my phone is having a moment

Mehcad Brooks story time!

So today I met Mehcad at Heroes and Villains Fan Fest in London. It was hot and everyone was under a glass roof, Melissa and Chris cancelled the day before the event, a lot of people were a bit moody and Mehcad showed up half an hour late to his signing. We were told he had food poisoning, poor guy. 

But boy was he worth the wait. 

As soon as he arrived he changed the mood. He was a ball of light. He hugged everyone he could and kept apologizing for being late, going down the line and giving people hugs and high fives. I had a VIP pass and was the only VIP pass waiting so I was one of the first ones to go and get my autograph and picture.

I told him that as a trans man who is transitioning one of the things I struggled with was finding positive male role models who embodied a positive masculinity, being strong but sensitive and leaving room for women and femininity, and that James represented that for me and was one of the first characters who did. His response was beyond humbled. He thanked me, probably gave me three or four more hugs and told me how much it meant to him to be putting that energy out there, then he asked if he could take a picture with me. I laughed and said that I had bought one, and he said but I want to take it with you on my phone. So we did. He took the pic himself (bless those long arms) then took a couple with my phone as well. He asked if it was ok to share my story and I said of course, that I’m very open and out and proud, and he thanked me because he felt it was so important and he was so floored by it. 

A little later was his panel. Due to the other Supergirl guests cancelling he was alone. From the moment he stepped out he was full of light and energy in spite of having food poisoning. You would never have known. There was a sign language interpreter there and he was trying to learn the things she was signing during his questions, made everyone feel special and welcome, made sure every child that stepped up to ask a question was given a round of applause, and when a girl came up to thank him for what he was doing for the people of Manchester (he’s giving away free autographed 8x10s to anyone from Manchester who sees him this weekend) he asked if she was from there and she said yes, so he said “come up here” and gave her the biggest and longest hug. 

He told some funny stories, and at the very end when someone asked how he feels about the show being political, he said he doesn’t think it is, he thinks it’s about inclusion and hope and light, that it doesn’t matter who you are, a black man can be an iconic comic book character and you can love any gender, and he doesn’t think that’s politics, he just thinks it’s right, and as he was saying it he made contact with me in the audience and smiled and winked at me. It was honestly so touching. 

He was also asked about what he thought of Mon El’s backstory, and he pretended his mic had cut off LMAO. You could tell he was ready to pop off about slavery, but he wanted to keep things light and positive, which was exactly what people needed, to be honest.

Mehcad Brooks, everyone.

Oceans - Stuart Twombly

inspired by the song Oceans by Seafret
word count: 4614

The scene was picture perfect.  Bright smiles, twinkling eyes, the fairy lights hung around the outside of the cafe illuminating the dark night.  Every time I looked at the picture, I could feel my heart beating in my chest.  My friends, all sitting around this horrible metal table.  Arms loosely wrapped around each other, cheeks pressed together, peace signs, a typical picture of a bunch of goony young adults.

The rose gold frame sat on my desk, catching my eye every time I typed away on my laptop, or watched Netflix, or worked on a new project Google handed to me.  I’d look at it for a few moments, it was never just a glance.  It probably took a good chunk of my day actually.  I’d stare at it, eyes flickering to every little detail.  The whiteness of Neha’s teeth, Lyle’s glasses slipping slightly down the bridge of his nose, one of Billy’s eyes was half closed, my hair was messy, spilling over my shoulders from under Stuart’s beanie.  My gaze would linger there, and if I was feeling peculiarly nostalgic or depressed, I’d gently caress the glass protecting the photo with my fingers, then go back to my work like nothing had happened.  Oh the vicious cycle of depression.

Today was the day where I got up early, ready for whatever my job would bring me.  Some days were harder than others, but never usually too difficult.  Though every night I walked back into my apartment with heavy feet.  But that had nothing to do with the difficulty of work.  No that was just plain anxiety and stress.

See, it used to be incredible.  Working on the greatest team of delinquents, that had quickly become my closest friends.  Winning the intern competition last year was probably one of the greatest moments in my life, that I’d remember forever.  Us dorks felt like we were on top of the world.  We’d even gone out for celebratory pizza afterwards.  That’s when things started happening.  That’s when I grew closer to Stuart Twombly.


The irritating and sarcastic boy that couldn’t handle being away from his phone, had seemed to transform into a completely new person in a matter of forty five minutes.  I hadn’t spoken much with him, in fact we’d never even been alone together or held a solid conversation without the rest of the team being there.  So when he’d sat in the same booth with me, I was slightly confused.  Neha had quickly slid in across from me, which I silently thanked her for, seeing she was the closest person I had on the team.  Lyle was on the other side of Stuart, fitting three of us into one booth (which left absolutely no space between our legs) and Billy and Nick and Yo-Yo were squashed in with Neha.

The night was fun though, we’d ordered many pizzas, and stayed until closing.  We joked around, made fun of Gharam, and his relentless act towards asking me out. 

“I mean, how many times did he try?” Nick snickered.  I blushed and looked down at my lap. 

“Seriously, the creep should’ve left you alone after the sixtieth decline” Lyle said, an awkward laugh following.  “How about a date with a real man?” My eyes widened slightly as I tried to see of he was being serious or not.  I couldn’t really tell.

“Come on man, Gharam just started leaving her alone give her the space to breathe” Stuart spoke before I could say anything at all.  I looked up at him for a moment, just as everyone began laughing again.  But he somewhat ignored my glance, pretending to be interested in whatever Billy was saying.  When I realized he wasn’t going to look back at me, I turned away and picked at my meal.

We’d stayed for another few hours that night, until a waitress came over and told us that she couldn’t let us stay any longer.

Her eyes were bored, dull as she looked over our table.  I’d figured we’d annoyed her.  We weren’t exactly a quiet group.  But they landed on Stuart, to which she’d grinned mischievously, and her blue eyes lit up with what I could only describe as desire.  Though the look didn’t bother me, it did confuse me greatly.

“Alright, we’ll be on our way” Nick had said, and everyone began sliding out of the booths.  Stuart stood, and our waitress opened her mouth to speak, but he turned away from her, smiling softly towards me as I scooted out of the seat.  Stuart held his hand down to me, and it landed on the small of my back as I stood.  It stayed there as I walked with him to the front door of the restaurant.

Again, confusing me greatly.

But as soon as we were out of the view I looked wildly up to him, my eyes wide and brows furrowed with confusion and question.  But he shook his head, just barely, but enough for me to close my mouth before any questions could be asked.  The others had caught up to where we were waiting and we all left.

We walked up to the Golden Gate Bridge, as we’d done a few times before to go relax.  I’d been there countless times, (I lived in San Francisco) but every time I went it was still just as breathtaking.  The group of us laid down in the grass, enjoying the view of the night sky.

“Does anyone know any constellations?” Yo-Yo asked, a few feet away from me. 

“Yeah I do” I said, already searching the sky for familiar ones.  “There’s Orion” I said, pointing up to where I recognized his belt.  “That’s Delphinus, Taurus, Pavo” I looked for more, licking my lips as I tried to remember them all.  “I think.. Yeah thats Scorpius, and that’s-”

“How do you remember these all?” Stuart asked from right next to me.  I turned my head, meeting his whiskey brown eyes.  I blinked for a moment, then chewed on my lip.

“I uh… I minored in astrology for two years” I murmured.  I didn’t mean to be quiet, my voice just sorta failed me.  Stuart smiled at me, eyes flickering between mine and making my breathing shallow before he looked back up at the stars.  I continued to stare at him for a moment, how freckles scattered over his jaw, and long strands of chocolate brown hair poked out from under his beanie, slightly over his ear.  When I felt I’d stared for too long, I blushed and quickly looked away.

I think I was growing very fond of this Twombly boy.

When it became so late, the sun began to poke up, I was nudged.  Apparently that night I’d fallen asleep in the grass.  

My eyes fluttered open to see Stuart and Neha hovering over me.  I waved them off and closed my eyes again, turning on my side.

“Come on y/n” Stuart sighed, and a few seconds later I felt strong arms pull me up.  I yelped, jolting and opening my eyes quickly, only to hear his chuckle.  “You’re fine, just go to sleep” Again, I’d found myself confusedly staring at him.  But he didn’t see.  He was talking quietly with Billy and Nick.  This time I fell back asleep. 

When I woke up again, I was being shook gently.  I yawned, eyes landing on Stuart.

“Wha-where am I-”

“Calm own would you? Don’t you trust me?” I thought for a moment, opening and closing my lips.  That was when I registered I was sitting in a taxi cab, and my head had been laying on his shoulder, cushioned by his beanie.  Which still sat there.

“S-sorry did I fall asleep o-on you?” He chuckled and shrugged.

“Your fine.  This is your complex right?” He asked, pointing up at the building lot we just pulled into.  I nodded.  “Good, that’s what Neha told me” He said.  I straightened up, cracking my back as the driver parked.  Stuart opened the door, stepping out and holding his hand out to me.  My eyes locked on his for a long moment, before slipping my palm into his and letting him help me out of the car.

In fact, he’d walked me inside, and into the elevator to the third floor, down the hall to my room as I’d directed.  I stuffed my hand into my pocket, grabbing my key and unlocking the door.  When I stepped inside, I realized our hands were still conjoined.

“Would you like a drink?” I asked, not wanting to let go for an unknown reason.

“U-uhm sure” Stuart nodded, and I gestured my head for him to come inside.  I released his hand, kicking off my shoes and padding my bare feet into the kitchen, and searching in the fridge for a beer.  “I-I’ve never been here before” Stuart spoke, looking around.  It was a pretty open apartment, the kitchen and living room practically conjoined.  Only two doors, one leading to the bathroom, and one to my bedroom.

“No one has, really” I said, plopping two glasses onto the countertop, then searching for a bottle opener.

“Seriously?” Stuart walked over to me, standing on the other side of the counter.  I nodded, going through drawers until I finally found it.  I easily popped off the caps of the two glasses, and slid one over to him.  He took it happily and I picked up mine. 

“No, I don’t have company over for anything” I said with a shrug, heading to the living room.

“Not even Neha?” 

“Not a single person” I said, plopping onto the couch.  Stuart sat next to me, turning sideways to face me.  “To you Stuart Twombly” I said, raising my glass.  “For being my first guest” He rose his glass, to clink with mine.

We must’ve sat there for an hour, drinking until I was out of beer, and glasses of empty alcohol bottles were all over my coffee table.  Not necessarily to get drunk, but we were having too good of a time.  It was as though if we’d stopped, then the night would be over.  We were enjoying ourselves so much, talking and laughing about little things.  To think, the day before, that the only thing  could tell you about Stuart Twombly, was his name, and he had an obsession with beanies and his phone. 

“Okay okay okay…” I giggled and slurred drunkenly.  “I’ll pick… truth” I said with a big smile.  He was pensive for a moment, then grinned when he came up with an idea.

“Why’d you move here when you were so young?” 

“I wasn’t that young.  I was nineteen” I started, taking a swig of my beer.  “My hometown sucked.  I was bad at making friends so I didn’t have any, my parents… I didn’t have daddy and mommy issues by any means… but I needed a change” He nodded, content with my answer and took a drink.  “Now, truth or dare?” 

“Dare” He replied and I clapped my hands. 

“I dare you to do a handstand!” I squealed, and he eagerly jumped off of the couch, then awkwardly laid his upper back and neck on the floor, propping his legs up, then laying his hands flat on the ground.  He was able to hold himself up for a few seconds, but toppled over in a fit of laughter right afterwards. 

“I almost did it” He slurred, still chuckling as he sat back up on the sofa across from me.  We clinked glasses. 

“Oh so close” I said with a giggle before drinking.

“Alright y/n, truth or dare?” Stuart asked, and I thought while he took a long drink. 

“Okay… I’ll do a dare” I gave in, to his surprise.  I had been dodging that choice the past fifteen minutes we’ve been playing.  “Give me a good one though, not some lame ass prank call, you can do better than-” 

“I dare you to kiss me” He said, in the softest voice I’d heard all night.  My rambling was cut short, and I felt for a moment like I’d completely sobered up.  I was staring straight into his honey eyes.  I licked my lips hesitantly, then slid forward on the couch.  I set my beer on the table, as did he.  The entire environment of the room changed, and I realized my eyes had lingered on his lips for too long.  I sure had a problem with staring at this boy.  I looked up into his eyes for a moment, before closing mine and leaning in.

Our lips touched in a gentle kiss, my hands sliding up to frame around his face, pulling him ever so slightly closer.  Stuart’s arms wrapped around my waist, tugging me further against him on the couch, until our chests were pressed together.  I sucked in deep through my nose before we parted.  His eyes stared into mine, and neither of us moved.  Just our chests as we breathed deeply. 

“Th-that was my first kiss” I told him softly between quiet pants.  His brows knit together, confused. 

“What? H-how?” I blinked a few times, unsure of how to answer.  Maybe because I’d never had a boyfriend? But I wasn’t about to admit that now.  Stuart released my waist, a hand raising to tangle his fingers slightly into a strand of my hair. “Can you promise me something, y/n?” He asked in a murmur.  I nodded as he intricately placed the hair behind my ear.  “Promise me you won’t forget how beautiful you are” He said quietly.  I nodded my head after a moment.

“I promise” I answered, cheeks pink in a blush.  Stuart smiled a small but genuine smile, and pulled away from me.

We sat back on our respective sides of the couch, and continued our game. 

I thought for a moment as I remembered that night.  We were so carefree, and maybe it was the alcohol, but maybe it was just how we were in general.  Maybe we were just two young adults, enjoying our Friday night, getting to know each other.  Or maybe it was what I had thought.  Maybe we were falling in love.

Two weeks later, and Stuart and I were still complaining about our killer hangovers from our long night of drinking and talking.  I’d woken up the next morning on the couch, my head in his lap, cradling an arm that didn’t belong to me.  He was sat upright, his head hanging off the top of the couch and groaning about a headache.  I’d remembered the events from the night before, and somehow managed to get up to retrieve aspirin. 

Stuart and I became close friends.  Very close in fact.  The kind people constantly think are dating, not that I minded.  I wasn’t sure if he did.  I wasn’t even sure if he remembered what had all taken place that night, but I didn’t push the subject.  We became the kind of friends who walk around holding hands, or hug, share food and drink, kiss on the cheek here and there- hell even I would think we were dating.  (i wish).

We were sitting in my apartment, the night after our photo was taken at the cafe, his infamous beanie resting on my head.  In fact, I was wearing it as of this moment.  The both of us were sat on the sofa, watching tv.  He was scrolling through his phone while I laid across his lap, my head on the armrest of the couch. 

“Hey Stew” I said softly, not sure if I really wanted to ask the question I’d been hung up on for the past days.

“Mhm?” He dropped a hand to my arm to show he was paying attention, seeing that his eyes were glued to his phone. 

“Do you remember the night you came over?” 

“Mhm, worst hangover of my life” He snorted, glancing to me for a short moment.  “Why? Wanna get drunk?”

“No, no Stew it’s important” I said as seriously as I could, but my voice was still quiet.  His brows furrowed as he turned off his phone and looked at me. 

“Alright” He said, meeting my eyes.  “What’s going on in that messy head of yours?”

“Do you remember anything besides the hangover?” I asked, finding it difficult to hold his gaze.  “At all?” I asked when he didn’t answer. 

“Hold on I’m trying to think… I drank a lot that night” His eyes were squinted, and my heart managed to sink and beat faster at the same time.  “I… we played truth or dare…” He started slowly and I nodded eagerly. 

“Yeah yeah we did”

“And.. and I did a handstand?” I chuckled quietly and nodded again.  “And… and you told me ab-”

“You asked me to kiss you” Stuart’s brows raised.

“Well that would’ve been something to remember” Normally I would have laughed. 

“But-but you don’t?” Stuart shook his head.

“No… why was I bad?” He chuckled awkwardly to himself.  I pushed myself up, and crawled off of his lap.  “Why- are you alright?” I nodded, even though I wasn’t.  “I’m sorry, I didn’t realize I’d made things awkward for you that night” I just shook my head repeatedly, staring down at my lap, where my hands were wringing together.  “Hey is there.. Is there something else going on?” Stuart asked, turning to face me but I shook my head again.  “y/n/n don’t lie” He put one of his hands on mine.  “y/n” He said more sternly.  I hesitantly turned my head meeting his eyes and I felt my foot tap quickly on the ground.

“Sorry, sorry no I don’t know what- I don’t know what got into me” He frowned, but eventually got up and stretched a little.

“I’m gonna get a drink” He said, walking over to the kitchen.  I watched as he opened the fridge, and surprised me by pulling out a pop can. 

“No beer?” He shook his head.

That was the last time Stuart and I talked to each other.  Three months passed, and he hasn’t bothered to talk to me whatsoever.  I can’t really tell why, I don’t remember having done anything that would’ve driven him away.  The rest of that night I hadn’t mentioned the kiss, and it’s not like I admitted to him that I was in love with him.  At first, it just really pissed me off, but now I just keep more to myself than before, and tried to ignore him at all costs. 

No, that does not mean I’m happy.  In fact, I’m beyond miserable.  I don’t remember the last time I’d spoken to any of them, I’d hardly spoken at work at all.  Just on the phone when a customer or my boss called.  I’m not sure when Neha and I’s friendship ceased, somewhere along the line we just stopped talking.  Sometimes she sits at my small table in the cafe for lunch, but we still don’t converse.  Just sit there silently.

I walked in this morning, not anywhere near as dressed up as I used to get for work.  I was in jeans, old and worn biker boots, and a tee shirt.  My hair was in a ratty and messy bun, I don’t think I brushed my hair at all this morning.  In fact, I don’t even remember walking to the building (I lived just two blocks away) but I can’t tell you remembering the scenery or people I passed.  I groaned, rubbing my eyes as I sat down at my desk.  My elbows propped up onto the desk as I dragged the skin around the edges of my eyes, hoping to rub the sleep out of them.  It wasn’t working.  A small groan left my lips as I turned on my computer and began to sign in. 

“Good morning y/n” I jumped slightly, dropping my computer mouse onto the floor by my foot.  “Oh I’m sorr-” 

“It’s okay Lyle” I mumbled.  “What did you want?” He seemed to swallow thickly, and readjusted the glasses on his nose.  It made me think of the way Stuart used to always crinkle his nose before pushing his glasses up higher on the bridge of his nose.

“Well uh, I’ve actually noticed your lack of interaction with the rest of the team, are you alr-” 

“I’m fine, is here something important?” I snapped a little, but didn’t raise my voice.  I didn’t want the others to notice my ‘coming out of the shell I’d been hiding in’ moment. 

“Actually yes… someone from Communications is here to speak to you about your performance” I nodded my head.

“Well where are they?”

“At the door actually” I turned, and just as I did, Gharam walks over and stands himself next to Lyle, in front of me.  I stared with wide eyes up at him, having heard many stories from Neha and Stuart about Gharam and his… foolish charms.  “You look surprised darling” He spoke in an English accent, but something was off about it.

“I am, I wasn’t informed of any meeting, until here you are now” I straightened up, seeing that he was trying to intimidate me by leaning over, eyes downcast towards me.  I pulled a slight smirk on, just small enough to be noticeable but not questionable.  He only reciprocated it.

“Well love, I have an important question for you” You nodded, prompting him to continue.  “Attention! Low life Google team!” Gharam held his hands out, earning the attention of Neha, Billy, Nick, Yo Yo, and Stuart, who watched me intently.  But I looked back to Gharam.

“What’s this all abou-”

“Your very own lovely y/n here,has been given the opportunity of a promotion!” Besides Graham’s clapping, the room was silent.  I continued to stare at the englishman.  “What? No applause for this stunning creature?” I wanted to be flattered by his strange way of flirting, but instead I felt like regurgitating.  Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Stuart walking out of the room, shaking his head.  It would’ve broken my heart, if it wasn’t already shattered

“Why do I get a promotion?” I asked quietly, and Gharam grinned widely down towards me.

“Because you, my dear, would be a lovely head of the Communications department” My eyes widened like a cartoon, and my voice caught in my throat.  How? My work has been average.

“I-I think you’re at the wrong-”

“Oh don’t be so modest, we can discuss the paperwork over dinner” Gharam smirked and winked, and I took a step away from him, huffing angrily.

“But I like working here!” I stated loudly, and angrily.  My hands were in fists by my sides.  “I like my group, I like my job I like my payroll, I don’t want a promotion” The man laughed loudly, holding his hands over his stomach like it was the most comical thing he’d ever heard anyone say.

“Oh don’t be ridiculous darling” He said, reaching a finger to swipe his thumb over my cheek.  I smacked his hand away with a slap that seemed to silence the room even more.  I didn’t notice that this was when Stuart came back into the room, I was too focused on the man in front of me.

“I’m not taking a job just so you can go out with me” I snapped at him, and moved to walk back towards my work space, but he followed me quickly.

“Problem? Gharam?” I spun back on my heel in shock of the voice I hadn’t heard in what felt like years.  Stuart Twombly was standing in front of me, his back towards me and Gharam trying to tower over him.  In seconds I watched as Gharam backed away, shaking his head and standing silently frozen.  “Come on y/n” Before I could say anything, Stuart took my hand pulled me with him out the door of our large office flat.  I walked quietly beside him, my hand still stuck in his as he led me through the hallways.  I looked over at him, but he kept his focus on his walking.  Dead ahead.  He was on a mission it seemed.

“Stuart?” I spoke, my voice practically a mumble as we neared the exit of the building. 

“Where have you been?” He asked as he pushed open the doors, with me still following right next to him.  It was the first time his hand released mine.

“I haven’t been anywhere” I muttered, my eyes narrowing slightly at his apparent anger.  “What, you’re mad at me because I haven’t been around?” He ducked his head down, instantly realizing his mistake.  “Wow.  Wow Stuart” I laughed bitterly, a passive aggressive grin on my face as I looked up.  My palm pressed to my forehead as I calmed down my laughter.  “If you don’t mind, I have work to get to” I said, turning to go back inside. 

“N-no don’t leave” He quickly ran in front of me, hands out and a pleading expression on his face.  “Please don’t just go” 

“And why the hell not?”

“Because I miss you y/n!” He yelled exasperatedly, and my mouth hung open in shock.  “I really fucking miss you” His voice softened, and I blinked, licking my lips before closing my mouth. 

“I missed you too” I said weakly. 

“And I do remember that night, I remember it vividly, every goddamn second of it” I couldn’t bring myself to tear my eyes off of him. 

“Y-you did? Then why did you-”

“Cause I didn’t want to say the wrong thing… guess I did anyways” I frowned slightly, stepping a little closer to him. 

“What did you think that you were going to say that would make me upset?”

“Upset’s not really the word… more like.. More like distant.  I thought you’d be distant and I didn’t want to lose you or anyth-”

“What were you going to say?” I cut off his ramblings, stepping closer again, if I took one more step, then our noses would ‘bump together. 

“I was going to tell you that..” He trailed off for a moment, looking down at his feet.  “That um.. That I…” My eyebrows raised in anticipation.  “y/n I really like you, I don’t know how you did it but you got me to fall for you in a matter of one night and I swear it wasn’t cause we were both drunk off our ass it was because you’re the first person I’ve ever met that’s… that’s real you felt real to me and I- I wanted to tell you that and I almost did but I didn’t want to mess things up-”

“You would’ve messed everything up” I told him. 

“I know” He said quietly.

“Absolutely everything, you would’ve ruined everything” I heard him sniffle, and he still stared down at his feet.  I chuckled quietly, and curled my fingers under his jaw, bringing his face up to look at me, even though he was practically above me.  “But it would’ve been in the best way possible” I told him solemnly.  I watched his eyes light up, and I smiled softly.  Next thing I knew he leaned down, and gently pressed his lips against mine.

“I’m sorry” He mumbled between sweet kisses.  “I shouldn’t have lied around it I should’ve just told you” I opened my eyes as his arms wrapped around my back, tugging me against him in a tight hug.  I smiled, arms winding around his neck and holding myself there against him.

“Try not to ‘forget’ that kiss, okay?” Stuart chuckled against me.

“I’m not sure how I could”


guys i can’t tell you how happy i am to post again :)
xoxo ~ joride

Work Happenings Today:
  • I pick up the work phone when it rings less than 5 mins after opening and the first thing this woman says is ‘Do you have sea turtles?’ I…. there is not a meme in existence for my face in that moment.
  • I try to talk to my boss and he cuts me off saying ‘You shouldn’t get near me, I have a cat.’ Now, I’m very allergic to cats, but I’m baffled because why should I have to avoid him just because he has a cat at home? Some of my other co-workers have cats? A second co-worker sees my clearly baffled look and explains, no… he has a literal cat. In his shirt. He has a kitten curled up to his chest to keep it warm while it digests. Was holding it and I hadn’t even noticed.
5 things meme

Thank you to the marvellous @gaysparkler for the tag :) really interesting to read you do criminology (I studied forensic archaeology for a bit!).

Rules: Answer the questions, then tag five people 

5 things you can find in my bag 

  • A random Paw Patrol toy depending on which pup is flavour of the day
  • Elizabeth Arden Eight Hour for my crap dry skin
  • My travelcard
  • Sunglasses which I keep losing
  • Purse

5 things you can find in my bedroom

  • Whatever book I’m currently reading - at the moment it’s JV Jones and the Baker’s Boy
  • A bottle of water - I have to drink at least 2 litres of water a day so there’s always bottles and glasses of water around the house
  • My phone so I can do hypnosis/listen to white nose rain type things before bed
  • Eyepatch. I cannot sleep unless it’s 1000000% dark
  • ditto for the most wonderful Muffles Wax Earplugs from Boots. I can’t sleep unless it’s dead quiet

5 things I’ve always wanted to do

  • Write my own fantasy story. Writing Cullen and Lea has really helped shape how I want to go in the future
  • Do a Masters and possibly go onto a PhD. That dream might be becoming a reality if I can work it with my benefits financially. I am hoping to do an MRes in Archaeological Heritage in a Global World.
  • Be healthy. With bipolar and PTSD my weight and healthy eating are literally feast or famine. So I go from being too large to too thin and there’s never a healthy medium, and food is a minefield for me. I just want to be normal and have some balance ya know? 
  • Become a Bikram yoga instructor. Small steps, because I see that as a bigger commitment than a Masters! I am going to start class back again in Augusttime I hope, once my husband is better and returns to work. 
  • Open a bar in (what were) the Dutch Antilles. Don’t ask me why, I have to visit first as well, but I would love to go and have a beach bar in Curaçao or something.

5 things that make me happy 

  • My family (daughter, husband, doggie)
  • Cullen Rutherford
  • My Inquisitor
  • Bioware Games
  • Being by the sea/water. I live right on the Maas river at the moment and it’s just wonderful!

5 things I’m currently into 

  • Mass Effect: Andromeda. It’s been a slow burn but I have figured out stuff now and finding out everything is enjoyable. Plus, Reyes, hellooooo. 
  • Writing my Cullen and Lea Modern AU fic which I am going to focus on as soon as this stupid cold is out of the way
  • Carrying on with my ongoing long fic for Cullen and Lea in Thedas. We’re post-Cory now and it’s surprisingly challenging being this AU. 
  • Because of my health, I’m stopping work at the end of June and I’m going to have my daughter at home with me all summer, only 2 days at nursery! So I’m very into going to the zoo, kinderbouderij (like a petting zoo thing), the park, the beach and just hanging out with my gorgeous girl one last year before she starts school (sob)
  • Learning about vinyl. My husband is planning on opening a vinyl business so I just bought him a record player for his birthday and we’re going to go around the UK collecting a ton of stuff people have gathered for us. It will be doubly enjoyable because my husband has been sick over a year with a stomach ulcer and then kidney problems. We’re nearly out of the woods and I can’t wait to spend time with him.

5 things on my to-do list 

  • Visit all the former Dutch Antilles islands for a long holiday
  • Take my daughter camping at the Waddenzee
  • Learn Dutch properly
  • Re-read all of the Raymond E Feist books
  • Learn another language aside from Dutch

5 things you might not know about me 

  • I am British, well Scottish really, and still vote in General Elections there. I just voted by postal vote for the SNP for the very first time. Nicola Sturgeon, please don’t disappoint me, I quite like you at the moment!
  • I have lived in Rotterdam, The Netherlands, for six years and it is the first place I can truly call home.
  • I have an Archaeology degree which I now regret not pursuing when I was a foolish 22-something. Why are all other 22 year olds far more clued up than I was at that age?
  • I really like rugby union and I hope to take my husband and daughter to Murrayfield next Six Nations season to watch a game.
  • I was born in Singapore and lived there for twelve years.

OK that, as usual got long. Tagging @saarabas @thatonecurlygurl @princessvicky01 @gugle1980 @cullenstairshenanigans @ravenmare222 @circles-finest I’ve tried to tag some more of my followers so I’m cheating on the 5 people but it isn’t letting me. Please do this if you want to! 

Gratitudes:

🗣 I lived long enough to see my nephew be born
🗣 My family accepts me even though they don’t agree with my life choices
🗣 I have a great girlfriend and an amazing support system who are there for me whenever they can be
🗣 Recovery gives me the freedom to eat anything I want (as long as it’s in my meal plan)
🗣 I don’t have to use behaviors to compensate for what I eat on vacation
🗣 My cousin sold me his old phone for a good deal so now I have ALL the storage space
🗣 It hasn’t rained at all today, and we got to go to the beach
🗣 I found a bunch of crinoids, which reminded me of @hannahapples
🗣 Only 2 more weeks until the walk and I canNOT WAIT
🗣 I get to see @bekomingkota for a spur of the moment hangout on my way home on Monday!!

8

I told you to just lean on me

I still don't know if he ever got his coffee.

I’m not 100% sure this even belongs here and I’ve posted this story elsewhere so some of you might have read it already.

Some background: I work in a rather specialized area of Forensics. Officially I’m employed by Police Scotland but they tend to let other law enforcement agencies, universities, etc borrow us from time to time. A lot of the time it’s for consulting work or guest lecturing but sometimes we’re sent to teach training courses.

About 18 months ago I was asked to lecture at a training course for some of the CID higher-ups in an English Police force. It was the first time I’d done anything like it and I was crapping myself.

I met with the conveners and other officials for dinner the night before my first day, and after dinner and drinks, I was dropped back at my hotel.

So to set the scene; it’s about 10pm, I’m all dressed up in my evening wear and I’m sitting at the bar in the hotel lounge. The place is dead, it’s just me and the barman so I’ve taken off my heels and am unraveling my hair having just ordered a hot chocolate. The barman asks if I want mini marshmallows on my hot chocolate. Yes, of course I want mini marshmallows on my hot chocolate. No I don’t mind waiting while you run to the kitchen.

So I’m sit there trying to trick my phone into connecting to the hotels WiFi when Angry Man walks in.

He stomped into the room and slammed his fist down on the bar about 3 ft from me and barked out one word:

“COFFEE”

I didn’t know it but apparently that attempt at communication was aimed at me; a fact I learned a moment later when Angry Man moved right up next to me, bent over me so his face was practically in mine and barked out again;

“COFFEE”.

In an attempt to get away from the screaming coffee man I slipped off the bar stool, putting it between the two of us. Extremely confused and more than a little terrified, it didn’t immediately occur to me that he thought I worked there, hell it wasn’t even registering that he wanted a coffee. He was just repeating it the same way a toddler does when they learn a new word but don’t entirely know what it means.

I’m going to blame the confusion, fear and tiredness for my completely moronic response, which was to parrot the word back at him.

Me: “Coffee?”

Angry Man: “COFFEE”

Then he slammed his fist down on the bar again. This time I noticed that he was actually throwing down money.

My brain suddenly came back online.

Me: “Oh. Eh, the barman should be back in a sec. H-”

Angry Man: “Get me a coffee. Now.”

Ooooh four new words. Progress.

Me: “I’m sorry, mate, I don’t work here.”

Angry man (shouting now) “You fucking lazy liar!! Do you think I’m fucking stupid?”

Yes, actually, but I’ll be keeping that to myself.

Angry Man: “Get off your fucking phone and get me a shitting coffee”

Me: “I really don’t-”

Cue rant about me being the only person in the lounge so of course I must work there and I was just being lazy and did I take him for an idiot. All while I’m slowly backing away from the bar so he can’t pin me between it and the bar stools. Then he throws in this:

Angry Man: “Do you have any idea who I am? Do you have any idea how important I am?”

I never got to find out how important this guy thought he was. Instead Angry Man’s Friend came wandering in.

He took one look at me; pretty much cornered by Angry Man who is now screaming about how he’ll make sure I never work again while I’m trying to calmly tell him to back off and he tries to intervene.

He took Angry Man by the shoulders and moved him back away from me while asking him what was going on.

Angry Man: “This stupid little whore is refusing to serve me”

Me: “I really don’t work here”

Angry Man’s Friend: “She doesn’t work here. Let’s just all try to calm down”

There was a few moments of Angry Man’s Friend trying to calm Angry Man while he ranted about getting me fired until two barman arrived, one of them with my hot chocolate. The presence of the three men distracted Angry Man enough for me to grab my shoes and escape with my chocolatey goodness.

As I left I could hear him demanding to speak to a manager.

The next day, after being introduced to a lecture theater full of high ranking CID Officers, I stood and walked to the podium only to be greeted by one guy in the audience laughing hysterically.

I just sort of froze trying to figure out the joke. Did I have food on my face? Was my shirt on inside out?

A quick check confirmed that, no. I’d managed to adult that morning.

A few other people began to chuckle as this guy struggled to get a hold of himself. As he regained control he pointed to his left.

Where a very red looking Angry Man was sitting.

I think it was the sheer relief that he wasn’t actually laughing at me that caused me to open my mouth and say to Angry Man;

“Oh did you get your coffee in the end?”

He walked out and I didn’t see him for the rest of the course.

Ways to enhance your intuition

Exercises:

These exercises can be done in two ways. You can either pick one paper up and try to guess what is on the paper, or you can think of a paper and try to find it in the pieces of paper. If you feel you need more pieces of paper by all means add more. If you work with deities, your higher self, spirits of any sorts, please feel free to invite them to help you with these exercises, if you’d like.

  • The number exercise: cut four, same sized pieces of paper with the numbers 1-4 written on them. Turn them downwards and mix them up. Pick one up and try to guess which number it is.
  • The shape exercise: cut four, same sized pieces of paper, and draw a star, a heart, a circle and a cube on them. Turn them downwards and mix them up. Pick one up and try to guess which shape it is.
  • The color exercise: cut four, same size pieces of paper, and add a different color to all of them. Turn them downwards and mix them up. Try to guess which paper has which color on them.
  • The quiz exercise: find a quiz online that you know nothing about - this may be a science quiz, a pop culture quiz, a quiz about a band, or the Viking history quiz. Take the quiz and try to guess the answers.
  • The object exercise: Get a older object, works best if it’s given by a friend do you and examine it. Try to pick up the objects energies and try to see/hear/smell the person that the object is tied to. It’s best done with a friend because they will most likely know some information about the person and they can tell if you’re right or wrong.
  • The card exercise: Pick one card up from a deck and try to see the color, the shape and the number of that card. You can also do this with tarot cards, try to feel the cards energies.
  • Divination: it’s a great exercise for enhancing your psychic abilities and the range of tools you can do divination with is enormous. So, find the one that calls to you and start divining. 

In my experience these are the main exercises which you can sit and work on but they’re not the only ones. Intuition can be worked on throughout the day even in the most mundane tasks:

  • Try to guess who texted you or is calling you before you pick up the phone.
  • If other people cook for you, try to guess what you’re having for lunch before seeing it.
  • Try to pick up what your friend is going to tell you before they do.
  • Try to guess when the light is going to turn green at a traffic light.
  • Think of a person, and try seeing what they’re doing at the moment. After you’re done, ask them whatsup.
  • When talking to a friend on the phone try to see what they’re wearing, what their hair is like, and/or what they’re doing and ask them.
  • When you get up try to sense what the weather is going to be like today.
  • When at the store and you’re waiting in line try to sense how much the person before you needs to pay.
  • Tell a friend to think of a number and try to guess that number.
  • When listening to music on shuffle, try to sense what the next song is going to be.
  • When people close to you talk on the phone try and sense who they’re talking to and ask them afterwards. (only if they’re comfortable with it, not all people would like their privacy invaded, my friends and family know why I’m doing that so they’re cool with it)
  • Try to sense what a close friends text is saying before you open it, or try to sense why they’re calling you.

These are all I can think of a t the moment, hopefully in the future I’m going to add more. Basically anytime, anywhere when you have some space left to guess what’s going to happen, do it.

MEDITATION: I can’t stress how important meditation is, especially to witches, mages, shamans, and all occult practitioners in general. I know it sounds boring when people tell you to meditate but we all need some time to relax and clear our heads. And in the moments of blissful relaxation we let out soul speak to us the most thus coming into our strongest potential where we can energetically change our DNA and rewire our brains. In the moment of deep relaxation you can focus on cleansing your pineal gland / increasing your intuition. 

I like to imagine purple/indigo color and lavender flowers coming out of my pineal gland spreading and covering my whole body and aura. I also like to imagine roots stretching from my pineal gland bursting through my forehead opening an eye in the centre of it. I like to massage the centre of my forehead, and I like taping an amethyst to it lol.

There are lots of guided meditations on youtube, which are extremely helpful, and there are lots of binaural beats and isochronic tones, which are also very helpful. Just find your comfort zone to working on the pineal gland and focus on it. Don’t feel bad if per say, isochronic tones don’t work for you but storm sounds do work. Find your comfort zone and work within it.

Also you might want to check out Sun Gazing, which is a very powerful exercise you’re going to need to dedicate yourself to. 

Pineal gland detoxification: 

  • Avoid ingesting fluoride - I know this is hard, seeing at the people on top put fluoride in literally everything knowing what it’s doing to our brains. But there are alternatives, the internet is a huge place and you can find almost everything there. Avoid fluoridated water, fluoridated toothpaste, GMO fruits and vegetables, soda, all artificial foods and drinks. Try to eat healthy and organically and if possible reduce eating meat - and cutting it off completely. 
  • Avoid sleeping with technology in your room if possible - this means wireless routers, mobile phones, computers etc. The pineal gland is suppressed by electro magnetic fields.
  • Avoid or if you can, completely cut off all sugar, caffeine, tobacco, alcohol and drugs.


Once you’ve detoxified your body and pineal gland it’s time to start working on activating and boosting your pineal gland:

  • Spend time in sunlight every day - or as much as you can. Practice sungazing as well, and it is best done when the sun has risen or in the moments it’s going away because the sun is the weakest then and it can’t harm your eyes and it won’t bother you.
  • Oils and incense - 
  • Sleep and meditate in complete darkness.
  • Commit to meditation every day.
  • Dedicate rituals to your third eye - whether it be a bath ritual, once in a full moon ritual, a day of the week ritual, or whenever you feel like it ritual, do it.
  • Practice yoga, especially Yoga Nidra as it is the most powerful yogic practice to increase the blood flow to your pineal gland.
  • Eat food that boosts the pineal gland - raw cocoa, coconut oil, lemon - the body’s best friend, basically the master of detox, garlic, raw apple cider vinegar, goji berries, watermelon, honey, hemp seeds, iodine, vitamin K1/K2, boron, bananas, alkaine food, chlorophyll rich foods, oregano oil, sea moss, walnuts, turmeric and melatonin.
  • Crystals that stimulate the pineal gland - amethyst, lapis lazuli, clear quartz, moonstone, sodalite. You can meditate with these crystals on your forehead daily, you can tape a crystal on your forehead and stay like that for a while, or you can massage your forehead with it.
  • Chant - there are a lot of chants to boost your pineal gland, you can google some, I’ve found that OM works best for me.
  • Plants that enhance intuition - ginger, gotu kola, ginkgo, skullcap, elder leaf, berries and flower, fennel, lavender, lemongrass, saffron, bay leaves, rosemary, honey suckle, anise, eyebright, lotus, mimosa, sandalwood, burning acacia, cinnamon, buchu leaves, celery, lilac, mint, mugwort, solomons leaf, frankincense, jasmine, lemon, peppermint, rose, sage, vanilla and star anise.
  • Oils - bay laurel, carrot seed, galbanum, german chamomile, grapefruit, myrrh, nutmeg, palo santo, petitgrain, roman chamomile, sandalwood, st. john’s wort, angelica root, eleni, juniper, frankincense, rosemary and patchouli.
  • Incense - ambergris, bay leaf, anise, cinnamon, frankincense, honeysuckle, jasmine, lemon, lemongrass, lotus, magnolia, peppermint, rose, sage, sandalwood, vanilla, heliotrope, basil and eucalyptus. 

And most important of all - trust your gut! The problem with not listening to our intuition is when our rational, logical mind interferes and tries to come up with logical solutions as to why your intuition is wrong. Whenever you get that gut feeling, just go with it, don’t question it. Also always remember to protect yourself when working on your pineal gland, seeing as we are more open and vulnerable to psychic attacks during these moments.

2

FINALLY! It is done! To be honest, this might have been my most time consuming project as of now! It was so much fun, though! I’m a little late to this - started this around PAX when the Anti appearance was a thing. 

I know that Jack said these two will most likely never meet for Anti related reasons, but I mean, a drawn universe is alright, right? rIGHT?

Anyway! I based the Anti in this one on the one I drew a few months back, which is why he’s now missing his eye. I tried something new with Sam, drew Dark for the first time in my life (I’m very sorry) and a little Tiny Box Grim being angry on his shoulder! If you look closely, you’ll be able to see that lil’ rectangular thingy in Anti’s pocket. A phone with Jack trapped inside?? I don’t know. I thought it would be a neat idea if he was able to switch places with Jack as long as he has a ‘container’ to put his consciousness in, which would be an electronic device - a phone. Wee. :D

But trust me I can draw nice things, too. Like happy and all. I’m just incredibly obsessed with both of these characters because they honestly have a lot of potential! Gosh, I want to edit and draw so much more. gNARF.

But’cha! I wanted to thank Jack and Mark for inspiring me so much and their amazing, heartwarming communities for being so welcoming and nice to me. I’m having the time of my life in relation to motivation at the moment and I want to use that energy for good!

With that being said; I’m having two more weeks before my finals which means I have lots of time to create things! Let’s go! :D 

Proudz!

@therealjacksepticeye @markiplier 

anonymous asked:

You should totally do a blurb about Harry having to wake up really early for all of his radio interviews on Friday morning and having to say goodbye while (y/n) is still half asleep! It would be so cute and fluffy:)

This request was right up my alley. A bit of fluff before we all.. you know, die. x


Endeavor



He’s trying to move as quietly as possible, careful not to leave the bathroom door open more than a crack so the light doesn’t shine on your face as he tiptoes back and forth between it and the room. It’s early outside, the sky skill a dark, brooding shade of blue and the sun is still hibernating until it absolutely needs to be up.

He’s currently standing in front of the mirror in the bathroom, trying to tame his wildly growing hair in a decent way. Although he won’t actually be on a television show today, he knows there’s bound to be paparazzi around the studios he’s going to. The tips Lou had given him have managed to fly out of his head. He sighs quietly, tapping his fingers along the counter and glancing at his reflection in the mirror. He takes a deep breath, puffing his cheeks out as he exhales. He’s nervous, exuberantly so. But even more so, he’s buzzing from his toes to the top of his head, the familiar feeling of anticipation and excitement bubbling in him. It’s been a year since he’s felt it, a year since he’s done what he loves to do, and this time around, he’s doing it exactly how he wants.

With one final glance towards the mirror, and a squirt of Tom Ford, he flips the switch gently and walks out into your room. His boots are clacking against the wood floors and he hisses, glancing up at you quickly as he comes to a stop. You’re unperturbed, though, still sound asleep with your head tilting a bit too far off your pillow. The skin around his eyes crinkle and the corners of his mouth lift up in his first smile of the day. The scene before him is one he’s seen many times, granted, usually he’s next to you with a much closer view. Your hair is sticking to your cheek and you’ve got the fluffy blankets you insist on having every night pulled up around you, he assumes to make up for the lack of his warmth. One of them is slipping off the bed and laying halfway on the floor.

Keep reading

→ all that is gold (m)

Originally posted by chimtae


Sub!BTS collab

pairing → Taehyung x Reader

genre → roommate!au + sugar baby!au, smut, angst

warnings sub!taehyung, skype sex, masturbation, orgasm denial, possessiveness, slight breath play, oral sex, dirty talk, thigh riding, tae ends up sort of a switch? idk

☆ word count → 11.2k

☆ summary → As a college student struggling to make ends meet, Taehyung resorts to a less than ethical method to satisfy his appetite for expensive treats. The last thing he wants is for you to find out how he acquires the Gucci in his closet… however this proves to be difficult when you are his roommate.

or : Taehyung is a sugar baby and somehow thinks he can keep this a secret


☆ a/n → ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Keep reading

Exquisite, spontaneous things happen when there is no time to grab your phone. The best moments of my life have been too fragile, too fleeting, too magical to even try to document them with a camera. And I wish you a lifetime of moments too beautiful to capture on film.
—  Taylor Swift, on the lessons that empowered her. (Glamour, 2015)
Sober

2,500 Followers Oneshot

Summary: The reader is drunk and she tries to have sex with her best friend Jensen.

Prompt: “Why are you in my bed?!”

Pairing: Jensen x Reader

Word Count: 1,757

Requested: @supernaturalgirl85


Jensen tiredly drudges up the stairs in his Malibu home, grumpy as all hell. He just lost $2,000 at a poker game and it’s safe to say that he’s ripshit.

Although he’s not concerned about actually losing the money, being a successful movie director has set his ass up for life.

It’s just the fact that he lost. He’s a competitive fucker, always has been and always will be. It’s in his DNA.

And to add fuel to the fire, his friends refused to give him another chance to win back his money. Claiming it’s too late and they needed to call it a night. It’s only midnight for Christ’s sake. Old bastards.

Keep reading

Mother’s Day

REQUEST: Can you write like a super fluffy blurb where it’s mother’s day and Harry and your kids just wake you up with cuddles and kisses and (like your other one-shot My Love, My Life My Always) he shares a pic of you and your kids cuddling and laughing and its pure fluuuffffff


A few of you have also been asking for fluff recently, so here it is! Sending so much love to you all. x


“C’mon, bugs…nice an’ quiet now.”

“We know Daddy, yeh don’t have to keep remindin’ us,” your little boy explained, causing you to giggle quietly from your place in bed.

Usually you would be up and out of bed already, preparing breakfast with Harry before you needed to go wake your twins up for the day. But Harry had made a huge fuss the night before about you getting the chance to sleep in—however, your sleep schedule had been to synced to your children and your morning routine that you had been laying in bed awake for a half an hour now.

You closed your eyes and tried to stay as still as possible when you heard your bedroom door open slowly. Harry’s steps were paired with another set of quicker ones, and it took everything you had in you not to flip over and look at your loves.

“Daddy, can we wake her up now?” Your son whispered as quietly as he could manage, which was still pretty loud.

“Yes, go wake her, loves.”

You waited a few seconds, hyperaware of your breathing and whether or not it would be fast or slow enough.

Suddenly, you heard two pairs of little feet pattering against the floor as your babies ran into your bedroom.

“MUMMY!”

Keep reading

His || Jungkook || 0.15

Member: Jungkook x Reader

Type: Angst, Fluff, Smut.

Teaser | 0.1 | 0.2 | 0.3 | 0.4 | 0.5 | 0.6 | 0.7 | 0.8 | 0.9 | 0.10 | 0.11 | 0.12 | 0.13| 0.14 | 0.15

Keep reading

✏️ Tips for Learning a Language ✏️

✏️    Talk To Yourself 

- this helps me so so so much. I start thinking my languages when I complain about my cats when they’re being annoying.

✏️    Keep Yourself Interested 

- It’s hard work to learn a language. Find ways to keep yourself entertained. Aesthetic notes, fan fiction or buying your favorite books in your language is helpful.

✏️    YOUTUBE 

- this shit is so helpful. look up videos, listen to music, watch stupid challenge videos, it’ll immerse you into the language.

✏️    Pocket Dictionaries

- I have a whole self of german dictionaries (thanks mom), and honestly, it’s so helpful to look through them. Keep them on hand to find words that you don’t know

✏️    Accept Mistakes 

- You’re learning an entirely new way to communicate. Honestly, you’ll make a lot of mistakes. When you accept it, it becomes less traumatizing to mess up

✏️    Change your phone and games

- Ok, I didn’t wanna do this, but I did. The moment I switched my phone to french, oh my god, it was so immersive. I didn’t even know how much time i spent reading on my phone until I switched. I did switch back, and I felt less immersed. So honestly, it helps. I’m an active Minecraft player, so I changed my game to French. Holy fuck did that help.

✏️    Take notes ALL THE TIME

- Find a quote you like? write it down. Find a new word? write it down. Song? WRITE THAT SHIT DOWN.

✏️    Tumblr blogs are helpful

- I follow a les mis blog that posts about the french election in french and honestly, seeing memes and slang in french is so helpful, like yes.

Not all of these will work for you, but they help for me, so I hope that you benefit from this.

~ Rin

  • Kuroko: You would like to talk to Akashi-kun’s dad? Oh, okay. Hold on a moment.
  • Akashi: That’s going to be pretty hard since my dad is emotionally distant and doesn’t care about me as long as I succeed.
  • Kise: You can’t tell her that!
  • Aomine: Midorima! Quick- you have to pretend to be his dad to Kuroko’s grandma!
  • Midorima: [takes the phone] Hello. This... is Dad Akashi. Yes. The kids are playing swords. Sorry- playing with swords. They’re bleeding. Oh, no. They are dead. Don’t call again. [hangs up the phone and hands it back to Kuroko] Sorry, I panicked.

So like, a few years ago, I was on this holiday in Wales.

And it was pretty nice, my family go there a lot, we stay in a caravan or sometimes like a little bed and breakfast and we just relax and have a nice time, like a week off from everything.

But this one year we were looking through this rack of leaflets about tourist destinations and we found this zoo, Folly Farm, which is really nice and you can see it at folly-farm.co.uk.

And they had orangutans at the time, but they don’t any more, as you can see on the list of animals they have on their website. My brother likes orangutans a LOT.

So we thought yeah great let’s take a trip to see some animals because the only other zoo any of us have been to is the one in Chester which is fine but we’ve seen it all, we wanna see some new fresh animal friends.

The way there was fun, we took a coach with lots of Welsh families on a day trip and we made a few friends and we still keep in contact with the driver.

Then we got there and that’s when the problems started. My little brother, who was eleven at the time, ran off by himself almost immediately. We couldn’t find him and so we had to split up to search multiple directions like we were in scooby doo or something.

After a couple of minutes, I found him by the orangutans. But he wasn’t just looking at him. He was fucking IN THERE with them, just chilling. I didn’t want to get him in trouble by calling an attendant so I just had to go in there myself and try to get him out. I say try because it was almost impossible. According to him, the orangutans were his friends, and they didn’t like the zoo, and they just wanted to go on a day out themselves. I asked what the fuck he was talking about but before I could drag him out of the enclosure he had run away with one of the orangutans.

I gave chase, of course, but they were incredibly fast. He barreled through the entire zoo with the orangutan in tow, and made it all the way back to the coach. He dived on, and shouted at the driver to GO, GO, GO.

In all my life I’ve never seen something so ridiculous. The moment the driver actually listened, and pulled away, actually driving down the fucking road with a kid and an orangutan just because he was told to and I guess he thought he was being helpful- that was the silliest fucking thing I’ve ever seen.

Thankfully, my stepdad saw it too, and a zoo employee ran over, red faced and panting and panicking. We got in the employee’s car and followed the coach. We wanted to call the police to help but none of us could get phone signal because, like, idk, large swathes of south Wales exist in a different era or dimension of time I guess.

We followed the coach for four hours. Across practically the entirety of Wales. All the way from Pembrokeshire to fucking Rhyl. From the south coast to the north. Honestly, if we’d just kept going it wouldn’t have taken us much longer to get home to Liverpool. We travelled so fucking far in chase of this orangutan, my brother and a recklessly helpful coach driver and every moment of the journey is burned into my mind forever.

This absurd journey finally resolved itself when we got to the white rose shopping centre in Rhyl. Apparently all the zoo animals are fitted with a tracking chip and as we approached Rhyl the zoo had finally managed to contact the police who pulled the coach over and sorted out the whole situation.

We weren’t even angry. Honestly, seeing my little brother again after all that time just made me laugh. We all did. Except the orangutan because I don’t think orangutans can laugh.

But, anyway, the resolution of the story is that folly farm can’t keep orangutans any more because of the lack of security around their enclosure. Nobody got in any legal trouble because the situation was so absurd nobody knew what to do. We left Wales together, and we reminisce on the story at least once a year. I’m just glad we left our mark, even if our legacy is totally bizarre and unbelievable.

Because the zoo, the police in North Wales and practically all of Pembrokeshire have a name for my brother and the coach driver now. A fitting nickname, one that truly captures the essence of what they did, and what they’ll always be remembered for.

They’re known as the Ape-Rhyl Fools.

I still don't know if he ever got his coffee

I’m not 100% sure this even belongs here and I’ve posted this story elsewhere so some of you might have read it already.

Some background: I work in a rather specialised area of Forensics. Officially I’m employed by Police Scotland but they tend to let other law enforcement agencies, universities, etc borrow us from time to time. A lot of the time it’s for consulting work or guest lecturing but sometimes we’re sent to teach training courses.

About 18 months ago I was asked to lecture at a training course for some of the CID higher-ups in an English Police force. It was the first time I’d done anything like it and I was crapping myself.

I met with the conveners and other officials for dinner the night before my first day, and after dinner and drinks, I was dropped back at my hotel.

So to set the scene; it’s about 10pm, I’m all dressed up in my evening wear and I’m sitting at the bar in the hotel lounge. The place is dead, it’s just me and the barman so I’ve taken off my heels and am unraveling my hair having just ordered a hot chocolate. The barman asks if I want mini marshmallows on my hot chocolate. Yes, of course I want mini marshmallows on my hot chocolate. No I don’t mind waiting while you run to the kitchen.

So I’m sit there trying to trick my phone into connecting to the hotels WiFi when Angry Man walks in.

He stomped into the room and slammed his fist down on the bar about 3 ft from me and barked out one word:

“COFFEE”

I didn’t know it but apparently that attempt at communication was aimed at me; a fact I learned a moment later when Angry Man moved right up next to me, bent over me so his face was practically in mine and barked out again;

“COFFEE”.

In an attempt to get away from the screaming coffee man I slipped off the bar stool, putting it between the two of us. Extremely confused and more than a little terrified, it didn’t immediately occur to me that he thought I worked there, hell it wasn’t even registering that he wanted a coffee. He was just repeating it the same way a toddler does when they learn a new word but don’t entirely know what it means.

I’m going to blame the confusion, fear and tiredness for my completely moronic response, which was to parrot the word back at him.

Me: “Coffee?”

Angry Man: “COFFEE”

Then he slammed his fist down on the bar again. This time I noticed that he was actually throwing down money.

My brain suddenly came back online.

Me: “Oh. Eh, the barman should be back in a sec. H-”

Angry Man: “Get me a coffee. Now.”

Ooooh four new words. Progress.

Me: “I’m sorry, mate, I don’t work here.”

Angry man (shouting now) “You fucking lazy liar!! Do you think I’m fucking stupid?”

Yes, actually, but I’ll be keeping that to myself.

Angry Man: “Get off your fucking phone and get me a shitting coffee”

Me: “I really don’t-”

Cue rant about me being the only person in the lounge so of course I must work there and I was just being lazy and did I take him for an idiot. All while I’m slowly backing away from the bar so he can’t pin me between it and the bar stools. Then he throws in this:

Angry Man: “Do you have any idea who I am? Do you have any idea how important I am?”

I never got to find out how important this guy thought he was. Instead Angry Man’s Friend came wandering in.

He took one look at me; pretty much cornered by Angry Man who is now screaming about how he’ll make sure I never work again while I’m trying to calmly tell him to back off and he tries to intervene.

He took Angry Man by the shoulders and moved him back away from me while asking him what was going on.

Angry Man: “This stupid little whore is refusing to serve me”

Me: “I really don’t work here”

Angry Man’s Friend: “She doesn’t work here. Let’s just all try to calm down”

There was a few moments of Angry Man’s Friend trying to calm Angry Man while he ranted about getting me fired until two barman arrived, one of them with my hot chocolate. The presence of the three men distracted Angry Man enough for me to grab my shoes and escape with my chocolatey goodness.

As I left I could hear him demanding to speak to a manager.

The next day, after being introduced to a lecture theatre full of high ranking CID Officers, I stood and walked to the podium only to be greeted by one guy in the audience laughing hysterically.

I just sort of froze trying to figure out the joke. Did I have food on my face? Was my shirt on inside out?

A quick check confirmed that, no. I’d managed to adult that morning.

A few other people began to chuckle as this guy struggled to get a hold of himself. As he regained control he pointed to his left.

Where a very red looking Angry Man was sitting.

I think it was the sheer relief that he wasn’t actually laughing at me that caused me to open my mouth and say to Angry Man;

“Oh did you get your coffee in the end?”

He walked out and I didn’t see him for the rest of the course.

Business and Pleasure - Part 15

Summary:  Bucky AU. After a major deal falls through, your father’s business almost falls apart. In a desperate attempt to save his livelihood, he seeks the help of his oldest friend, George Barnes, who happens to be the CEO of one of the most influential businesses in New York. He agrees, but on one condition. You have to marry his son.

Word Count: 1,833

Warnings: Swearing, angst


Originally posted by ohevansmycaptain


By the time you arrived back in New York, you were pretty sure that you had cried out all the tears your body could possibly produce. Your eyes were dry and bloodshot, and you couldn’t stop the constant shivering that had started sometime during the flight back. You spent the entirety of the flight trying not to cry. You hugged your knees to your chest as best as you could in the cramped plane and stared out the window. Thankfully, you had plenty of music on your phone, so you simply plugged in your headphones and tuned out the rest of the world.


Once you landed and collected your baggage, you realized just how late it was. The sun had set during the flight, and it was now well past midnight. You could have easily called a taxi, but you weren’t sure that you could handle being stuck in the back of a taxi for the ride back home. You didn’t want to have to make awkward small talk. All you wanted was to curl up in bed and sleep. 

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