my period was a week early

anonymous asked:

ilima when his s/o is having a particularly rough shark week ? :0

• Will tell you to shower because it might make you feel better
• If you want to shave, Ilima will shave for you if you allow him
• If you do, he’ll get out early and heat up your towel
• He’ll place a blanket underneath you so you won’t stain the comforter
• He’ll give you sleeping pills so you can sleep off the pain
• He’ll massage the webbed area of your hands murmuring how this will relieve the pain
• He’ll place a Vulpix heater on the lower part of your stomach talking about how this is a big craze in other regions
• He’ll give you lots of fruits and gummy candy to snack on
• He also shares his stash of chocolate
• He peppers kisses all over you and ask if there’s anything that he can do
• You two will lay in bed/couch while he rubs your stomach

4

John and Paul on set during a break from recording a TV special, ‘The Music of Lennon and McCartney’ at Granada Studios, Manchester, 1st November, 1965. 


“[Paul] provided a lightness, an optimism, while I would always go for the sadness, the discords, the bluesy notes. There was a period when I thought I didn’t write melodies, that Paul wrote those and I just wrote straight, shouting rock ‘n’ roll. But, of course, when I think of some of my own songs –In My Life, or some of the early stuff, This Boy – I was writing melody with the best of them.”

[John, Playboy Interviews, 1980]


“We would normally be rung a couple of weeks before the recording session and they’d say, 'We’re recording in a month’s time and you’ve got a week off before the recordings to write some stuff.’ … So I’d go out to John’s every day for the week, and the rest of the time was just time off. We always wrote a song a day, whatever happened we always wrote a song a day… Mostly it was me getting out of London, to John’s rather nice, comfortable Weybridge house near the golf course… So John and I would sit down, and by then it might be one or two o'clock, and by four or five o'clock we’d be done.”

[Paul, 1994]


I Want to Hold Your Hand, From Me To You, She Loves You – I’d have to have the list, there’s so many, trillions of ‘em. Those are the ones. In a rock band you have to make singles, you have to keep writing them. Plenty more. We both had our fingers in each others pies.”

[John, in response to the question: What songs really stick in your mind as being Lennon-McCartney songs? Rolling Stone Interviews, Dec 8, 1970]


“John and Paul’s standard of writing has bettered over the years, so it’s very hard for me to come straight to the top, on par with them. They gave me an awful lot of encouragement. Their reaction has been very good. If it hadn’t, I think I would have just crawled away.”

[George, 1966]


“I said that [playing down how much he and Paul collaborated], but I was lying… We wrote a lot of stuff together, one on one, eyeball to eyeball… In those days we absolutely used to write like that — both playing into each other’s noses.”

[John, Playboy Interview]


Pics: by Robert Whitaker / Hulton Archive / Getty Images.

Quotes from BeatlesWiki

So...Hi Again.

It’s been a while hasn’t it? Firstly I would like to apologize for my incredibly long absence from blogging. it can mostly be put down to big changes in my life including getting a new apartment with a lack of a stable, existing internet connection that will let me sit down and write anything let alone blog. That also compounded with a lack of motivation to do just about anything, but he it’s a new year so here we are, with a not daily fandom blog but instead a weekly blog, you know when everything comes back of course, and what a week to comment on!

Originally posted by teamfortresstwo

So this week in the fandom, the super early Steven Bomb! Isn’t it just like Cartoon Network to immediately drop the ball. First of all I know I haven’t comment on the Summer of Steven at all so very quickly, my whole viewpoint is it was a great growth period for our favorite little shtoo-ball. In fact that growth Steven experienced directly ties into this arc so here we go.

After everything that’s happened and all that Steven had learned, his feelings about his mother are incredibly confused. All those expectations, accusations and perceptions slammed down on top of him by his loved ones and enemies alike are weighing heavily on his mind and as far as I can tell things are just going to become even more complicated as this season continues. I mean I don’t doubt that Rose was a great person but the revelations of this Bomb have me really, really confused.

Originally posted by creating-tabs

These two. Good gods these two. All we’ve been told is that the Diamonds are evil, cruel domineering, their want to destroy earth looked like petty anger over a loss that they turned into a cruel victory anyway with the corruption. BUT they are so much more then that, the Cluster while incredibly cruel is not their for a petty reason it’s revenge for the death of what has been theorized by many to have been the youngest of the Diamonds. Extreme oh hell yes, but just put yourself in this mind set for a second. Imagine your youngest sibling was murdered, wouldn’t you go to the ends of the earth to avenge their death, or grip to whatever scraps of them were left with a clenched fist. But the Diamonds these feelings are magnified by a least a thousand, because after all they ar the incredibly powerful, rulers of a basically immortal race. How would they handle the death of one of their own? That shock would utterly consume them, I mean look at Blue(who I am harboring a major crush on) she went from that mysterious deft leader we knew to a grieving emotional wreck, who is desperately clutching at Pink’s subjects, Zoo and hell even the Earth. Yellow Diamond however is not the analytical leader that Peridot heard she had been but is instead barely containing her anger at her youngest sister’s death and wants to get rid of every remnant of her so she no longer has to feel this pain. And if you think about their reactions kind of match the placement of their gems, which lies directly over the heart, the area we feel anger and sadness most clearly. It could of course be figured that White Diamond, whose gem is placed on her forehead and through cursory evidence is the eldest of the sisters has as of yet been DETACHED from the narrative, using logic instead of feeling to explain away Pink’s death.

Their is so much more I could talk about the Zoo itself, Greg charming everyone, the fact they might be rescuing the Rubies, the FAMYTHEST! But something else is really nagging at me.

Originally posted by mrdraklin

Pink Diamond. She was obviously adored by her sisters and as of yet her actions don’t ring with any of the cruelty that we have seen from the other Diamonds. I mean look at the Zoo, creepy as hell, oh yes, carefully controlled in all manners possible, yes again! But cruel, harsh, not at all hell it’s about as one millions times as nice then most Zoo’s I’ve visited in real life! Like there is no evidence that their are any other Zoo’s like this of other races the Diamonds might have destroyed in their conquest, which is over all 64 planetoids turned to colonies. Likewise their is her apparent creation of the Rose Quartz Gems themselves. The way Blue makes it sound is that before Pink, Rose Quartz didn’t exist. Also look at a Rose Quartz’s abilities, empathy, healing tears, chlorokinesis, those aren’t the abilities of a front line soldier or conqueror like the other Quartz Gems are built for. They’re healers, nurturers, the actually care about the world around them and that is so oddly unique amongst Gems. I mean what purpose does growing organic life serve a race of nonorganic beings that plan on basically killing the planet anyway? It just doesn’t fit the Homeworld mold…so what does this say about Pink Diamond? What does this say about Rose?

This will be the final Island!Prianna update.

Past Posts:
Original
Turning Villain
Soup Zombie
Icing Wolves

Originally posted by teapotsandroses


The game came to a complete end.
After a TPK, the other players rage quit, called me some pretty awful names, and the DM is finally able to be at peace and not have to deal with these jerkoffs anymore. 
This summary is going to be a little different than the others. 

Keep reading

2

Another brisk four mile walk early this morning. It’s about a 15:45 pace…I have so much work to do!

I refuse to rush this process; slow and steady means progress. I hope. At least that’s the idea! I’m treating the first few weeks as a period of training to be ready for the C210K training.

Weight is slowly ticking down, daily steps and miles are above my target goals, and I’m still not shoveling food down my throat.

Progress.

The crave of an apple

Merry (ver very late) Christmas @early-sunsets! I am you cs secret santa! I’m so very sorry about my delay! I went to a beach house where there was no internet making me unable to post! I am really sorry! It was really awesome talking to you and it definitely opened my doors too more gg tumblrs. 

Word count:776

Without further delay, here it is:


She didn’t think about it the first few weeks. So her period was late, big deal! It happened all the time. Then she started to feel nauseous at the site of practically every food. She turned down grilled cheese and hot chocolate with cinnamon for an apple. An apple. That’s where she realized what was happening. The last time she craved an apple she was in jail, abandoned by the guy she loved and pregnant.

Keep reading

TMI

I’ve recently been diagnosed with polycystic ovaries and my periods have been crazy. I came on last week, about two weeks early and usually my periods last a couple of days (I’ve always been quite lucky), but we’re on the 7th day and there’s no sign of it stopping. I feel rubbish, it’s really heavy and painful and I’m lethargic and queasy too.

Does anyone else have polycystic ovaries that can help a girl out? Are there any medications/painkillers I can take? Or just words of advice. 😞

3

✨Weekend Haul 💖

Y'all school is stressing me out I started breaking out and I got my period two weeks early. I’m taking three AP classes and the rest are honors 😓 so I decided to treat myself to a nice ass bag that I bought for lifting🤑 but I won’t be posting it for privacy reasons. But YOU GUYS. THIS BAG IS EVERYTHING. HOLY SHIT. THE AMOUNT OF CRAP I CAN SHOVE IN IT WITHOUT MAKING A DENT IS AMAZING 😩😩 I’m in love 😍. And yesterday I decided to tell my best friend about lifting and I think she wants in too 😂 we’re going to lifting besties❤️ she’s the best I swear.

✨Stores💖: Ulta (my main bitch), Lush, The Body Shop, Vans, American Eagle

You guys the SAs in Lush and The body shop were so nice and didn’t even suspect me lol they gave me so many samples so I felt bad (not really) 😂

✨ Total: $438.53 ✨

Rant time
I woke up today
Planning on cleaning and cleansing my home
Setting up good vibes
Trying to get back in the swing of life
But instead my got my period full on 2 weeks early
I spilled coconut milk literally everywhere making my coffee and ifs all in the drawers etc
My bf has been vomiting for hours because he ate too much food and Im dying listening to it.. cant handle vomiting. I feel bad for him but o m f g.
Made more coffee and spilled more coconut milk everywhere wtf is with me
Cats pissed all over a plastic bag that fell on the kitchen floor and had to clean that

I was just trying to have a good day
Holy
Shit

My night has been productive! 


10 stock pieces made. Actually feeling like I’m ontop of my first shoot for Daisy Jean in 2017. Still Valentines day stock and other limited edition stock, but I’m halfway through my ‘to make’ list and its only Monday. I’ve still got 5 more days to go. All the pain killers and positivity!

Keeping in mind I have over 80 stock pieces to make between now and Saturday, which battling a body that is going through a hell bad period that is in near constant pain and epic fatigue while also working full time, I’ve put my workout week 2 on hold til next week. Wearing myself out is hardly productive and since my boss has broken her foot I can’t afford to burn out. So self care this week and playing it smart, by getting stock done early and not leaving it all til the last minute.

But for now, bed!

20/100 Days of Productivity

01/20/2017 || victory & reading

So today has been great! I got up early, went to school, had two economics and law lessons and then we had a fire alarm 🚨.
Afterwards I had my all time fave subjects history and Biology!
At home I started reading and analysing a book- it is filled with irony and sarcasm and I can’t stop laughing while reading- and I started some “study-notes-to-go” on literature time periods but it is so time consuming since we just wrote down a script in school and left out so many important information.

I’m glad that this week I ain’t working! I need the time for school!

Please try to be a bit productive tomorrow frens, but care more about your health than about school! Without being healthy you won’t be able to study!

Hey guys, I know this has nothing to do with The Outsiders, but I have been seeing some posts regarding this issue and I would just like to touch on it for a moment. This is regarding miscarriages. 

Let me just say, they are one of the hardest things you will go through as a woman, losing a child is hard whether they were inside of you for a week or for 6 months, it’s going to be hard. I miscarried very early, I was three weeks and I didn’t even know I was pregnant, I had suspicions and I took tests, one came back positive and the rest came back negative so I was quite sure I wasn’t. 

I was at work when it happened. I had the worst cramping of my life and I was sure I was getting my period. I couldn’t do anything about the pain because I was busy serving people and helping out and I didn’t have time to do anything else. By the time I got to the toilet, I had an urge to push and when I did there was a whole lot of grey tissue on my toilet paper and there was blood. 

Please, PLEASE, go to the doctor. I didn’t. I bled for twelve days straight. I went to the doctor and he told me to take a pregnancy test, it came back negative and he sent me home telling me it was just a period. It wasn’t, if that happens get a second opinion, don’t wait until you’re bleeding out. Your life is important. 

Also, it’s okay to have mixed feelings about this, I was kind of relieved because I was so young and I couldn’t of raised a child. But then months done the line I got other emotions, I felt sad and I felt depressed and I thought that there was something wrong with. I knew that I could’ve loved the child if I did manage to go through the pregnancy. 

The guy I had slept with wasn’t a boyfriend, it was just a one time thing… I never told him, I still haven’t and that is selfish of me. I kind of feel like that this is my personal loss and that it has to be private. If you have these feelings, as selfish as you may feel, that’s okay too. The most important thing is to take care of yourself. 

After all of this time I still feel a bit unhinged and jaded from it, I don’t think I have been the same since it happened. It’s okay to feel this way too, as long as you are taking care of yourself and not letting it take over your life in the long run. It hasn’t been all that long but I am slowly overcoming it.

Also, if you do happen to be reading this and you are pro life- do not be using my words to someone who is pro-choice or pro-abortion into making them feel bad about getting an abortion, because this is not what this is about. This is to offer comfort and understanding to someone who has been in this situation. I am and always will be pro choice.

ricewithfries Oh no! I hope your bed rest isn’t super strict and prescribed only for a very short period :/

It’s not super restrictive, and while I suppose things could be getting worse if I was up and about doing stuff, bed rest also isn’t stopping what’s happening, which has me really worried I’m going to have this little guy 8 weeks early. Which… yeah, not what I want.

Create and use a revision timetable. Using a timetable will help you prioritise your tasks and work out where you need to focus your revision. If you set up a timetable early enough, you won’t have to cram in the weeks before your exams.

Use your free periods. It’s tempting to sit around doing nothing, but take advantage of this free time.

Practice. Use past exam papers, or practice questions in study guides. These will help you become familiar with the exam format, the question style, and working with time pressures.

Read the examiner reports. This is a report written by the people who are going to be marking your exams. They tell you what they like to read, and what they don’t like to read.

Work together. Other students are feeling the same pressures as you. Talk to each other, share tips, and useful links. You’ll find that there are lots of websites with forums for students, including getrevising.

Exercise. If you’re feeling stressed about your exams and coursework, exercising will help you get rid of tension. 

Look for resources. There are so many interactive resources, videos, quizzes, articles, etc. online that cover so many topics. Use them to aid your revision. Some good websites to begin with are getrevising, thestudentroom, and examtime.

Test yourself. This is how you’ll know which areas need more revision, and which you understand well.

Use mind-maps. These help you see the connections between ideas. I’ve made a guide to mind-maps here.

Use flashcards. Flashcards are great for learning definitions, and key terms/ideas quickly and easily. I’ve made a guide to flashcards here.

Be prepared. The night before your exam, make sure that you have everything you need. CHeck that you have your stationery, and the correct pencil case. ut a bottle of water in the fridge and remember to take it with you. Get a good night’s rest.

Be confident. Go into your exam positive. 

Uggggh Tumblr just ate an entire post

Cliffs Notes version: I know how to dress nice, hair and makeup are a mystery to me, I have mad crazy impostor syndrome, I wore jeans and flips at work for the last 4 years, my hormones are on the fritz and I think I may be entering early menopause because the 5 pregnancy tests I’ve taken in the last 1.5 weeks proved negative and yet, no period. Cool story bro.

(This was in reference to @luanneclatterbuck post about getting over being a “guys guy”).

conversation with my period
  • Period: you made plans tonight? BAM I'm two weeks early.
  • Period: brand new sexy underwear? BAM not anymore bitch.
  • Period: lol what diet you're gonna eat everything on that shelf and you know you will.
  • Period: your face looks pretty good tonight so BAM pimple BAM pimple BAM pimple.
  • Period: school? Bitch mode activated.
  • Period: JUMP UTERUS JUMP SHE NEEDS TO BE CRIPPLED OVER IN PAIN.
  • Period: I know I left two days ago but guESS WHO'S BACK?
日記:二零一七年一月十六號

I was on holiday in Dublin, got rejected by Oxford and read in the bath twice. It felt good to forget who I was, even if briefly.

I had an interview with Cambridge a few days ago and it went surprisingly well. She said I’d be “ a very good fit for their programme”, which is an MPhil in Chinese Studies, in which I’d probably focus on literature.

I should find out this week if I get into Cambridge or not. Life has been really stressful for the past year, my depression has reached lower points than I had frankly known were even possible, but I could be about do something amazing.

And while I’m here, my dissertation is research masculinity through the early works of Yu Dafu. I’m hoping to continue research on masculinity in the Republican period in China and the Taisho period in Japan.


I hope you’re doing well.

Oh, Baby

I was used to cruising the feminine hygiene aisle for tampons. Pregnancy tests, not so much. But here I was, two weeks late on a very early morning searching for the object that had the ability to confirm my hunch. Like most girls, I hated my period; cramps, mood swings and wicked cravings. But given my current situation, a few days with lower back pain seemed a lot better than nine months with a swollen belly. Involuntarily, my hand rested on my still flat stomach over my sweater.

I think this was what bothered me the most. I always thought that newly pregnant women somehow just knew that there was a baby growing inside. I mean, how could your body suddenly accompany a little life and you just not know about it? Frustratingly, I was coming up empty. My hand gently caressed my stomach and I had no idea whether there was a tiny cell in there or not. Hence the confusion. And the test.

I scanned the shelf and picked the brand that I had seen advertised on TV. I had done some research at home, and after clearing my history of course, decided that this one was perfect for a first timer like me. I took the lone item to the elderly woman at the cash. There was no one else around, thanks to my careful planning. I should be the one to tell Harry about our situation, not the media. I had to leave Harry alone and warm in bed, but with the way he sleeps, I’ll be back in the house before he wakes.

Wordlessly, I placed the test on the counter. The cashier gave me a sympathetic smile. It didn’t take much to put two and two together.

“I hope it all works out,” she said as she handed me my receipt.

Usually, when a woman takes a pregnancy test, “working out” is when it comes back positive. But with my makeup free face and my hair sitting in a high pony making me look even younger than I already am, I couldn’t help but think she meant the opposite.

Stopped at a red light, I went over my plan for the thousandth time. I refused to take this test without Harry. No matter what the results ended up being, I would need support. Besides, having him there right from the get-go saved me from having to explain the entire story to him if I did end up pregnant. And if I wasn’t, I don’t think I could live with keeping the scare a secret. I wanted to be good and ready when I brought it up, so as soon as I arrived home, I was going to stash the test in my makeup drawer in the bathroom. Somewhere Harry never goes.

I arrived home to a surprisingly empty house. As soon as I stepped foot into the entrance I could tell. For one thing, Harry’s shoes and keys were missing and there was one less banana in the fruit bowl on the kitchen counter. My phone was on silent the entire morning, which would explain why I only saw the text that Harry had sent half hour ago, now. Don’t tell me that’s pregnancy brain already.

“Hey babe. You weren’t here this morning. Your runners were gone, so I guess you went for a walk. You know how I feel about you going alone. :/ Anyways, Jack needs my help moving house for a bit, then we’re all coming back here later. Love you,” the text read.

I sighed, then typed in a quick reply. So it was me all alone in this empty house, although the possibility that I wasn’t truly alone wasn’t lost on me.

After putting the test away in my chosen hideaway, I decided that I needed a nap. I was always an early riser, which bothered Harry to no end when I always waked him, but today I felt especially disrupted by my early start. I changed out of my bulky sweater and settled for a black tank top. The sheets and pillow clung on to Harry’s scent and I basked in the warmth of the bed, falling asleep quickly.

I was woken up by the sound of male voices. Aside from Harry’s, I couldn’t really make out any of the others’, but by the sounds of it, a few of his friends had shown up. 

Okay, so the test would have to wait a little longer. If I was pregnant, the baby would be in my body for nine months. Officially confirming its’ existence a few hours later didn’t matter in the grand scheme of things.

I decided to make my way downstairs anyways. I missed Harry and seeing him was exactly what I needed right now. In the midst of all my uncertainty, I needed Harry’s strong arms wrapped solidly around me. The direction of the noise indicated that they were all unsurprisingly in the game room.

On my way down, I quickly glanced in my reflection in the full length mirror. No way, I thought to myself. But I pulled my tank top further down to hide my ever so slightly bloated stomach to be on the safe side.

I leaned against the door frame for support as I went unnoticed by the group of young men enthralled by their video game. Suddenly I didn’t feel so good. Seeing Harry didn’t give me the reassuring effect I had hoped for. He was dressed in a grey t-shirt and black jeans and his hair was tucked into a khaki beanie. He just looked so young and so happy doing something so normal and playful. Was I about to take that away from him?

Just then, I felt Harry’s eyes on me. His wide smile instantaneously transformed into a look of concern and within seconds, his long legs led him to stand right in front of me.

“What’s up? Are you alright?” Harry whispered. He towered over me and I felt even smaller than usual.

“Nothin—,” I began, but was cut off by Harry shaking his head.

“Hey, come on, don’t tell me “nothing.” Your mind is moving a mile a minute and something is bothering you, I can tell,” Harry said, his voice still low. He angled his body so that I was completely blocked from his friends.

Before I could form an answer, I heard Scott yell, “Come on, Styles, it’s your turn!”

“Someone else go. I’m busy,” Harry responded, his eyes still locked on me.

I took a deep breath. Harry already knew something was up, so I guess now was as good a time as any.

“Come with me,” I instructed, and began walking up the stairs to the bathroom.

Something about the way I was walking must have tipped Harry off, because when we got to the landing, he gently trapped my body between the wall and his own. I was confused, but slightly turned on at the same time.

“What the hell, Harry?” I asked breathlessly.

Harry took a deep breath as his eyes slowly dragged up and down my body.

“You seem like, insanely, nervous. To the point where I’m starting to feel scared shitless. I need you to tell me that whatever this is,” he said, his hands making a waving gesture between us, “everything is going to be okay.”

I immediately nodded my head, afraid that if I tried to say anything, the words would betray me.

“Good,” Harry said. One arm was propped against the wall above my head and the other was caressing my cheek. His sexy lopsided grin shifted as he leaned in to kiss me.

Harry’s face was mere inches from my own when my stomach suddenly rolled and my hands clamped down on my mouth. I made a beeline to the bathroom and emptied the contents of my stomach into the toilet. Almost immediately, Harry was knelt beside me and he rubbed my back and removed some of the loose tendrils from my pony. When I was sure I was done, I rinsed my mouth and patted it dry.

“Okay, so I tried to kiss you and you threw up. Should I be offended?” Harry asked in a half serious, half amused tone. “You’re killing me here. I need to know what’s going on.”

I nodded my head, and reached into the drawer to pull out the test. I wasn’t brave enough to look at Harry yet, but I was sure he was confused as hell.

“Is that…?” he began.

“Uh huh,” I finished.

“You’re pregnant?” he spat, his voice rising.

“I don’t know, that’s what the test is for,” I said. “And keep it down!” I hissed. The house was so large I doubted anybody could hear, but still.

“Holy shit,” Harry cursed. “Holy fucking shit.” His eyes darted towards my stomach and back to my face. I couldn’t tell if he was angry, shocked or scared, or all three.

Oh God. This was so not the reaction I was expecting. Truthfully, I didn’t know what to expect from Harry, but this shaken up, rattled reaction wasn’t it.

My head began to swim. Somehow the reality of the situation just seemed to dawn on me now. The test was no longer a secret, and Harry knew that he could potentially be a father. It wasn’t just a possibility in my mind anymore and it all seemed too real.

I needed to sit down.

“Woah, there,” Harry said as he settled my swaying body. He pushed down the toilet seat and sat me down. He was on his knees in front of me and his hands were caressing my cheeks.

“Oh my God, Harry,” I began. “I am so sorry. I know this isn’t ideal with your work and we’re so young and not married and we’ve always been careful…”

“Hey, hey,” Harry soothed. “Take a deep breath and relax. We’re getting too ahead of ourselves here. We have no idea if this is for sure or not. So take the test, and we’ll go from there. But no matter what happens, I’m here, we’re a team, and I’m not going anywhere. Because even if there is a baby,” he said as his palm lay flush against my stomach, “there is no way that something that is a combination of you and I could ever be a bad thing.”

I smiled, and realized that there was no way that I could love this man any more than I already did. With shaking hands, I took the test out of the box and stole a quick glance at Harry. With the hint well taken, he left me alone with the test.

I think it is safe to say that that was the longest two minutes of my entire life. Waiting for something so important is bound to feel long; that is to be expected. But what I didn’t expect was to feel so disappointed with the results.

My eyes were pinched shut and I needed a moment to process our new reality before informing Harry. When I opened the bathroom door, I saw he was pacing the room. I cleared my throat to garner his attention. Harry froze and his eyes widened in anticipation.

“No baby,” I announced.

Harry’s face immediately fell and a look of dejection took over his features.

“Oh, well that’s good, I mean, it’s for the best, right?” Harry asked half-heartedly.

“Yeah, for sure, timing was off and stuff,” I added unconvincingly.

“Yeah.”

“Yup,” I added awkwardly.

“So what now?” Harry asked.

“You have guests downstairs, and I think I’ll just lie down here for a bit. All this excitement has given me a bit of a headache,” I said.

“Yeah, you’re right,” Harry said, as he pressed a swift kiss on my lips. “Call me if you need anything.”

The fact that I was crying in my sleep went unnoticed by me, but not to Harry. I jolted awake with a start as Harry gently rocked my body back and forth.

“What’s going on?” I asked, confused and alarmed.

“Nothing, you’re okay, you must have been having a bad dream. My friends all left, and when I came up to find you, you were thrashing around and your cheeks were stained,” Harry explained as he inspected my body for any signs of distress.

I sat up and rubbed my eyes. I didn’t recall dreaming of anything in particular, so I guess I was just feeling overly emotional. I stood in an attempt to stretch my legs but that overwhelming sense of nausea hit me again.  There was a sense of déjà vu as Harry and I found ourselves in front of the toilet again.

“That’s it, I’m taking you to the doctor’s in the morning,” Harry decided while I brushed my teeth.

My silent response served as agreement. I wasn’t too crazy about the doctor’s office, but all I knew was that I didn’t want to feel this way any longer.

The waiting room felt like it was trying too hard to be a pleasant place. Colourful paintings and inspirational quotes lined the sunny yellow walls, but I wasn’t fooled. It was almost as if said, ‘enjoy your last bit of time before you are pricked with needles or forced to take down foul tasting medicine’.

“Miss Y/L/N?” The doctor called as he appeared in the door. He was a middle aged man with salt and pepper hair and bags under his eyes that never seemed to disappear from late nights in medical school. Nonetheless, I found him strangely attractive. It would have been much easier to discuss the ins and outs of my body with someone not as good looking, or perhaps a female.

As I followed the doctor into the examination room, I took one backwards glance at Harry. He seemed nervous, which was so typical of him. He hates being left out or feeling out of control in important situations.

“So, Miss, what seems to be the problem?” the doctor asked, pulling up my file on his monitor. The sound of light crinkles filled the room as I shifted uncomfortably on the paper lined seat.

“Well,” I began, “The best way to describe it is that I feel pregnant. My period is about two weeks late, and I’ve been feeling nauseous and exhausted. All the signs are there except for the little positive sign on the pregnancy test I took last night.” The doctor’s eyes widened as I filled him in.

“Just to make sure I’m following you, you thought you were pregnant, took a test which came back negative and now you’re here?” the doctor spoke as he jotted his speech down.

“Correct,” I confirmed.

“Did you take the test more than once?” he asked.

I hadn’t. In fact, the idea hadn’t crossed my mind at all.

“No,” I quickly answered the doctor.

“Very well. Okay, so the first thing I can suggest is that I test you now. It’s very common for home pregnancy tests to be faulty, and based on your symptoms, pregnancy would be my first instinct as well.”

My heart sank as I tried to process the doctor’s orders. I didn’t know how I felt. This situation had fast turned my life into one big guessing game. I was already told I wasn’t pregnant; no need to be told again. And I thought I wasn’t ready for a child, so why was I so excited at the possibility that one might be growing inside me?

The urine test was quick and painless. Waiting was the hard part. By the time I had counted the cracks in the ceiling tiles—there were 72—the doctor had returned with my results. I froze, not knowing neither what I expected nor what I wanted.

“Congratulations, Miss Y/L/N, the results are in and you are unmistakably pregnant,” the doctor announced.

Oh my God. I gently pushed my hands against my stomach and somehow I knew. There was a baby there. I knew it and I could feel it. Well, it wasn’t a baby right now exactly, but soon enough it would be. I had to tell Harry. Harry, who was probably going nuts in the waiting room right about now.

“My boyfriend,” I said suddenly. “Please bring him here.”

“I’d assume he’s the curly haired fellow that’s pacing the waiting room?” the doctor asked coyly.

Oh yeah, that’s him, I thought to myself.

Moments later, Harry barreled into the room and came to stand beside me. “I’ll give you two a minute,” the doctor said softly.

By the look on Harry’s face, his anxiety was at an all-time high, so before he could ask me what the doctor said, I told him, “I’m pregnant.”

“What?” Harry asked in disbelief. “But the test last night…”

“Was wrong,” I finished. “The doctor gave me a urine test about five minutes ago and said there is no mistake that I am pregnant.” Harry’s eyes were still wide with shock and no words were leaving his lips. “Say something, Harry,” I demanded.

“I don’t know what to say. I can’t believe this. I’m just so happy.” Harry paused, then added, “You know, I didn’t know that I wanted to have a baby with you until yesterday, when I found out that I wasn’t. But now I am, and I feel like there’s nothing that I want more.”

“I feel the exact same way,” I told Harry, leaning in to kiss him.

Interrupting our kiss, the doctor entered carrying what looked like brochures and pamphlets. “I’m glad to see you two are reacting to the news well, but since you aren’t married, I do have to go through our protocol, unfortunately,” the doctor informed.

My eyes narrowed in confusion. Protocol? I wasn’t sure I liked the sound of that.

“The hospital gives options for single mothers, should the father not be around for the baby’s life. There’s adoption and a variety of other support…” the doctor trailed on but I stopped listening. I could feel Harry’s arms wrap tighter around my body at the accusation that he won’t stick around for his child. I gently squeezed his arm in reassurance.

The doctor’s cheeks reddened at our reaction. “Like I said, standard protocol, I don’t think it applies to you guys. Anyways, you are only about four weeks pregnant, which is still extremely early, so I want to see you every three weeks until four months. If there is any spotting or abdominal discomfort, please see me immediately.”

After reviewing endless pages about what to expect and the early stages, Harry and I finally headed home to a house that would soon be occupied by three.

It had been about three weeks since I officially found out I was pregnant, and my first follow up was the next day. Harry and I lay sprawled on the couch as his slender fingers drew delicate patterns on my bare stomach. We didn’t see much of a need for talking, but the few words exchanged centred around my small bump.

“I wonder if he’ll be able to sing like his daddy,” I thought aloud.

“He?” Harry questioned, eyebrows raised in amusement.

I felt my cheeks flush. “I don’t know why I said ‘he,’ just slipped out I guess. Too early to tell obvio—ow!” My sentence was interrupted by a sharp pain in my lower back. It felt like a menstrual cramp, but somehow a thousand times worse. Stay calm, I told myself. Everything is okay.

Harry immediately straightened his body and assumed the worst. “Here, let me call the doctor. Something could be really wrong,” he said as he grabbed his phone off the coffee table.

But the majority of the pain had subsided. I carefully walked around the living room, trying to gauge how my body felt.

“I’m better now,” I decided.

“I still think we should call…”

“No, I said I’m better Harry,” I replied sharply. I didn’t mean to be so abrupt. I was all about being on the safe side, but if I felt fine, I didn’t want the stress of worrying to actually do some real damage.

“I’m going to go shower now,” I told Harry, who had yet to relax. “The steam will probably help.”

Harry gave a slight nod, and watched me carefully as I went to the bathroom.

I was right. The water did feel great on my sore body. That was until I felt a pain in my side that managed to be even worse than the previous one. I held onto the shower head for support and willed myself to take deep breaths. But when I saw that the water running down the drain was red, I think I stopped breathing altogether.

“Harry!” I screamed and heard his footsteps rush into the bathroom.

What happened next was all a blur. Harry let out a scream of his own once he saw the bloody mess for himself. He turned off the water and dried my body ever so gently, especially the throbbing area between my thighs. The drive to the doctor was never ending but he was ready for us, thanks to Harry’s call. This time, the doctor delivered bad news. And just like that, we had lost our baby.

I don’t know how long I sat on the couch staring at the wall. For all I knew, it could have been weeks. The concept of time seemed foreign to me now. In the span of not even twenty-four hours, my world had shifted to something beyond myself. This life, this tiny, new life that was part me and part the man I loved entered the picture, and I knew my life changed for the better. But then a few weeks later, within minutes, it was all cruelly ripped from our hands.

I felt Harry’s presence enter the room. He was watching me, as he usually does, and I remained motionless, as I usually do. I knew he was worried about me, but I couldn’t bring myself to care enough to change my behaviour.

“I’m going to shower now,” I finally spoke, startling both myself and Harry.

“Are you sure?” Harry questioned. “Do you want my help?”

Deep down I knew that Harry didn’t mean harm, but a larger part of me took the insinuation to heart.

“Look,” I spoke through my teeth, hating the sound of my own voice, “I know I’m not capable of keeping our baby alive, but I think I can handle a shower.”

Harry’s eyes narrowed in hurt. “That’s not what I meant and you know it,” he called me out.

Wordlessly, I turned on my heels and left Harry standing there.

Turns out I couldn’t handle a shower. I had made it in, but as soon as I took a look down at the drain, what I had been trying so hard to forget came flooding back in my mind. I caved and called for Harry.

Harry’s quick arrival indicated that he had followed me to the bathroom. It was times like those when I didn’t think I deserved him. He opened the shower curtain to reveal his naked body and stepped into the water.

“Hey, it’s okay, I’m here,” Harry whispered softly.

I remained silent for a moment, wanting to make sure that I truly wanted what I was about to ask for. I was too distant for too long and it was time I reminded Harry how much I loved him. Besides, I needed something to distract me from the heartache.

“Make love to me, Harry.”

“What? Are you sure?”

“Yes, I’m sure. I really need you and the doctor said I’d be healed by now,” I practically begged.

Harry didn’t need any more convincing as he lifted my body on top of his. I wrapped my legs around his waist and within a few steps, my back was against the wall. For once, I let go of all thoughts and concentrated on the sensation of Harry thrusting into me, making me feel and more importantly, making me forget.

When we had climbed out of the shower, I had almost felt embarrassed for pushing myself onto Harry like that, and I could feel myself start to grow distant again. Harry could sense it to, and he immediately called me out on it.

“Y/N, it’s okay, you don’t have to feel bad or embarrassed. I’ve been missing you too, and it was nice to be connected again,” Harry said. I could tell he was treading lightly.

I only nodded in response. I wasn’t prepared for Harry’s harsh reaction in response.

He slammed his hand on the counter, making me jump. “Don’t do this, don’t you disappear on me again!” he shouted.

Disappear?

“I’ve been here the whole time Harry,” I told him dryly.

“No, fuck, no you haven’t,” Harry cried. “You’ve been in your head, maybe, but you haven’t been here, that’s for sure.”

“I’m sorry,” I said, raising my own voice. “But do you have any idea what I’ve been going through?”

“Yes, actually I do! Because I’ve been going through the same thing! Except in my case, it’s actually worse! We both lost the baby, but it seems like I’ve lost you too!” Harry was full on yelling by this point, and as the weight of his words settled on me, I knew he was right. Tears streamed down my face and Harry’s eyes immediately softened.

I wrapped myself in his arms and the moment felt more intimate than the sex we just shared.

“I’m here Harry,” I assured him. “Remember when you said that no matter what happens, that we’re together and that we’re a team? I know I haven’t been keeping that promise, but I think I’d like to start now.”

“Of course,” Harry barely whispered.

We climbed into bed and as we held each other, we both cried for the little life we lost but loved so dearly.

Today was awful :( I went to work, started my period a week early??? Then started grooming my first dog and it bit me out of nowhere. Then I got attacked badly by a cat and cat bites send you to the hospital, so fml. I have holes in my arm. Then a client came in and brought me food which was super sweet of her except for the fact that she came in to tell me her dog I groom passed away so that broke my heart 😭
But yeah I’m home now and in bed crampy and moody. Jonny’s bringing me dinner when he gets off of work so that’s the only good thing about today.