my new favorite thing i own

4

MAKING ORIGINAL DEAD BY DAYLIGHT PERKS IS MY NEW FAVORITE THING TO DO

(some of my own survivor perks, I’ll expand on them when the DLC is done ;> )

((@ dbd devs, pls hire me))

anonymous asked:

sometimes the things i love make my dysphoria worse and it makes me sad... i love spider-man but every time i see the new movie it reminds me i don't look like tom holland. my favorite kpop group just put out new music and it's amazing but i want to look like them but i haven't started t yet so i'm still perceived as female. i don't want to stop interacting with the things i love indefinitely until i can start t but i hate that it makes me dysphoric ://

Mod ember here.

I am so sorry to hear that. I know how you feel, absolutely. Thats when fun headcanons can come into handy. Think of your favorite things in your own situation. Ive seen plenty very positive trans hedcanons for the new spiderman! do whatever you feel the best doing because you deserve it!!!

In defense of Belle’s yellow dress

I’ve seen a lot of hullaballoo about Belle’s dress in the new BEAUTY AND THE BEAST movie—it’s not historically accurate, it’s too plain, etc. While I agree that from a purely aesthetic standpoint, it’s not my favorite gown, from a CHARACTER perspective, I think it’s perfect.

There’s a lot of talk about Belle being ‘odd,’ but the old animated movie doesn’t really explore that. The new movie shows more of Belle’s personality as someone who approaches things in her own way, who is creative, who genuinely does come off as a little different. Look at her other costumes in the movie. She almost certainly makes her own clothes- look at her quirky, practical village dress, with the tucked-up skirt so that she can be more active, or the whimsical flower embroidery on her brown traveling cloak.


We all saw Belle get frustrated by the giant frou-frou dresses that Madame de Garderobe tries to put on her (she literally escapes from under them). I would not be surprised if Belle cut and sewed up one of those old dresses to make one that fit her size, her style, and her desire for free movement. She’s lived in a village her whole life—she knows nothing about the high fashion of her time—but she knows what she likes and what she imagines. The dress is very light, flowy, and if you look closely, the layers of the skirt aren’t hemmed, they’re cut off. Her ear cuff and the simple lines of the dress don’t look like 18th century France, but they do look like Belle.

Maurice says about Belle’s mother, “I knew a girl who was so different, so daring, so ahead of her time that people mocked her until the day they found themselves imitating her.” Belle is ahead of her time, and she creates her own style.

Just look at her gorgeous wedding gown at the end of the movie. This is not an 18th century ballgown, and it’s VERY different from the dresses that the Prince’s guests wear at the beginning of the movie. This is a Belle creation, too. 

I actually want to delve into this ‘ahead of her time’ concept a little more. This movie is very obsessed with the concept of ‘time.’ From the giant clock tower on the palace to the clock character to the falling rose petals that measure the fleeting time until the curse is permanent, to the way the villagers all instantly snap into action the second the clock strikes, the idea of time and schedule is everywhere. The songs all talk about “tale as old as time,” ‘forever,’ etc. 

Belle resists that. She’s the first one awake before the rest of the village springs into motion, singing about how every day is like the one before. She talks the Beast out of trapping Maurice in the castle “forever,” and then later, gets out of that ‘forever’ herself. The rules about the curse even change when the Enchantress transforms the dead Beast back into a living Prince when Belle says “I love you” after the time limit has run out. When she reads books, she likes to be ‘transported’ to other places and times. Belle defies time, while the villagers and the Beast are all defined by it.

When we first meet the Prince, he is fascinated by fashion, and everyone who surrounds him is dressed in the height of style—of their time period. His castle is a monument of Baroque art and over-the-top modern style—and he appreciates none of it. There is so much detail and so much beauty surrounding him that he’s become completely blind to it. Belle changes that. She shows him the beauty in everything around him, re-introduces him to what makes his castle gorgeous all over again. In that famous ballroom scene, the ballroom is incredibly ornate, but the Beast is focusing only on her, in her simple, bright gown as a focal point. She’s given him something to focus on, symbolically and literally.

When Belle comes down the stairs in a dress that’s completely her own style, the Beast doesn’t sneer at her unfashionable dress the way he would have before the curse—he’s in awe of her beauty.

And because of all of that, I think Belle’s dress is  perfect.

Bullet Journal Ideas ♡

These are all ideas that I use and/or plan to use in my BuJo. Hope this inspires many. I know I love stumbling upon new things to put in my journal!  ♡bulletjournaluniverse 

List Making

  • Past home addresses
  • 101 things in 1001 days
  • Disney movies to own checklist
  • Master packing checklist
  • Wishlist
  • Movies we own
  • TV shows we own
  • Things to sale in a yard sale/online/get rid of
  • Dream log
  • Baby names
  • Movies to watch
  • Key page
  • Favorite stores to shop at
  • Favorite places to eat
  • Black Friday game plan
  • Your significant others favorite things
  • Table of contents
  • To do list
  • Level 10 Life
  • Things that make you happy

Creative Layouts

  • Family birthdays tracker, names and dates in balloons for each month
  • Books to read, books drawn on a bookshelf
  • Map of U.S. or other country, color in visited states/areas, add hearts to where you have lived
  • Quotes you like
  • Quotes from your favorite show, movie or book
  • Travel pages: State or city per page, what to do in that city
  • Movies to see in drawings of popcorn

Keeping Track

  • Websites with passwords
  • Year of bills to pay checklist
  • Christmas gifts to get, to who, where from, price
  • Monthly calender spread
  • Weekly spread
  • Daily spread
  • Habbit tracker
  • Family addresses
  • Weekly gym schedule/tracker
  • Countdowns to special dates
  • TV series tracker, with days they air
  • Bills tracker
  • Weight loss tracker
  • Cleaning scedule
  • Starbucks star rewards tracker
  • Meal planner
  • Period tracker
  • Mood tracker
  • Online purchases, item, date purchased, shipped, recieved

Fun

  • Log of knitting patterns
  • Things to go in rooms of your dream home
  • Monthly memories with doodles
  • Blog post ideas
  • Tattoo ideas
  • Pokemon Go, caught, evolved
  • Create a mandala
My Spells and More Masterpost

This is updated very often, so click here to see the most updated version!

UPDATED 9/17/2017

Sigils

Love/Relationships

Assorted Spells

Communication

Friendship

Happiness

Prosperity/Finances

Luck

Emotions

Protection Spells

Powders

Assorted Posts

Practicing on the DL

Helpful Posts For Beginner Witches

More Practical Posts

Hellenic Polytheism Posts

Tarot

I’m bitter AND sticky so let’s get gooey on topic!

People just? forgot that ton of season 3 episode’s visuals are  actually amazing? I mean it could be just me but this season clearly trowed a ton of budget into some scenes an episodes! 

Super Watermelon Island got an amazing fluid fight scene between two giant women and it was as energetic as it sounds 

Gem drill, even tho it was pretty chilly on animation, had ton of detail on Steven’s faces, I find it like such a sweet detail having in mind the episode was focusing a ton on Steven and his connection with the cluster 

(this is my personal favorite)

Hit the diamond had a TON of characters on-screen at the same time, having in mind 5 of them where new characters and they had to design new clothing for 5 of them 

Even though my favorite part of this episode is the bond between Amethyst and Peridot, I think Too Short To Ride was pretty consistent, I am in love every time they put little lines under the eyes of the characters because it usually helps to remark the emotion they are feeling, is personal. 

Stevonnie’s back for Beach City Drift and the thing I like the most about this episode is the backgrounds and the color choices, they are AMAZING and pretty relaxing to watch on their own. 

Monster reunion was pretty harsh to see for me because painful scenes (aka scenes where the character is clearly in pain) make me feel incredibly bad, but I again shot out how they draw emotions and the subtle lines that make it all even better. 

More than for animation itself, I praise a lot Alone At Sea because of writing and atmosphere, and the last one really works, I felt incredibly… tense, when Jasper showed up, how she acted and the way she expressed herself, and how the colors got dark and the rain around it… just gosh

Even tho it was a pretty okay-o episode in general, I really liked Gem Hunt’s backgrounds, the whites and cold tones made a good mix with Jasper’s colors and really helped her to pop out! 

I’ve talked a lot about Bismuth, so at this point everything would feel redundant, so I’ll just say that the first and last scenes have pretty good colors, one being calm pastel tones and the other reddish dark tones #BRINGHERBACK2K17

And finally, Bubbled, which has some on the most beautiful space backgrounds i’ve seen in an animation product, is the feeling of emptiness that makes the most of the episode personally, how is literally just Steven and Eyeball and Eyeball pretty much tries to kill him, in other situations you can think about something going on, but is the fact that they are in space what makes it feel… well… empty, giving more focus to the characters that contrast the most in a sea of dark cold tones and blacks! 

‘Lust for Life’ best lyric quotes

Lana Del Rey just released her not-so-dramatic new album, gracing us with beautiful poetry — something that’s not unusual to her songs. Here are my favorite quotes from LDR’s new lyrics!


1. Love

“You’re part of the past, but now you’re the future“

“The world is yours and you can’t refuse it“

“It doesn’t matter if I’m not enough
For the future or the things to come
‘Cause I’m young and in love“


2. Lust for Life

“In these stolen moments
The world is mine”

“'Cause we’re the masters of our own fate
We’re the captains of our own souls“

“There’s no stopping now, green lights forever


3. 13 Beaches

“It hurts to love you, but I still love you“

“But you still can find me if you ask nicely”


4. Cherry

“Real love is like feeling no fear“

“A touch from your real love
Is like heaven taking the place of something evil”

“I fall to pieces when I’m with you“


5. White Mustang

“I didn’t call when I got your number
But I liked you a lot”

“You held me in your arms just a little too tight“


6. Summer Bummer

“It’s never too late
To be who you wanna be“

“It’s never too late
To leave if you wanna leave
Or to stay if you wanna stay“

“Is this love or lust or some game on repeat?“


7. Groupie Love

“It’s so sweet, swingin’ to the beat
When I know that you’re doing it all for me“

“It’s so sweet, pouring you a drink
And pretending that nothing means anything“

“Taking our dreams, turning them to things
It’s like magic, babe, isn’t life wonderful?“


8. In My Feelings

“Could it be that I fell for another loser”

“Get that cigarette smoke out of my face
You’ve been wasting my time“

“If you were me, and I was you
I’d get out of my way“


9. Coachella - Woodstock In My Mind

“I’d give it all away if you give me just one day to ask him one question”

“Critics can be so mean sometimes“

“That words could turn to birds and birds would send my thoughts your way“


10. God Bless America - And All Beautiful Women In It

“Take me as I am
Don’t see me for what I’m not”

“Even when I’m alone
I’m not lonely“

“May you stand proud and strong
Like Lady Liberty shining all night long”

“Even walking alone, I’m not worried
I feel your arms all around me”


11. When the World Was at War We Kept Dancing

“If we hold on to hope, we’ll have a happy ending”

“Oh my god, did it from loving you“


12. Beautiful People Beautiful Problems

“Long live our reign, long live our love”

“We get so tired and we complain
'Bout how it’s hard to live”

“Beautiful problems, God knows we’ve got them
But we gotta try
Every day and night”


13. Tomorrow Never Came

“I waited for you
In the spot you said to wait
In the city, on a park bench
In the middle of the pouring rain
'Cause I adored you”

“You said to meet me up there tomorrow
But tomorrow never came”

“'Cause if I had my way, you would always stay“

“Lennon and Yoko, we would play all day long
“Isn’t life crazy?”, I said now that I’m singing with Sean
Whoa”


14. Heroin

“The facts of life can sometimes make it hard to dream“

“My hope’s that you come back again
And tell me everything’s okay“

“I’m flying to the moon again, dreaming about heroin
And how it gave you everything and took your life away”

“I hope that I come back one day
To tell you that I really changed, baby”


15. Change

“Lately, I’ve been thinking it’s just someone else’s job to care
Who am I to sympathize when no one gave a damn?”

“Trying to find the power in me to be faithful“

“There’s a change gonna come, I don’t know where or when
But whenever it does, we’ll be here for it“


16. Get Free

“Undoubtedly, that will for certain
Take the dead out of the sea and the darkness from the arts”

“I’m doing it for all of us who never got the chance
And all my birds of paradise who never got to fly at night”

“Sometimes it feels like I’ve got a war in my mind
I want to get off, but I keep riding the ride”

“I wanna move
Out of the black into the blue"

Be More Chill Fic Rec List

HERE YOU GO

If Brokenness is a Work of Art (0.5k) tw: self harm
He stopped before he was too far ahead, quickly tossing the broken can to the ground and crying. This was all his fault. Jeremy hated him and it was his fault. And what could he do about it but sit here and cry? He couldn’t do anything. - This one is one of my faves.

Jeremy Heere BUT WITH MUSCLES  (3.8k)
Aight so we all know Jeremy had to do them sex push ups right?? Imagine him… But with muscles… And a tanktop. NOW IMAGINE MICHAEL’S GAY ASS SEEING THAT. -Written by the lovely @zellymaybloom

Practicing (8.5k)
Micheal is in love with Jeremy. When he kisses him by accident, he has to come up with an excuse. Things escalate from there. -Just like…..yes

Summer Was a Different Time (0.8k) - Richjake
Jake and Chloe were hanging out at the town pool during a swim team practice, when Jake fell pretty hard for one of the swimmers. -This one’s literally so cute and Jake is hella gay I love it.

How ‘Bout a Dance (2.4k - ongoing)
Jeremy Heere has always wanted to become a famous actor. Michael Mell has always wamted to become a famous outlaw. What’ll happen when they meet and sparks fly? -This one’s a bit different, it’s a fucking Bonnie and Clyde AU aka my favorite thing ever aaaaa, written by my friend @genderfluidevan

Of course, I wouldn’t be me without linking to my favorites of my own fic so heere:

The Living City (10.3k - ongoing)
Michael has always wanted to write for a New York City paper, now he finally has the chance. In 19th century America, he begins his journey through life as a twenty year old, not so fresh out of college and ready to leave his life in rural Georgia behind.

All Good (0.7k)
Jeremy and Michael are in love.

ENJOY, MY FRIENDS

anonymous asked:

Top 5 Haikyuu smiles in HQ? :D You've done smirks though, so I wanna know your top 5 smiles :D

Of course my dear! If the top 5 smirks was really specific, there are way too many smiles in Haikyuu to choose or even to remember…so I’m gonna go with my top 5 character whose smiles melt my heart every time, I hope it’s ok! :D

1. Hinata. Simply…THE SUN. His smile can light up an entire country as well as all our hearts <3 

Originally posted by malenynelam

2. Sugawara. How a confirmed demon™ like him managed to have such a warm and comforting smile, capable of affecting every single person around him is still a mystery to me

Originally posted by goochy-tsukki

3. Yachi. THE PUREST THING EVER HAPPENED IN KARASUNO, this is actually my favorite smile of hers, the one she did after Hinata and Kageyama managed to do the new quick at the summer training camp. She’s so proud and genuinely happy for them and honestly??? same :’)

Originally posted by lacuna-matata

4. Yamaguchi. Speaking of pureness, Yamaguchi is another little sun of his own, no wonder him and Hinata are such good friends. He’s an incredibly positive character that has still a lot to give and to grow…I can’t wait! 

Originally posted by kasbrekker

5. Kenma. In which we’re all Hinata. His smile is so rare and so beautiful it could stop time, make flower bloom, and bring peace to the world if only he wanted to (in truth, he really doesn’t).

Originally posted by sawtsuki

- bonus: KAGEYAMA AHAHAHAHAH

Originally posted by lawlu

Thank you for your message!

Ask me my top 5 things!

anonymous asked:

I've always been drawn to the idea of witchcraft and I was wondering if you had any tips for starting out?

First off, its awesome you feel drawn to the craft!! You’ve come to the right place. Simply feeling drawn to the craft is such an amazing thing that us witches have the privilege of experiencing, and its the first step on an awesome journey. 🖤

There’s a million things I could say, but before you do anything, research. Research like crazy. Read everything you can. Research spells, materials, types of magick and witches, everything and anything you may be interested in. Now I know the next question is usually “Okay, but.. Where do I research? What do I research?” So to get you started, I’m going to give you some of my favorite links!

🖤 Here’s some nifty history

🖤 Important tips for beginners

🖤 Some great do’s and don’ts for beginner witches

🖤 Things we all wish people had told us when we started

🖤 Some misconceptions

🖤 My post on advice for new witches in secret

🖤 A list of types of witches to give you an overview

🖤 A post on finding your personal craft

🖤 Things to research/practice

🖤 A great list of terms and tools

🖤 My own post on meditating and visualizing for new witches

🖤 A basic color correspondence list

🖤 A post about your book

🖤 A little Witchcraft 101 masterpost

I wish you the absolute best of luck!! If you ever have any specific questions, my ask box is always open.

TV Shows in Foreign Languages

Hi guys 😊 Which TV shows in foreign languages are you going to watch this school year? I really need some suggestions!
Here are my favorite ones: 

French:
- Quotidien (previously Le petit journal)
- Kaamelot 
- Bref
- SODA
- Scènes de ménage
- Koh Lanta
- Presque adultes 
- We also have a lot of reality TV Shows, I personally hate them but if you’re into that type of TV, I’ll recommand “Les Anges” and “Secret story”, it can be a good way to pick up some slang

-Spanish:
Las chicas del Cable (my favorite Spanish one)
El ministerio del tiempo 
Los Serrano
Fisica o quimica 
Velvet 
(You can also watch Narcos in Spanish!)

- Brazilian Portuguese:
- 3% (a really good show, I would recommend it even if you don’t study Portuguese 🇧🇷) 
- Domingão do Faustão
- Avenida Brasil
- Programa do Porchat
- Programa Silvio Santos 
- Jô soares

Italian:
- Master of None (definitely not an Italian show but they do speak in Italian quite a lot in season 2)
- Il grande fratello
- L'isola dei famosi
- Amici di Maria de Filippi

Norwegian:
- Skam

Also a lot of countries have their own version of shows like “The voice”, “Masterchef” etc… so if you like one of these tv shows, why not watching it in your target language(s)?

Btw if you’re leaning English and need some suggestions, my favorite shows are: How to get away with murder, Vikings, Mr Robot, Stranger things, Atlanta, The 100 and Orange is the new black.
Also I used to watch Downton Abbey and Sherlock and these ones really helped me learning English. Victoria and The Crown have a very good English too and are both super interesting. 

Here you go! Good luck if you’re going back to school, you can do it :)

Boyfriend Yoongi

I got bored and for some reason thought about this topic and this happened.

very minor smut mention

no idea if I will do the others…

Originally posted by jinje-reactions

——————————-

  • Probably develops slowly 
  • “What are you doing now?” 
  • “Nothing Yoongi why?”
  • “Want to chill in my studio while I work?” 
  • This becomes a thing
  • You sit on your phone or study while he works hard, to keep him company
  • Taking him coffee when he’s falling asleep at the desk 
  • Netflix break
  • At first you both just sit silently on two swivel chairs 
  • soon you share a blanket
  • The others noticing how close you have both gotten
  • “What? No nothing is happening between us.” 
  • Arriving to keep him company one time and he already has a movie waiting
  • “Aren’t you supposed to be working?”
  • “One movie is fine.”
  • ….3 movies later. 
  • First kiss he makes the move
  • leans in slow like he’s unsure you want it
  • Lips moving slowly
  • His hand cupping your face
  • He’s pretty cool about it after
  • But he low-key blushed when you weren’t looking 
  • First date is a 1 am struggle to find somewhere that has good coffee (Or even serves it)
  • You end up watching the city lights and having deep conversations
  • falling asleep in his studio 
  • Him covering you with his jacket
  • wearing his hoodies/sweaters
  • PDA is a no
  • But when you’re alone you better watch out
  • Breathy kisses
  • Neck kisses
  • Hands all over your body
  • Your hands sliding up his shirt
  • Low moans
  • “I want you.”
  • Rough sex
  • Lazy morning sex
  • But he’s also passionate 
  • He wants you to know he cares so much about you
  • How much everything means to him (He just struggles showing it)
  • Yet he also knows how to make you heat up from his touch 
  • But apart from that…
  • Dates where it’s just the two of you probably inside or getting coffee
  • He secretly loves to cuddle you
  • Likes it when you let him sleep on your legs
  • Running your fingers through his hair to help him sleep
  • You get to listen to his music first 
  • “What do you think of this demo?” 
  • Trying to teach you how to work his equipment
  • “What does this button do?” 
  • “…That’s the power button.”
  • “Well it needs a label…” 
  • He turns up the next day with a label maker
  • His random weird moments
  • Spoils you 
  • “Stop buying things for me…”
  • “How about no?” 
  • He likes touching you ( Not in that way, calm your brain.)
  • Whether it’s lacing your pinkies together
  • Or your knees touching one another while sat together
  • He struggles with telling you how he feels but you know
  • Patience within the relationship is key
  • It’s something you slowly develop together
  • Trying new things together
  • The first time he says it, it’s where his feelings began in the studio during a movie
  • “You like this movie?”
  • “It’s one of my favorites…”
  • “ah…yeah.” *Goes really silent* “….I love you.” 
  • You sit with a big grin 
  • “I love you too…”
  • He lets out a long breath like a weight is finally lifted from his shoulders
  • “Would of been awkward if you said nothing.” 

Bonus little bits 

  •  That one time he tripped over his own feet and tried to act cool about it
  • “Did anyone see?”
  • “Everyone saw…”
  • “Dammit…” 
  • The time you wanted to go to an amusement park for a date
  • “That’s not my thing…” 
  • “I’ll ask Jungkook then.
  • Suddenly he’s interested
  • “What? An amusement park, sounds amazing!” 
  • He can get jealous but tries to be low-key
  • When you’re with Hoseok, Yoongi is the third wheel 
  • “When did this happen?” 
  • It’s like date night with you and Hoseok, but Yoongi tags along
  • He doesn’t mind, he likes how close you are with the boys
  • “You gonna have kids one day?” Jimin randomly asks
  • “Ok slow down we already have Holly.” 
  • Yoongi makes a fool of himself more around you, but you love it

————————–

This could have been way better but I did this at like 4am and have never done something like this before. 

5

I couldn’t help myself. Here’s my contribution to @geek-fashionista‘s Sidekick!Adrien AU, in which Adrien is not a miraculous holder but starts off as a talented hacker who becomes determined to aid Ladybug in whatever capacity he can (hacking security feeds, opening locks remotely, convenient blackouts, etc). He learns martial arts and rides a motorcycle, kind of like Batman.  :P  Whenever he isn’t modeling he wears glasses, hoodies, and beanies to hide his changing physique. Eventually they get together and adorable-ness ensues.  ;)

I had to do a comic about the hilariousness of civilian Marinette meeting Adrien, and Alya trying to hook her up with her own boyfriend.

Plus, pixie haircut older Marinette?  Yes, please.  Nino with an undercut was a spur of the moment idea.  Oh, and drawing older Alya has become my new favorite thing. 

I realized that 3 out of the 4 people that appear in this comic have glasses, so I had to make their frames as different as possible.  :P

Marinette’s outfit is reminiscent of the original Marinette/Bridgette’s ensemble, in case it looks familiar ;)

EDIT: Someone noticed I forgot to draw a mask on Ladybug!  Whoopsies~! I went ahead and fixed that.  ;)

chiaroscar  asked:

Out of curiosity, is there such a thing as a music witch, and if so, what might that look like? Music has always held a great deal of power for me, but I'm not sure if that could be magic. I know there are tons of different types of witches, but I'm still pretty new to all this and trying to learn more. Thanks for your help!

Oh yes there absolutely is! Music corresponds with the element air (because sound waves) and is a rather small sect of the craft that falls under pop culture magick for the most part, so if you’re comfortable forging your own path in a small, relatively new vein of the craft I say go for it! As I’m not much of a traditionalist, it’s one of my favorite things to use in my craft for a little extra oomph in a spell. Here are some resources for getting started:

Anyways, I hope this helps and best of luck to you!

Originally posted by debbie-sketch

Ecosia!! 🌎

Do you use Google?  Do you browse the Internet?  Do you like trees?

Well then boy, have I a sight for you!

ecosia.org is a free browser that works and is set up exactly like Google

Everytime you search something, an ad will pop up, which generate revenue (just like Google)

The revenue is then used to plant trees all around the world!!

🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲

An Ode To My Teens & Welcoming My Twenties

Currently sitting in the living room of my girlfriends’ dorm suite like any other nights, as I convince myself: this is also like any other birthdays. But it isn’t. In half an hour, when the date turns to December 5, not only will it mark my 20th birthday, but also my first full year as the person I envied growing up, never imagining it could realistically happen.

I’m looking at the picture above– the longest I have ever my had my hair– in a french braid, with a striking batik kimono, a gold tank top, and black suede bootie heels. To think: my own self progress brought my ideal picture perfect girl to life, and for once, this actually inspires me. To think this transition was as easy as putting these clothes on, but also to think it was way more than that.

I’m too scared to grow up.

Seventeen out of soon-to-be-twenty years of my life was out of my own hands before I could tell them my pronouns, before I could pick out my own wardrobe. My own voice. My own words. My own labels. My own.

But I was never mad. I just existed.

I was happy, though. I enjoyed going to school. At thirteen I wore my polo converse shoes everyday– ones that my mom and I bought together, knowing dad would disprove.

I saw the systems of conformity as a righteous way to navigate. At fourteen I expressed my femininity by doing masculinity wrong. I expressed my womanhood by slowly detaching myself from maleness, although I had no idea there were words to describe how I felt, other than sleepless nights and not speaking during family dinners.

I smiled through the systems, said I’m better than that. At fifteen I held on to singing as one of the only ways I could use my voice, through ambiguous lyrics, expressing myself in a way only I could understand.

Eventually I started to pick up the hints, although they were vague and only dizzied me further. It was challenging for people to get me down, but that was because I did not know what I should be down for. I was emotionally incapable to unbox and dissect all of my internalized trauma of femininity, and I used the unknown as a way to shield myself from pain.

College liberated me from pressure, and through patience, disarrangement, and agony, I stumbled upon the picture perfect girl that I thought I saw in other women. In truth, I had to use the most of my resources to make this picture perfect girl on my own.

And I did it.

(Oh shit!! I’m twenty now!!!)

Smiling became easier. So many burdens are placed on teenagers, and sometimes smiling was the most defying yet healing thing to do.

Beauty became easier, too. At eighteen I started medically transitioning– and although my beauty is victimized by cisnormative beauty ideals, I felt pretty. I felt pretty under the expectations of what girlhood meant, and embracing my prettiness and transness in the same hands was my way of rebelling. It still is.

Thrifting became my favorite way of shopping. Something about giving old things new purposes meant powerfully to me. The ways I had to redefine my truth as a person involved giving somebody’s old clothes new meaning as well, and I felt an adamant allyship within my own clothing.

Nineteen was by far one of the most strenuous yet lucrative years of my life. I took myself less seriously, but never neglecting myself when necessary.

I found the strongest solidarity in holding other trans women. Alive and surviving, too.

I was low on myself more times than I want to admit… mostly because I’m clumsy and I fall easily (example above). Sometimes I’m reminded that being a woman was never always an available option for me– let alone a tangible possibility. Sometimes I would forget to refill my hormones on time. Sometimes he didn’t text me unless he needed my body.  Sometimes I’m unable to focus on school work or even show up to class.

But I remembered to smile.

And when I wasn’t smiling, I was fighting for a reason to smile, something as little as protesting and as big as getting heard.

To my teen years, 

I treasure you. Not like the way I treasured away my girlhood way before I was a teenager. But a non-traumatic, and more euphoric way. I feel infinitely more colossal to have survived you, for in the midst of survival I forgot that time was inevitable and that soon enough you would end. 

To my twenties,

My skin still bleeds. I still get tired. But the sun still shines, and the moon’s got its back, always replying.

So please,

have my back.

anonymous asked:

I've noticed the gradual increase of hatred within myself towards the ending and how rushed everything was. Particularly with a certain female character, and it's gotten bad to the point that I have said senseless things at times without even realizing it. Do you have any suggestions for me on how I can reset myself and simply focus on the positivity of our fandom, specifically with us the NS fandom?

I too was very disappointed and upset with the ending, but to be honest, I was prepared for a bad ending. I didn’t realize it would be this bad, but I had no confidence that Kishimoto would end the manga well. I was happy that the end of Naruto was announced because I thought finally, he can’t make the manga any worse than it’s become…

Anyway, here’s how I look at things: NaruSaku has nothing to do with Naruto anymore. No matter how much people cross tag, address us as the Naruto fandom, or whatever else, Kishi and majority of Naruto fans want to pretend we were never a thing, so let them.

What does our “Naruto” really have to do with the canon Naruto now? Nothing.What about canon is anything like the Naruto we previously liked? We NaruSaku fans not only wanted Naruto to become Hokage, but we wanted him to confess to Sakura and fix Konoha for real. Not some whish washy “everything is solved because I’m Hokage. Massacre what? Council who? Orochimaru where??”. We CERTAINLY couldn’t have imagined the kind of characters Naruto and Sakura have become.

With NaruSaku, we can do what we want. The key is to “cut off” what we want, and add what we wanted and BOOM, it’s so much easier to deal with the characters (and plot) we previously enjoyed so much. So just envision it like this:

(Yes, I had too much fun with this. A part of being in the NaruSaku fandom is just having fun~)

*clears throat* Now that we NaruSaku aren’t bound by canon and literally can do whatever we want, let’s put Naruto on the chopping block first.

Now as we chop chop him up, we just have to leave the parts we like, his love for Sakura, his carefree attitude, his genuine stupidity, his heart of gold, his desire to fix the world, his dream to become Hokage… etc etc, and separate it from the parts we don’t like.

We can also add the parts we THOUGHT we be a thing: a family man, a real hero to the people, a person who puts family and friends above paperwork. I think it’s very important to stress that Naruto wanted nothing more than acknowledgement (because people pretended he didn’t exist) and companionship when he was an orphan child. Surely Naruto with a family would be a bit of an overbearing dork who tries to hard to stick his nose in everything regarding his family. I mean, the a big part of the manga is about him sticking his nose in Sasuke’s business.

Tada!

We’ve got us a wonderful new version of “Naruto”, our personal fanon version with an added bonus of a new mature hair cut, and optionally, a black and red Hokage cloak similar to his sage one. A guy happily married to Sakura with kids who has done heaps and loads of good to the world such as: end the militant training of children or streamlining them into what is essentially a ‘military’, adding more shinobi villages to the alliance of peace, slacking off of his other work causing him to be scolded by Sakura who is one of the people keeping him on the straight and narrow when it comes to paperwork and actually staying in his office. That’s a very Naruto like laziness/goofiness to me, never wanting to stay at work and finding a way to be among the crowd or around his family and friends. He can be whatever we wanted him to be. (art by @pumyteh​ by the way)

Now it’s Sakura’s turn. She’s tricky, but also very easy. So CHOP CHOP CHOP.

In this case, we’ll have to add a bit of seasoning to Sakura because a lot was left out of canon or completely trashed. So of course, we keep Sakura’s super strength. We add a little seasoning called Ino in there to make sure that bond is more prevalent (after all, it was originally written as a mirror to Naruto and Sasuke). We need to make sure we cut the line so that her growing feelings for Naruto is properly continued and addressed by something other than, “You only liked me because competition.”

We gotta make sure she keeps a sometimes stern or angry outer shell towards her loved ones silly/stupid antics, but very gentle and kind when it matters or behind the back of the person who just earned a scolding. We must also make sure to emphasize she doesn’t actually dislike the silly/stupid behavior of her loved ones, she just pretends she does. (refer to chapter 3)

We need to make her goals more clear, like how she wants to affect the world with medicine or a clearer example of her surpassing her master like Naruto and Sasuke did with theirs

Here we are!

Sakura, head of the hospital and Tsunade’s successor. She’s not only in charge of Konoha’s hospital, but she manages hospitals and clinics in all their allied nations to help the sick all around the world. She advises the Hokage and the other Kage on leadership and the implementation of health and human services of all kinds. Yeah yeah, some people think healers are nothing and not worth admiring, but a humanitarian Sakura suits her perfectly and is admirable.

In a world of orphans and mental/physical pain, an understanding Sakura who cares not just for the health of the body, but the health of the mind and has a personal interest in saving children like Naruto, Sasuke, Kakashi, and many other shinobi endured before Naruto changed the world is a heavy task to take on. Maybe it won’t be Naruto who ‘saves’ the world, or maybe it wasn’t even Naruto who came up with a plan the bring peace to the world. It could’ve been Sakura who gave Naruto a headstart and I love that idea. Really brings out the whole teamwork/partnership thing. No doubt Sasuke would also have a hand in all this.


There are more things I could say about Uzumaki Sakura, but this blog isn’t meant for that~ I can’t just go around spitting out all my headcanons like that.

Anyway, we could chop chop some others too. We could chop chop anyone we wanted to in our NaruSaku universe and we never have to look at canon again. We write our own story now. And for me, a big part of that story is Shinachiku. I don’t think I’d still be around had it not been for Shinachiku. I love him and his siblings. There are other cute NaruSaku kids that doesn’t include Shinachiku of course…. but I admit, when I see them I think,  “But… what about Shinachiku?”

Either way, whether it’s with Shinachiku or the other NaruSaku kids, go along with what makes you happiest! With Shinachiku and the other kids, we can explore Naruto and Sakura success from the viewpoint of someone who didn’t know exactly how bad it was before.I think a really interesting combination comes out of Naruto and Sakura’s union. Someone with a similar genetic makeup to Tsunade actually (¼ Uzumaki, plus the genes of other successful shinobi)

At the end of the day, we have to make our own happiness now. We may be less active. We may find new things we love. And trust me, the disappointment will probably never fade away. But, through this disappointment, I found new things that I enjoy, and I can write my own stories for Naruto and Sakura and there’s nothing anyone can do about it. That’s the greatest feeling in the world, not having an author you distrust writing and 'developing’ a character you like. Not having the author decide the fate of your favorite ship and how they will act or what their family will be like. I revel in it because we’ll never truly know how Kishimoto would have written NaruSaku, but knowing what I know now, I would prefer him never writing NaruSaku again.

The easiest way to reset, is to chop chop chop until all that’s left is what you like.

2

There were a lot of things you didn’t particularly like about being a mutant. You had a list, if you were honest about it.

1) Not having the greatest control over your powers.
2) Being isolated from all your human friends.
3) The way your biological family had reacted.
4) Suddenly having roommates.
5) Living at school.
6) Eating Scott’s attempt at cooking.

Really, that list could go on forever. And ever. Except… being a mutant wasn’t all bad. You were getting a hang of it, however slowly. You’d made new friends. Your roommates had horrible taste in clothes but excellent taste in music. 

And they were totally chill with your boyfriend waking you up.

Not that Peter couldn’t speed in and drag you out to the living room, but there was something very nice about waking up in your own bed to a slow kiss.

“Seeing you wake is still one of my favorite things,” he murmured as you blinked your eyes open slowly. He had jumped back to the foot of the bed as a token respect to the good Professor’s wishes.

“I can think of something better,” you told him, your voice a little crackly and slow from sleep. You sat up and made a pass at his hand. Which he didn’t even have to try to dodge, given the unfortunate fact you missed and landed right back on the bed.

Peter laughed, shaking his head at you which was so.rude.

“What would that be?” 

Smarmy attractive little jerk. 

You decided to embrace the lying down thing. It was reaaallly working for you.

“Feeding me. It’s the least you could do for having so much fun at my expense.”

He had brought your favorite foods before you even finished your sentence, and stole a quick kiss while he was at it.

“God, I love you. I’ll even share a blueberry muffin with you in appreciation.”

Peter had the good sense not to tell you that he’d had several on his way. Or that he could have claimed one from you at any time. He was a smart man, your boyfriend.

“Love you too, Y/N.”

Prompt credit: x