my phone is having a moment

Metalhead mommy.

I’m actually really, really big into rock and metal music. I don’t know if that’s shocking or absolutely expected.

Usually if I want to get into a mommy mood I’ll play the most rock and metal I have on my phone. It works like nine times out of ten.

My favorite bands to listen to are In This Moment, Halestorm, My Chemical Romance, Seether, and Porcelain Black/Porcelain and the Tramps. I really just enjoy some nice lyrics and a good drum beat most of the time.

i know this is gonna sound like a fake tumblr story but bear with me.

My dad and I were driving home and he suddenly asked “what does Rule 39 mean?  The license plate of that car just said ‘RULE 39.’“ 

I took his phone out of the cupholder and googled it cause I was really afraid.  Urban Dictionary top definition:  “There is furry porn of it.  No exception.”

I just put his phone back and was just like “no.  no.  no.”  because I did not wanna fucking do this.  I didn’t want to have this in my life at this moment.  In the middle of fucking missouri some woman was driving around with a personalized license plate that surreptitiously indicated she was a consumer of a significant amount of furry porn. 

“What, is it something sexual?” he asked.


“Well, does it make it worse that it looked like an older woman?”

“Yes, in fact, it does.”

“Honestly I figured it was a law thing, she looked like an attorney or something.”

Then when we got home and googled it and was just like “You’re wrong.  I’m not seeing what you were upset about.”

I googled it on my laptop and

once in a blessed, blessed while

things are not as bad as they seem

the-fluff-awakens  asked:

when you get this, please post 10 facts about yourself and then pass it along to 10 followers

  1. Nobody has ever made me mow a lawn and now I live in an apartment complex with maintenance so it remains to be seen if I will have ever mown a lawn in my life.
  2. My most Capricorn moment ever was throwing up in a snowbank on the way to work instead of calling out because I didn’t believe in taking time off even when I was dying.
  3. Among my friends, I’m most likely to be early, most likely to have a coupon, and most likely to say “Let’s look it up.” 
  4. I was a telemarketer for years and have considered hiring myself out to people with phone anxiety to make calls for them because I am completely immune.
  5. I get very outwardly embarrassed when I’m complimented but I also love it and I’m like….the easiest person on Earth to flatter. 
  6. I tend to be very cuddly but also require some routine privacy. Think of the cat that happily lays in your lap for hours and then gets up and sits in the closet for a few more. 
  7. At any given moment I just want iced coffee.
  8. I’m happiest when I have a balance of busy and calm in my life. Too much busy and I stress, too much calm and I go stir-crazy. I like having a nice healthy to-do list that I can check off and be done with.
  9. I made the executive decision that Blaqk Audio’s “Material” album is a totally Kylux album because it is, but it’s also one of my favorite albums in general. 
  10. My philosophy is that everyone is entitled to one conspiracy theory. 

I told you to just lean on me

Ring Once

Story by reddit user Pippinacious

I’d never been good in storms, but I was even worse in hospitals, so when the choice came to go visit Nana, my ma’s mother, or stay home and brave the thunder and lightning on my own, I only hesitated for a moment before making my decision.

“You sure you don’t want to come, Hannah?” Ma asked, hovering uncertainly in the doorway leading to the garage.

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The thing is, if I don’t like a musician or song I might be annoyed to hear their song on the radio, I might say “ughh” roll my eyes and change the radio station but thats it. I don’t immediately grab my phone and tweet a mean thing about them. The moment I switched the radio station I forget about that artist and that song. Taylor must have a huge impact on your life if you spent so much time hating on her like for real, sorry for you and your non existent problems

Jikook Shippers :)

I have spent a good half a year collecting over 5000 gifs and photos of Jikook moments and saving them in my Google Drive. If you ever feel like embracing the love (not hate because Jungkook NEVER HATED JIMIN), check it out!

Now, these are not my gifs or photos. They are saved from Tumblr or Google. Do not repost them without credit. These are simply to view. I didn’t make them and sadly I have so many I cannot recall who they all belong to. Also, I know this ain’t all the moments! Jikook has so many it’s hard to keep up. I have most if not all of the 2017, at least.

Also, due to having to transfer them from my computer to phone to Drive, they are not in order. You will find a gif set scattered BUT you will find all the pieces. There should be no repeats either, as I tried hard to make the moments individual. Enjoy!

Originally posted by kc-junghsk

i got bullied by some guy for being otehrkin, so i opened up my phone and pulled up this gif to try and make him understand what i was going thru. and the moment he saw it he just dropped to the ground and started slowly eating himself from the feet up. i watched in horror for about five hours as his body snapped and twisted in indescribable ways to fit into his own mouth and down his throat. by the time he stopped moving, what remained of his body was completely unrecognizable as having ever been human. he should not have been able to be alive for as long as he was. there was fear in his eyes but he did not cry. he made no sound.

Laps and Naps

Originally posted by ohh-bloodyhell

Pairing: Sebastian Stan x female!Reader - Cast x female!Reader

Request: So my idea was a fic with seb and reader on the set of Infinity War. Reader likes taking naps on the casts laps, and after a while seb notices that she’s never napped on his lap and gets a bit jealous. A few cast members notice his crush on the reader and one day reader finds seb and the rest of the cast sitting together and goes straight for his lap. The whole cast looks up in awe and snap multiple pictures and seb is all flustered and blushy. You can change it up if it didn’t make sense lol ☺️ (-anon)

Warnings: none, really!! just pretty fluffy stuff

Word Count: 1.2K

A/N: it’s been such a weird week, and i really hope today will be good. but i’ve been havin’ a pretty bad mental-problems sort of day streak, so any memes sent to me are and will be greatly appreciated !!

“Y/N,” a distant, low voice sneaks through your sleepy mind. “C’mon, Y/N, I have to be in the suit in five minutes.”

The groggy veil of sleep slowly lifts off of your as you begin to wake-up. You could feel a heavy hand beginning to gently shake your shoulder.

“But I was so comfy,” your tired voice grumbles.

“I know,” Chris’s soothing voice drifts through the room. “But you’ve been sleeping on me for almost an hour, and I really have to get ready.”

Fine,” you groan, lazily pushing yourself up into a sitting position, snuggling into the corner of the couch as you pry open your heavy eyelids. “But you should know, that was a good nap.”

You blink away the sleep from your vision and look around the room, your gaze locking on Anthony.

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anonymous asked:

ok but what do u think harry's name for draco in his phone is and vice versa

Oh Nonnie. I know you didn’t ask for this, but this is an adorable question and therefore you are getting a drabble! Please don’t hate me forever :) 


“Hello?” Draco said absently into the phone.


Draco chuckled. “Maybe. I don’t know why you’re so angry. It’s the truth!”

“Draco, do you even understand how inappropriate it is for my boss to see ‘Sexiest man you’ve ever had in your bed’ on my screen every time you send a message?”

“Oh please, you know he appreciates my arse as much as you do.”

“Draco Malfoy. You swore no more of this. You broke the truce. It. Is. On.”

“I’m positively terrified.” Draco drawled, hanging up quickly and laughing.

Message from: Seeker of Your Orgasms

Message from: Sweetums

Message from: Pookie Bear Hunny Pie

Message from: Most Glorious Hair You’ve Ever Touched

Message from: Keeper of my Heart Song

Message from: The Gangsta with the Hot Scar

Message from: Husband ️<3


“Harry,” Draco said, storming into the kitchen.

“What?” Harry replied innocently.

“It says Husband!”

“All those names I put in, and this is the one you’re freaking out about?”

“Yes! And what is this insipid little thing!?”

“It’s a heart, Draco.”

“It’s appalling. Take it out.”

“Only if you concede.”

“Fine. I’ll stop if you will.”

Harry pulled out his phone, which currently had Draco’s name written as ’God of Sex and Lover of Potter’, and smiled.

“I’ll stop, but I do have to put you in here as something.”

Draco looked at Harry for a second and put out is hand. “I have an idea,” he said, taking Harry’s phone and typing furiously. A moment later, he held both screens up for Harry to see.

Harry ️<3

Draco ️<3

“Took us long enough to get to those names as it is, don’t you think?”

“It’s perfect,” Harry smiled, kissing Draco quickly as he took his phone back. “But I thought the hearts were terrible.”

“I’m making an exception for my husband.”

“I meant it you know. You wanna?”

Draco smiled maddeningly and dashed up the stairs.

Message from: Draco ️<3

Find a better way to ask me, and we’ll see.

hands clasped tight: the secret married teachers au

“Harry, did you see this?” Liam holds out his phone to Harry, who sets his fork next to his lunch and takes a look.

It’s an Instagram page, and one of the pictures is of his face. There’s another of the heart tattoo on his arm. A third picture shows Louis in class, clearly taken behind cover of a backpack.

“What am I looking at here?” he asks, handing the phone back to Liam. Louis reaches across the table to intercept it, and his face mirrors the same confusion a moment later.

“This, my friends, is an instagram ‘proof’ account, dedicated to the two of you,” Liam announces.

“A proof instagram?” Louis asks, confused.

“A… proofstagram,” Harry says, giggling into his salad. In unison, Liam, Niall, and Louis groan.

“It’s got all this stuff about how the two of you are together,” Niall says.

“I heard about that,” says Kristen, one of the math teachers who’s sitting at the next table. “Confiscated a kid’s phone today when they were looking at it. I have to say, the evidence is pretty damning.”

Harry leans forward and rests his head on the table. Eating lunch in the teachers’ lounge is always an experience.

“I bet the two of you will be discovered by the end of the year,” Niall says.

“‘I’ll bet on that,” Kristen says, turning to face Niall fully.

“Me too,” says Bebe, one of the science teachers. “The two of you are horribly obvious. How much are we betting?”

“Nothing,” says Louis. “You’re not betting anything.”

“Fifty bucks,” Niall says, ignoring him. “We’ll put it in a pool. Whoever gets closest to the date when these two fuck it up and get caught — without going past the date — gets the whole pot.”

“Works for me,” Kristen says, and then she pulls out her wallet.

“I cannot believe this,” Harry says. “I don’t know who’s more ridiculous, the students or you.”

Louis meets his eyes over the table and blows him a kiss. Once again, he’s reminded of how life with Louis is the greatest adventure of all, and suddenly he can ignore all the rest.

coming soon for the @1dreversebang!

All I’ve got II pt. 3

Jungkook x reader

genre: fucking fluff, angst, hints of smutty actions, badboy!jungkook, bestfriend!jungkook

word count: 12.6k

Jeon Jungkook was a tall guy, handsome with all those ethereal artwork tattooed on his arms..and your best friend. He was by your side whereas you faced a painful heartbreak, caressing your hurt soul for as long as you needed him. But how much can a friendship withstand if one of the two develops feelings?

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R: They get mad at their s/o but they were at fault.

Requested by @minlii:

Hi^^ can i request a bts reaction to them getting really mad at their gf (but really so things got out of hand and she starts crying etc.) But they later realise they were at fault and she didn’t do anything wrong? Thank you♡

A/N: You guys sure love angst. I can never write a few lines when it comes to angst tho damn ;A; btw I’m sorry J-Hope stans, this one might hurt a tad oopsie!

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More Than This (Stiles Stilinski soulmate imagine)

Summary: a soulmate AU in which you can talk with your soulmate through a link in your minds. Based off the prompt ‘this is yours’.

Word count: 8.1k 

Warnings: just the odd curse here and there!

A/N: I rewrote this prompt three times and I’ve finally come out with something I like! The soulmate AU isn’t something I’ve tackled in this fandom and it’s always been a favourite of mine so I reckoned it was about time…I hope you enjoy it! :) Pls don’t let it flop.

For @fillthevoid-stilinski ‘s writing challenge!! <3

Originally posted by allpeopleareincredible

Age 16.

“Has it happened yet?”

Glaring at your best friend, you shook your head. “I don’t think it’s something that happens all of a sudden, Amber. Besides, he might not be sixteen yet,” you said, lips twitching as you watched her bounce up and down on your bed. It was the morning of your sixteenth birthday and she’d woken you up at the crack of dawn, demanding to know if it’d happened - if you’d got it.

“You never know,” she pointed out. “They could start speaking any second.”

Nodding hopefully, you layed back on your bed and closed your eyes. “I guess I just need to wait.”

Amber mirrored your actions, laying down beside you. “Tell me the moment you hear something.”

If I hear anything,” you clarified, nodding nevertheless. “Will do.”

For as long as the earth had turned, soulmates had existed. Although there were many connections one shared with their soulmate, there was one fundamental link that could never be turned off - a communication bond. Once sixteen, the tradition was to grow a mental connection with your soulmate in which it was possible to communicate with one another.

Of course, the universe couldn’t make it that easy for you. Your soulmate always had their voice muffled somehow so you never truly knew how they sounded. There were also pieces of information that couldn’t be passed along the link. If you tried to tell them where you lived or where they could find you, they’d hear nothing but blank noise.

To many, the mind link was only a curse. It could be torturous to be so close to your soulmate but have no real way of coming into contact with them, having to rely on fate to bring you together.

To you, however, it was exciting. You were practically bouncing off the walls! Most of the people around you had found their soulmates and never failed to tell you how incredible it’d been to hear their voice for the first time - you were ready to have a similar story. Despite knowing that your soulmate may not yet be sixteen, you were feeling incredibly optimistic that the link would open any minute.

“Y/N,” Amber whined, a few minutes later. “Have you got anything yet?”

Biting your lip, you shook your head. “No, I’ll let you know if I-”

“Hi? Anyone…um, there?”

“-oh my god!” You exclaimed, sitting straight up, eyes wide. “That was a voice! A voice,” you repeated, pointing at your forehead. “Amber, there was a voice in my head.”

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Sugar, I’m Goin’ Down// Bad Boy Shawn // Chapter One

(*shows up two weeks late with Starbucks* anyways here’s college!badboy!shawn and yes, it’s going to be a fic because I can’t control myself and yes, the title is from the fallout boy song.)

The library is quiet, it’s after 8pm after all and you open up your folder with your notes to get started on an outline for an assignment for your mythology class. You’re about ten minutes in, just getting into the flow of it, really feeling your notes start to come together and you hear him. That loud, open mouthed, head thrown back, laughing jackal of a human being that you shared three classes with. Fucking Shawn.

Lord only know what he’s laughing at but it’s probably something his stupid ass friend Andrew has said or done. You wish he would just shut up because now you can hear him /talking/ and you’re just not in the mood to listen to him. Wasn’t it enough you had to listen to him chit chat with every girl who asked him about his stupid fucking black denim jacket with the stupid logo on the back that nobody cared about? Or maybe the way you had to share a worktable with him on the days showed up late because you were the only one without a table partner. He would always forget a pen, always fuck with the instruments on the table, ask stupid questions, and text while the professor was teaching. He was the absolute worst.

“Ha, yeah, anyways I told her to fuck off if she thought I was gonna-” Shawn stops mid sentence and you dare to look up, shocked by his silence, curious to know what caused it. Unfortunately when you do look up, he’s standing right there at the end of your table that’s tucked into the back corner of the library.

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Buns and Ovens

Pairing: Baker!Bucky x Reader
Summary: You have some news for Baker!Bucky
A/N: Okay so this is based off an ask here . This is part of a series called The Sweetest Thing! 
Word count : 582

Your footsteps echo across the tiled floor of your bathroom, as you pace nervously across the space. Three minutes was starting to feel like a lifetime, your heart is racing and hands shake. 

You should have waited to do it with him, but when you had connected the dots you wanted to be sure before you gave him false hope. Again. You had been trying a while and it felt almost unreal that it could be finally happening. The timer going off on your phone brings you back to the moment, the loud buzzing cutting through your thoughts. Taking a deep breath, you shut off the timer and reach for the hard plastic stick.

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Two Nights Stand Part 10 ( Final part)

Summary: (Modern Au) After a bad breakup, your roommate insists that you need to a one night stand to end your dry spell. Following her advice, you have a bad one night stand with Bucky Barnes, but what happened when you are forced to spend time with him?

Paring: Bucky x Reader

Words: 1895

Warnings: This is vaguely inspired by a movie of the same name. Fluffy loads of fluffy.

A/n: Thanks to @drinkfantasy for being my beta.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9

Originally posted by metal-armed-jesus

Originally posted by everythingrelationshipsx

Credits to the gifs owners

You wake up with the sound of people talking, their voices aren’t familiar and you can’t recognize what they are saying but they seem happy. They sure are laughing a lot. You move around still in bed, feeling a strong pair of arms around your waist holding you in place.

When you open your eyes, you see Bucky sleeping beside you with a content smile on his lips. There is no doubt that the last 24 four hours were chaotic, for a moment you felt like you were feeling insane but now it all feels natural.

You gently trace your fingers on Bucky’s jawline, if the last 24 hours were emotional to you, you can’t imagine how it was to him. “Should we wake them up?” You hear a woman asking from outside the room, you hope that the person who she is talking to says no. You are not ready to face anybody, especially after your behavior yesterday. Why did you have to be so awkward?

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What Lovers Do: Part 5 (FINAL)

Fandom: Marvel

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Summary: You have a friend with benefits relationship with the Winter Soldier himself: Bucky Barnes. You two have gotten the routine down: wake up, train, mission, come home, have sex, then act like nothing happened. It’s worked for you for a while now. But now that Bucky’s starting to see someone seriously, you don’t know what to do with yourself.

Warnings: angst

A/N: Final chapter! Woooooo! I’m glad you all enjoyed this series! Many thanks!

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4

Originally posted by whatwasdead

Bucky was watching you again as you slept. Your naked form curled into his side. Was this wrong? Technically, he and Mellie did just break up an hour or two prior this. But he couldn’t help it. Just you being the usual light of his life, with your smile and laugh, Bucky had to have you. 

After the deed was done, Bucky came to the final conclusion: he loved you. Sure, he cared for Mellie and he really did like her a lot, but he always found himself mentally comparing her to you. He thought it was just because you were the person to help him become the man he is now. But now he realized it was because he cared for you much deeper than a friend. 

You were sound asleep, so Bucky decided to slip away. He needed to tell Mellie what he decision was. He picked up his clothes off the floor and quickly put them on. With a final glance to you, he closed the door behind him. He first wanted to get some water before going to Mellie. He stopped in his tracks when he saw Steve there. 

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The phone gives us a lot but it takes away three key elements of discovery: loneliness, uncertainty and boredom. Those have always been where creative ideas come from.

Lynda Barry

Since I took Twitter off my phone, I hardly look at it all all when I’m adulting. Because I have more time with myself, and because I’m not constantly taking in the firehose of horrible news, I’ve been more creative, happier, less anxious, and in a better place, mentally.

A lot of my personal happiness and sense of self worth is connected to my creativity, and it wasn’t until I got Twitter out of my life that I realized how much I missed quiet moments of uncertainty, boredom, and even loneliness, because I need those moments to get excited and make things.