th House stellium. I just mesh very well with stellium people lol because I have one myself.
  3. I prefer liquid eyeliner over pencil eyeliner!
  4. Lmao I play a game called Puzzles and Dragons on my phone with my boyfriend
  5. Some of my favorite Youtubers: bubzbeauty, Krist Yu, Modern Cosmic, Mind Over Munch, iamkareno (main fashion inspiration btw!) and clothesencounters
  6. I have a Capricorn mom and a Scorpio dad.
  7. I had my first kiss on my 13th birthday huehue
  8. I like to crack my knuckles.
  9. I write sideways.
  10. I struggle with drinking consistently :(
  11. I haven’t met a lot of Pisces or fellow Aries :(
  12. I commute to college.
  13. I’ve been dating my boyfriend for about a year and three months.
  14. I think gray eyes are incredibly pretty.
  15. I’m pretty snobby about boba lol.

yesterday, six water-glass gin & tonics into a very slow bar crawl through the mission, i told emmy, “no, no, that’s the thing: i’m not afraid of being alone.” we were two nice lesbians with hillary clinton grief tattoos sitting at a picnic table in a biker bar, talking about marriage. the kind of perfect afternoon that would have fit just as well into a better universe.

later, a few more drinks and whatever else later, i streamed through the san francisco airport, smug with good timing. i talked on the phone to my girlfriend’s mom about dogs, i took a nap in my seat, i tried to get to the bathroom, i woke up on the floor of the plane - somewhere over colorado - in the arms of a handsome firefighter-esque flight attendant.

i’m fine, i should say. i’m not telling you this for dramatic effect. i’m setting the scene for the moment that the attendant with the kind eyes and patient storytelling let me back to my seat and eventually off the plane without even a “good luck!” and i felt a strangled need, suddenly, to have someone coddle me into a cab and tell me i was fine.

and i remembered, also, that first summer, when i showed up late to dim sum and moaned at lily, “she made me a cup of tea, i have a cold, it was so fucked up,” and lily agreed immediately, yes, it’s rude to offer another person tenderness if they haven’t made room for it.

i have been able to get myself home from the airport for a decade now. but it turns out that the cost of allowing tenderness into your life is that your lizard brain can rewire its own impulses and re-make you into a person who craves a warm hand on the back of your neck. 

anonymous asked:

Tell me about your favourite tumblr user(s)

@errxr-13 the first person to message me on tumblr and forever my faveeeee💞it sucks you live so far away because honestly i just wanna see you and talk to you about shit without having to make sure we dont fall asleep on the phone😂 we’ve had our moments 🌚but regardless i love this girl with all my heart❤

@rosepetalledhearts this one also messaged me not too long ago and i have grown to care and love her so so much🌚 we met in person recently and she’s just an amazing person who’s always making me v happy, Im glad she messaged me😊

@lxvedlikethis is a very good friend of minee, we’ve had good times together and i love her lots, can always count on her for good advice and although we aren’t as close as we were, we still good😊

@chilledxvibess this green eyed beauty also messaged me lmao and she’s lit ngl, i hate her so much and she’s gonna get so gassed from this but yeah she’s good to me even though she thinks she’s better than me at everything🌚

@fxckedcxnt last but not leastt, she messaged me and im so glad she did, i care about her so much and fuck im so glad she’s in my life rn🙈, she always makes me smile and even though everything seems to be against us, we always get through it together, she never fails to make me feel appreciated and loved when talking to me or about me, so blessed to have her💞


you are something  e x t r a o r d i n a r y, my dear.

insp. by [x] & poem credit


“[The references] were written in the script, and they were absolutely embraced. We were allowed to push them, but they were definitely in the script. That was great because that gave us permission to just say ‘We know we’re doing Wonder Woman homages.’ So there was an absolutely magical moment when it was scripted that Melissa was to do the Wonder Woman twirl to put herself out when she was on fire. Lynda came and said, ‘I’ll show you how to do it.’ I have on my phone a video of Lynda Carter showing Melissa Benoist how.”


NCT 127 texts when Haechan changes the members contact names on your phone. Thank you for requesting and I hope this is alright!! I’ve been sick all weekend so my brains a bit not with it at the moment 😅 Have a great week my lovelies!! ❤

it’s not going to be you.
the first and only time I ever asked for you to make anything with me (a cake), you said “that’s something people in relationships do”.
in that moment i laughed out loud.
you heard it over the phone line and you grew silent.
it isn’t going to be you.
because you aren’t the kind of courageous I need.
because you don’t like adventure half as much as I do.
because you don’t know the weight of words.
you don’t understand what’s important to me.
we have different definitions of love.
your idea of what makes a good person, isn’t the same as mine.
it isn’t going to be you.
so you never meet my mother and my father never asks your name.
it isn’t going to be you.
because you aren’t what i need and because I’m not what you want.
I’m too soft spoken.
kinder than you had thought possible.
Too forgiving for your taste.
it isn’t going to be you.
because you don’t know how to love certainty.
the first and only time I ever asked you what you wanted from me, you said you didn’t know.
So it isn’t going to be you.
because that was the first night since I was 14, where I cried the whole way home. I am tired of tiptoeing around landmines.
I am tired of being the one who follows behind you.
I am tired of having to be the bigger person, and making myself smaller because of it.
I am important.
I have so much to offer to a person.
the next time around,
it isn’t going to be you.
but someone with a bigger heart.
and less shaky hands.
someone who isn’t afraid of love.
it isn’t going to be you.
i don’t know how to be sorry about it.
you don’t deserve me like that.

i need help paying rent

hey guys

so as some of you know i was recently working for someone who turned out to be giving me fraudulent checks. because of this and the entire situation at my bank, i lost all of my financial aid money that i use to pay for my student housing, as well as pretty much all the money i have. the bank was able to give me an interest-free loan to cover the fake check charges because i was a victim of fraud, but i have no money for rent.

my parents were able to cover this month for me but they can’t do it for january and i only found out today. my rent is $765 and i definitely wont be able to walk enough dogs to cover that, and my new job won’t be paying me for another two weeks at least.

my paypal is, and i can provide bank statements if you all would like! im just posting on my phone rn so im not going to try and include them at the moment

i know everyone is pretty strapped from the holidays, so please only donate if you’re able to! i really appreciate it ❤
Which Character From "Yuri!!! On Ice" Are You?
Seriously, there is NO bad answer.
By Anjali Patel

I got:

Phichit Chulanont

You’re bright and upbeat, and you always have your phone out at the right (or wrong?) moments. As a friend you’re beyond supportive, and you never hesitate to cheer for the people you love. You’re also confident and understand the importance of believing in yourself first and foremost.

Seriously, there is NO bad answer.


We used to laugh.

Oh how we used to laugh.

We used to talk on the phone until we fell asleep in the early hours

of the morning.

You were my sunrise and set.

You were my every other thought,

my every other breath.

I was consumed,

we were consumed.

We danced with no music.

We conversed with no words.

I guess we should feel fortunate to have spent fragmented moments

with one another,

To have danced together,

To have spoken to one another,

To have laughed together.

Time is funny that way.

I thought we wasted hours upon hours doing a lot of nothing,

but the times spent dancing, conversing, laughing

are the ones that have lingered and haunted me,

forcing their way into my present thoughts and memories all these

years later.

—  gregory-eyev
Little moments

Standing in your room wondering “When did I take off my shirt?”

Having a little panic because you’ve misplaced your phone only to find its in a different pocket than usual

Listening to your music on shuffle and hearing a song you don’t remember adding

Misplacing tiny things to the point where you’re in tears frustrated unable to find them

“Who turned the heater/AC up so high?”

“Did I really lock the door?”

“Why am I wearing mismatched socks?”

“Who decided not to wear deodorant today?”

“Who ate all the leftovers?”

The little, annoying, inconvenient things in life


Summary: Sebastian Stan x Reader where the reader gives him a blowjob as he’s on the phone and has to stay quiet through the call (as requested by anonymous)
Warnings: smut (oral sex, fingering) | Rating: NSFW, mature
Word count: 1664

Keep reading

Looking back on the highlights of my life, there’s a moment I’ll never forget from a day in London about two years ago. I was in town to play the O2 and I was out shopping on my day off. My friend Ed Sheeran met up with me in this little shop where I was buying ballet shoes. He walks in and says “you have to hear this new song. I think it’s the best one I’ve ever written.” And then, as usual, he pulls out his phone and gives me headphones. I sat there on a bench in that store and heard ‘Thinking Out Loud’ for the first time, as little kids were picking out tutus and leotards next to us. Little did we know it would go on to be first dance song at countless weddings all over the world, become Ed’s biggest hit, and eventually go on to win him Song of the Year at the 2016 Grammys. Ed and I had been on tour together all year on the Red Tour and we saw each other almost every day. I lived for the moments he would burst into my dressing room with a new song to play me. It happened so often that it became normal, and I don’t think he ever knew how much it meant to me that he wanted me to hear his songs first. I don’t think he ever knew how inspired I was by his drive and passion to constantly create new art. But it’s his 25th birthday today, so I’m saying it now. You deserve everything you have, and everything you will continue to achieve, Ed.

And an extra congratulations to the incredible Amy Wadge for your two Grammys.

Moment I felt old:
  • Student: Miss! I need to go to the office and call my mom! I have her bank card and I don't want her to think it's lost or stolen.
  • Me: Oh, you can just use my phone and save a trip. Just dial 9 and then the whole number. *I point to the corded, desktop office phone*
  • Student: *dials* Oh wait, I messed up. How I backspace?
  • Me: ***I WILL NOT MAKE THIS GIRL FEEL DUMB*** You just click this button to hang up, and then start over.
  • Student: *clicks and redials* Okay, how do I hit send?
  • Me: ***!!!SHE IS 14 AND HAS PROBABLY NEVER HAD A LANDLINE PHONE IN HER HOUSE!!!*** Put the phone up to your ear. (she does) Is it ringing?
  • Student: Cool! It is!
[The references] were written in the script, and they were absolutely embraced. We were allowed to push them, but they were definitely in the script. That was great because that gave us permission to just say ‘We know we’re doing Wonder Woman homages.’ So there was an absolutely magical moment when it was scripted that Melissa was to do the Wonder Woman twirl to put herself out when she was on fire. Lynda came and said, 'I’ll show you how to do it.’ I have on my phone a video of Lynda Carter showing Melissa Benoist how.